With this chapter, THD turns one year old! Thank you all for supporting my writing. And in other news, I finally gave the story a cover! You like?
And now it's review time!
Doctor Brain: Here's that chapter! Chris and Blaineley are more actively antagonistic here than their canon counterparts; it's all part of their plan to use the show to reinforce their personal biases. They'll get their karma, but it won't be until Total Drama's epic final episode.
Gucci Mane LaFlare: Thanks!
Joel Connell: Thanks! Just wanted a bit of clarification. What Max found out is very similar to what Beth learned, only more detailed (e.g. what Chris actually said while bullying certain contestants on previous shows). As a dinosaur, my pop culture knowledge is very limited, so I've never heard of Crank Yankers; will look it up though.
Tuesday, November 21, 2017
"Last time on Total Drama – one day we had our campers in Montego Bay [DJ remembering his father], sent them thirty feet underwater. [Owen sinking] Not everyone was alright [Laurie's stings] and Sugar had a fright when lots of other kids turned out nonreligious. [Sugar freaking out] And Gwen said, 'We are born with the Thrumms, mon, and they be jammin' their days in our dreams.' [The Stunning Sapphires' religion] And Duncan turned out great, at banging drums at rate, while Lorenzo got kicked off his team. [Lorenzo's elimination] That, for those of you who don't know, is one of David X. Cohen's best works ever. And speaking of best works..."
Chris walked over to the VR machine. "Today we'll be having our twenty-fifth challenge, and you know what that means. That's right, it's another trip into the Total Drama Virtual Reality Generator." He strapped one of the VR helmets on.
A flash of light, and the scene shifted to a place thousands of miles away and thousands of years earlier. Chris, dressed in a pristine white toga, came onscreen. "Olive oil me up, because we're going to the better Macedonia! No offense to any real Macedonians. Sixty contestants remain. Who'll go down in myth-tery and who'll be sadly mythtaken? Find out here on
"Total.
"Drama!"
Theme song
*Instrumental*
A camera appeared from an amphora, scaring off a cicada. Another came from a fountain, startling a kingfisher. The third popped out in the middle of a funeral pyre, only to be consumed by the flames.
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
The camera zipped through a bustling ancient Greek market before climbing up an impossibly tall mountain.
You asked me what I wanted to be
And now I think it's plain to see
On the top of the mountain, the Misfits, turned into the Greek deities, sat in their thrones, awaiting worship. Noah sat in the king's throne, which was much too big for him.
I wanna be famous
Heather, Josee, and Taylor battled it out on a river. This disturbed the sea gods Bridgette and Geoff, who turned the three into frogs as punishment for their bad behavior.
*Instrumental*
Harold, turned into a fisherman, pulled up Leshawna, who'd been turned into a mermaid. Leshawna didn't appreciate being captured, so Harold wisely freed her from his net.
I want to live close to the sun
Well, pack your bags cause I've already won.
Lightning tried to drive the sun, only to be struck down by Justin, who was playing the part of Helios, because he wasn't doing it all that well.
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
Alejandro crept out of the Underworld and smiled evilly at the camera. Behind him, the various creatures of the land of the dead whimpered in fright.
'Cuz I wanna be famous
Sierra was a poet and was excitedly telling the passers-by about Cody's fictional exploits. The real Cody facepalmed while she did so.
Na na nana na na nana nana na na na na na naaaaah
Tyler and Lindsay danced with the satyrs. One of the satyrs was making a particular fool of himself, while a black-haired boy with green eyes and a gray-eyed blonde girl looked at each other uncomfortably.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous
Izzy rode a pegasus like a bronco.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous.
A cyclops duo looked at an oblivious Sugar, before deciding she wasn't worth eating and moving on.
*Whistling*
At the campfire, as the other campers I didn't have time to name looked on excitedly, Mike and Zoey looked each other in the eyes...and then the Romans came to take over.
"It's awful outside!" Sky shivered as the last of the teens entered the VR room.
"I wholly agree with those sentiments," Brick agreed, taking off his coat and hat, hanging them on a hook near the doorway. "I think it might be supposed to snow today, even."
"Well, you can all have fun in the snow later," Chris interrupted. "Right now, you should get over to your seats and check for today's teams!"
