Baby Now That I've Found You
by aprilhope

Ch. 34 - Last Day in Paradise

"Sonny? Sonny, are you out here?"

Carly turned her head left and right, looking for her husband on the beach but not finding him. She didn't know why she was even looking for him there. He'd said he had some business to take care of at the casino and would be back before dark. Then they would board Sonny's plane and leave for Port Charles.

After her talk with Leticia, Sonny had come in, given Let the sleeping Michael, and taken Carly off to the side and told her it was time...

x

"We're going home tonight."

"Tonight? Why so all of a sudden, Sonny? Is this about business?"

"That's part of it, but mostly it's just because you're ready."

She paused, considering his words. "Yeah, I am. Thanks to you."

Sonny looked away and said nothing.

"I guess we've got to go home sometime," she reluctantly agreed.

"Nothing lasts forever," he muttered.

"Just promise me we can come back here for lots of plain ol' vacations." Wrapping her arms around him, he tensed strangely and stepped back. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I've just got to go take care of something at the casino before we leave. I'll be back in a couple of hours and we can go." He started walking away. "Go pack up."

"You want me to pack your suitcase?"

"That's okay, I can do it. I'll… see you."

x

She had stood there for about a minute after that, staring at the space where he'd been, and trying to figure out what was going on with him. She wasn't as upset about leaving as she thought she would be. Sonny was right when he said she was ready. And, she supposed, she was beginning to miss the better parts of Port Charles… her mom's hugs, even the watchful eyes of Johnny and the other handsome guards… not to mention frozen pizza. Sonny claimed when they first arrived that none of the stores on the island carried frozen pizza, but she didn't believe him for a second.

Something about Sonny's sudden announcement still felt wrong to her… Like the way his eyes jumped around as if afraid to settle on her face, or the way he withdrew when she touched him. Maybe it really was just that he had work on his mind. Accepting that she wasn't going to get anything figured out in that moment, she went to tell Leticia the news and begin the battle of trying to close her soon-to-be overstuffed suitcase.

An hour and a half later, everything was ready, except Sonny. He wasn't late yet, but Carly was getting more and more anxious to talk to him. Drawn to the empty beach, she took in the gorgeous view for a few final minutes, finally retreating to the veranda and the chaise lounge to wait for Sonny's return.

xxxxxxxxxx

Taken that vow
You know he's taken by now
Upset you
Talked you all round
In sympathy

Sonny was on the beach after all. He must have walked at least a mile down from the house, so that she wouldn't see him. He had made up the casino excuse, just needing to get away. He didn't like the lie, but it hardly seemed of consequence next to telling Carly he would protect her and their baby.

Carly… He could barely even look at her now that he knew what he'd cost her. His world imploded with one accidentally overheard sentence. He'd thought losing the baby had hurt like hell, but it was just a pinprick compared to the dagger that now pierced his heart.

He couldn't even comprehend the part where she'd said hearing him say he loved her made her the happiest woman in the world. All he could hear and all he could focus on was that the same love caused her to fall, miscarrying their child and putting her own life at risk… in more ways than one. She was so destroyed by what happened she became a shell of herself, afraid to touch her son, and coming much too close to trying to end it all.

He'd never known anyone as full of life as Carly. And he had drained that life away with his selfish wanting of things he'd learned long ago he was not supposed to have… family, children… love. He wouldn't make that mistake again.

Walk by the sea
Forgive me all my sins
Sift through my memory
And find where I begin
Lie in the warm sand
Dig in my heels
Cry for my dead child
Forget how that feels

Sitting, staring out across the vastness of the ocean, Sonny thought of Carly letting herself get overtaken by the wave. He would try it himself, if he wanted to feel alive, but he didn't. He wanted to shut down. He wanted it all to go away… the feelings, the memories, the voices… He didn't want to remember.

"So… does this mean you are happy?"
"Yes, I'm happy, dammit!! I probably shouldn't be saying it out loud, but yes! Okay, where's the bolt of lightning?"

"I promise to honor you… protect you and our children… to love them, and hopefully be as good a mother as you are a father… You already are, Sonny… And to cherish you… my family."

"Looks like you just might have to get used to being happy, Michael."

Why did he let her ask for the lightning? Didn't they know it was bound to come? And damn Mike. When would he learn? Innocent people always paid the price for Sonny's happiness.

