Jade gets some rather startling news from Max and unleashes her fury on what happened with Eric. Good stuff is at the end. Profanity and smut.
**Domestic violence warning*** if you are triggered by DV, please read with caution. Though Jade is the main aggressor, things get a little rough for a second.
Emmy
"You want to get breakfast?"
Tamra and I hold our arms out, letting the laser scan over us. After it beeps, we fall into step beside each other. We went for an early morning run, in fact so early dawn hasn't broken over the horizon. Wiping the sweat from my brow, I slowly shake my head.
"I would love to, but I can't. I have an early meeting with Max. I only have 30 minutes, so I have to grab a shower. We can meet afterward, though…"
"You have a meeting now? It's not even 5:30…."
"I know, right? For some reason, Max wanted to meet early."
"What about?"
"Wish I knew."
Frowning, we round the corner and make our way through the tunnel. Tamra glances at me then shrugs. "Does it have anything to do with Eric?" she asks gently, making me inhale sharply.
I've stayed at my Mom's for the past three nights, not trusting myself and what I'd do if I came home and found Eric waiting. I've successfully managed to evade him for now, blocking his texts and calls and not seeing him in person. I thankfully didn't leave anything at his apartment I can't easily replace…I have no intention of ever setting foot there again. Fresh pain needles my heart, but I wrestle it down.
"I don't know…but I can't imagine so."
"You've been going with the council on meetings more often as of late…maybe he just wants to make sure there's nothing that will get in the way of business…."
"Eric and I just broke up a few days ago, I don't even think he knows."
We continue in silence until Tamra clears her throat. "It really is done, then?" I don't answer right away, surprised she would even need to ask. Scoffing a little, I chuckle humorlessly as we reach the Pit. "Oh yeah…it's done. For good, this time." We slow down as we get near the elevators. "Jade…we don't have to talk about it right now if you don't want to, but you never did say what happened…you just showed up at my door and scared the shit out of me…" she trails off, making me feel a stab of guilt at making her worry.
I run my hand over my hair with a sigh. "Well, since we're somewhat pressed for time, the condensed version is this…." Tamra raises her brow as I begin to describe the other night, starting with the fight in Eric's new apartment. "Holy shit," she murmurs, not quite knowing what to say.
"Oh…and get a load of this. He actually cornered me when I came back and said it 'wasn't what it looked like'. Like I'm a fucking idiot," I spit. Tamra nods thoughtfully, cocking her head to the side.
"Just out of curiosity…what exactly did you see?"
My eyes cut to her sharply. "Here, let me paint the whole fucking picture. After having a pretty vicious fight earlier, I decide I'm going to take the advice of well-meaning friends and talk to him. I find out he's at a fuck-fest with some of the biggest pussy hounds in Dauntless and track him down." My voice becomes thick, my anger and hurt seeping in. "To where I then walk into a secluded bathroom...to find my now-ex-boyfriend half naked, fucking a used-up skank against the wall…and he didn't look happy to be interrupted. "
"He was actually having sex with her?"
Her tone is even, but something tells me to be on my guard. "Mom…what are you getting at? It's not hard to put together."
Tamra sighs, turning her palms up. "Nothing…I'm just trying to make sure you aren't willing your eyes to play tricks on you. From what it sounds like, you were pretty upset when you went searching for him, and you simply may have been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Have you talked to him at all since then?" I cut my eyes away, feeling my hurt start to overwhelm me.
"No, and I don't plan to. As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing to talk about. In fact, when you think about it, he really didn't do anything wrong."
Tamra's face flickers, not expecting that. "How do you figure?" she asks cautiously. With a casual shrug, I purse my lips. "Because I can't really be angry at him for moving on when I told him we were over. From a logical standpoint, who and what he chooses to do from now on, is none of my business, not my concern, and I don't have the right to be angry." A lump forms in my throat, but I press on.
"All this shows me is that I never really meant anything to him at all, so it's actually good this happened. The only way we would end is 'badly', and it's probably for the best it happened sooner rather than later. Now we're both free to live our lives without wasting any more of each other's time."
Tamra's eyes soften, brushing a strand of hair from my forehead. "I'm just saying, Jade. You know as well as I do most Dauntless men have a volatile temperament and think with their cock. However, Eric is not Dauntless-born. Despite what seems to be a widely perceived idea that Eric is as big a whore as the rest of Dauntless Neanderthals, he really doesn't strike me as unselective in with whom he shares a bed…I'm sorry, but I just can't see him fucking a Reserve. I don't think he'd want a woman any man can have…he'd want the only one no one but him can have. That, my dear, is you."
"Mom, I really don't want to get into this right now…I just need some time to breathe and take in this very important life lesson." I move closer, gazing at her solemnly. "I also want to apologize. I'm an adult now and shouldn't have dropped all this at your doorstep. My mess of a personal life is not your fault or problem, and I shouldn't have allowed it to impede on yours. I'm sorry if I've caused any inconvenience for you these past few days…"
Tamra immediately takes my hand, rubbing her thumb over my knuckles. "Jade... my daughter needed her mother, it was not an inconvenience and never will be…you can always come home, whenever. But it's true you're an adult now, and part of being an adult is not ignoring your problems. Even though you're putting on a brave face, probably for my sake, I still know my daughter and I'm not fooled. I just hate seeing you like this…"
Tears spring to my eyes again, as I take a deep, shaky breath. "Mom, I'm okay, really…We're not the first couple to break up, and life goes on. I just want to move on from this whole disaster." Trying to shake off this heavy feeling, I sigh deeply and will myself to get it together. I have a meeting with Max soon, and the last thing I want to be in front of him is emotional. My mom gives me a quick hug, pulling back with a hesitant smile.
"Oh, honey I need to ask…what are your plans for tonight?"
"Probably just hang out for a little bit and then come home…why?"
A small blush comes over Tamra as she takes a sip of her bottled water. "Well…I just…um…Mason is off tonight, and we were going to hang out. I just need to know if we should stay at his place instead…." She trails off as an elated smirk pulls at my mouth.
"Really," I purr, wiggling my eyebrows suggestively. Tamra pretends to scowl, her cheeks reddening further.
"Is it serious?"
"Not even…we only just started seeing each other."
"What's wrong with him?"
"Nothing's wrong with him…I just don't do 'serious'…you know that."
