Chapter 36: Considering the Commitment
They'd been back from Mallorca for several weeks. Hermione went back to work, but Ron was embracing his new life at as a stay at home parent for the summer. While he had envisioned long days of day trips to the seaside and lounging around the house, the time had actually been much busier than he had expected.
He and the kids spent a number of days at The Burrow with the Potter kids. Ron and Hermione both thought it was great for Rose to get to know James and Al better so she would have friends at school. And, everyone agreed the more time Lilly and Hugo could spend together now the better off everyone would be come September.
While the kids romped through the fields of Devon, Ron took advantage of the time to get some cooking lessons from his mum. She had pestered him for years to learn to cook properly, but it had always seemed simpler to just pick up a sandwich when he lived alone. But now that he was trying to cook for four on a regular basis, cooking was a skill he realized he needed. Hermione was ok at muggle cooking, though she would never claim to enjoy it or be any kind of gourmet chef. But, with Ron home more, it made sense for him to handle the meals for the four of them. So, Molly had him learning different dishes he could make.
One day while the kids were playing down by the pond, Molly was walking him through the basics of making roast chicken and potatoes. They were conducting a symphony of knives chopping onions and potatoes in the kitchen and chatting over tea.
"Mum, can I ask you something?" Ron asked.
"Of course, Ronnie, you can always ask me anything."
"Well, ok – first you have to promise to not get too worked up about this. But, Hermione and I have been talking a lot more about getting married. And, I- "
"Oh Ronnie! That is wonderful! When do you think you'll hold the ceremony? We could probably get it pulled together in the back garden before September if you wanted to do it before Rose goes to school. It'll be tight, but I think we can pull it off."
"Mum!" Ron interjected. "We're not engaged. We're not planning a wedding. That's the worked up part I was trying to avoid actually. I was really hoping to talk to you a little bit not about throwing a wedding but about actually being married."
"Oh," said Molly, clearly taken aback.
"Well, you see Hermione and I have both lived on our own for so long, we just think it's important to really think through what that change will mean for us, and for the kids. And, with so much at stake, we want to be sure we are really prepared, and go into marriage with our eyes wide open, so to speak. So, I thought I would talk to some people who have been in what at least seem from the outside to be really strong marriages to see what advice they could offer. And, well, it seems to me that you and Dad have one of the strongest marriages I have seen. So, I was hoping to learn a little from you, if that's alright with you."
Molly went up and hugged her son. Kissing him on the cheek, she said, "Ron, do you know that of all of my children not one of them ever asked me that before they got married? I think it is incredibly smart of you and Hermione to approach it that way."
"You're not mad I'm not engaged yet?"
"Oh heavens, no. I fuss about you getting engaged because I want you to be happy. And being married to your father has brought so much happiness to my life. The engagement and the wedding are a means to the real prize, which is a wonderful marriage. The fact that you and Hermione already seem to realize this puts you a step ahead from the beginning."
"But starting out with two children, one of whom still grieving terribly, will make things harder I expect."
"Maybe. But, the past six months will have taught you two a lot about how to work through challenging situations. Most couples, especially those who get married very young just don't have that type of maturity or experience behind them."
"But you and Dad married young."
"Oh, I'm not saying you can't have a successful marriage if you start young, but having that maturity and self-awareness that you and Hermione each have will be helpful."
"So, what do you think are the important parts to a good marriage, Mum?"
"Well, I reckon the most important thing is clearly that you love each other. But, I think that you and Hermione seem to have that taken care of. After that, making sure that you want the same things out of your life. That could be how many children you want, or specifically with you two if you would consider having more children. But you should also think about what you want in a few years once Rose and Hugo are both at school. You've both been quite focused on you careers, but you want to change yours now. Understanding how you both approach money, your home, your future plans. All of those things would be good to talk about now."
"All of that makes sense," nodded Ron. "But once you're married. Then what? What makes some marriages good and others painful?"
"I can't really speak to other marriages. And I don't know that any marriage is simply good or bad. All relationships go through ups and downs. There have been times where your father and I felt like ships passing in the night who just happened to live in the same home and have seven children together. But, we both believed in the vows we took. And we eventually found our way back to each other despite everything else in the world. And we figured out how to talk to each other; how to forgive each other; and how to each compromise. It takes work, month after month and year after year. But it is so worth it."