Closer to home
He cuts you close to the bone
He won't leave you
It's too far to crawl
And everyone knows

"You could probably get away with packing light. That's as much of a hint as I'm gonna give."
"Not very much of one."
"Okay, how about this to make up for it? You get to say when. Any time you want us to leave, we can."
"How about now??"
"Ahh, unfortunately I do have to check in at the warehouse, take care of just a few things first. Is tonight soon enough?"
"Ohhh, I guess it'll have to do."

"Carly, where the hell are you going!!!"
"To the Quartermaines, all right!!!"
"Why on earth would you want to set foot in that house ever again? That place you so lovingly termed 'a prison'? That place I got you out of so you'd never have to go back?"
"Sonny, I'm not afraid of that house. I was afraid I'd never get Michael and me out of there, but you made that happen for us, and you know I will always be so grateful. But that place, those people, they have no power over me anymore."

"Carly, just… just be careful, okay?"
"Always."

"I thank God every day that we were blessed with this pregnancy. That wasn't what changed how I saw Carly, but it gave me an excuse to finally stop fighting so hard… fighting the truth."
"What is the truth?"
"The truth is… Carly was there to catch my fall. And, for the rest of our lives, I will be there to catch her."

The warehouse was more important than she was? God, if they had left for the honeymoon right away like Carly wanted, she wouldn't have gone to the Quartermaines' and everything would have been fine. Or would the same tragedy have occurred, only this time on the penthouse stairs, so he could hold onto the image of her crashing down, in a cruel slow motion, in his mind forever? Not that it mattered that he hadn't seen it. He imagined it over and over. "There to catch her"… He was so wrong. His wife was probably falling as he spoke those foolish words.

Walk by the sea
Forgive me all my sins
Sift through my memory
And find where I begin
Lie in the warm sand
Dig in my heels
Cry for my dead child
Forget how that feels

Sonny pressed his hands against his ears, but the voices were inside his head and they kept getting louder. And squeezing his eyes shut only made the images more vivid.

Their heartbeats slowly returning to normal, they held each other, their bodies having nearly melted into one. Carly's hand settled over Sonny's heart, and his hand tenderly caressed her back.
"I love you."

"You need to take the baby."
"We need your permission, yes."
"Yeah... Do what you gotta do."

"Thank you, Sonny."
Don't thank me for killing my child.

"Sonny, what happened?? Please tell me... You have to tell me…"
"Caroline, you had an accident… a bad fall. You got hurt pretty bad. And the baby…"
"Say it."
"The baby didn't make it."
"No, it's not true… It was just a dream… Dreams can't hurt you, remember… Our baby is okay, he's okay… Where… where is he?"

It seemed like one minute the words "I love you" were skimming over his lips and her, he thought, sleep-drenched body… and the next, she was lying in that hospital bed, so fragile… her heart shattered.

I can feel me rising…

"No, I can't… I can't touch him. I can't touch him, I'll hurt him. I always hurt my babies."
"Carly, you're not gonna hurt…"
"YES I AM!!!"

"Your first instinct is to put all the blame on yourself, but that's a pretty big guilt trip for you to handle right now. Takes a lot of strength out of you, and you need all you can get to take care of me. So you blame the easiest enemy, AJ. But it's no good, Sonny. You need to put the blame on the right person."
"Who?"
"Me."

"Carly, give me those."
"It's okay, Sonny. It's best this way. I get to go to sleep and be with our baby, and you get to be without me."

It was too much. It had to stop. He had to make it stop.

Sonny made his decision quickly. Shaking his head violently to dispel the memories and their paralyzing influence, he took out his cell phone and stabbed the numbers, making a quick but crucial call to his pilot. That done, he dialed again… One more person to talk to.

"It's me. So it's done? You're home? Good. There's something even more important I need from you…"

Walk by the sea
Forgive me all my sins
Sift through my memory
And find where I begin
Lie in the warm sand
Dig in my heels
Cry for my dead child
Forget how that feels

Done with the call, Sonny threw the phone as hard as he could and watched it sink into the ocean. Then, at last, he broke down, collapsing on the wet sand… crying for what they had lost… and what he was about to.

xxxxxxxxxx

"Carly?"

Leticia walked out onto the veranda, a semi-sleepy Michael on her hip, and found Carly had drifted off to sleep on the chaise. She nudged her lightly. "Carly, wake up."

