I buried my face in my hands the second I landed in my own, empty bed. The maroon sheets even smelled like him – sun-warm and with hints of his musky body scent.

What the hell was I thinking? What the fucking hell was he thinking?

I screamed into my pillow, trying to roar all my confusion and frustration out of my system. Somehow, sometime between the bouts of pummeling my mattress and the agitated yelling, I drifted to sleep.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

"Why am I sent to this place called..." I looked at the location, "Germany?"

"There are signs that the continent will require more shinigami assistance than before." He didn't even look at me.

The lieutenant, Akagi, tried to fill in the gap of awkward silence. "There will probably be a war in a few years' time. They will need your assistance."

I wanted to inquire further but Aizen-sama called out Ono's name to give her her assignment. Fuming, I returned to work.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

I ambushed him in the corridor, as I had done so long ago.

Well, it felt long anyway. In truth it was only slightly more than a year and a half ago, when we had met along that corridor., and he had kissed me for the very first time on my left cheek.

"I have to want?"

Yes, you have to want, Aizen-sama. You have to learn to want something other than what you already planned to have.

I heard his footfalls, heavier than usual. I stepped out from behind the corner and grabbed his arm.

He stared at me, his eyes obscured by shadows. "I told you to never come near me again."

"You're sending me away – for years? For what I said? For giving a damn?" I hissed out, trying not to be overheard by any shinigami that might be around.

"No." He barely glanced around, but his voice was as low as mine. "I'm sending you to study the political developments in Europe. I want you to be my eyes and ears and mind, to gather information that may be useful to my cause. They have been building empires, Gin, and I want you to examine how and why."

"Really."

There was a cruel cast to the look in his eye. "And yes, I do want you away."

I felt a stabbing pain through my ribs, as if he had jabbed a reiatsu spear through my torso again.

He added, "The way I feel now? I do not know when I will give in to the urge to kill you where you stand."

I scoffed. "I bared my neck for you to cut last night. You want to kill me, kill me."

He shoved past me. "I have need of you yet." I darted in front of him, stopping him from moving on.

"Then do not send me from your side. Don't let me endure the long lonely years away from home," I pleaded. "Away from you."

"Get over it, Gin," he said dismissively. "There are more things than our affair to consider. I'm giving you a job - do it."

And that is it. Just a job. That's all I am to you, someone to give just a job to.

"When? How long, Aizen-sama?" I hadn't looked at the mission folder at all.

"Tomorrow night. Every shinigami on Foreign Society duty will leave tomorrow." He inhaled and pronounced sentence. "Your term is for ten years."

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

I was nursing another drink when someone plopped himself into the booth I was in.

"Hey there, cutie," said Iba. He had just transferred to the seventh, now that Zaraki-taichou had placed a baby girl into lieutenant position, and no one would dare take fourth seat between Ikkaku and Yumichika. We happened to be drinking buddies way back in school, though we lost touch after I was pulled out of the academy. "You look like crap's crap."

"Thanks for the compliment." I toasted him. "You looking good. Seventh's suiting you."

"Well, Hirako-taichou's cool enough, and Komamura-fukutaichou is fair even if he's mysterious." He quirked a grin. "You don't look like you're high on life though."

I snorted and drank. He patted the back of my hand and said, "I heard what happened with you and Rangiku and Aizen-taichou."

"And yet you're still here drinkin' with me," I slurred.

"Because I think of you as my friend, and I don't like to judge my friends. 'Sides, I know Rangiku's pride was hurt more than her heart."

"Really. Never thought you'd understand her better than I do."

"Gin, ya think we really didn't know you were growing distant from her? Especially after you took an internship posting at the fifth's. She's been deluding herself, brother," Iba said with a soft snort. "You haven't been hers a long time before the wedding, am I right?"

I grinned bitterly. "I'm no one's now."

"Aizen-taichou's fighting Zaraki-taichou at the grounds!" Someone yelled into the bar.

Iba jolted to his feet. "Come, Gin."

I remained seated.

"Gin, come on! Zaraki-taichou's gonna kill Aizen-taichou!"

"Good," I breathed. "Then he can finally get whatever hell he wants."

A sleek shadow moved over to the booth – over to Iba. "Hey kiddo, you comin' along to watch?"

"Hirako-taichou! I apologize for not seeing you earlier and-"

"Tch. You wouldn't see me if I didn't want ya to," Hirako-taichou snorted. "So who's this?"

"Ichimaru Gin." I held out a steady hand although my head slumped to the table. "Nice to meetcha."

"I'm nice to meet," he smiled.

I called the bartender over and ordered more bottles, staggering to my feet. "Let's go see how they slaughter each other, hmm? Might be good for some laughs."

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

I watched and sobered up.

They were animals – tearing and ripping at each other. Zaraki was laughing like a lunatic with every strike he got, every time Kyoka Suigetsu ripped into his flesh and cut open his skin. Aizen-sama wasn't any better; I saw the grin that flashed across his face with each wound received.

A shudder ran through my frame. He used to look at me like that when I've managed to hurt him in our sparring.

"I have to go," I muttered.

Iba grabbed my shoulder. "You sure? This is the fight of the century! Two captains going all out – three captains going all out."

"Three?"

I swerved around. Unohana-taichou had entered the battlefield without pause, flash-stepping with extraordinary calm and speed between the two whirling dervishes.

Every single shinigami was stunned when she stopped both of them immediately.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

I didn't know how I managed to find my way back to my home. I did know I crashed to the floor without breaking any of the bottles I took with me.

"So we'll go no more a roving, so late into the night; though the heart be still as loving and the moon be still as bright." I laughed again, the poem easily coming to me. Then I broke the seal on another bottle and downed it.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

"For the sword," Aizen-sama muttered as I leaned my head back on his shoulder, "outwears its sheath, and the soul wears out the breast..."

I smiled as he ran his strong fingers over my lips and I sucked gently on his middle finger. He pressed his mouth to the top of my head and murmured, "And the heart must pause to breathe, and love itself have rest."

"I can feel your heart beating," I said languorously, closing my eyes. "What does that all mean, Aizen-sama?"

"It means that one day we will no longer feel this burning need to be near each other," he said. His hand wandered over my chest. He looked fair against my deep blue robe. "And one day we'll want to take a break from each other."

"I would never want that," I protested, twisting around.

He brushed my hair from my eyes. "You're young. Young when you died, and young as a soul. You'll find out."

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

"Though the night was made for loving, and day returns too soon..." I slurred as I crept to my bed. "Yet we'll go no more a-roving, by the light of the moon."

I blinked sleepily at the half-moon outside the window, and toasted her. "By the light of the moon, sho'nuff."