Sorry for any typos, feel free to let me know of any that you found. I havent, reread the chapter and spemnt all night working on it. Let me know what you think.
Brennan woke early the next morning. She couldn't remember the last time she had slept so soundly. She still laid securely in Booths arms. She felt she could stay there forever, but knew she needed to start her day. Parker would be awake soon and she needed to get their breakfast ready. She slid off the couch slowly to avoid waking the sleeping man.
She noticed him begin to stir as she walked into the kitchen. She began pulling out everything she needed to make omelets. She never thought she would like the domestic lifestyle but she found it fulfilling.
Shortly after she began a sleepy Parker walked out of his room. She poured him a glass of orange juice.
"Thanks Bones." He said with a yawn.
"You're welcome." She said smiling.
She noticed Booth stirring again. She poured a glass of milk and pulled out his medications. She finished up the omelets and handed one to Parker and brought another to the coffee table. She lightly rubbed Booth's back.
"Booth It is time for breakfast."
He let out a soft groan and opened his eyes. She hoped for recognition But she could see the questions in his eyes.
"Let me help you sit up. I made omelets."
"Thank you."
"After you finish, I will give you the information about your condition."
They finished breakfast and went over the usual information. Shortly after a nurse from the agency came to help Booth bath. Her dad came over and they allowed visitor two at a time.
This routine continued for the next couple days. Booth had yet to have another seizure, but some days he would retain basic information from the day before. Things seemed to be going well.
Brennan and Max had reservations about the party for Christmas. The last time Booth was over stimulated he had a seizure. With the progress that was being made they feared another would wipe it all away.
They discussed with their friends to try and keep it as low key as possible by taking everything slow. This would be Booth's first outing since his discharge. Max agreed that if it looked like things weren't going well that he would immediately take Booth home and that Brennan and Parker would leave to drop Parker off with Rebecca so she could have part of the holiday.
All the gifts were packed into Brennan's car. She and Parker followed her dad's SUV.
Booth stared out the window looking like he was deep in thought.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Max asked.
"Oh… its nothing." Booth answered.
"Doesn't look like nothing." Max pried.
"It Bones." Booth blurted out.
"So what has my daughter done to warrant your thoughts?" He asked.
"I don't know how to explain it. We have been spending a lot of time together. Sometimes I think… I don't know." He sighed full of frustration.
"Calm down Son, I don't want to see you all upset. If you don't want to talk about it you don't have to." Max soothed.
"Well she tells me things from our pat, but I feel like she is leaving stuff out. It is like she is hiding stuff from me."
"We all agreed to stick to facts about your past, this was your decision. You had said you didn't want our interpretations of events." Max informed him.
"It's not that. Never mind. It isn't important." Booth gave up. He didn't know how to describe what he was feeling inside.
They arrived at the party. Wendell, Sweets and Hodgins helped carry the packages inside. Brennan helped her dad with Booth and they all entered. Brennan had thought they went all out on Booth's apartment until they entered the Hodgins' home. Christmas music played softly in the background and everything from floor to ceiling.
Angela ran to Parker to give him a big hug. "Mistletoe" Sweets yelled and everyone looked up. Angela gave Parker a big kiss, leaving the young boy blushing.
Booth couldn't help but chuckle at his son's embarrassment. Everyone mingled for a short time and then they all entered the living room to open their gifts.
Max kept a watchful eye on Booth for any distress. He was smiling and laughing with the others but it seemed more forced then his usual demeanor. After presents everyone moved to the dining area for their meal. Max noticed that Booth was picking at his food. He was getting a bit worried at how out of character he was acting. He noticed how he kept stealing glances at Brennan and it all seemed to click. Booth was falling for her all over again. Max smiled to his self. He knew they were meant for each other. He would have to sit down with each of them to discuss his discovery.
After the meal they headed back to the living room for dessert, eggnog and conversation. Brennan wheeled Booth who dropped his fork. She stooped to pick it up when Angela shouted mistletoe. Brennan looked up and was struck with fear. She remembered the night in the hospital when Booth had remembered and they shared a kiss. The kiss had triggered a seizure.
Booth slightly smiled at the thought of being able to kiss her. The group began chanting: "Kiss. Kiss. Kiss."
Brennan leaned down and gave him a slight peck on the cheek. Booth's heart fell.
She rolled him into the room and sat furthest from him on the couch. After that night they had talked, she had been distancing herself from Booth. He had forgotten everything that morning and she was protecting herself. How could she go on wanting to be with him, when at anytime they might have to start over?
It wasn't long before Booth couldn't take it anymore. He could feel his heart being crushed and was going to have an emotional break. He wanted to go home to his room and be alone. Booth turned to Max. Max could see the desperation on his face. His color was off and didn't look well.
"I think we should be getting Booth home for some rest." He announced.
Brennan looked to her father with dear in her eyes. Max went to Booth and began wheeling Booth to the door. He stopped so Parker could give him a hug.
