As soon as Ashley shut the door to Ryan's hospital room she felt as if she was about to break down. It felt as if she was having a heart attack. She took in a few ragged deep breaths and closed her eyes.

A noise startled her slightly. She turned to see a nurse pick up a fallen closed prescription pill bottle. The nurse looked to see if anyone saw she made eye contact with Ashley and blushed. The rocker slowly moved towards the flustered worker.

"Hey," Ashley greeted with a small smile.

The nurse's blush deepened. "Hello," she replied shyly.

The rocker couldn't help but smirk at the bashful greeting. "I was wondering," Ashley began gaining the nurse's attention. "I was wondering if you could do me a favor."

"Where's Spencer and Grandma," Ashley asked Aiden as she sauntered back into the waiting room and took a seat next to him.

"Grandma's with Kyla and Spencer's on the phone with her parents," he replied crossing his arms. He shifted uncomfortably as an awkward silence filled the room.

Ashley let out a sigh, "Elmer's," she whispered. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say those things to you. It was stupid of me."

Aiden shrugged, "Whatever," he muttered looking down.

"I said I was sorry Aiden," the rocker said with remorseful eyes. "You know how I get when I'm anxious and scared. I say dumb things."

"Don't you think I'm scared too," Aiden shot back looking her in the eyes. "I'm scared too Ashley. She is my cousin after all. You don't see me … saying mean things do you?"

Ashley looked slightly taken aback. "Well, no I just-"

"Listen Ashley," he intervened shaking his head sadly. "I know … I know I'm not the smartest guy or-"

"Aiden-"

"No," he stopped her. "I know I'm not the smartest guy. Okay? I know I don't always understand what's going on … but..." He said looking down. "I almost lost my cousin today… I'm scared too… we're all scared."

Ashley bit her lip as she tried to keep her tears at bay. "I know," she whispered setting her hand on his arm comfortingly. "I'm sorry."

Aiden held onto her hand, "It's okay," he replied. A change of subject was in order, Elmer's could sense it. "So, how did things go with Ryan?"

Ashley pulled back and shrugged. Aiden nodded in understanding. She obviously wasn't going to talk. "Okay," he grunted as he stood up from his seat. "I'm going to go visit him." He announced as he shuffled to the door.

Spencer breezed past him and offered him an encouraging smile as she walked in. She took a seat next to Ashley. The rocker gave her a small grin. The blonde studied Ashley's eyes momentarily. Something wasn't right there.

Ashley picked up on the scrutiny. "What is it," she asked feeling her stomach tighten.

Spencer blinked and shook her head. She smiled, "Oh it's nothing I was just thinking," the blonde shook off. "I didn't mean to stare, sorry."

The rocker could immediately tell she was lying but decided not to question. "I thought you were putting some sort of spell on me for a second there," she joked with a light laugh.

"Nope, no spells," Spencer giggled. "Although I must say, you do have a Dracula like pull with those eyes of yours."

"We do share an irresistible charm," the rocker gloated.

After their quiet laughter died down Spencer decided to speak. "So, what happened between you and Ryan," she asked cautiously.

Ashley stiffened at those words. She set her jaw angrily, "I'd rather not talk about," she replied curtly. Spencer opened her mouth to protest. "Please drop it Spence," Ashley pleaded with a sigh.

"Fine," the blonde muttered. "We won't talk about it now, but the subject is far from dropped."

The rocker rolled her eyes but nodded in agreement nonetheless. She set her head back and sighed. "I think I'm going to pay the Doc a little visit while we're still here," she murmured referring to her therapist.

"Do you want me to come," Spencer asked grasping Ashley's hand.

"No thank you Angel," the rocker replied with a small smile. "I need to go alone. You don't have to be there every time you know?"

The blonde shrugged, "I don't mind being there," she countered. "You say it like its some chore for me. It isn't, really Ashley."

"I know, I didn't mean it that way," the rocker corrected. "It's nice having you there but … I think I need to go on my own for this one."

Spencer frowned slightly. She kept quiet for a minute before turning to her fiancée, "Ashley, is there something you want to tell me," she questioned carefully.

The rocker's stomach twisted, "What do you mean," she asked nervously.

"Is there anything you need to tell me," the blonde repeated a little stronger. "I feel … I feel like there's something going on … and you're not telling me what it is."

Ashley cupped Spencer's face, "It's nothing … I promise," she whispered.

Spencer bit her lip, "Okay," she replied after some slight hesitation.

The rocker felt her heart constrict painfully. She suddenly stood up, "I uh … think I'm going to go visit the doc now." She informed gathering her things.

"Wait," the blonde said. "You're leaving right now?"

"I'll be back soon," Ashley replied giving her fiancée a quick peck on the lips before leaving.

After a short while Aiden walked in. He frowned confused, "Where did Ashley go?"

"She's lying to me," came Spencer's hollow reply.

Aiden's frown deepened, "What?"

Spencer shook herself from her daze. "Oh, nothing. Sorry."

Ashley walked swiftly into the office and straight up to the therapist's desk. She paused and then hurriedly set something down in front of the doctor. Ashley looked up timidly at the older blonde woman.