Shawn, Sky, Dave, Jasmine, Sanders, Ryan, Trent, Noah, Emma, DJ, Zoey, Stephanie, Izzy, Owen, Carrie, Tom, Jen, B, Beardo, and Harold got circles with laurels on them.
Jacques, Bridgette, Sierra, Sammy, Devin, Miles, Laurie, Katie, Sadie, Lightning, Sugar, Eva, Duncan, Leshawna, Jay, Kitty, Sam, Ella, Cody, and Lindsay's had a Corinthian helmet.
And Mike, Cameron, Justin, Dawn, MacArthur, Jo, Amy, Courtney, Geoff, Gwen, Alejandro, Tyler, Josee, Taylor, Crimson, Heather, Scarlett, Brick, Topher, and Ennui's had a European dragon.
"In Ancient Greece, there was the City-state of Wawanakwa, ruled by the great man King Chris the Wicked Awesome!" Chris exclaimed.
Confessional – Emma.
"Must he put his ego into everything?"
"But the rival ruler Queen Miranda the Dullard [Miranda the intern groaned] wants his stuff! If your circle has a helmet, you're the Invaders, her personal army! And if you got the laurels, you're my army, the Heroes!"
"Wow, this really is fictional," Beardo mused. "Chris actually expects me to like him." His fellow Heroes laughed.
Chris visibly tensed but calmed down. "However, your antics have awoken the great Titan Hatchetus [Chef rolled his eyes at this], who was imprisoned by the gods because he made humanity eat his deliberately-awful cooking. However, Hatchetus has one last trick up his sleeves...well, he would if shirts had been invented yet. If your circle has the dragon, you're the Monsters, and you will take back Greece for your commander!
"Now, another thing. Have you noticed the colors of your circles?" The kids nodded. "Those represent your element. Blue is water, brown is earth, orange is fire, and silver is air. This is a last-man-standing game with a twist: until EVERYONE on the opposing teams of your element is dead, you cannot hurt anyone of the other elements.
"Lastly, there are the gods. Twenty of the eliminated contestants have provided you with unique weapons should you pray to their statue. The remaining four will bestow great elemental powers on those who find them. And remember: you can only pray to the statues once. Since the Monsters' representatives won the Aftermath, they get a map for a headstart. Although most of them won't be able to use it because, y'know, no hands. Good luck!"
An intern (not Miranda) pressed a button once everyone had their helmets strapped on, and footage of a beach appeared on the canvas screen...
Heroes
"Dude, this is like, so historically accurate!" Harold gushed. His team had spawned on a beach filled with boats. In the background were many houses, forests, and the massive marble castle of King Chris. The four element teams were coded by the colors of their tunics, and they also had wooden play swords for weapons.
"I guess they didn't want our audience to complain, same as they did with the dinosaur challenge," Noah mused.
"If that's the case, mate, then why did the Wild West challenge not accurately reflect 1870s America?" Jasmine asked.
"Because no one cares as much about recent history."
Jasmine thumbed her chin. "You make a good point..."
"So what should we do?" Carrie asked.
"I think we should wait here until the Invaders come. We spawned on a beach, they're likely coming by boat. One of us from each team should go find some temples so we can get better weapons," Noah said, frowning at his wooden sword.
"Hey, there's one right there!" Owen exclaimed. Sure enough, Max's statue was right there. Owen bounded over and kneeled in front of it. "Oh Great God Max, please, help us defend our home!" The statue glowed purple, and soon Owen was holding a laser blaster that had materialized in his hands. "OhohoHO, I like this!"
"Izzy likes it too! Sucks we can't pray to it more than once," Izzy added.
"I guess the weapons we get aren't limited to this time period, then," Trent noted. "But what are the locals gonna think?"
"We'll just tell them it's magic! These guys are dumb enough to believe that; after all, at this time they're still trying to invent the scientific method."
"Good point."
Confessional – Trent.
"That's Izzy for you. Sane one moment, insane the next." The confessionals were held on a marble podium. Trent made a face. "And no one can ever predict whenever the twain shall switch."
The Invaders
Just as Noah had predicted, the Invaders were coming by boat. Unlike the Heroes, they were fully clad in bronze armor, their elements denoted by the color of their helmets' plumes.
