Feliciano had frozen in his chair in fear as soon as Elizaveta's projection appeared on the table, and he could only watch in horror as Natalya chopped off Peter's head. He finally managed to move when he watched Lilli block the swing of Ivan's Sword, ducking as the Club King's projection flew across the room.
He couldn't see what was happening inside their minds, but Feliciano was able to tell that the mental battle was taking a toll on Lilli, who was cringing in pain as she hung on. Eventually, Elizaveta's shriek of pain pierced their ears as her projection disappeared, and Feliciano saw Matthew's eyes turn from blue to orange as Lilli took control of his mind. Lilli let go of him and immediately fainted, while Matthew's eyes turned to their regular colours. He also fell to the table, but was able to bring his arms forward to brace himself for impact.
Feliciano stood up, watching as Ludwig checked to see if Matthew was okay, while Gilbert rushed around the other side of the table to help Emil check Lilli. He sighed in relief as Matthew groaned in response to Ludwig's pestering.
"He's conscious," Ludwig told everyone, "What of Lilli?"
"She's out like a rock, but she's breathing normally," Emil reported as Gilbert held her forehead and tried to scan her mind.
"My head," Matthew slowly groaned, "Feels like… a thousand horses…. trampled on it…"
"Lilli used a lot of magic at once, and burnt herself out," Gilbert revealed, letting go of Lilli, "Her latent magic is already working to heal her, she just needs some rest."
"We should get her to her room then," Yao suggested, "I can summon the castle healers, see if they have anything that will help ease the pain."
"Good thinking, Yao," Gilbert agreed, "Emil, can you carry Lilli to her quarters? Ludwig, see if Matthew can raise his head."
Emil lifted Lilli's unconscious body into his arms and took her out of the meeting room, with Yao following closely. Feliciano watched as Matthew tried to push himself up, only to fall back to the table in pain. Gilbert circled the table and put his hands to Matthew's head.
"Will he be okay, Gilbert?" Feliciano asked.
"The mind control scrambled his brain," Gilbert evaluated, "He'll be fine, he just needs to rest. Ludwig, grab an arm and help him off the table."
"Anything I can do to help?" Feliciano offered, watching as Ludwig and Gilbert lifted Matthew off the table.
"Sorry, Feli, but I think we're good here," Gilbert declined, before nodding his head past him, "How about you check on Alfred there?"
As Gilbert and Ludwig moved Matthew out of the room, Feliciano turned and saw that Alfred was still in his seat, face frozen in shock and small streaks from tears. He moved over to the desolate Spade, sitting on the table beside him and shaking his shoulder.
"Alfred?" Feliciano asked gently, "Are you okay?"
Alfred leaned over and laid his head on his crossed arms, sobbing on the table. Feliciano pulled his chair closer and sat down, stretching his arm around Alfred's shoulders.
"He's gone," Alfred lamented, "Arthur is gone."
"Yes, he is," Feliciano consoled, "I'm so sorry. I'm sure you and Arthur had some wonderful times together."
"We sure did. I fell for him the moment I saw him at the midsummer festival last year. He was using magic to make a green glass orb float in mid-air, and his boss was giving contestants two minutes of time in which to steal the orb. Mattie and I worked together, he snuck to the orb while I flirted with Arthur."
"And how did that go?"
"I bombed spectacularly when I touched his eyebrows and compared them to caterpillars."
Feliciano giggled, and noticed Alfred look up at him with a small smile and a chuckle of his own.
"What did he do next?" Feliciano encouraged.
"Well, I had leaned in really close to him, so he pushed me to the ground and almost cast a spell at me. Of course, it was at that moment that Mattie took the orb, so Artie's boss stormed onto the stage and accused him of cheating. Ah, those were good times."
"What did Arthur think of it all?"
"He probably thought I was the most annoying fool in the Deck. It sure took a long time for him to warm up to me, but once he accepted me back, it was amazing. He may seem irritable, but below the surface he had a heart of gold."
Feliciano chuckled again, and noticed that Alfred was looking at him puzzled.
"How do you do that, Feli?"
"Do what?"
"How can you keep smiling when everything around you is going to hell?"
Feliciano inhaled sharply as he thought about it before explaining.
"My grandfather once taught me that the way you act around others affects how they feel. If you are negative all the time, then those around you will feel it and become negative themselves. But if you are happy, they catch on to the happiness and spread that around instead. Yes, life is very difficult, but I have learned to look on the bright side and enjoy the simplest of pleasures. I have also found that helping others become happy is also a wonderful feeling."
"Your grandfather sounds like a wise man."
"Yes, he taught us so much. Our father died in the battle against the Mad Queen, so he raised us while he worked as a chef in the Hearts castle. Even before we became Royals, Lovino and I were already working in the castle kitchens and helping the other servants get everything done."
Alfred chuckled, and there was a small smirk on his face.
"Did your grandfather teach your happiness lesson to Lovino, by chance?"
"He did, but Lovino didn't take to it like I did. He would still help others in his own way, and he would try to control his pessimism. However, he made up for the realism that I sometimes lacked. I would often drive him nuts trying to make him smile, offering him hugs and such, and he would always push me away and say he didn't need it. Every once in a while, though, when one of us was down, the other would always be there as an emotional rock. When Lovino was depressed, he would accept my hugs and support. If I was feeling down, he'd be there to get me going again. We couldn't have had better support when we got our Marks together."
"I'm sorry for bringing this up, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but what will you do now without Lovino there to support you?"