"So the marriages that don't work – do you think they just don't make the effort once times get difficult?"
"I suppose so. And it's odd, you know? The outside times that have been difficult in our life– like when my brothers were killed, when you were off with Harry that year and we didn't know if you were ok, or when Fred died-in many ways those times seemed to be easier for us as a couple. The harder times have been when we just let the daily nonsense of life cause us to drift in different directions, and then silly misunderstandings seemed to be allowed to grow into bigger problems."
"Do you think that having grown up in different worlds we will be able to make it work?"
"Yes, Dear. I think you two will be just fine. She may not have grown up within our culture of magic. But, you seem to share an innate sense of duty to help those who cannot help themselves. I think that shared set of values will serve the two of you very well in a life together."
"I worry sometimes that I don't have enough education to keep up with her. Between Hermione and her parents, I think they have something like five or six university degrees. Learning is something she holds so dear, and I just never cared that much."
"Come now Ron, I don't think that's fair to yourself. I think you place a high value on practically applicable knowledge. You and Harry figured out some incredible puzzles over the years, whether it was during the war or in researching cases as aurors. I think you haven't found much value in knowledge for the sake of knowledge while Hermione strikes me as someone who would read an ancient text for fun. But if you thought that ancient text might help you protect someone you loved, you would read it inside and out."
"That's probably true."
"And I can absolutely assure you she is crazy for you. That first night you brought her here I knew then."
"How did you know?"
"Well, I was watching her watching you. You were sitting next to Rose while Hermione was at the other end. I don't know what you and Rose discussed, but she spontaneously hugged you and you hugged her back. And Hermione was so overcome watching that interaction. She teared up, and the look on her face as she watched you with her daughter was one of adoration and gratitude. You could have read every book in every library in England, but if you didn't love Rose, and Rose didn't love you, she wouldn't give you a second glance. It's your giving heart and your spirit she loves, Ron, not the list of books you've read."
"Thanks, Mum. People always say marriage is hard, but then they never really talk about what makes it work."
"Of course Dear, I am so pleased you thought to ask. And just think of how much more she will love you when she learns you can roast a chicken!"
Nicola had declared that she was done with watching Hermione either skip lunch or eat a few bites at her desk. So she had dragged Hermione to a lovely café near their office that day. Hermione had drawn the line at eating outside, recalling the last time she ate outside she ended up in a wizarding paper.
"Just because you can't have your lunch dates with Ron over the summer doesn't mean you should stop eating, Hermione."
"It's not like we ate out every day – it was only once a week or so. But now that he's watching the kids this summer, well, let's just say I miss our little lunch dates. And, I tend to try to get everything done as soon as possible and get home to them."
"That lad needs to get off his arse and propose," sighed Nicola.
"Well, actually, we have talked about that."
"Really?" squealed Nicola. "You can't keep that kind of thing from me, Hermione! I am an old married woman, and I have to live vicariously through your romantic exploits!"
"Hardly an advertisement for marriage there, Nicola."
"Don't be silly. I am madly in love with my husband. But that thrill of new love, now that is something I haven't had in a long time."
"Ok. Now – that is something I want to talk about if it's alright with you. So, I am trying to get my head around what it would mean to be married as opposed to maybe just living with Ron."
"Well, John and I lived together for a year before we got married. And I would have to say both were a bit of transition for us."
"Why?"
"Well, living together forces you to learn a lot about the other person. You discover, and hopefully learn to tolerate, each other's quirks. But, well at least for me, once we were married it really did feel different. When I was royally pissed off at him for something that little voice in the back of my head that used to say 'you don't have to put up with this,' went away. I knew I had to work whatever it was out with him. We had to get a lot better at forgiving each other. But, we also had to get better at talking to each other about what we really wanted. He thought I would work with refugees for a while and then get a real paying job with normal hours. But, eventually we had to work through what our goals were – financial, professional, family – all of it. Those were hard conversations, but we were certainly better for them."
"Do you like being married? I don't mean do you love him, but do you like being married as opposed to just dating or living with John?"
"Yes. I do. It sounds silly, really, but somehow I feel safe. We both made a commitment to be there for each other no matter what. And, while I know divorce is rather common, both John and I took those vows quite seriously. And, I love knowing we are a team dealing with whatever life throws our way. Marriage can be hard, as when it is done well it is a lesson in selflessness, which you know has never been my strength. But, it is so worth it."