Her eyes opened slowly, noting that the sun had gone almost completely down. "Where's Sonny?"

"I haven't seen him."

"He said he'd be back in a couple of hours."

"A couple as in five?"

"What?" Carly sat up, looked at her watch and realized that much time had indeed passed. "Okay, now I'm getting worried. Hand me my cell, would you?" Taking her phone from Leticia, she dialed Sonny's number… waiting…

"He's not answering?"

"Damn it," Carly cursed quietly under her breath, mindful of her son. "The cellular customer you have dialed is not available," she spoke robotically, mimicking the automated voice she had gotten instead of her husband's.

"Not even his voice mail?"

Carly shook her head. "I'm calling the casino manager." Finding the number, she dialed again. "Humberto? Hi, it's Carly Corinthos. Is my husband still there?" She sighed in relief at the response, just knowing he was safe somewhere. "Could I talk to him? What? Oh… He said that? Well… okay then. Tell him we'll go on and meet him there… Hey, Bert? Tell him to hurry, please. Thanks."

Leticia took Carly's spot on the chaise as Carly jumped up and started pacing. "So what's going on?"

"Apparently Sonny is still there, but he couldn't talk. Humberto said something about last minute glad-handling of the high rollers. Whatever. But he also said Sonny's going to be just a little bit longer, so he wants us to go ahead to the plane and get settled."

"Why not just wait for him here?"

Carly didn't really get that herself, but she tried to explain it. "Maybe for Michael? You know, so he doesn't fall asleep here and then have to be woken up and moved?"

"Yeah, I guess that's sensible. Your Mr. Man is about to conk out for the night any minute now."

Carly leaned forward to where her son drooped against Let's shoulder, kissing the top of his tired head. "It's probably good that we're going home now, huh? Michael hasn't been here long enough to get too used to this place, so he won't be sad when we leave."

"What about you? Will you be sad?"

Looking around fondly, Carly sighed. "I have spent more time being sad the last couple of months than in my whole life before. And I grew up feeling sorry for myself pretty regularly. But recently… things have really turned around. I haven't forgotten… anything. But now I'm happy more than I am unhappy, and that's okay. Hell, it's wonderful. Sure, I'll miss the island. It's beautiful and magical, and the majority of my memories are…"

"Beautiful and magical?"

She smiled, cheeks coloring with a slight blush. "Exactly. But I have those to keep. I don't need the island anymore."

"So, what do you need… or should I say who?" Leticia asked, knowing the answer.

Carly winked. "Just Sonny."

The phone rang. Carly picked it up, curious and hoping.

"Hello? Oh, hi… Yeah, his casino manager told me… We're on our way." Hanging up, she looked at Let. "That was the pilot, making sure we knew to come ahead. He said the car should be outside waiting for us within five minutes."

Leticia stood up. "Port Charles, here we come," she halfheartedly declared.

"Why do you sound less into this than I am?"

"Just a little… nervous maybe."

"Oh, about being in the same town as AJ? I have felt a form of that before, but not for anything close to the same reason. Wait, wait." Carly reached a hand to her friend's shoulder when she seemed about to walk away. "I'm not AJ-bashing. Just being honest. And, look, I really hope things work out… in whatever way is best for you."

Let nodded, lacing the arm that wasn't holding Michael through Carly's. "Thanks. Now let's go watch that pretty Tomás and his pretty muscles carry our luggage."

Carly's mouth dropped open, a loud laugh escaping. "Yes, ma'am!"

xxxxxxxxxx

About ten minutes later, Sonny had made his way, somewhat weakly, back to the house. He stepped onto the emptiness and stillness of the veranda. They were gone. She was gone.

She must have spoken to the pilot, and maybe the casino manager. He had given instructions… told them both exactly what to say. Good, they had done their jobs. Now everything can be how it should have been.

He walked a few steps, face cast down, and noticed something shiny by his foot. Kneeling down, he picked it up to examine it. The golden rose with the ruby sparkle was, of course, familiar. It was his mother's pin, that he had given Carly… though it wasn't actually a pin anymore. After a broken Carly had used the piece of jewelry to get inside his lockbox and get hold of his gun, it was pretty much broken, too. But the decorative face was still perfect, so he'd had it converted to a necklace for her. He'd never had a chance to present it to her, deciding just to leave it in her empty suitcase for her to find. He didn't really know why he'd given it back to her, considering… But it still belonged to her.

