Chapter 36:
February 22, 2007- Virginia Beach, Virginia

There was a knock on the door that woke both Meredith and Derek up. Meredith sighed, obviously upset that they were disturbed. Derek kissed her forehead as he lifted himself from under her and walked to the door. When he opened it, it revealed Anna.

"Sorry, Mom just wanted me to say that dinner is ready," Anna whispered, hoping that Meredith hadn't been woken.

"It's alright. I'll talk to Meredith. We might come down," Derek said. Anna nodded and offered a small smile before turning away to head back down the stairs.

Derek closed the door and turned back towards Meredith. She didn't look any happier than she had before. Derek sat back down on the bed and pulled her over to him. She laid her head back on his chest as Derek began to play with her tangled hair. "So what was this really about?" Derek asked, knowing that she didn't break down just because she was pregnant.

"There are things we don't know about each other," Meredith whispered almost silently.

"I know," Derek said, a little curious as to where this conversation was going.

"Like I didn't know about Addison. There are things about me that you don't know," Meredith said softly.

"Is there anything I should know?" Derek asked.

"Yes."

Derek got a little worried and stopped playing with her hair. He looked at her, "What?"

"Derek, I'm not married. The things you don't know won't change us," Meredith said as a shadow of doubt covered her, "At least I don't think."

"What don't I know?" Derek asked relaxing a little.

"I don't think I can tell you," Meredith said as she began to fidget with her fingers again, "I should, but it's hard."

Derek knew that just admitting she had secrets was hard for her. He didn't want to push her: he knew she wouldn't react well. "Okay, just know I love you," he said before kissing her on the forehead, "Tell me when you're ready." Meredith smiled and he could feel the tension in her body releasing as she drifted back into sleep.

Derek woke up and noticed that it was dark in the room. He'd obviously been sleeping for a while. He realized that Meredith wasn't with him and he jumped up, a little worried. Relief came over him as he looked to the side of the room. There was a recliner that he used to read in. It was green and really didn't match this room, but he'd always loved it. He wanted to bring it to college with him, but he couldn't fit it in his dorm and then when he got a house with Addison, he knew she found it hideous.

He smiled at the sight of seeing Meredith sitting in it, deep in though, twiddling with a bracelet on her wrist. He found himself believing that he could watch her like this forever. She hadn't noticed that he was looking at her or maybe she just didn't care. Derek couldn't tell. He slowly got off the bed and walked over to her.

She stood up once he reached her, which almost shocked him. He looked at her confused. She never looked up at him, but she grabbed his hands and led him over to the recliner. He sat down and she took her place on his lap, wrapping his hands around her own body. She rested her head on his shoulder, still not saying a word. The scent of lavender rushed through his body and he held back every urge to kiss her. He knew she was having a hard time about something and kissing would lead to sex, which was not what she needed right now.

Derek's hands were on Meredith's stomach, with hers covering them, keeping them in place. He could feel her breathing, but he knew that she held them there for other reasons. There was a life in there. A life they created. That made him so happy, yet scared out of his mind at the same time. He was used to being responsible for lives at work, but that was only for an amount of hours or days. This was different. He'd be responsible for a life nonstop. Every day. And the last reason this was different? He didn't even know this life and he'd already fallen in love with it.

"I was pregnant before," Meredith said quietly as she stared at the wall in front of her.

"What?" Derek asked a little surprised.

"Yes," she said calmly, hoping that Derek would get her tone of voice and calm down a little.

"When?" Derek asked. He began to hope it hadn't been with him. He couldn't imagine her carrying another man's baby, but if he'd been the father than that would be horrible. That would mean that she either had it terminated or lost it. Either way, he hadn't been there for her.

"When I was sixteen," she said. Derek could easily feel her tense up and he squeezed her hands tightly and held her close to his body, "My Mom wouldn't let me keep it. I wanted it so badly. I loved its father and I wanted more than anything to be a family."

Derek was trying to be supportive. He really was, but he couldn't stand hearing her say she loved another man. He knew that was selfish, because at one point in time he did love Addison, but still. He didn't like it. She could feel him tense up as well and she caressed his hands gently in response.

"Then he left me. He left me after I went through with it. I couldn't bring myself to tell him that I was going to kill our baby, but I knew I had to. I waited until after I did it, but he left me. He picked up everything a moved across the country to live with his Dad and his stepmother," Meredith said. She continued to try and pretend that it wasn't affecting her. She held in her tears and only let the words out. It was hard, but she had managed to do it.

"Mer," Derek said, unsure of what else he could say. He turned her body towards him and wrapped his arms around her, bringing her face to his shoulder. He kissed her hair as he felt the warm tears fall from her face down onto his shirt.

Her little body was trembling and Derek tried his best to calm it and to comfort her. He didn't know what she was going through and he had no idea how to make her feel better.

Meredith began to get worked up as her sobs continued, "Please Der," she muttered in between her tears. Derek released his grip a little so she could look up at him, "Please don't leave me." Derek hugged her tightly again as he kissed her hair and tried once again to calm her down.

"I promise, Mer. I will never leave you," Derek said. He began to choke back is own tears. He couldn't handle Meredith falling apart like this, but he knew that she needed him She needed him to be there. Just like his mother had said, he needs to just be there.