"Dammit!" Elliot spat as he burst out of Cragen's office and slammed the door shut behind him. Cragen shook his head and glared at him through the blinds that were now shaking in the wake of his angry exit.
Olivia, Fin and Munch all turned at the sound of the slamming door.
"Trouble with Daddy?" Munch teased.
Elliot just stared him down, working his hand roughly over his own jaw as he approached Olivia. He gripped the edges of her desk firmly and leaned in close to speak quietly to her. "I can't go. I am so damn sorry. You know I wanted to be there."
Olivia couldn't help but run her hand along Elliot's cheek to calm him. She saw Munch eyeing the exchange over the top rim of his glasses but she didn't care. "It's okay, El. There will be other ultrasounds."
"But this is the first look, and I ..."
"I'll be fine," she said firmly to reassure him. "I'll bring you a photo. I promise. Do what you need to do. There's no need to ruffle feathers over this. He can't pull all the strings for us."
"You'll call me?"
"Of course I'll call you."
Elliot turned into her hand and laid a kiss into her palm. Then he finally loosened his grip on her desk and moved toward his to grab his jacket. "Fin, you ready?"
"When you are," Fin offered from across the room.
Elliot gave Olivia one last glance, reminding her to call him by flashing his fingers in the motion of a phone, and then he was gone.
"We warm the gel, but it still feels a little funny," the ultrasound tech, Erin, told Olivia as she lathered the transvaginal ultrasound wand with lubrication gel. "Just try to relax."
It wasn't the easiest of requests for any woman with her feet in stirrups but Olivia did her best to comply. Erin slowly eased the wand into Olivia, who shuddered slightly at the sensation. Both women turned their eyes toward the screen beside them.
"I thought these were usually done externally," Olivia said.
"Once you get further along," Erin explained. "But this early in the pregnancy, we usually do it this way."
Olivia's eyes roamed the screen, but she couldn't make out much with her untrained eye. The detective in her didn't do well with not knowing, and the anticipation was killing her. "What are we looking at?"
"This right here is your uterus," Erin explained while pointing at the screen. "It's not very large yet because it's early." Olivia followed the tech's finger intently.
"And this right here," Erin added, "that's your baby."
Olivia's eyes grew wide at the sight of the small white area within her uterus. It was shaped like an unshelled peanut with a small fluttering light flashing within it.
Olivia smiled. "Is that ...?"
"Yep," Erin answered without hesitation. "We have a nice strong heartbeat." She adjusted one of the knobs on the machine and the room was suddenly filled with the soft swishing sounds of the baby's heartbeat.
"Sounds good," Erin said, offering Olivia a reassuring smile. "The baby is high on your uterine wall. The placenta looks good too."
Olivia tingled with the sight and sounds of the life growing inside her and at the positive connotations of the young tech's words. "Yeah?"
"Of course, Dr. Kondas has to officially review the scan, but things look good from here," Erin offered. "How about a keepsake?"
"That would be wonderful," Olivia said. "My ... uh ... the baby's father couldn't be here. He'd love a photo."
"No problem." Erin adjusted the wand, pressed a few buttons, and the machine spit out several thermal images of the baby.
"Okay, try to relax again," Erin said, slowly withdrawing the wand then handing Olivia some Kleenex. "I'll step out while you get dressed."
As Erin exited, Olivia slowly rose from the exam table. She sat in the dim room momentarily, drawing a deep breath and letting the smile she had no reason to suppress take over her lips. She hopped off the table, discarded the paper gown and redressed. As she opened the door to leave, Erin met her with a smile.
"Here you go," Erin said enthusiastically, offering Olivia a small paper portfolio with images of the baby. Olivia offered hearty thanks and a smile in return and strolled out of the waiting room into the hospital corridor.
Kathy Stabler hit the down arrow on the elevator and crossed her arms to wait. She flipped the lanyard holding her hospital ID badge back to its proper side and glanced down the hallway adjacent to the bank of elevators. About 50 yards down the hall, just outside the Perinatal Imaging Center, she saw a familiar face. She did a double take then stepped away from the elevators and started down the hallway.
"Olivia?"
Olivia's head was still buried in the photo portfolio when she heard her name. She glanced up and her eyes grew wide when she saw Kathy. She quickly tucked the portfolio into her jacket pocket and forced a friendly smile onto her face as she approached Elliot's ex-wife.
"Hey ... Kathy."
The two women exchanged a quick, polite hug.