Fitting, that it had been left behind.

The smooth gold chain slid across his fingers and Sonny was reminded of the smooth skin it had lain against. Holding it to his heart, he felt himself sinking into the silence all around. But suddenly, it no longer was.

"It has to be here, it just has to… Sonny?"

His head popped up, eyes connecting with Carly's, which were lit with surprised delight. His first thought was that he was seeing things. He hadn't thought he was that far gone yet, but how could she be here except as a hallucination? Her realness was soon proven, however, as she rushed forward and down to the floor, enveloping him in a hug.

"Here you are! I was starting to wonder!" She pulled back slightly. "Have you been having 'From Here To Eternity' moments without me?"

Still stunned by her presence, on the island and in his arms, his face showed only confusion. "What?"

Carly pulled her hands from his back and held them up in front of him. "Sand, Sonny. You've got it all over you." She brushed her hands against his shoulders, trying to rid them both of the granules, laughing. "What, were you making sand angels?"

"No, no, I… I walked a little, on the beach… I don't know. Maybe the wind."

She wondered at his lack of joking. It was a windless night, and the sand on him was far beyond a sprinkling, some of it wet. Before she could even figure out what to reply, he spoke again.

"Why are you still here?"

She looked at him with playful indignation. "Well, aren't you the sweetest?"

He shook his head. "I just meant… Didn't you get my message?"

"Yes, I did, twice over. Leticia and Michael are out front in the limo. We were about to leave, but I realized I lost… the necklace." Carly whispered the last words guiltily, not wanting to tell Sonny she had lost his mother's precious keepsake, after already nearly ruining it.

He dropped his eyes to his still closed right fist and slowly opened his hand for her to see the contents.

"Oh, thank God! You found it!" She grasped her necklace and his hand in both of hers, kissing his knuckles with gratitude, not noticing his wince. She examined the chain and the clasp with relief. "It's not broken. Would you put it on me?"

Before Sonny could even register her request, she had turned around, cross-legged, waiting. Holding the ends of the chain between his fingertips, and trying to hide the shaking of his hands, he brought the necklace down in front of her and around her neck, as she scooped up her hair to make his task easier. Distraction was what came easily, in the beautiful line of her neck, curve to her shoulder, and the softness of the skin his fingers now couldn't avoid. Trying to halve the problem by working with his eyes closed did not help matters with the tiny clasp.

"Can you get it? It's a little tricky."

He wasn't sure how, but somehow he managed to get the necklace fastened securely. Her hand reached around to check, tangling with his on the way… His casually sliding away as she found the proof of his success.

"Hey, you did it! Thanks." Carly turned her head to kiss him, but found Sonny in the middle of standing. She extended her hand up to him, which he did take, and was gently pulled up to stand next to her husband. "This is great. Now we can all go together."

"Carly, I can't leave yet."

She blinked at him, thrown. "What? Why not? What is it now?"

He looked mostly at his shoes as he gave his reasons. "I've got to change clothes, obviously. I still haven't packed. Plus, I need to talk to Harvey Byers."

"Why on earth do you need to talk to Dr. Byers before we can go home? It's a little too late to schedule me a second appointment, Sonny."

"I need to thank him for helping you."

"Why can't you call him from Port Charles?"

"The man's my friend, Carly. I haven't seen him at all since we've been here. I want to thank him in person."

"Okay… Now that you mention it, I should probably thank him, too. I'll go with you."

"No!" Sonny looked up, catching the look of hurt that formed on Carly's face. He was getting panicked, but he couldn't let that show. He calmed his voice. "I mean, I'm not gonna be long. But you've got Leticia and Michael out there, waiting for you. Just go with them, be with your son… I'll catch up later."

"How much later? Sonny, why did you decide for us to leave today if you had so much to do?" Carly demanded, frustrated.

Sonny was feeling a deeper frustration. He couldn't keep coming up with answers to feed her. He couldn't deal with this unexpected contact anymore. "Just… just give Michael a kiss for me," he said, and started walking away.

"Wait a minute," Carly called as she caught his arm. "Just Michael? You know, this last day in paradise could have been a lot better… if you'd been with me for more of it. But I'm giving you a chance to make up for it right now."