I smile warmly and touch her arm. "I'm just glad you're finally getting back out there…took you long enough. Did you remember to wax? I'd hate for him not to be able to find it," I laugh. Tamra pretends to scowl, then giggles with me. She's about to say something else when she stops suddenly.
Tamra's grin melts to a frown, something catching her eye over my shoulder. My good humor fades as I follow her line of vision, seeing three Dauntless guards hanging out near the opposite tunnel, smoking and engaging in casual conversation. Just then, an older one notices our stare and gives a nod and a small wave, which neither of us returns. My mouth sets in a hard line as I turn back to my mom, whose expression is equally annoyed.
"You've been getting this feeling too?" I ask.
"The feeling I'm being followed? Yes…."
Tamra exhales sharply, her eyes narrowing. "I thought I was imagining it before…but it seems as though every time I turn around, there's someone in my path. Even in places they shouldn't be…it's weird."
"Like where?"
"The Shooting Range. Yesterday, two guards just hung out in the observation box, not really watching, but not saying what they were doing there. When I asked them if they needed something, they got weird. They left and so did I, but there were more guards I could have sworn were following me from a distance. I even changed course to see if I was crazy, and nope…there they were when I got on an elevator."
My face twists in annoyed confusion. "Thank you…I thought I was imagining it too, but I'm always feeling eyes on me. When I look up, I usually see soldiers a few feet away. It seems like barring the other night, I can't go anywhere in the compound without tripping over someone in tactical gear. Not to mention when we were running out in the street just now, I could've sworn that patrol car was tailing us…." Tamra nods in agreement.
"I thought that too, but I just figured with all the attacks lately, they're just ramping up on patrols. But it seems you and I are getting most of the attention…but why? What the hell is going on?" She muses aloud, the frustration heard in her voice.
My mind abruptly flashes back to the day I found the photos in Eric's office...suddenly, it clicks. My mom and I both have felt eyes on us everywhere we go, at least one soldier is always in our path, I can't get on an elevator without someone suddenly jumping on with me. My fury begins to rise, realizing what I originally suspected is true;
Eric is having me, and my mom followed…son of a bitch…
Tamra studies my face, concerned. "Jade? What is it?" My eyes meet hers, realizing I never told her about what I found. I don't want to worry her, so I decide I'm not going to tell her just yet. I need to find out what the fuck is going on, and this time, trust my own instincts.
I force my face to relax, giving my mom a tight smile. "Nothing…I'm just as perplexed as you are about all this." I glance at my phone. "I gotta get going, don't want to be late for my meeting." Giving a quick kiss on the cheek, I press for the elevator. "I'll see you later, baby girl," Tamra calls as I step on. I give a small wave, letting my forced smile go as the doors close. I keep the button pressed before anyone can open it and jump on with me.
I gave Eric the benefit of the doubt when I first asked him if he was having me tailed, but realize now I was an idiot to believe him…about anything. My eyes narrow into slits, my jaw clenching as the elevator carries me upward.
If Eric wants to watch me so badly, I'm going to make sure to give him something to fucking see.
Max looks up as I knock lightly, holding the phone between his ear and shoulder. "How many are they requesting ...That seems a little excessive… who's the defendant?" he asks the other end, waving me in. He points to the chair across from his desk. I lower myself into it, crossing my ankles and willing my leg not to tap. A nervous strum flows through my body, waiting impatiently for him to get off the phone.
Max said he needed to speak with me but didn't say why. I've had a gut feeling I may have screwed something up with my meeting with Jeanine, but Max hasn't said a word about it…until now. I hate feeling like something is right in front of me that I can't see, and I've felt like that for a while. Although I really shouldn't expect him to, Max never explained why he pulled me off my Ambassador rotation, nor what I did to deserve it. I don't buy this bullshit about suspending all visits for all ambassadors for a minute.
I'm Dauntless...we don't run from danger.
Finally, Max hangs up and leans back in his chair. "Hey…I know it's early but I'm running a little behind schedule, so this'll be quick." He picks up his coffee, taking a sip as eyes me for a moment. "We're going to have an official meeting about this later, but I wanted to talk to you first. I didn't want to blindside you when we meet with the rest of the council." My heart starts to pound, having no idea what this is about.
Max rests his tattooed forearms in front of him, lacing his fingers. "As you know, Choosing Day and Initiation are right around the corner, and it got me thinking about your job placement interview. Upon further discussion with the council, as well as some other analysis within our faction, it was determined that your suggestions for redesigning our training structure were very lucid and made too much sense to ignore."
My mouth puckers, still not certain what he's getting at. "I see…well, I'm glad I could offer some perspective on that end." I shake my head silently, completely confused. What does this have to do with me?
Thankfully, he gets straight to the point. "Initiation will now be divided as you suggested…instead of being separated by transfer and faction-born, the divide will be between men and women. They'll be ranked separately by gender. The numbers will also be equal for each. The top-ranked men and top-ranked women will join us here at Dauntless, while the rest will be dismissed. Being that our numbers will double during Initiation, that means more qualified Dauntless personnel will need to assist in training…which brings me to why I called you in here today."
Max leans forward, eying me impassively. "You seem to have a keen eye for noticing what others miss, and I think that'll be valuable in the upcoming Initiation class. I'll need close scrutiny on our Initiates to weed out the weak ones early, per your suggestion. You also proved to be the best of the best, of both the men and women, in your own class. For that purpose, I've decided you will be one of the instructors in this cycle. You, Lauren, Tanya, and Ivy will lead the female division of training this year."
Dread falls over me, gripping the ends of my chair. Me…an instructor? I would be terrible …I have no patience. My eyes widen as another horrifying reality hits me. Eric is the councilman in charge of Initiate Training. He oversees instructors and makes certain procedures are carried out to his specifications and standards. He holds regular meetings and works closely with his staff…I would be part of his staff…
Eric would be my boss….
Immediately shaking my head, I sit up a little straighter while trying to keep from panicking. "Sir…I'm flattered that you considered me for this, but I'll be honest. I don't think this would be a very good move…." My voice holds a little more force than I intended. I purse my lips together in an attempt to calm down.
Max's expression loses a degree or two of warmth as he studies me. This is not what he was expecting me to say.
"How so?"