"Why do I have to be on the same team as her?" Sierra scowled, pointing at Sammy. Both were on the Water sub-team.
"I don't know! And what did I ever do to you?"
"You're trying to make moves on my Cody!"
"The only moves I'm making right now are away from you, you creep."
"Everyone, settle down!" Miranda announced. She was dressed as a queen, a purple toga underneath her silver armor. "If we're gonna win, we gotta work together. Water, Fire, I want you patrolling for monsters. Earth, Air, you're with me against the Heroes. Got that?"
"Yes madam queen, ma'am!" Devin saluted.
Monsters
Deep in the Underworld, the Monsters had gone through the most changes, going from humans to mythical beasts. Their element was denoted by the color of the amulet they wore around their necks.
"How fitting that the harpy became a harpy," Gwen smirked. She was twice her size and had an additional two pairs of arms, the nails painted the same black as those on her original arms in the real world. She was clad in a dark green toga.
Heather growled at Gwen. Her head was the same, but her body had been turned into an armchair-sized golden eagle's body with feathers the same color as her hair. "Bite me, gothy." Gwen responded by opening her mouth to reveal she had fangs now, too. Heather shrank back. "Never mind."
"My friends, we should not fight," Alejandro, turned into a Camarasaurus-sized (68-foot) red dragon with a spiky tail, interjected. "We have other priorities."
Everyone turned to a massive orange orb. Floating inside, chained, was Chef. He'd been turned into a massive being that stood a hundred feet tall, red-skinned and his shoulders bristling with spikes. When he opened his eyes, it was revealed his pupils were now rhombuses.
"Alright, maggots, listen up! Your job is to smash the city above as revenge for gettin' me in this [d word] thing. Once it's down to the ground, then you're gonna come back with enough magic to break me out. Got that?"
"Yes, oh mighty titan!" Brick, turned into a brown-furred pegasus, bowed.
"Any questions?"
"AAAAAAAAAAH!"
"Tyler, that wasn't a question." Tyler had been turned into a phoenix that heavily resembled a red chicken whose feathers flamed heavily at the tips.
"...Aaaaaaah?"
As his hands were bound, Chef smacked his head against the inside of the orb. "I hate Tartarus."
The Heroes: Shawn, Sky, Dave, Jasmine, Sanders [water], Ryan, Trent, Noah, Emma, DJ [earth], Zoey, Stephanie, Izzy, Owen, Carrie [fire], Tom, Jen, B, Beardo, and Harold [air].
The Invaders: Jacques, Bridgette, Sierra, Sammy, Devin [water], Miles, Laurie, Katie, Sadie, Lightning [earth], Sugar, Eva, Duncan, Leshawna, Jay [fire], Kitty, Sam, Ella, Cody, and Lindsay [air].
The Monsters: Mike (hydra), Cameron (mega death crab), Justin (siren), Dawn (naiad), MacArthur (whirlpool monster) [water], Jo (giantess), Amy (gorgon), Courtney (impenetrable lioness), Geoff (centaur), Gwen (gegenee) [earth], Alejandro (European dragon), Tyler (phoenix), Josee (hellhound), Taylor (chimera), Crimson (manbull) [fire], Heather (harpy), Scarlett (sphinx), Brick (pegasus), Topher (hippalectryon), and Ennui (eidolon) [air].
Hosts: Chris (King Chris the Wicked Awesome), Chef (the Titan Hatchetus)
Interns: Miranda (Queen Miranda the Dullard)
Heroes
"Stay close, Zoey. We have no idea what we might find here," Shawn said. They, plus DJ and Tom, made up the scouting mission for more temples and had wandered off into a swamp. "Like zombies! Did you know that there are zombies in Greek mythology?!"
"Dude, calm yourself down!" Tom admonished. "We're just looking for some more gear!" He gasped. "Look, there's a temple right there!" It was Rock's. "Oh Great God Rock, please help us protect our home!" The statue glowed orange, and Tom was now holding a weapon that emitted noxious fumes. "Hey, it's a fart gun! Someone get me one of those dinky little yellow guys to test it out on."