"See you later Daddy."
"Bye Bub, we will see each other in a couple days."
Wendell helped Max Put Booth in the car.
"Is everything alright?" Wendell asked.
"Just not feeling well." Booth answered.
They began the drive home. Booth had his head down and leaned against the window.
"So you want to tell me what's wrong?" Max asked.
"I don't want to talk about it." Booth answered frankly.
"Keeping it inside won't do any good. If you increase your stress level you could have a seizure."
"What does it matter anyway?" Booth muttered.
Max swerved off the road and slammed on the breaks.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Max yelled. "Don't you realize how many people care about you?"
"I see the looks in their eyes. I see how everyone acts around me. They want what I used to be. I am not him anymore. I am an obligation to them." Booth spat back.
"Is that what you really think?"
Booth didn't answer. He just stared at the floor.
"You really think that these people, your friends, are doing all this for you out of obligation? Can't you see how much they care about you? When you almost died they were all crushed. They were relieved when you lived. Yes they miss who you were and all hope that he will come back. A hospital specializing in brain injury was one of the options for your care, they all banded together to keep you home, where they could see you every day. Obligation my ass. Open those eyes of yours and see what actually is going on."
"I want to go to that hospital." Booth answered fighting the tears that were threatening to fall.
"You don't mean that. You need them as much as they need you." Max disagreed. "Think about it, if you leave they will all be crushed. Your son will be crushed."
The rest of the ride home was in silence. Booth insisted on going to bed as soon as they arrived. Max conceded and left the man in the room.
As soon as the door closed Booth allowed his emotions to take over. The tears fell silently. He couldn't stand being around her anymore. He couldn't stand feeling the way he did about her.
"History repeats itself." His mother's voice permeated his thoughts.
He waited for her to say something else but she remained silent.
He finally got control of his emotions and just stared at the ceiling. He heard the front door close and soft voices in the living room.
He closed his eyes as he heard the doorknob to his room turn. Brenna crept into the room. She stared at him for a few moments and then approached him and lightly kissed his forehead. She left the room and closed the door.
Booth listened to the conversation that was taking place.
"What happened, Dad?" Brennan asked her voice filled with concern.
"Nothing, he just looked a little distressed and I thought I would bring him home preemptively." Max answered. He wasn't lying he was just withholding information.
"I was so worried." She confessed. "He hasn't been himself lately."
"Neither have you." Max looked at her with his own questions.
"What are you trying to say?" She asked not liking his accusing tone.
"Just that since you have changed so has he. Maybe it's related." He explained.
"I don't know what you're talking about." She defended herself.
"Well just think it over. I am going to head back to your place." Max said grabbing his coat and heading for the door.
Booth hoped he could remember to thank that man tomorrow. He could have told her everything but didn't. No matter what Max said his past was, he was an honorable man.
Brennan paced the living room. Her father implied it was her fault that Booth was acting strangely. She acted how she always had with Booth, well except for his first day home. But Booth didn't remember that, so what was the problem?
Booth wondered what Max meant by Brennan changing, for as much as he could remember she had been distant towards him, maybe she added distance a bit each day but nothing dramatic. He was so confused. He couldn't avoid his feelings for her, had he always had these feelings or was it because he had the most interaction with her?
He really didn't want to go to the hospital, but he needed time away from her as well.
Both stared at the ceilings as sleep evaded them. Their thoughts drifted to each other and the emotions they were trying to avoid. Their hearts ached for each other. If they only knew that communicating would ease their pain.
Booth felt natures call and looked for the bottle he needed. It sat on the edge of the night table furthest from him. He scooted as close as he could and stretched to reach it. He was almost there so he scooted a little closer and then fell to the floor taking the contents of the table down with him.
Brennan heard the crash and ran into the room. Booth was struggling to a sitting position. She rushed to his side to help, but he jerked away from her.
"Booth, let me help you before you injure yourself." Brennan begged. She could see the frustration all over his face.
During his fall his bladder had released and he was full of embarrassment. Not only that, but his glass of water had spilled all over him.
He looked up at her with tears in his eyes.
"Are you in pain?" She asked
He shook his head in defeat.
"If you are not injured, let me get some towels and a change of clothes. I'll get you cleaned up." She said rushing to get what she needed.
She laid out some towels on his bed. She they struggled to get him of the floor but eventually succeeded.
"I will need to remove your wet clothing." She said as she lifted his shirt over his head. Her heart sunk as she saw all the healing scars that marred his body, but masked the emotion. She dried his torso gently.
Booth's skin tingled under her touch. He couldn't help but wish that she was touching him under different circumstances.
"I need to remove your pants, now." She stated.
His face reddened in embarrassment. He began reciting saints trying to avoid an adverse reaction to her actions. He lay back on the bed to make it easier. He watched her face as she proceeded to remove what was left of his clothing.
She tried not to stare at his naked form. She tried to drown her arousal by focusing on the job at hand. She grabbed the washcloth and quickly cleaned his groin area and abdomen. She dried him off and slipped on his dry clothes.