"For starters... there's a reason I didn't pick leadership. I'm not very patient, and I don't think I'd be a good instructor. Then there's the other thing…"
Max raises his brow. "What other thing?" Taking a deep breath, I look down before continuing, bringing my eyes to his. Might as well tell him the truth.
"I prefer to keep my personal life separate from my professional one. With that said, Eric is the head of the Initiate Program…if I took this position, this would mean that I work for him…he'd be my boss. Let's just say that's an arrangement that I strongly feel would not be a good one."
An amused smirk pulls at Max's mouth as he shrugs. "I can see how you'd have cause for concern in that aspect. Nevertheless, I have confidence you and Coulter have the Dauntless' best interest as your common goal and will be able to keep your personal lives separate. You're not the first colleagues in Dauntless to have a romantic involvement, and you won't be the last."
Giving a wry shake of my head, my tongue clicks against the roof of my mouth. "Sir…that's the thing. Eric and I no longer have a romantic involvement … quite frankly, I prefer no involvement… personal, professional, or of any kind for that matter, with that asshole ever again."
Max had turned back to his computer, but his eyes whip to mine in surprise. A dead, heavy silence hangs in the air as my heart hammers in my chest. "I wasn't apprised of that…when did this happen?" he finally asks. Unless I'm imagining, I detect a hint of disapproval in his tone.
"Recently…but it's definitely over, and wasn't exactly an amicable parting."
Max doesn't say anything as I squirm in my chair. This is one of the most uncomfortable conversations I've ever had, and I desperately want it to be over. Max continues to eye me from across his desk, looking as though he's mentally calculating something.
"Though the personal lives of my staff are none of my business and not something that usually interest me, I'll still ask out of sheer curiosity. What happened?"
Shit...
Struggling to keep my face composed, I shrug nonchalantly. "Oh, you know...Eric and I weren't really a good match from the start. It went as far as it was ever going to go, and it just ran its course. To be honest, I'm surprised it lasted as long as it did…" Feeling my upset starting to show, I quickly rein myself back in. Pressing my tongue to the roof of my mouth, I look everywhere but at him. Max seems to sense my struggle, looking away. He's not used to emotional females, and he's a little out of his element.
"I have to say I'm surprised…it seems you two really found your match in each other." Max pulls a cigarette from the pack on his desk, shrugging as he cups to light it. "Things have a way of working themselves out…perhaps whatever happened will be resolved by the time training starts."
"That might've been a possibility before I walked in on him going balls-deep in a Reserve."
Smoke billows around Max's head as his brow arches, visibly caught off guard. A thick, heavy tension coats the room as he just stares for what seems like an eternity. Slowly nodding, he rubs his chin before speaking. "Well…I can certainly see how that would…throw a wrench into your relationship." Swallowing thickly, I curse the tears starting to well in my chest.
Don't you fucking dare cry in front of Max, I order myself sternly.
Lifting my chin, I sigh deeply. "Again, sir…there is no relationship to speak of any longer. Being as such, I prefer to have as much distance between Eric and I as can be possibly gathered. I think that'd be best." Max shakes his head in refusal, his mouth set in a firm line.
"While I can certainly appreciate your position, unfortunately, that has no bearing on my decision. The good of the faction takes precedence over all else, including personal situations and strife. As we are beginning a new system of training… a system you suggested…I need the best of the best to help identify and bring forth the elite. You and Coulter are adults, expected to act like it while at work. Whatever happens on your personal time is between the two of you, and I expect it will not be brought into training or present an issue."
Though he says it as a statement, his tone makes it clear it's a warning. Licking my lips, I keep my jaw tightly clenched to keep what I want to say from coming out. Something else occurs, making my mouth twist in a frown.
"What about my ambassador job?"
"What about it?"
"I do have other duties and responsibilities at Dauntless, and it's going to be challenging to juggle the two…"
"Agreed...which is why your rotation will be delegated out to your colleagues for the duration of training, so you'll be free to focus on the task at hand."
My jaw drops in angry disbelief. "I'm being pulled from the Ambassador panel? Why?" I snap, my displeasure clearly heard in my demand.
Max inhales sharply, drawing himself up in his chair. He's the head councilman of Dauntless, not used to his decisions being questioned, and it's not something he'll tolerate. Leveling me with his glare, he leans forward with a clenched jaw.
"Because I fucking said so…and that's the only explanation you need. Perhaps you should be removed from both positions and sent to guard the wall, where there'll be no interaction with anyone since you deem this to be such a problem," he thunders.
As we face off against the desk, I decide the damage is done and I'm not going to back down. Against my better judgment, I decide to call his bluff. Leaning back in my chair, my mouth curves into a satisfied smile.
"Okay…accepted. What section of the wall should I report to and which commander will I be under?"
"What?"
I lean forward, giving him my own defiant glare. "You're right...me working for Eric is a huge problem…but I like your solution. I would rather freeze my fucking ass off, and risk being killed by renegade factionless than ever have to deal with Eric Coulter again. So, I accept the alternative you just offered. When should I report out there?"
Max's face flickers, as I arch my brow expectedly. I'm getting a sick sense of satisfaction at his anger, though I should be terrified. Stop it right now, that little inner voice pleads. Fuck it…if he's really going to send me to the wall, then I have nothing to lose anyway. I don't break eye contact as I wait for him to answer me.
A vein pulses in Max's temple as he pushes his chair back and stands. He slowly makes his way around his desk, stopping in front of me.
"Jade…I don't know what the fuck has gotten into you right now, but whatever it is, you better get rid of it and fast. You are on very dangerous ground, and my patience is about run out. Though I'm not in the habit of tolerating insubordination, I'm going to chalk this little tantrum you seem to be having up to going through some shit…or perhaps it's simply that time of the month for you, and you're not in your right mind. Whatever the case may be…the simple fact is this."
Towering over me, he leans closer until he's within an inch of my face.
"I don't give a shit what's going on with you…I am still your leader. I say, and you do...that's how this works. What I say, is that you will be an instructor under Eric for training this year…so that is what you will do, and I will not hear another fucking word about it. Are we clear?" he growls.
Feeling my temper flare again, I try to keep myself in check. Max's tone strikes a chord with me, as it's the same one my father used to take when I was in trouble. Quickly weighing my options, I decide to hit him where it hurts.
"Clear," I all but spit with a mocking smile. "I mean…I wouldn't want to end up like my father, now would I. My mother was never the same, and never really did forgive you, either."
