I lay on my bed, curled up atop the mattress, the bed still perfectly made up under me. The tears had dried against my skin, leaving my dark hair matted to my cheeks. I didn't pay any attention to it, though, as I brought my knees to my chest, telling myself just to keep breathing. I hurt in a way I had hurt only once before; when Dimitri had told me his love faded, I thought I couldn't imagine a pain worse that that. Whether this was worse or not, I was unsure, but it was at the very least the equivalent of that pain.

The tears had stopped when I made myself quit it. I was being pathetic, crying my eyes out over this. I had to stop, and so I told myself over and over again, until I did stop. That didn't keep me from moping however, and I lay on my bed, too listless to move a muscle. Crying had taken up all the stores of energy I had, and after the roller-coaster of the last twenty-four hours, I was feeling depleted of all my strength. Even in my sleep, I hadn't gotten any rest. That could hardly be healthy for me.

I don't know how long I lay on my bed, prisoner of my own confused emotions. I didn't look for the time, and I was barely even aware of the passage of it as I lay there. Minutes ticked by in the space of seconds, and hours seemed to pass before I was aware of it. I was brought out of my reprieve when somebody knocked on my door. I didn't care enough to get up and see who was there, so I lay on the bed, waiting for the knocking to cease. It didn't stop though; It just kept going, on and on, and even putting a pillow over my head couldn't block out the incessant sound. I reluctantly dragged myself off the bed and shuffled to the door.

Dimitri stood there, but he didn't let himself in until I moved aside to allow him entrance. He walked in without a word, going to stand against the wall. He seemed to be back in his formal guardian mode again, as he stood there, rather than taking a seat on the bed. I closed the door behind me, trying to think of something to say. I didn't need to, though, because Dimitri had something in mind. "Lissa said I should find you."

"Lissa came to you?" I asked, surprised.

Dimitri shook his head austerely, the picture of severity. "She went to Christian. Christian came and found me. Nobody's seen you all day, Rose."

I gestured to the bed, swallowing. "I fell asleep."

"I know what happened with Adrian." He said, dropping the titles, and the pretense that he cared about them. "Are you ok?"

"Of course I am." I lied, looking away from him.

"He was scared he hurt you." Dimitri said, uncrossing his arms. He took a few steps toward me and reached out his gentle hands, grabbing my wrists and turning them around, inspecting them. I didn't know what he was looking for at first. Then I remembered when I had tried to kiss Adrian. he had grabbed my wrists and threw me back. I looked at them too, but there was nothing there.

"Adrian was scared he hurt me?" I asked for some clarification. I looked up into Dimitri's eyes, and I could see the anger smoldering there. "He didn't hurt me." I said, shaking my hands loose of Dimitri's hold.

"Did he try to?" Dimitri asked, his jaw set in a rigid line. I could see that his muscles were tensed.

"No!" I said, exasperated. "Of course not!"

"Lissa said he pushed you. You're fine, then?"

I looked at him seriously, searching for any indication that he was not one hundred percent furious. There was no such thing there. I was certain if Adrian had been around, Dimitri would have found him and knocked him out, beating that pretty face of his. I closed my eyes, trying to alleviate the burning.

"I am fine." I sighed. I felt like there was something that needed to be said, but I didn't know what it was.

"We made a mistake, Roza." Dimitri said slowly. I tried to look for his eyes, but he was avoiding my gaze.

"What mistake?" I asked, my voice going slightly high-pitched as a frantic note made it's way into my tone.

"Last night." It was all he said. It was all he needed to say.

I shook my head violently. "Don't say that." I warned, biting my lip. It wasn't a mistake. It had been the right thing for us. "It wasn't."

Dimitri looked at me sadly, his mouth a straight line. His eyes burned still, but there was something else in there, and I didn't like what it was. "We shouldn't have done that. We aren't right for each other. Not anymore."

"Don't say that!" I yelled, my fear grabbing me, threatening to choke the life out of my chest. My heart was pounding in double time. "You said last night that we will always find our way back to each other! You told me our fates were entwined!"

Dimitri's hand was in my hair, his fingers weaving through it as though he were trying really hard not to let go of me. I didn't want him to. "They are. But maybe not in this way. Maybe this isn't supposed to be our life. We're dedicated to other people. We knew long ago that we could never have one another in this way. We ignored that, and it's only made things harder for you."

I was feeling slightly hysterical. I wasn't sure whether I should laugh or cry. "If it doesn't hurt, it's not worth it." I told him, my voice low, in danger of cracking.

Dimitri smiled, but it was an empty gesture, not the prize I valued so much. "It's not supposed to hurt you like this."

"It's not supposed to be easy!" I countered.

"Yes, it should be. It shouldn't make you hurt. It shouldn't leave you confused like that. You're supposed to just know."

"I know!" I yelled. "I know that I love you. I know that I need you in my life!"

"I'm not good for you. You met your match with Adrian. He can give you everything I could only dream of, Roza. You need to patch things up with him and let me go." His face was completely serious. I shook my head, trying to get a hold on what he was saying.

"No. You don't know what you're saying." I laughed, a wild sound that almost scared me.

"I'm not the one for you. He can be everything you would ever need out of this life."

