She laid there a few minutes before she realized that if the sun was shining, then Jess and Rory were probably up. Kicking herself for not setting an alarm, she reached over and checked the time on her phone. 9am? How could she have slept so late? She couldn't remember a time she had slept past seven in the past year or two. Sleeping with her daughter gave her the obligation to wake up when Rory did.
And then she realized what day it was. Christmas. And she knew the kids must be itching to open their presents. God, she hoped they weren't bothering Camille and Zeke. Throwing her jeans and shirt on from the night before, she quickly pulled her hair back into a ponytail before pulling her coat on as she quickly walked towards the house. Knocking before she entered the kitchen door, she called out as she walked in, "Good morning?"
She found a sweet scene before her. Because there at the island sat Rory and Jess, mouths covered in what she thought to be some kind of frosting.
Rory held her donut up for Lorelai to see, with a smile so wide Lorelai could see the chocolate on her teeth. "Uncle Luke brought us donuts and even hot chocolate for BREAKFAST!"
"I also have a Danish if you'd rather have that instead."
Lorelai's gaze moved from where the kids were sitting on the island to where Luke was by the coffee pot in the corner of the kitchen counter. She had tried to think through this very moment for a very long time in her mind – ever since that night in the hospital. She wondered what she would say to him. She was still wondering as she crossed her arms in front of her.
He looked just as he had every time she had seen him. Flannel shirt. Baseball cap on backwards, which Jess had loved from the moment he had seen his uncle. He looked about as awkward as she felt, pointing to a stack of pastries on the counter. But she was looking at his face, his eyes holding such uncertainty. And she moved down to his lips, and suddenly the memory of them on hers, of the deepness she had found in his deep kiss and…
"Mommy, you have to try the chocolate donuts." Rory called out to her, bringing her back to the present and away from something she knew she shouldn't be thinking about. Not when she was going to have to talk to him.
Turning to her kids, she said, "Jess, what's your vote?"
His mouth was full, his eyes bright as he said something completely indistinguishable through the food in his mouth.
"Honey, try again." Lorelai said.
He took a big gulp and said, "The raspberry one. Oh, it's so good." Then he took another huge bite that, if they had been at home, Lorelai would have told him to take a smaller bite. But, after all, it was Christmas, and she was in one of the most awkward positions she had ever been in. So, she let the child have an extra big bite.
"Do you want coffee?" She heard Luke's sweet voice ask her. She was going to say no, not because she didn't want the coffee, because she always wanted the coffee, but because otherwise she would have to tell him that she just liked it black, and then say something about how wonderful the coffee was, just to be polite, and she just wasn't sure what her next move was, but complimenting him on his coffee might not be the best move but why wouldn't it be and she realized that she was way overthinking it in her head and before she could say something…
Rory piped up. "Mommy always likes coffee, Uncle Luke. When she drinks her first cup of the day, she always says, 'Coffee, coffee, coffee.' And Aunt Sookie says that Mommy's first love is Jess and I, and then coffee is really close behind us."
Turning to Luke, she tried to keep her voice steady before saying, "Coffee would be great!" And she realized she probably sounded way too happy in her attempt not to sound weirdly distant.
He reached into a cabinet and pulled out a big mug, and said to Rory, "Do you think this cup is big enough for your mother to fit three coffees in there?"
Rory only looked up from her feast momentarily, before she said, "Probably just for one of the coffees, but that's ok." And then she was again focused on her food, leaving Lorelai to watch Luke pour her coffee for her.
The steaming hot liquid that Lorelai had almost refused was calling out to her as Luke stretched out the cup towards her. Reaching out to take it, she was looking at his hands around the cup, desperately trying not to let her fingers touch his skin, but he didn't see that she hadn't grabbed it, and he let go before her hands were fully around it. So she had to grab on really quickly, their skin making contact for what seemed like an eternity, but really was only half a second.