Fire ignites in Max's eye as I decide to plunge the knife a little deeper, adrenaline pumping through my veins.
"You know, I used to hear her crying in misery at night...that is, after she held me while I cried. She barely survived having our family being ripped apart the way it was, and it really changed her…ruined part of her. Maybe that's why she's chosen to be lonely and in pain all these years, though she pretended she wasn't for my sake." The smile slips from my face as my eyes narrow.
"I can only imagine what would happen if she lost her only daughter by your hand.…there's no telling what she'd do…but then again, you already stated me 'leaving this faction was never going to happen'…so I guess I can just hope you're a man of your word. I'd hate to see my mother's heart destroyed all over again…something tells me you would too."
Max searches my face, stunned silent by my blatant petulance. I see his internal struggle, relishing that I made his stoic mask slip for once. He can pretend to be a hard-ass all he wants, but I know the truth. The regret over what he did to Tamra, the love of his life and the woman he pines for every day, will always be his weakness. Max takes several deep breaths, jutting his chin toward the door.
"Get the fuck out…but best believe I will address this later."
Pushing my own chair back, I stand while openly scowling. Tearing my eyes away, I turn to leave quickly before digging the hole any deeper. Stomping out of his office, I shake my head in determination.
One way or the other…I'm going to make Max regret this deeply.
Later that night, I toss my shot back then slam my glass down in front of me. Rachel whistles through her teeth, shaking her head. "Jesus Christ, this is going to be a disaster…" she murmurs.
"Oh, get this…." I twist my stool around to face Rachel, my jaw clenched in frustration. "I even tried to piss off Max on purpose, just so he wouldn't make me do this. Told him to put me on fucking wall, and he wouldn't."
"You really would rather guard the wall? That's a little extreme, Jade…."
I throw my hands in the air, my anger getting the best of me. "I don't give a baker's fuck! I would rather freeze my ass off, be harassed by horny, lonely guards and risk being killed by factionless than ever work for Eric Coulter!" I vaguely realize I'm shouting, but I'm three shots in and modesty went out the window a long time ago. Rachel stares wide-eyed, caught off guard. "Jade…" she tries to begin, but I cut her off.
"I never want to see that motherfucker again as long as I live, and I would actually rather be factionless than fucking work for him! It's not going to happen, Rachel...I can't fucking look at the Goddamn prick without wanting to rip his balls off and slap him with them…and I'm supposed to work for him? I'm supposed to show him respect as my boss? Are you fucking kidding me!"
Finally, I start to come down from my tirade. Rachel just stares open-mouthed, not certain what to do or say. She glances around, and I do the same. Fuck…everyone in the place is staring in shock. I guess I really was louder than intended. My eyes narrow into a glare, quickly sweeping the room. Everyone immediately goes back to pretending they weren't staring, though I hear the whispers.
"I'm…I'm sorry, Rachel…I'm just so fucking pissed about this whole thing, and I'm just freaking the fuck out."
Rachel takes another sip, shaking her head. "It's alright…I get it. Besides, I'm starting to get used to it. I don't know what's going on, but everyone's love life seems to be completely fucked up, including mine." She shrugs, searching her pocket for a joint. "At least one of us is doing the right thing, for once."
"What do you mean?"
"Samantha's finally had it...she moved out of Jason's apartment today. She's staying with me until the housing office has a unit ready."
"No shit…"
Rachel sighs sadly, running a hand through her hair. "She's pretty fucked up over it. She said she loves Jason, but can't keep kidding herself any longer. She's tired of pretending not to know he screws around every chance he gets, or that he'll actually stop once they get married. Catching him in the act was her breaking point."
My brows raise in surprise "Oh shit…I didn't even think of that…I was so distracted by what happened with Eric, I didn't even think about Samantha…what happened?"
Rachel whistles lowly, shaking her head. "After you ran out, Samantha caught sight of Jason on a couch, while some skank was bouncing on his dick. He was so fucked up he didn't even realize Samantha was standing there until she threw a beer bottle at his face. Got him pretty good, too."
"Did he go after her at all?"
"No…not until later. She's been staying at my place ever since that night. Jason hasn't come home, probably thinking she needs some time to cool off. He doesn't even realize she moved out. She said he's texted the usual 'I'm sorry, I was drunk' bullshit, there's only so many times she can hear that."
I shake my head with disgust. It wouldn't have mattered if he were drunk or not…he's absolute scum.
As the hour grows late, Rachel checks her phone. "Shit," she slurs slightly. "It's getting late, and I have to work tomorrow." I check my own phone and see it's almost midnight. I toss the rest of my drink back as we stand to leave. "You want to stay at my place tonight? We can all bitch about our newly single status together," Rachel offers as we make our way through the Pit. Sighing, I hang my head for a moment.
"Yes, but I won't…"
"Why not?"
"Because I've been staying with my mom for the past few nights, and I want to sleep in my own bed."
Tears prick my eyes as we get near the elevator. "Besides…I'm being ridiculous. I refuse to be chased out of my own home any longer. It doesn't matter if Eric shows up or not …my home is still my home, and I don't have to let anyone in it. I'm going to have to go eventually...might as well be tonight."
Rachel gives a sympathetic smile, brushing my shoulder. "I feel you. It sucks, but you're right. But my door is open if you change your mind." I give a grateful smile when a loud crash sounds to my right.
We turn to see a girl, about 14 or 15, on top of another girl roughly the same age, pummeling her face. "You fucking cunt, I'll fucking kill you!" she screams with another vicious blow. There's a loud pop, then blood starts to gush from the other girl's nose. Reaching up and grabbing a fistful of hair, the other girl manages to drag her down, leveling a hard hit to her jaw.
"Jesus," Rachel mutters as we quickly move to break it up. Pushing our way through the crowd that began to gather, the girls continue to tussle. Just as the shorter girl raises her fist to punch again, I grab her arm and pin it behind her back, holding her in place. Rachel wrenches the bleeding girl on the ground away, holding both of her arms behind her. Even as they're pulled apart, they continue to scream.
"You fucking cunt, you're dead!"
"Bitch, I will fuck you up!"