Carly threw her arms around his neck, rose up onto her toes, and kissed him for all she was worth. She felt him tense up and decided he was stressed from trying to do too much before leaving. To alleviate this, her hands began massaging the base of his neck, while she pried open his lips with her tongue. Sonny tried to stay numb, tried not to feel or give in past appeasing her, but he just couldn't do it. He surrendered, running his hands up her back, pulling her in tight, drinking in every breath of her… while he could. She felt the change, and when she tilted her head back to look at him, she was smiling.

"That's more like it."

"Yeah." His voice came out like gravel and molasses. "I have to- to go."

"Okay," she relented. "I guess that'll last me a couple of hours, as long as that doesn't mean six like last time. You'll meet us at the plane?"

Sonny just stared at her for several seconds, and then nodded his head yes.

"All right then. I'm gone." She lovingly swept a bit of sand from his hair, then brought her hand down to cradle to his cheek. "Don't be long." She turned to go and was almost out of sight when he called to her.

"Carly… you… the necklace… it looks beautiful."

Carly touched the gold rose lightly as the unexpected compliment tripled her smile. "Thank you… Sonny." She kept her eyes on him until the last moment, and then disappeared with a little wave.

Sonny sank back down to the floor, asking God in his mind why the cruel tease. His wedding band now carrying the full weight of his conscience, the feel of her hand still pressed against his face, he didn't need to be reminded how much he was letting go.

As it grew darker and he lost his tenuous grip on his mind, that would be the one thing he understood perfectly.

xxxxxxxxxx

Aboard the plane, Leticia, Michael, and now Carly sat waiting for Sonny… Leticia reading a magazine, Michael sleeping, Carly attempting to play a game of solitaire but mostly just checking her watch every few minutes.

"Why is the plane all revved up, engines running, if Sonny's not here yet?"

Let looked up. "The pilot has to make sure the plane's working, I guess. Besides, maybe Sonny called and he's on his… way."

By the end of that sentence, both women were looking at each other in confusion. They were moving. The plane was beginning to taxi down the runway.

"What the-?" Carly searched for clues out the window… still no Sonny. What was going on? She grabbed the phone that connected to the pilot. "What the hell are you doing? Why are we moving? Sonny-"

"Mr. Corinthos called and instructed me to fly you, your son, and Miss Juarez home to Port Charles without him."

"What? Why would he say that? You must have misunderstood!"

"He was very clear, Mrs. Corinthos. But I'm afraid he didn't offer any further explanation. Now, weather conditions for our flight are excellent. We should arrive in Port Charles in about-"

"Don't bother telling me, because I'm not going! I'm getting off this plane."

"Mrs. Corinthos, please let me do my job. If Mr. Corinthos wanted you to leave without him, I'm sure he had a reason."

Carly wasn't sure why the pilot's words knocked the wind out of her so, but they did. "Fine," she whispered, hanging up the phone and dropping, almost dizzy, to her seat.

Leticia studied her friend's face, paler than before. "Carly, what's happening?" she asked, as she felt the plane taking off.

Carly met her eyes, no answers besides the sick sense that was creeping into her, and nothing to say, except…

"I think a couple hours might mean forever this time."

xxxxxxxxxx

Later, back in Port Charles

Francis, who had met them when they landed, followed by Leticia with Michael in arms, and finally Carly, formed a rather solemn single file off the Harborview Towers elevator. Johnny, guarding the door, welcomed them back, stepping in front of Carly before any of them could go in.

"Someone's here."

"Johnny, if it's not Sonny, just get rid of them."

"You sure about that?"

He opened the door and Carly stepped inside, mentally preparing herself for a conversation with her mother she knew she could not handle at the moment. But she was not prepared for what she found… the muscular, T-shirt and jeans clad form that got up off the couch, and the familiar blue eyes she was suddenly looking into.

"Jason?"

"It's good to see you, Carly."

He started to put his arms out for a hug, expecting Carly's typically enthusiastic reaction to him, but she was in no mood.

"Jason, what is he trying to do? Why are you here and not him? You have to tell me!"

Jason sighed, offering the only real information he had. "Sonny called me and asked me to move back in here."

"That's great, Jase, but you being across the hall doesn't explain-"

"I meant here, in Sonny's penthouse, with you and Michael."

Carly froze, staring at Jason until she was sure he'd actually said what she'd heard. Any happiness that might have snuck its way onto her face at seeing him melted clean away.

"Oh, I don't think so."

(Lyrics - All My Sins, Mandalay)