"I forgot you were back to work," Olivia said when they pulled apart.
"Yeah," Kathy acknowledged. "I'm pulling three days a week, getting back into the working world."
"That's great," Olivia assessed. "You look ... happy."
"I am."
Kathy had clearly seen from which unit Olivia had emerged, and the curiosity was killing her. "So ... um ... are you here on a case?"
"Ah ... yeah," Olivia began, nervously running her hand through her hair. "Um ... you know what ... have you had lunch yet?"
Kathy hesitated briefly before answering. "No. I was just headed down to the cafeteria now. Wanna join me?"
"Sure," Olivia said, drawing another deep breath as she climbed into the elevator car with Kathy.
They positioned their trays across from one another at a small round table, sunlight streaming in from the adjoining courtyard. They politely passed the salt and pepper shakers in silence.
"So ... I'm not used to seeing you out on a case alone," Kathy said, tiptoeing toward tougher questions. "You're … uh ... usually with Elliot."
"I know," Olivia said, taking a bite of her sandwich. "He's been working with Fin a lot lately."
"Oh." Kathy's curiosity deepened. "You two not getting along or something?"
"Look, Kathy ... there's no easy way to approach this," Olivia said, surprising herself with how well she was stringing words together. "But I'm not here on a case. I was having a test done. An ultrasound."
Olivia watched the recognition register in Kathy's eyes.
"An ultrasound? As in … you're pregnant?"
Olivia dropped her fork and crossed her arms on the table in front of her. Her expression drew serious as she answered simply and softly. "Yes."
Kathy mirrored Olivia's posture at the table but didn't speak until she finished chewing. "And ... so ... that means …?"
"Yeah," Olivia said carefully, as if her soft tone would lessen the blow. "It's Elliot's."
Kathy was quiet. Olivia could have sworn she could hear the seconds, the heartbeats, tick by. But she waited patiently through the painful moments for Kathy to process the news. It was the least she could do. She didn't quite expect how the blonde chose to continue the conversation.
"Does he know?"
"Yes," Olivia said, still pacing her words slowly. "He knows."
"And when was he going to tell me, tell his kids?"
"It's early. We wanted to make sure everything was okay before breaking the news," Olivia explained. "That's what today was about."
Kathy snickered, and Olivia could hear the indignance in her words. "A woman your age? Oh, I've been there."
Olivia silently absorbed the blow. The silence that followed was downright deafening.
"So … you guys didn't waste much time."
"Like you said," Olivia began, "I don't really have much time to waste."
Kathy could see the sincerity in Olivia's eyes so she softened some.
"This is ... just ... not really what I expected today."
"I know," Olivia said simply. She paused before continuing. "You shouldn't have found out this way. He really wants to have dinner with the kids, tell them under better circumstances."
"Okay."
"Okay?" Olivia repeated, questioning Kathy simple, one-word response.
"Yeah. Okay. It's gonna take some time but … " Then Kathy trailed off. "I really shouldn't care anymore anyway, right?"
Olivia tilted her head slightly and smiled softly. "How are things going with ... um?"
"Kent?"
"Yeah. How's that going?"
"Really well. He's met the kids. Eventually he'll have to meet Elliot," Kathy offered, before delivering a laugh laced with a hint of sarcasm. "Guess we'll all be one big happy family."
"I don't know about that," Olivia said sympathetically. "But this ... this can be okay ... for all of us."
Kathy studied Olivia's face. "I guess I should ask. How was the ultrasound? Everything okay?"
"So far, yes."
Olivia reached into her pocket and carefully withdrew the photos. She slid them across the table. Kathy peered at the portfolio a minute then finally pressed two fingers to it and drew it closer to her. She flipped open the cover and ran her eyes over images similar to those she had seen four times in her life. She remembered the mix of angst and excitement she'd felt after her first ultrasound exams, the one that had revealed twins, and especially the one she'd had with Eli when she was well beyond her 40th birthday.
"Taking care of yourself?"
"Doing my best," Olivia said. "Spending most of my time on a desk."
"You gotta do what you gotta do," Kathy advised her. "It will all be worth it."
"I know."
Olivia drew on the same set of innate skills she used every day with victims when she reached out across the table then and gently laid her palm over Kathy's hand. She said nothing, instead expressing her gratitude and empathy all at once with her gaze.
Kathy ran her eyes from their conjoined hands to Olivia's eyes. Then she offered her former nemesis all she could. A simple smile that spoke of understanding, of acceptance, and just a bit of pain.