"We may have to test it on something else," DJ gulped. A shadowy figure rose from the depths. It was a similar size to Alejandro, but its body was flatter and its neck much longer, its head round with a spiky profile. A blue glow from its amulet was the only light provided, revealing its hide was teal and scaly.
"Shawn, it's a Water Team monster! You're the only one who can take it out!" Tom yelped.
"Not really! It's no mere dragon!" The head's silhouette split, revealing four more. "That's a hydra! Oh, of COURSE Chris gives us poison gas right next to the thing that's immune to it!"
Confessional – Chris.
"Just a bit of an extra challenge is all." He snickered. "And did you see the look on his face?!"
"How are you so sure it's immune?" Zoey asked.
"Because that's the hydra's other power besides regenerating more heads: toxic breath! If it's not immune to it's own poison, it'd die as soon as it hatched! I think! I don't know how Echidna has babies!" DJ shouted. He and the boys screamed and then hightailed it out of there.
"Uh...wait. Light teal scales, spiky head...Mike, is that you?" Zoey asked, smiling.
"And us, dagnabbit!" The shadow cleared. Mike indeed was the hydra, and his other selves were his other heads, the arrangements of frills and spikes matching how they saw themselves in their own eyes. Mike was the only head who was wearing an amulet.
"Oh, you guys are here too. Wow, that must be weird, seeing you all out at once," Zoey commented.
"You get used to it," Svetlana said. "I would shrug but Mike is immortal head, see, so he controls arms and legs." Mike stood up to reveal he had two pairs of froglike arms joined at the shoulder and a single pair of legs resembling a chameleon's. His tail was long and had a fin at the end.
"Ayo, should we eat her?" Vito asked. "I'm really freakin' hungry!"
"How can you be hungry? We only have one stomach, mate," Manitoba pointed out.
"We have our own brains, stupid! And mine's tellin' me that I need to eat somethin' NOW." Vito opened his jaws, revealing his teeth were snakelike.
"Ease up, uncouth fiend! Zoey is a friend. And besides, she's on the Fire team. We can't touch her until the water elementals on the other teams are all out," Chester growled. "As the oldest among us, I'm the one who stayed awake the most during fifth grade's Latin classes!"
"Okay, fine, ya win," Vito grumbled.
Zoey smiled. "You guys are alright."
"Really?" Mike asked. "That means a lot to a guy who was never supposed to exist."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I was born from a one-night-stand. Never knew my birth father. And my mother and stepfather reminded me of it every day until I was freed from them."
"Oh, Mike!" Zoey surprised him by hugging his chest. "That's horrible! No one should have to go through that." They stayed like that for a bit. "Listen, I gotta go, but I promise I won't cut off your heads and burn your neck stumps." She left.
Mike sighed. "If only all people were that nice," he said.
"I most certainly agree!" Cameron, who'd been turned into a jaguar round crab the size of an SUV, said as he emerged from the swamp grasses. In his right claw was a box of matches. "This is what I got when I prayed to Mary's statue. But how are matches supposed to be useful?"
Manitoba had an idea. "Hey Cameron, since you're a crab you breathe differently from a vertebrate. So you could tell us what our toxic breath is made of without passing out!"
"Sure." The five heads opened their mouths and switched from their primary lungs to their secondary lungs. Reddish-brown clouds billowed out when they exhaled, causing some of the plants nearby to wilt. "It's composed of natural nitric oxide and propane gases." Cameron gasped. "Both of which are highly flammable! You guys are pretty smart."
"Aww, flattery is much liked!" Svetlana beamed.
"We've made landfall!" Miranda announced. The ship's anchor thwacked into the sandy beach. The Invaders quickly began scrambling off the boat, while the Heroes got into position.
"For Queen Miranda!" Katie cried as soon as she touched the ground. Suddenly, she was blasted by the laser cannon and ejected from the game.
"Oh, so that's where the trigger is!" Owen exclaimed.
"We need to get off the boat fast! Otherwise the Monsters will show up and take us all out at once!" Jay said. Suddenly, the boat caught on fire right on cue. He, along with Leshawna, Duncan, and Ella were burned to a crisp and ejected in a flash of blue light.