"But the romance fades?"
"Well, the lust phase fades. Not that we don't have incredible sex, because we do, thank God. But, it's not like I have to shag him in the hallway because I don't think I can wait all the way to the bedroom. It is just different. The lust phase was so much fun, but it wasn't exactly sustainable. And I don't just mean the physical part. That time when you are constantly fantasizing about him or figuring out when you can next be alone – which is clearly where you two are – it eventually transforms into this longer, foundational love for the other."
"But I think I feel both now."
"Maybe. We certainly didn't have children before we got together, so maybe that changes everything. But, if you look at any long term marriage, the love they seem to have for each other is as sustaining as breath. But that takes hurt, compromise, forgiveness and putting the other first."
"Do you think I should live with him first?"
"Well, the kid thing is complicated. So, I have no idea what to tell you there. Are you thinking of moving in together now or in the future?"
"I am thinking about moving in with him after Rose leaves for boarding school. Hugo isn't ready to leave the home where his parents were, so we would need to live there. My body wants to, my heart wants to, but my brain isn't so sure."
"Why? I mean, he's smart, successful and fit as hell, and you are clearly mad for each other."
"I don't know. For so long I think I have thought of myself as the woman who went out and did it all herself. I traveled the world, had Rose, fought injustice – and to give that independent part of my identity up seems odd somehow. Which is completely mental as during that whole time I have been on my own I have basically been pining for him to come sweep me off my feet. And now that he has, I am finding I want the best of both worlds."
"Hermione – getting married doesn't mean you give up your identity. You will still be the bloody brilliant solicitor you've always been, not to mention an amazing mum. But now you would have a wonderful man looking out for you as well. And, you would do the same for him. And, despite the fact that the lust phase is ancient history for John and I, there is nothing, and I mean nothing, like looking across a room and seeing the man you love look at you with that gaze of total devotion. It's as if everyone else in the world melts away. And if that look doesn't soak your knickers then nothing will."
"Oh Nicola," Hermione laughed, "you can be so eloquent and then shoot yourself in the arse in a millisecond."
"And proud of it. But seriously, that look can get you through just about anything."
"So, you think I should go for it?"
"Yes. I do. Being a smart solicitor and having the kids, you should probably have an incredibly unromantic pre-nup to be sure everyone is protected, but yes. If anyone deserves this, Hermione, it's you. Prince Charming doesn't show up twice in a story – so seize him while you can."
Ron and Hermione sat on the porch at The Burrow along with Harry on one of the last Sundays of August. Ginny had gone with George to walk the younger kids into town for ice cream while the oldest played down by the pond, savoring their last days of freedom before they returned to Hogwarts. Al and Rose were down by the pond trying to learn all they could about the great adventure on which they were about to embark.
"How was it taking Rose to get her wand?" Harry asked.
"Pretty amazing, actually," Hermione admitted. "I know I only got mine a few months ago, but it was incredible to watch her discover the right one for her and then suddenly realize that power within her."
Ron gazed happily at Hermione as she spoke, remembering the scene a few days prior when they took Rose to Ollivaders. Mr. Ollivander himself had come down and helped her personally. Now that Hermione knew the story of why he was so appreciative of Ron, she was even more touched at how the elderly wand maker doted over her daughter.
"She was chosen by a cedar wand with a phoenix core," he told Harry.
"Really? Cedar and phoenix? That's brilliant."
"Ron tells me you've studied a lot more about wands than most. What does cedar and phoenix say about Rose?"
"Well," Harry started, "I am not an expert. But, I have read a lot about wands over the years. The cedar indicates Rose is incredibly perceptive, and a strong, loyal person. With the phoenix core, she may have a slow start in getting it to listen to her, but once it is loyal, she will have an incredible ally in that wand. Mine is a phoenix core, and it has served me so well."
"She is definitely perceptive," laughed Ron. "Sometimes I think she's figured out what I think about something even before I know what I think myself."
"She's always been that way," mused Hermione. "Even as an infant, she seemed to claim me as her mum long before I realized she was meant to be my daughter."
"She will do so well at Hogwarts with that skill, not to mention she seems to be as smart as her mum," commented Harry.
"Oh, she is," laughed Ron. "I swear, between those two I am lucky to keep up sometimes."