"It's okay, Alfred. I'll admit, the last two days have been difficult, since I no longer have Lovino here to take care of me. Although our romantic relationship has been turbulent, Ludwig still knows me well enough to try comforting me. He doesn't show emotion or sympathy very well, but at least he is there to make sure I'm not alone. I've also had a lot of distractions lately with the Absorbing, so I am just starting to remember that they are gone without losing all hope. I think you're noticing that too."
"What makes you say that?"
"I know this is going to ruin your mood, but while I've been talking about Lovino, your face has lightened up a bit from not having to think about Arthur for a few minutes."
Alfred's face went serious again as he took a deep breath, and Feliciano paused to let Alfred assess his state of mind. After a few moments, Alfred spoke.
"You're right, I think that did help. At least a little bit, anyways. It still hurts."
"I understand completely, it will take time to heal."
"Arthur knew it would happen. The fight with Elizaveta, I mean. Last night, he dreamed he was fighting her in the Clubs castle, and that she got the upper hand."
"So, he went to Clubs knowing that he could die? Why would he do that?"
"He insisted on going, and he wouldn't let me stop him. He knew he wasn't an Intended, and he foresaw what ended up being his death. He believed that losing everyone we love is the true test the Absorbing will force on the Intendeds."
As Alfred sniffled and wiped away some newly formed tears, Feliciano thought about Alfred's words and carefully planned his response.
"I think Arthur might have a point there, and I'm willing to elaborate, but are you willing to listen and consider what I have to say?"
"I will try."
Seeing that Alfred was genuinely going to put in the effort, Feliciano began.
"Yes, it is true that Arthur willingly walked into his fate, but I believe he went in determined to give it everything he had. When anyone is faced with heartbreak and peril, they would wish that none of it had happened, but that is not for them to decide. What we must decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. Arthur saw that his time was limited, but didn't he make sure that he used every moment wisely?"
"He did. After his decision last night, he made sure to spend as much time with me as possible before he left."
"Then, when he went to Clubs, did he not make sure Emil got out of there safe with the Club Ledgers? Do you really think that, just because he foresaw losing his battle with Elizaveta, he wouldn't go down without a fight?"
Alfred nodded in sombre agreement, and Feliciano continued.
"Arthur's not the only one who made that choice, Alfred. When Lovino and Kiku would have discovered that I was an Intended, they likely understood that they were not meant to survive. They chose to make sure I knew where to find the Ledgers. They chose to face the Club Royals during the attack in Hearts, instead of allowing Gilbert to get them out of there. They chose to fight, to at least keep Elizaveta and Natalya busy, so that Gilbert and Peter had a slight chance at finding me. They put their lives on the line to protect me, and while it may still hurt that they are gone, I know that I will always be grateful."
Feliciano paused to catch his own breath this time. It was hard to think about this so soon after losing Lovino and Kiku, but Feliciano also needed to hear these words spoken aloud.
"Antonio did the same for all of us, didn't he?" Alfred said, distracting Feliciano from his thoughts.
"Yes, he and Francis both did. They knew for years that this was coming, and although they didn't know for sure that she was an Intended, they were determined to protect Lilli with their lives. Francis placed himself in danger to allow Antonio time to get Lilli out of Diamonds. Antonio then came to Hearts with the Jokers and fought both Elizaveta and Natalya, determined to get as many of us out of there as possible."
Alfred gave a small chuckle.
"Then he saved Mattie's life, and punched Ivan in the face when he tried to absorb his Mark."
"Yes, he convinced Ivan to kill him instead of your brother, and even though he was sacrificing his life, he did not go down gently. Peter fought through his own fate as well, going back to Clubs and trying to save Arthur from Elizaveta. With every person we have lost so far, they knew that their time was limited, but they still raged against the dying of the light. They made sure they could help us and protect us as much as they could before they met their deaths."
Alfred leaned back and sighed.
"Wow, that certainly puts things into perspective, doesn't it?"
"You're right about that. I believe Arthur was right about the Absorbing testing us by taking everyone we love. The Intendeds are meant to be brave, intelligent, kind and humble, are they not? It will take that bravery and kindness we each have to pull through this agony, and it will involve having us work together. Matthew and Lilli are already showing the benefits, and you're already doing better than you were earlier. It will take a lot of time to heal, especially since we may still lose Ludwig and Yao, but we can make it through this. We will make it so that none of their deaths were in vain."
Alfred reached over and pulled him into a hug, and Feliciano could feel that it was helping both of them.
"Thank you, Feliciano, I guess I needed to hear that."
"Not a problem, I needed to hear it too."
Alfred let go and patted Feliciano's shoulder as he stood up.
"I think I need to get out of this stuffy room."
"Same here. It's too bad we're in Spades instead of Hearts, I would love to take Pasta out for a ride."
"Pasta?"
"My horse."
Alfred laughed.
"You named your horse Pasta? Matthew said I was silly for naming my horse Hero!"
"That certainly sounds like a name you'd come up with."
"Come on, Feli, let's go for a ride, we'll see which of our horses will like you. Hana would be a good choice, she might think you act at least a bit like Tino."
As Alfred led him out of the room rambling about the horses, Feliciano was already starting to feel more at ease.
They will get through this together.
Author's Note
This chapter was tough to write, so I hope I did it justice. I needed Feli to be the voice of reason on these points, but I also needed to show sympathy for their losses. Some sources include Sadness from Inside Out (that movie can make me cry!), Gandalf from LOTR, and the Dylan Thomas poem "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night", as well as a bit of personal life experience. And yes, I did intentionally plan for Alfred and Feli to come together to heal.