"Ladies!" I thunder through gritted teeth, still holding her immobile as she tries to break free. "What seems to be the problem here?" She continues to struggle as I hold her in place, leaving me no choice. As I slam her up against the rock wall, she manages to turn her face just in time. "I'm not going to let you go until you calm the fuck down. I'm a better fighter than she is…I wouldn't test me," I growl.
As her rage begins to ebb, she finally nods. Relaxing my grip, I keep my hand on her arm while letting her off the wall. I don't trust her not to pop off again. Rachel has the other girl subdued, though she keeps her hand on her arm.
"What the fuck is this all about? Why are the two of you trying to kill each other?" I demand, looking between them.
The shorter girl steps forward, but I pull her back. "Because that fucking whore," she shakes her finger accusingly, "fucked my boyfriend!" Her chest heaves as the other girl scoffs. "It's not my fault your pussy is trash…"
Rachel and I glance at each other, quickly sweeping the crowd. Finally, my eyes land on a tall, muscular tattooed boy about the same age. He's standing on the edge, grinning like a Cheshire cat. His friends stand beside him, all chuckling and nudging his shoulder. My eyes narrow in disgust, watching this young, dumb asshole eating it up. Clicking my tongue against the roof of my mouth, I glance back to Rachel. She's noticed him too, and we're in silent agreement as our eyes meet.
Time to teach this little boy a lesson.
Loosening my grip, I roll my eyes in disgust. "For Christ's sake…if you're going to get in a fight, do it over something important... not some random, mediocre cock you'll forget about in five years," I scoff. Rachel nods. "I'm just dying to know who apparently has such a diamond dick, you two are willing to tear each other apart over it," she calls out, waving her free hand in gesture.
Suddenly, the boy looks uncomfortable as both girls glance in his direction. Following their line of vision, I pretend to let my eyes land on him. His face reddens as I let my jaw drop in an exaggerated fashion. Rachel bites back a grin, seeing I'm about to have a lot of fun.
"Oh, you gotta be fucking kidding me," I exclaim, shaking my head incredulously. Pretending to peer more closely, I turn back to the girls with a sneer.
"This guy? This fucking peacock, standing here letting you two kill each other when it's his ass you should be kicking, and not each other? Seriously?"
The crowd titters, the girls suddenly looking embarrassed. The boy clenches his jaw, his furious glare radiating my way. With a wicked grin, I decide to twist the knife a little further. "Ladies," I begin in a bored tone. Stepping between them, I raise my voice so everyone can hear me clearly.
"Look around you...there's not exactly a shortage of dick in this place. Do you have any idea how stupid the two of you look, fighting over one? Especially an asshole that obviously doesn't give a fuck about either of you and just wants to stand here showboating for his friends? Are you fucking kidding me?"
Both girls are now looking at the floor, red-faced. "Listen, the two of you want to kill each other, save it for Initiation. But don't do it over this…don't give this loser another thought," Rachel adds.
I nod in agreement. "He's not worth it…especially when you won't even remember his name in a few years…and he won't remember yours either." My voice becomes thick, tears welling out of nowhere. Hastily brushing them back, I look between the two.
"I know you guys are young, but let me lay this on the table for future reference; You're probably not the first he's done this to, and by the looks of things, you won't be the last. Do yourselves a favor and forget him…he's not worth it. Any asshole that would play with your feelings, make you think he cares about you when he's really sticking his dick in anything that will let him, is not fucking worth it! Don't be a fucking idiot!"
The crowd has gone eerily silent, everyone stunned by my little outburst. They glance at each other in question, trying to figure it out. "Get the fuck out of here," I hiss. They scamper off as I stand there shaking my head, pissed off at myself this time.
If only I had remembered everything I'd said, before falling into the abyss known as Eric Coulter.
I decide to stop by my office before heading to my apartment, needing to pick up a few files to work from home tomorrow. After my little outburst this morning, it's probably wise to stay out of Max's sight for a while. After gathering what I need, I begin to make my way out of HQ when the door to the main entrance suddenly slams. Surprised, I glance at my phone and wonder who could possibly be working this late…only emergency dispatch is here at this hour.
Shrugging it off, I'm almost at the exit when I see Eric leaning against the doorway.
Stopping dead in my tracks, we just stare at each other for a long, heated moment. "What the fuck are you doing," I finally sneer, narrowing my eyes as his cold blue ones bore into me. "We need to talk, Jade…you can't avoid me forever," he states in a calm, even voice. A few rushed minutes pass between us as I force myself to remain impassive. Remembering my promise to myself, I take a deep breath and shake my head.
"We have nothing to talk about...and I don't have time for this..."
"I don't give a fuck…it's been long enough, and I've had it."
"Get out of my way, Eric…I don't want to do this the hard way."
Eric doesn't say anything as we remain deadlocked, then I feign a bored expression. "Besides...I'm sure you want to get to the Reserve ward, before all they're all claimed for the night," I spit, moving past him for the door. Eric swears under his breath, exhaling furiously.
"That is fucking it!" he finally roars, reaching forward and grabbing my arm. Before I have time to protest, he yanks me toward him, lifting me off my feet. Taking advantage of me being too surprised to resist, he practically throws me backward. I manage to catch myself just in time, almost falling over a desk.
After rapidly punching a code in the security box, he turns back with a furious scowl. With his hands clenched into fists, he slowly makes his way toward me until stopping a few feet away.
"For the last fucking time, you don't know what you saw... I'm Goddamn sick of you avoiding me, and you are not fucking leaving until we talk about this," he vows, crossing his arms. A cold, vicious grin spreads over me as we face off. Never breaking eye contact, I casually slide my hand down to my side. Eric's eyes round as I quickly draw my gun from the holster, aiming it a few feet to his right.
"Wanna bet?"
With my eyes locked with his, I squeeze the trigger. The security panel is blown completely off, clattering to the floor. Eric immediately jumps to the side, throwing his arms up to shield himself. He stares in irate disbelief as I saunter toward the now open door, the smile never leaving my face.
"Sorry Eric…what skank you may, or may not have fucked is of no interest to me. That's your business, and no longer any of mine. I really don't give a shit either way."
As I begin to make my way out, the sound of his boots thumps on the concrete behind me. "Goddamn it," I hear him growl under his breath. As soon as I feel his hand on my arm, I whirl around and press the barrel right under his chin. Eric instantly freezes, gulping as I cock the hammer. Pressing a little harder, I bring my face within a breath of his, clenching my teeth.