"I'm so sorry." She apologized, and, once again, looked up into his eyes, that were right above her. And her mind went to that night yet again, how easily it had been to fall into his arms, how almost perfectly she had fit into his strong chest.
His words were the ones that stirred her out of her thoughts. "I wasn't sure what pastry you would want, so I brought a few…"
It took her a second to think about what he was talking about. He wasn't talking about that night. He was talking about food. Which, of course, she liked. But as she realized her mind had taken her back to their kiss at least twice just in the last five minutes, Lorelai knew she needed to get the talk over with – otherwise, she was afraid she wouldn't be able to stick to what she had decided.
Making sure the kids were absorbed on their food, she said, "Can we talk about what happened the other night?"
The look on Luke's face went from awkward to like a deer in the headlights. But his voice said, "Oh, umm… sure. We can."
Lorelai willed her hands to stop shaking as she felt so horribly awful. "I know I should have called but, it was just, a little bit…" She searched for the words.
But he nodded his head in understanding, "I know it wasn't the best thing… And I should have…"
They both stumbled over their words as the conversation went on.
Lorelai said, not giving into the want she had to look away from him, but she gave him the respect that she would want someone to give her. And she looked him in the eye as she spoke. "I was really emotional that night. And, it wasn't right of me to do that. And I'm sorry …"
Luke nodded again, and said, "No, I shouldn't have let it happen either… I wasn't…"
Lorelai started to find the script that had been floating around in her head since she got his message about wanting to talk. She said the words that she had mulled over and over. "I really want this to work, with Rory and Jess having you and your parents in their lives." She was glad the warm cup of coffee was in her hands otherwise she was sure her fingers would be fiddling with something awkwardly. "I just think getting into anything between you and I, well, I just think it might be something I don't want to chance at the happiness of my children." She could see the pained look on his face that he was trying to hide. And she said, "I'm sorry, Luke. If I could take it back, I just…"
"Let's just be friends? Pretend it didn't happen." Luke sounded like he was fine with that, and, as much as everything in Lorelai was telling her to stop and really think about what she was committing to, Lorelai just nodded her head.
And said, "Yes, please. I think that would be… well, for the kids, and the family… it would be best."
Lorelai was sure that they would have gone back and forth with nodding and smatters of conversation for hours if Camille hadn't have come into the kitchen and said to the kids, "So, I heard there was a little boy and girl who were excited to open presents?" Rory and Jess turned around in their chairs so fast Lorelai thought it was a miracle none of the food or liquids spilled all over the floor. Camille asked, "Have you seen these kids?"
Donuts forgotten, the padding of little stocking feet was overtaken with the cries from Rory and Jess as they ran into the living room and skidded to a stop right in front of the tree. Taking her cup of coffee in with her, Lorelai walked in with Luke right behind her. She was glad that the exchange between them had gone as well as it had, although she knew the awkwardness wasn't going to just go away with that little talk. It would take time. Zeke was already in there, by the tree, having sorted out presents into piles, probably designated for each person that they were for. Finding an open place on the sofa facing the tree, she curled her feet up underneath her and took a sip of the coffee.
It was hard not to feel the joy from the children's faces as they opened one gift after the other. As the wrapping paper came off enough to reveal the gift, the excited squeal from their mouths as they finished ripping the covering off of the present. She was so proud of the kids, who, after each present, ran over and gave their grandparents a hug and a big show of gratitude. That was enough of a present. Just to see this family interacting with such love.
Lorelai also found Camille's eyes and then said, "Thank-you." They had really gone all out with the kids' gifts. Rory had been thrilled to unwrap a few new dresses, a new drawing pad, and books for both her and Jess to share. Jess had gotten the same number of presents as Rory, his being a new baseball cap, a couple of comic books from his uncle, and a new model airplane. Lorelai was glad to see that Zeke had brought the gifts she had in the car into the house. Rory was so excited to get her new snow hat that Lorelai had sewed for her, and Jess jumped up and gave her a hug when he unwrapped his new mittens – free of holes like his other ones.