Dr. Johansen eyed the discarded item on her desk wearily. It was a prescription pill bottle. "No thanks, I don't use," she deadpanned.

The rocker took a step back from the desk and sat down. She rubbed her sweaty palms on her pants legs and let out a few deep breaths, "I've fucked up," she blurted.

"Alright then," Dr. Johansen nodded slowly, "And what have you done," she asked, although she already had an inkling as to what the brunette was about to say.

Ashley sighed, "I took one," she whispered.

The therapist leaned forward and crossed her hands. Ashley took this as a sign to elaborate, "I took one of the pills while I was at the hospital." She added biting her lip nervously.

"Why were you at a hospital," Dr. Johansen questioned calmly.

The rocker looked down. "My sister and my best," she hesitated. "My um, ex bass player Ryan, I told you about him. Well, they were um … they were in a car accident earlier."

"Is everyone alright?"

Ashley let out a shaky sigh, "Ryan's doing fine. A few cuts and bruises or whatever. Kyla wasn't as lucky … she ah … suffered some head trauma and she's in a coma right now," the rocker finished brushing away an errant tear.

The therapist handed a tissue over, "I'm sorry to hear that," she said sympathetically.

The rocker nodded in response. She never knew what to say back to that. "I can't even look at Ryan right now without becoming sick."

"I thought Ryan wasn't injured that badly."

"No," Ashley shook her head. "I don't mean in that way. Not physically. He was the one driving when the car accident happened; he almost killed them both because he wasn't being safe enough. It was raining, who doesn't drive safe when it's raining?"

"You're blaming him for the accident," the therapist confirmed.

"It sure as hell wasn't Kyla driving now was it," Ashley countered. "I fired him and I know I may be acting a little…out of line right now but… it's something I needed to do."

"Why," Dr. Johansen questioned. "So you can have someone to blame. So you'll feel better."

Ashley chose not to reply. The therapist decided not to push any further. "How are your other family members taking the accident?"

"Christine flew out here," the rocker replied with a scowl. "Not really to check on Kyla but to ensure there were no postmortem bills she had to pay… bullshit!"

Even Dr. Johansen frowned at those words. "How did you respond to your mother's attitude," she questioned.

"I slapped her."

The therapist was un-phased. "I see," she noted. "Is that what pushed the pill use?"

Ashley shook her head and shrugged. "No … yes … I don't know maybe," she replied with a frustrated groan. She hopped out of her seat and began to pace around the office unable to sit still. "She deserved the fucking slap!"

"How did you gain access to these pills Ashley," Dr. Johansen asked.

"I was coming out of Ryan's room," Ashley began. "There was this nurse there. She was um … sorting through pills or whatever and I … kind of … I convinced her to let me have a bottle. I sweet talked her." The rocker explained looked down disappointed.

"I think that nurse needs to be fired," the therapist said.

"Spencer knows," Ashley added uneasily. "She knows and I can tell she does. She was giving me this look of such … sadness…she was trying to get me to tell her … you to open up … and I lied to her. It hurt so badly… " The rocker took a deep breath to calm herself.

"Why did you take the pills?"

Ashley toyed with the corner of a book lying on one of the doctor's filing cabinets. "I don't know," she whispered after a heavy beat. "I don't know it's just … that's always been my escape you know? When things … when life becomes too hard … the pills …" She trailed off.

"The pills what Ashley," Dr. Johansen pressed.

"The pills are like a crutch to me," Ashley confessed with a helpless shrug. "There like a security blanket or something. I thought I was over this shit! I thought I was recovered."

"Relapse is a part of the-"

"Recovering process I know," the rocker growled out. "Please don't lecture me with that doctor bullshit! I had to hear it enough in rehab; I don't want to hear it now."

"Tough," Dr. Johansen countered sternly. "Let me tell you something Ms. Rock Star and I do mean Rock Star cause right now it's obvious I'm not talking to Ashley. You will always be a drug addict. You will always be tempted to pop a pill okay? That does not go away. There is a ninety percent chance that a first time, second time, even third time, rehab 'recovered' addict will relapse. It's up to you to fight that temptation Ashley."

The rocker let out a sob, "What if I'm not strong enough?" She asked weakly.

Dr. Johansen shook her head with a small smile. "Ashley, you have the strongest support system I think I have ever seen in my life. You have a loving fiancée and a large amount of supportive friends who will break their backs to make you happy. They are your strength."

Ashley wiped at her eyes, "Why am I so stupid," she groaned.

"You're not stupid," the therapist said with a smirk. "You just had a stupid moment."

"Yeah," the rocker laughed out. She looked at her watch, "I better head back to the hospital. It's getting kind of late." She said.

Dr. Johansen stood and picked up the bottle. She walked over to a small end table near her front door and set the pill bottle on it. The rocker raised a questioning eyebrow. The therapist smiled lightly. "I'm going to leave this pill bottle here," she informed. "I am going to turn my back from it as you leave...do you understand where I'm going with this?"

Ashley nodded. She eyed the pill bottle nervously. The therapist grinned and then turned away from the door. After a heavy minute she heard the door close shut. She turned to look at the end table.

The pill bottle was … still there as she left it. Dr. Johansen smiled.