"Trust me Eric….just let me go. You do not want to follow me right now," I hiss dangerously, my eyes glittering with suppressed rage.
As we stare each other down, my senses slowly start to return. I need to calm down...there are cameras everywhere, and Compound Security is probably having a field day. I'm going to have to explain what happened to the door, and this is getting way out of hand already.
Slowly lowering my gun, I give him one last pointed look before turning and stomping away. I glance over my shoulder, seeing Eric simply watching me with a look of determination. Quickly hurrying to the nearest elevator, I breathe a sigh of relief when it opens immediately. Taking a deep breath as I push for my floor, anger at myself seeps in. He baited me, and I took it. I just have to keep reminding myself of one thing.
No matter how good it would feel, Eric Coulter is not worth spending the rest of my life locked up on a murder charge.
"Fuck," I swear under my breath. I can't seem to unlock the door to my apartment, though I've tried three times. Our outdated lock system was recently replaced by palm readers, and I was away while mine was installed. Finally, my faction code pops up on the little screen, the door unlatching.
As soon as I cross over the threshold, I make sure to lock it. After our little exchange just now, I doubt Eric will follow me here but it doesn't hurt to be too cautious. My hands are still shaking, and I can't seem to catch my breath. Quickly making my way to the kitchen, I reach for the nearest bottle of liquor in my cabinet.
Savoring the sweet burn as I gulp it down, I close my eyes and tilt my face upward. What a fucking day…all I want to do is go to bed and pretend it was a bad dream. I tip the bottle back and finish the last of it. As I set it back on the counter, a sudden beep sounds from my front door. My head whips toward it, the hair on my neck starting to rise.
The door bangs open, Eric stomping through it. His posture is tense, his jaw muscles pulsing with anger.
"We are not finished…we can't leave it like this. You are going to finally hear me out, whether you want to or not," he grits out, kicking the door closed with his heel.
Rolling my eyes, I step out from behind the counter. "You know what? I'm pretty Goddamn sick of men thinking they decide what I can, and can't do today... I don't have to do a Goddamn thing when it comes to you...this is my home, and I don't want you here... now fuck off, for good!"
"Not until we talk-"
"We have nothing to talk about… get the fuck out…"
My fists clench at my side. That buzzing I get when enraged begins to strum through me, with everything starting to feel surreal. I barely even see Eric standing there as my vision begins to take a red tint. It's time to make myself clear.
"Besides…don't you have somewhere to be? Don't want to keep whatever cum dumpster you have on your lineup waiting…I'm sure she has many other losers after you to attend…you should respect her schedule out of professional courtesy," I seethe.
Looking like I just stabbed him, he starts towards me. "Jade…" he utters lowly. As Eric gets closer, I pick up the now empty whiskey bottle, hurling it with all my might. It shatters as it hits the wall behind him, raining glass all over the floor.
"Don't you fucking touch me, you asshole!" I hiss. He shakes his head in determination. "Calm the fuck down and listen to me," he demands, reaching for me. I throw a glass, this time hitting him bullseye. It bounces off his muscular chest and shatters on the floor. "I said, don't fucking touch me. Just leave me alone," I warn again, desperately trying to keep the tears from my eyes.
Eric again ignores my warning, striding towards me. I throw anything and everything within my reach. He ducks every object chucked at him, grabbing my waist. "I didn't fuck her, Jade...you don't know what you saw..." In that moment, something in me just snaps. I no longer feel as if my body were my own. Kneeing him right in the groin, Eric doubles over. Before I know it, I land a punch on his jaw that topples him to his knees.
Stop...you're out of control….
Eric takes advantage of my hesitation, leaping to his feet and grabbing me again. As he lifts me clear off the ground, I elbow him right in the face. He doesn't release me.
"I didn't fuck her-"
"I didn't ask you if you did, and I don't care either! Who you fuck is your business and I'm not trying to make it mine!" I snarl. I keep squirming, but he's holding fast.
"Oh, you don't care? what are you so pissed about then? Why are you about to cry right now? Why wouldn't it be your business?"
I will myself to be quiet, but my anger is too strong.
Finally wrenching free, I shove against him with all my might. "It's not my business because you aren't mine…and obviously never were. Besides, what possible explanation do you think you could fabricate, that I'd be stupid enough to believe? Let me guess…" I take a step closer, narrowing my eyes.
"You going to tell me it was just to get back at me for breaking up with you, and didn't mean anything? Some warped sense of showing me what I'm missing?"
Eric says nothing, his face kept in a stone-like mask as my features twist in a withering sneer. "I'm sure it's not the first time you've fucked someone else since you started fucking me, and it certainly won't be the last, so why should I give a shit? You're going to do whatever you want regardless of who gets hurt, so whatever! Do your thing, Eric! I'm not going to stop you! We both got what we wanted, and as far as I'm concerned, that's the end of it!" I scream desperately.
Eric remains silent, though his chest begins to heave. Forcing myself to calm down, I take several deep breaths before continuing. Lowering my voice, I look him up and down in open scorn, deciding not to hold back.
"Besides…do you really think that would work? That I'd actually get jealous, or give a shit about where you get your dick wet? You're forgetting one thing, here, Eric... I can have you anytime, anywhere, and any way I want... But now, I don't want you...you're just a toy that I have no problem giving away, and if someone else wants to play with you, that's perfectly fine with me. I got what I wanted, now I'm done…simple as that."
Eric still says nothing, the silence almost unbearable. Finally, he licks his lips, his eyes narrowing as his nostrils flare. I mentally prepare for what I'm sure will be an explosion of temper, but to my surprise…he smiles. A cold, cruel smile that sends chills down my spine. My heart begins to pound, as he takes several slow steps. Towering over me, he leans in close while never breaking eye contact.
"You know what? Think whatever you want to think…you psychotic, stupid, blind bitch..."
His deadly calm tone pierces right through me. After a long moment he silently turns, stalking away then slamming the door behind him.
For a few sweet moments I feel nothing, staring at the door blankly. I run both of my hands over my hair, squeezing my eyes shut. Almost entirely numb, I make my way to the bedroom in a daze. Sitting down to take off my shoes, my hands begin to shake. "Stop it," I hiss. Taking a deep breath, I glance up at the mirror above my dresser. I stare at my reflection for a long while, hating what's staring back.