"Oh, stop," protested Hermione. "You make it sound like we sit around and speak in Shakespearean English all day. We aren't that swotty."
"If you say so, Love," smiled Ron, winking at Harry who just chuckled to himself.
"Ok. I've had enough of this nonsense, I am going to go see how I can be helpful in the kitchen," she said as she headed back inside.
Ron watched her leave, and was snapped back to the present by Harry' voice saying, "So, things seem to be still going really well then?"
Ron grinned. "Really well."
"You can't pretend you haven't thought about proposing then?"
"More than thought about it. I mean, we've talked about it. We both want the same things. But, well, it's not like we are 20 years old, you know?"
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"You and Gin have known each other since before your voice even dropped. You two have grown up together, which sort of helps you figure out who you are together. Hermione and I are the complete opposite. We are not only from completely different worlds, but don't even really know what we don't know about each other. We are both used to living on our own, not even thinking to consider someone else's thoughts or feelings on something. And then you add two kids to that – one of whom is still in the throws of grief, well, it's a bit fucked up, mate."
"Ok, so you didn't grow up together. That doesn't mean you can't be happily married."
"No, no. You're right. But, we both realize that we really don't know much about marriage. People always seem focused on when we should get engaged or married – but we both want to figure out how being married will be, and spend less energy on the rest of the nonsense."
"That seems really smart, actually. So how are you doing that?"
"Well – I'll ask you. Aside from getting to live together and do things I still don't want to think about with my baby sister, what did marriage change about your relationship with Gin? Or about your own life even?"
"Ron – your baby sister's in her mid-thirties. We've had three kids together. I've lived with her longer than you ever did. Surely you are passed all that by now."
"Doesn't mean I need to think about it, mate. So, moving on – what about the other stuff? What is different when you get married?"
"Huh. I guess it is hard to separate that for me when she and I got together so young and didn't really get to live together before hand. Well – aside from living here with the rest of your family anyway. You've also got to remember I grew up in a pretty messed up home."
"Yeah, I have known you since you were eleven, remember? And I even broke you out of that messed up muggle prison a few times if memory serves. But, it isn't like you never saw a healthy marriage as a role model. You saw my parents as much as I did really."
"True. But, I had some pretty ingrained shit built up from those years with the Dursleys. I wasn't exactly great at communicating or trusting."
"But Ginny knew that going in and basically beat you into submission, right?"
"Uh, well, yeah. Pretty much."
"So, I am not exactly great at communicating or trusting outside of you, Ginny and George. But I don't really see Hermione beating me into submission."
"Really? Because it pretty much looks like if she says jump, you ask how high."
Ron punched Harry lightly in the arm.
"Really, Ron. I'm saying you are obviously in love with her, and the feeling is clearly mutual. You two have obviously figured out a way to work through some communication issues. You've shared with her all that shit from the war and introduced her to magic. It's hardly a surface relationship."
"Fair point. But how about big decisions? How did you two work through that?"
"Well, we just talk about it, and argue through it. We've been lucky enough that money hasn't been a fighting point. I can see where that would wear couples down if they don't want the same things."
"Shouldn't be an issue for us either."
"Well, I don't know all about your finances – but it did take a while to get used to thinking of things as our money instead of his and hers. I think that was harder on Ginny actually. We both grew up frugal, but obviously I had the vaults from my parents and from Sirius. It took a long time for her to feel comfortable to thinking about it as hers too. That was actually hard to work through for a while."
"Huh. Hadn't really thought about that. So, do you two talk about how to invest things and such?"
"To a point. We set up a budget, and each of us get a certain amount we get to just spend on whatever we want – mine is usually going out to lunch instead of packing lunch and buying quidditch stuff. She buys quidditch stuff too but would rather pack her lunch and buy more shoes and handbags than I can understand, but we don't argue or feel guilty about it. Big stuff we talk about – we tried setting a dollar amount for what we needed to discuss, but that didn't really work for us as much as it does other couples. You'll figure it out. At the very least it forces you to talk through things and get everyone's priorities on the same page."
"So what else besides money?"
"Raising the kids forced us to get on the same page. We didn't always have the same reaction to situations but had to present a unified front, so to speak."
"Yeah – that's a hard one for us. It kind of feels like his and hers kids right now. I can't imagine getting to a place where I would feel like I could really argue with her about handling something with Rose. Hugo is a little different as at least she had a lifelong relationship with him. But, it's odd."