"You are all I will ever need!" I pressed myself closer to him, my eyes locking onto his. "I don't want anything else."

Dimitri sighed, looking like his words were taking great effort out of him. "Sometimes you have to set aside your desires and do what is best."

"He's not best." I insisted, wrapping my hands around his neck so that he couldn't look away from me again. If the eyes were the window to the soul, then I was pulling back the curtains to let him see just how much I loved him. I couldn't survive if he was going to do this to me. We had been through so much; Each trial was another reason why we were meant to be together. We had overcome all of those hurdles, and we could get past this one too.

"He can give you things I can't." Dimitri repeated softly. He didn't want to believe in the words he was saying, but he did. I shook my head. "You'll be secure with him. He was money to support you."

"I don't need to be supported. I can do that myself!"

"He can give you an easy life. You could be his guardian, and it would make you the best for the job."

"I wouldn't be a fair guardian if I cared for him as anything more than my charge." I replied desperately.

"You wouldn't be a fair guardian if you cared for anybody more than you cared for your charge. He would be number one to you."

"Lissa is my charge!" I thundered, my voice booming through the room with my sudden outburst.

"Adrian could give you children." Dimitri said, his tone quiet. It caught me by surprise, and it took me a moment to register that. I thought of Sonya's daughter, of Lissa's face when she'd seen the baby.

"I don't want children." I said. I wasn't sure whether that was honest or not, but we were in debate mode and I was only trying to refute each of his claims to get him to stop fighting me on this.

"Maybe not now. But ten years from now?"

"No." I said stubbornly.

"Twenty years?"

"No."

"You would be content to live your entire life without children?" He asked, disbelieving.

"You are all I will ever need." I promised him. Guardians didn't often have children. Blood whores sustained our race, and while they may not have been the best caregivers for the future of our race, they ensured it would still be there. I didn't need to have a child if I could count on the fact that my failure to procreate would only be a drop in the bucket.

"What if I want children?" Dimitri asked. Once again, he took me by surprise. I paused. It was not something I had considered. I had assumed that he wouldn't want any. The thought had never occurred to me that he would want children. It wasn't just that he couldn't give me children. I also couldn't give him any. Our races were incompatible. Two of us could not have a child together, only with a moroi or human.

"There are options." I said. "Adoption, surrogacy…We can always do something to get children, Dimitri. And even if we don't do that, we'll have each other. Isn't that enough?"

"It might be all we need." Dimitri agreed. "But what about that? I'm older than you, Roza. I'm not getting any younger, either. We have different things going on in our lives at this point in time."

"No. We're in this together." I said, reaching for his hand. I wrapped them together, giving it a good squeeze. "We are on the same page."

"But what about the future?" Dimitri insisted. "We are good together now. We are on the same page for now. What happens when we aren't on the same page? What happens when I want children and you aren't ready to go through with that?"

"Every couple has that problem!" I assured him.

"But not every couple will have such a hard time of it. And what if I get assigned somewhere else and have to leave?"

"I'll go with you." I said automatically. There was no question there.

"Not if your moroi stays here."

"Lissa will go too."

"With Christian and all of her kids? She can't just leave her duties to the court to travel the world with you."

"Then I'll wait for you." I promised. I had waited for him to come to his senses. I had waited for him to come back to me. I could wait again if it came down to it.

"It's not as simple as you make it sound. I've always thought I would go back to Russia."

"Then you can go back. With me. I already know your family. We can go together."

"You would leave Lissa?" Dimitri said, doubtful.

"She could come. She loves your family!"

"And Christian would go with her?"

"If he loves her and wants to be with her, then yes." I said. I was fairly certain those two were planning on being together long term. Russia would be a great place to raise children. All of Dimitri's family had turned out exceptional. I was sure Christian could get used to it over there.

"You think they would abandon this court life? Lissa has duties as the Last Dragomir."

"Jill could fulfill them." I said. "She is the last one, not Lissa."

"You don't see that this is going to be hard. It's not as picture perfect as you make it sound."

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there. Please don't make any stupid decisions just yet. I need you. And I want you. And right now, we need to focus on the present." Dimitri looked ready to fight me some more, but he held back whatever protests were on his lips as I wrapped my arms around him, casting off all the grief I had felt at my earlier confrontation with Adrian. "We need to clear my name."

a/n: ok... I'm sure right now you are all foaming at the mouth, ready to hunt me down and kill me because dimitri is being an idiot. but you have to admire the fact that he is being an idiot out of love. he's honestly trying to consider what is best for rose and putting that above his own emotions, which earns him brownie points in my book! so, last night i went bowling. it was hot out all day, and then on the way back the sky decided to rip in two and it POURED! i got home and was in the door for two minutes before the electricity went out. i lit all kinds of candles and wrote the old fashioned way, and i loved it; it was nice and relaxing. for the first two hours. soon it got too darkto see what i was writing, and my hand began to cramp up. so i went to bed. the electricity came back at two, when i was snuggled up with eeyore, so if you're wondering why you didn't get an update last night, blame hurrican season! :) alright, tell me what you guys think. i know you'll probably be mad that dimitri was being stupid, but i'll admit this was sorta a filler chapter. more action comes in the next few. tell me your thoughts...they're worth another chapter ;) much love, people

xo, bellec