With his arms wrapped around her, she whispered, "You should give your grandparents their gift." His eyes lit up as he searched the piles for the rectangle shaped present that both him and Rory had helped wrap. Finding it, he ran over to where Zeke and Camille were sitting.
"Grandma! Grandpa! This is from us." And then, thinking he needed to clarify, he turned around and pointed to Rory and then to Lorelai, and said, "Rory, Mom, and I – we made this for you!"
Rory jumped into the excitement, jumping up and down as she said, "Open it. Open it."
Watching her children so excited about giving a gift made Lorelai's heart warm – because although it wasn't that big of a gift, and although it hadn't costed them hardly anything, she was thankful her children enjoyed giving their grandparents something. Lorelai was a little excited to see their faces too.
Camille carefully tore the paper, and when the present came into view, she looked at Lorelai with genuine tears in her eyes. "Oh!" She said, "It's lovely."
Lorelai said, "I thought you might want to see what the kids were like when they were younger." Knowing that there was so much that Camille and Zeke missed with Jess growing up, Lorelai thought they would like a little glimpse of what he had been like when he was younger. She had taken every picture she had of Jess and Rory from the time that Jess came to live with them – she had bought a little photo-book at the dollar store, and had captioned and put the pictures into the photo-book.
Zeke was just as speechless. "It's…."
Rory interrupted them, "There's pictures of US in there!" Her voice so excited to see her grandparents so happy.
"Look at how little you two were!" Camille said as she opened the book and the children crowded around her. Then she again found Lorelai's eyes and said, "I'm going to enjoy this very much! It was the perfect gift!"
Jess, now a sports fanatic since meeting his grandfather, looked at Lorelai and said, "Yay! They liked it! We win!"
Leave it to Jess to make a game out of giving gifts. Lorelai watched as Camille opened her arms to give her grandson, and then, eventually granddaughter, a hug. Lorelai then saw her whisper something into Jess' ear, just like Lorelai had a few minutes ago.
He then ran to the tree, and pulled out a present wrapped in gold wrapping paper – with just a little red bow on the corner. She watched his face, full of excitement and expectancy as he walked over and stretched out his little arms for her to take the laptop sized present from him. "You didn't have to get me anything…"
"It's from Grandma, Grandpa, Rory and me!" He exclaimed, but his voice was just a little bit more somber as she took it out of his hand. "We went shopping and I knew right away what I wanted to get you."
She looked at Camille and said, "You didn't.." She didn't think they should have gotten her anything – but the thought was very sweet.
Camille interrupted her and said, "Honey, just open it."
Turning her attention to the box in front of her, she carefully undid the flaps of wrapping paper while Rory urged her, "Open it! Open it!" But Jess just hushed his sister, "Just let her open it in peace. Shhhh…"
She knew it must be something like clothing or something when she found a white clothing box underneath the wrapping paper. Pulling the top part off, she looked down and with her hand, brushed the tissue paper away to reveal the present. And she gasped in surprise as she realized exactly what it was.
The dress. From the department store.
Her fingers ran along the lace in the box, still remembering how wonderful the material had felt on her body. And how excited that Jess had been for her to try it on. And the tears when she told him that it would be a long time before she could afford to buy it. He remembered.
His quiet voice asked, "Do you like it, Mommy?"
And she looked up through the happy tears in her eyes and could only whisper, "Darling, I love it."
He quickly came to her, a look of fear on his face as he said, "But you're crying! It's not supposed to make you feel sad."
Grinning through the tears, she pulled him to her chest in a hug and said, "These are happy tears." Kissing the top of his head, she laid her cheek on his hair. "You remembered."
His little head moved as he nodded and said, "You said it might be a long time before you could get that beautiful dress that made you look so happy. So when grandma asked what you wanted for Christmas, I knew that the dress would be the perfect thing."