"There all done." She stated a bit unnerved by his silence.
She gathered up his wet laundry and turned to leave the room.
"Thank you." He said barely above a whisper.
She turned back to him and smiled. "You're welcome."
She left the room and returned with a fresh glass of water.
She sat on the bed next to him and looked at his face. She could see his red rimmed eyes and frowned. "Why do you look so sad, it was just an accident? I wish you would have called for help. You could have injured yourself quite severely."
"I don't like being a burden." He mumbled.
"You are not a burden. Why would you think that?"
"You are a beautiful, single woman; you should be having a social life, not catering to my needs." He said with his voice thick with emotion.
"There is no other place I want to be, or any other person I would rather be with." She answered, her voice quivering.
He looked at her with eyes full of doubt.
"You mean more to me than anyone else ever could. I am here because that is where I want to be." She explained.
He rolled over turning his back to her.
"Please don't shut me out. You never shut me out. We always talk about everything." She begged.
"I am not that person anymore." He mumbled.
"You are that person. You are Seeley Booth." Her tears were falling now.
He turned back to her. Seeing her crying was almost too much to bear.
"What did I do to make you angry?" She cried.
"I'm sorry. It isn't you, it's me." His words brought on her sobs. "Damn it, I can't get anything right."
They stayed silent as Brennan tried to compose herself.
He reached out to hold her hand. "I am sorry. I just have too much going on in my head. Things I don't think I can talk to you about."
"You can talk to me about anything."
"Not this. Not now." He could see the disappointment in her face.
She got up and walked to the living room. His heart sank at her hasty departure, but then she returned. She laid her pillow and blanket on the floor.
"What are you doing?" He inquired.
"I want to stay in close proximity in case you should need assistance again." She answered.
"I am not letting you sleep on the floor." He argued.
"I'll be fine." She argued back.
"Well then I will sleep on the floor too." He added stubbornly.
"Booth!"
"Sleep up here. I promise I will stay on my side. I am never going to sleep with you down there. It just isn't right." He offered as a compromise.
She gathered her things and joined him on the bed.
"Can I ask you a question?" He asked.
"Anything." She answered.
"If we were such good friends, why do you keep your distance from me?"
She didn't know how to answer the question. She couldn't tell him that his presence caused her pain. She couldn't tell him how desperately she loved him.
He took her silence negatively. "It's because I am not the man I was."
"No. No that's not it at all. It is hard to explain. I don't think it is beneficial at this time to discuss the matter." She argued.
"When will be the right time?" He asked.
"I don't know." She almost whispered.
Feelings hurt; he turned his back to her. She turned to him and put her hand on his back.
"Please don't." He whispered.
She withdrew her hand and asked: "Do you want me to call my father to be here with you? If my presence disturbs you, I can leave."
He took a deep breath. "Yes. No. I don't know."
"I don't understand."
"Neither do I." He returned.
"Please look at me." She requested.
He rolled back to face her, tears in his eyes again.
"How can I fix this?" She asked.
"I don't know if you can." He answered.
"Please just tell me what is wrong." She begged.
"I can't. Please don't try and make me." He also begged.
"We can't go on like this. I can't lose you" She declared.
"I don't want to lose you either. That's why I can't talk to you about this." He confessed.
She didn't know what to think. What could be this big that he was afraid he would lose her? She moved closer to him and cupped his face in her hand. "There is nothing you could ever say that would make me abandon you."
He moved his own hand to cover hers. He turned his face to kiss her hand. His eyes looked like melted chocolate as he gazed into hers. At that moment it all became clear. He had once again developed feelings for her. She smiled at him.
"I care deeply for you as well." She confessed.
"Then why?" he asked.
"I assume for the same reasons." She answered.
He reached out to pull her closer to him. Her body ached for his touch. She melted into his body. He leaned in to kiss her, when she stiffened.
"No!" She exclaimed.
Disappointment took over his features and he began to pull away. She reached out to stop him.
"The last time we kissed it triggered a seizure, you forgot everything. I am afraid." She confessed.
He stared intently into her eyes. "So you're willing to ignore everything on something that may or may not happen?"
"Yes." She whispered.
"What is the point of having these feelings if we are never going to act on them?" He asked.
"You're getting better; you are not forgetting everything every day. Give it time."
"How much time? When will you be sure enough to try?" He asked.
"I don't know, but it hasn't been a week yet."
"Were we together before?" He inquired.
"No, we never were. In the cave, when you thought you were going to die, you told me how you felt. I told you too. But then you lost your memory. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't' want you to feel something that was based off a memory."
"I want to be close to you. I want more, but I will wait if that will make you feel better. We can start slow. Please just don't shut me out anymore."
"I concur. I would like that very much." She agreed smiling.
"So is cuddling to much of a step?" he asked.
"Not at all." She said and snuggled in close to him.
They fell asleep entwined in each others arms.