I watch my face crumple in anguish, as deep, heaving sobs wrack my entire body. Curling into the fetal position, all the hurt and grief I've buried the past few days comes roaring to the surface.
It suddenly feels like the walls are closing in on me. I have to get out of here… I can't breathe. I give myself a few more minutes to let it out, trying to decide what to do. I can't stay here…
Springing to my feet, I practically run out of my apartment. I don't know where I'm going, but I'll figure it out on the train. Angrily wiping my eyes, I decide not to wait for the elevator. The fire escape door bangs open as I leap down the stairs, taking them two at a time. Almost blinded by grief, I force myself to slow down before breaking my neck.
Finally reaching the bottom, I head for the emergency side door of the compound. Fresh air washes over me as I step into the street, a sense of relief settling as I make my way down the sidewalk. The hour is late, the streets are somewhat deserted. Quickly looking around, I don't see any anyone in combat gear or pretending not to follow me. Pulling out my phone, I swear under my breath in frustration. The last train of the night has already come and gone, I'll have to walk to wherever I decide to go.
As I get further and further away from the compound, my mind begins to wander. Being alone in my thoughts with nothing to distract me, I force myself to not ignore what happened just now. Shame and self-loathing stings at the fact I let it get physical…especially when Eric didn't lay a hand on me. I punched him…I threw shit at him…I let him bait me, but I was the one that sank to that level. Another horrifying similarity suddenly blares out, making me gasp.
I just did exactly what my father did, that horrible night…I'm no better than he is…Oh my God….
All of a sudden headlights loom around the corner. Turning on my heel, my heart begins to beat faster as the sound of an engine nears. Only faction leaders and patrols have access to vehicles... I know it's Eric before I even see him.
The headlights grow larger as the tires squeal. As soon as the car comes to a screeching halt, Eric leaps out of it. My anger and confusion grow as he storms toward me, his expression a mixture of anguish, desperation, and rage.
"Where the fuck do you think you're going!" He roars with such ferocity, I take a step back. "Where are you going!" He screams again when I don't answer. Shaking my head, I turn on my heel when his arm hooks around my waist.
"Let me go!"
"Goddamn it, Jade stop! You have no idea what you're doing right now!"
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"You can't be out here like this…
Finally breaking free, I turn to face him. "What the fuck is going on! Why are you acting like this?" I scream in frustration. My eyes grow round, as Eric is barely listening. He's not looking at me, but all around me. One hand is on his gun, and he looks almost…fearful?
Eric opens his mouth, stopping himself just in time. "Just get in the car, now," he orders, grabbing my arm. I wrench myself out of his grasp, shoving him backward.
"No…not until you tell me what the fuck is going on…"
"Jade, we don't have time for this! Just stop fucking arguing and get your stubborn ass in the car!"
"No! Stop being a fucking pussy and say whatever it is you're so afraid of! I'm not going anywhere with you!"
Eric's eyes whip back to me, shaking his head disbelievingly. "Oh, I'm the one that's a pussy? I'm the one who's scared? When you're the one that runs and hides behind your fucking Mommy when things get a little too real? This has been festering for fucking days, and instead of facing me, you just run away like a petulant child?" His chest begins to rise and fall, his fury radiating around him.
"I guess I could ask you the same thing! What the fuck are you so afraid of? If I didn't know you aren't physically capable of being one, I'd surmise that you are in fact the biggest fucking coward in society!" he roars.
Not capable…what is he talking about?
Utterly confused, all I can do is gape at him while he struggles to get himself in check. "What do you mean… 'not physically capable'…what are you talking about?" I demand lowly, crossing my arms. Eric squeezes his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Shit," he mutters, shaking his head. He opens them and reaches for me again.
"Nothing…get in the car…"
"No! What did you mean by that?
"Get in the fucking car Jade! I have to get you out of here!"
Holding his gaze, I shake my head slowly. "No," I finally whisper. "Not until you tell me why…"
My alarm grows as Eric's features twist in frustration and pain, his internal struggle playing out in his expression. I purse my lips, trying to keep my tears at bay. We're at a stalemate, neither of us willing to budge an inch. Drawing myself up, I shake my head defiantly. "You know what? It doesn't matter… what I do is no longer your concern, and probably never really was. Now just let me go." Turning away, I get no more than a few feet when his voice rings out.
"Don't you know how much I wish that were true?"
I stop dead in my tracks. Slowly turning back around, my breath hitches in my throat. Eric's expression is pained, just staring for a wild few seconds. He throws his hands in the air, the dam finally bursting.
"Do you really think I want this? That I want to give a shit about you? That I want to be chasing your psycho ass all over Chicago every time we have a fight? Do you fucking think this is fun for me? Believe me, Jade..."
His voice catches as he moves toward me again, but I stay put. He pulls me into his arms, and this time I let him.
"You are the most insufferable, stubborn, crazy, hard-headed bitch I've ever dealt with in my fucking life… there are times I wish I'd never met you. I wish could just forget about you and not give a shit, but what's done is done! At least I have the balls to face it, instead of running away yet again, like you're doing."
Eric squeezes his eyes shut like he's in pain. Our hearts pound in unison, neither of us speaking. His moment of raw, honest vulnerability leaves me at a loss for words. "You promised you wouldn't leave…" he whispers. My hands slide up his arms, as tears course down my cheeks unbidden.
"Eric, I wasn't leaving for good…I just needed some air. If anything, I thought you'd be relieved I was gone, even if I didn't come back."
His eyes fly open, storming with desire, passion, and something I can't place. He wraps his arms tighter, lifting me off my feet again. "Goddamn it Jade…what the fuck is wrong with you…what the fuck is it going to take for you to see that's the last fucking thing I would ever want!" Eric cries desperately. My arms instinctively wrap around him as he crushes me to his chest, a sob escaping as I bury my face in his neck.
In that instant, all restraint vanishes.
"Fuck," Eric swears, walking me backward toward the car. As soon as I'm against the door his mouth takes mine ruthlessly, moving over my jaw to devour my throat. I fumble with the door handle, my mouth never leaving him. Once I get it open Eric lays me on the backseat, his pupils dilating as he looms over me, big, hard, and determined.