"Well, maybe it is less about you have an equal standing and more about you just trying to convince her of things if you have a strong opinion about it. I mean, Rose seems to trust you a lot."
"Yeah – she did ask me to arrange that family vacation instead of talking to her mum."
"See – that kind of thing will just continue to evolve on its own. I wouldn't let it keep you from getting married."
"We've talked about her moving in once Rose goes to school. I'd move there, but Hugo's not ready to leave his home. We haven't made any decisions though."
"Wow, would she sell her house?"
"Uh, I dunno. I didn't think about that actually."
"I would think that would be hard for her. I mean, she earned all of that money and bought that on her own, didn't she? Would be hard to give that up, but hard to keep paying for a house no one lives in."
"I didn't think about that either. See – this is the shit I'm rubbish at."
"You need to talk about it."
"Yeah. We'd only have to live at Dennis and Fi's for another two years at the most. Then Hugo's off to Hogwarts and we can figure stuff out."
"What about other kids?"
"What other kids?"
"Are you ok not having any kids of your own?"
Ron just looked at him for a moment, not really understanding. Eventually he comprehended what Harry was asking and said, "I guess I already think of them both as my own. They may not have Weasley genes, but they feel like mine, Harry. Is that barmy?"
"No," grinned Harry. "That's brilliant actually. Think about how different my life could have been if Uncle Vernon had thought of me as his own."
"I don't want to replace Dennis as Hugo's dad. And Hermione won't replace Fi. But, we are his parents now, and he is my son through and through at this point. I don't know why or how, but it's just different than how I think about any of my nieces and nephews. And Rose, well, she and I are getting there."
"But do either of you want more children – ginger or otherwise?"
"I have no idea," admitted Ron. "I hadn't even thought about what I think, let alone thought to ask her."
"Well, clearly, there are a few conversations you two need to have before you end up at the altar."
"Clearly. But, I really think we will be fine through all of that."
"So, what are you waiting for, Ron?"
"I don't know. I am just used to fucking things up, I suppose. And I don't want to fuck this up."
"Ron, you have saved my life more times than I can count. I wish you'd give yourself even half the credit you deserve. You don't fuck things up when it comes to the people you love."
"I left you when it counted," he said quietly, avoiding Harry's eyes.
"Is that what this is about? Seriously? Ron, you were possessed by a fucking horcrux."
"The horcrux didn't leave you. I did."
"And you found your way back, Ron. I forgave you the second you hauled my frozen arse out of that lake. I wish I could help you forgive yourself. It's been almost twenty years. It's time. You were a kid. You were starving and scared and possessed by evil. It is not a predictor of how you will treat your wife."
Ron didn't say anything, and was breathing deeply, clearly trying to avoid tearing up.
Harry noticed, so he kept talking, "We both did shite when we were dealing with all of that evil. It affected us, and we were so ridiculously young. Do you think I should still feel guilty about getting Sirius killed? Or Fred? Or everyone else?"
"You didn't get them killed."
"Look, the point is that it was a shitty time. The battle was one thing, but I let Riddle into my head and trick me into thinking he had Sirius. From that, Sirius got killed, and I almost lost you to those damn brains. But I have finally gotten to the point where I realize that was Riddle's fault, not mine. It would be like blaming James for having a weak mind while he's just a kid. Just absurd, you know? So – yeah, we both let Riddle into our heads when we were teenagers at war fighting to save the world. That's hardly something to still beat ourselves up about all these decades later."
Ron sighed. "I know, ok? I do know. But having my head know and my heart know are different. And I do worry that I would let her down – and the kids. I don't know how to get rid of that."
"Look, I promise you will absolutely both hurt each other over the years, but that is what real life relationships are. It wouldn't be some character flaw, or because you're weak or evil, and it certainly wouldn't be because Riddle possessed you. You are the most loving, caring soul. You deserve her. And she seems to deserve you. If anyone I know in this entire world deserves love and happiness, mate, it's you."
"Thanks, Harry. I just wanna do this right, you know?"
"I know. And you will."
(Author's Note: While I have been able to post almost daily up to this point, I wanted to give you fair warning that it could be a bit before the next post. I am thrilled that so many people have discovered the story and are willing to take the time to write a review or PM me. Please keep the comments coming - I really, really enjoy hearing from you. Thanks...carrytheotter)