The small, confined space seems to pulsate with the same pounding sense of urgency driving us. We simply can't get close enough. Eric devours my neck, finally freeing me from the constraint of my shorts as I make quick work of his belt and unzip his pants. We collapse back on the plush leather, our long limbs tangled as we desperately try to remove the last barriers of clothing we have.
Once we succeed, Eric winds both hands into either side of my hair. Touching his forehead to mine, he plunges deep into me, as deep as he can get. "I missed you," he whispers as we begin to move.
My eyes close as my back arches, the sensation of hot, steely velvet impaling me unleashing pleasure unlike I've ever known. Stroking my hands down his sculpted, powerful back, I grip his hard ass to urge him even closer. My nails skim back up the way they came, wrapping my legs around his waist then moving him under me. Gripping the backseat for balance, I lower myself back onto his cock, my mouth rounding in pleasure.
Eric grips both my hips, arching against me. He moves my shirt aside to take my breast into his mouth, licking and sucking both nipples as his thrusts become steadily deeper and wilder. I meet him all the way, watching as the windows fog up from our labored breath. A fine sheen of sweat begins to coat our skin, making his tattooed chest slick when I sink my nails into his shoulder.
He mutters something thick and guttural as he sits up, roughly caressing the length of my back before flipping me under him. Weaving his fingers in my hair, he pulls my head back as he slams into my core, hammering into me with everything he has. He surges into me again and again, as I claw at his back. Our mouths tangle wildly, my hips writhing underneath him.
My body makes the familiar climb. Only a few seconds pass before I begin to convulse with spasms so intense, I scream. Eric isn't even a second behind, rearing back as his body seizes, spilling everything he has into me.
We collapse on the seat together, not moving. As we begin to come down, I stroke the back of his head as he brushes his lips against my throat. The sweet sense of temporary reconciliation blankets the air as we bask in it for a few seconds. Finally, Eric picks his head up, stroking the side of my face.
"We need to go," he whispers, kissing my forehead. He looks prepared for me to argue, but I just nod.
Little does he know…I'm utterly incapable of refusing him anything right now.
As soon as Eric pulls the car into the Dauntless garage, he swiftly gets out and makes his way to my side. I step out of the car, Eric immediately taking my hand and leading me to a hidden tunnel. Once the laser scans his eye, the door falls away and we step through it. "Where are we going?" I ask quietly, not looking for a fight and not in the mood to argue. Eric doesn't answer me right away, stopping before another wall with a panel. He types in a code and the hidden elevator doors swing open.
Once we step on, Eric takes a deep breath, pulling me into his arms. He touches his forehead to mine as I kiss under his jaw. "Eric? Where are we going?" I repeat softly. Eric pulls back, searching my face. "Home," he whispers, leaning past me to push the button for his floor. His mouth swoops down on mine, pushing me back into the wall paneling.
As our mouths connect and our passion takes flight, I feel a deep, hard pull in my heart. I'm alarmed of the intensity he makes me feel, I'm overwhelmed being in this moment with him, and most of all...I know I'm completely, utterly fucked...
He's as much a part of me, as I am of him.
Reluctantly breaking away as the elevator stops on his floor, we hurry to his penthouse. Once the door opens, Eric sweeps me off my feet. Knotting my hands in his hair to bring him closer, I wrap my long legs around him. He hoists me higher, our mouths clashing with such passion, I feel light-headed. It's like we're afraid of what will happen if we let each other go. Eric strides toward the bedroom, then we're both stripped again in seconds.
Time stops. The outside world ceases to exist...there's nothing in this moment except the two of us, all pretenses forcefully stripped away. As we begin to express ourselves with each other the only way we know how, the nature of Eric's touch changes. Instead of hot, hard, and fast, he takes his time, laving attention with his tongue. He eases over so that he's above me, kissing every inch of my face and throat. He moves his mouth in a hot, wet trail down the valley between my breasts, cupping them gently in his large, warm hands.
My back arches and my mouth rounds in pleasure. My nipples are glistening wet as he takes his mouth from them, continuing over my stomach and abdomen as he reaches his destination. Winding my hands in his hair, I gasp as his fingers graze and tease my entrance. My lips part on a sigh of pure pleasure, as his mouth replaces his hand.
A bolt of raw lust shoots through me, as the tip of his tongue tentatively flicks over my swollen nub. He nudges my thighs further apart, settling between them. "Ohhh…" I gasp, as he plunges into me fully. My hips writhe beneath him as he brings all his skill to bear, lifting me higher and higher, finally driving me to completion so intense I scream his name again.
Even then he stays put, refusing to let me come down even a little. My second release comes within mere moments of my first, leaving me with tears of relief seeping from the corners of my eyes.
Eric moves back up body, savoring every inch of me along his way. His mouth takes mine with hungry demand as he sinks over me, his large hands caressing my thighs as he wraps them around his waist. "God, I missed that," he murmurs. I arch against him as he traces a line of fire down my throat, a strong, rhythmic clenching in my belly beginning to throb.
He lines himself up with my entrance, slowly sliding into me as we become lost in unbridled passion. For once, I let myself not think so much. That sense of fire and urgency builds again as I wrap my legs around him, not wanting this to ever end. Finally, after what seems like a delicious eternity, he thrusts into me with a savage power that shatters us both.
Eric peels the covers back, slipping us under them. He entwines his fingers over mine, breathing deeply into my hair. Planting soft kisses on my neck, he shifts so that he's over me. As I look up with hazy eyes, he strokes the side of my face. He leans in, his voice barely above a whisper.
"I've told you all along you were mine…but what I should've realized I never told you, is that I'm yours... There's no one else I need or want, and there hasn't been. I didn't betray you. Believe me or not, that's all I can, and will say about it."
The sincerity of his words takes my breath away. An unexpected wind of relief blows through me at a simple truth; even though I have every reason not to, and my head is screaming at me to be sensible… I believe him.
With our gazes locked in the moonlight, I take a deep, shaky breath. Touching my lips to his gently, I give a small nod. "Okay," I whisper. Eric searches my face, inhaling sharply. He brings his mouth to mine tenderly, the reverence of his touch stealing my breath.
Once we settle down for good, I begin to drift off to the first real sleep I've had in days. A smile pulls at my mouth, relishing in his complete possession of me and mine of him, soothing my soul and ravaged heart. Tucking my hand under my pillow, my last line of defense crumbles. Eric has my body and soul, whether I want him to or not.
I am so fucked...