"How did that happen so fast?" Carrie asked. Behind them, Tyler tried to slink away. He had been the one to ignite the boat, his diminutive size letting him sneak in unnoticed.
But not for long, because an arrow impaled him through the neck and eliminated him. "Because the Monsters are already here," Stephanie said, having gotten the bow and arrow from praying to Ellody's statue.
"You bet we are!" Everyone turned around. Three monsters were making their way towards them: Jo, turned into a 50-foot-tall giantess with a massive club at her waist; Josee, turned into a pitch black poodle the size of an elephant and wreathed in flames; and Topher, turned into a bizarre creature resembling a horse but with a rooster's head, feet, and wings. "And we didn't appreciate you taking out our attack chicken. CHAAAAAAAAAARGE!"
And thus the battle began.
"Uh...please leave, citizens! I don't want to hurt you, but some of my comrades do," Cody winced as he faced off some NPCs. In the middle of their home were two mysterious objects under tarps.
An old man resembling a Socrates caricature looked at him. "Why are you Mirandans even here?"
"Well...do you like King Chris?"
"No, not really."
"Consider us deposing him for you a service."
The man nodded. "You are wise. You do not claim to know everything." He and the other NPCs left.
Cody heard something approach. "Who goes there?" he asked, spinning around, only for something long and scaly to smack him in the head, knocking him against the wall. When he opened his eyes, he saw his assailant.
It was Amy, her upper half human and mostly naked save for a skimpy red bra, her lower half the back end of a Milos viper. Her arms were covered in scales and her fingernails morphed into black claws, while her vestigial legs hung limply from her hips. Her hair was turned into numerous front ends of more, smaller Milos vipers; her lips were painted black and failed to cover twin pairs of venom-filled fangs.
"I do, loser! Prepare to die!" Amy glared at Cody, firing twin purple beams from her eyes right at him. But nothing happened. "What?! Impossible! Any man or woman who finds me attractive gets turned to stone!" Jump cut to a group of men who were rock hard in both senses of the term.
"Because I don't find you attractive," Cody said weakly.
"Impossible. You're practically drooling over my sister, and we're identical twins."
"Your personalities are different, and yours is awful enough so that it's a pretty big turnoff. Also, I thought you were only supposed to kill people of your element."
"The map I got said that Monsters don't have to play by those rules. And some other things. You don't even know what's here, but I do, and I get to claim the prize." She removed the tarps, revealing both Chet's and Dakota's statues. She bowed to Chet's, which was decorated with amber. "Oh great god Chet, bestow upon me the Power of Earth!" The statue glowed brown, and soon her hands were too. Amy summoned a group of rock columns that pinned Cody to the wall.
"This is too good to be true!" she cackled. "Oh great goddess Dakota, please give me a weapon with which I may free my master!" Dakota's statue glowed hot pink...
And a 16-ton weight fell from the ceiling, crushing Amy under it. The shockwave it released on impact also freed Cody.
"Wow," Cody said to the audience. "Talk about a deus ex machina!"
Confessional – Dakota.
In the real world, Dakota laughed. "I have ALWAYS wanted to do that to Amy!"
"And I have always wanted to be a king!" Chris said, resting his legs on some imported Egyptian slaves. "What else do we want? Find out after these messages."
Do da do da doo. Commercial break!
"And we're back!" Chris said to the audience. "The Heroes have recovered some more weapons; so have the Invaders! Meanwhile the Earth power was wasted on Amy, who is dead. Not big surprise."
Heroes
"This way!" Shawn exclaimed, leading the Water Team to Mike's lair. The rest of them had gotten their own weapons: Sky had a sword (Spud's), Jasmine had a whip (Rodney's), Sanders had a mace (Leonard's), and Dave had a flyswatter (Staci's).
"Now, bro!" Vito commanded. Cameron lit a match while the hydra exhaled. Cameron flicked the match into the cloud and it ignited, killing all but Dave and Sky.
"I don't like these odds," Sky gulped as the hydra approached and reared onto their hind legs, mouths open wide to eat them up. "He's got five brains and regenerates his heads twice over when they're cut off!"
"But he only has one heart and he can't regenerate that," Dave pointed out.
"Oh, right!" Mike's heads froze before Sky drove the sword right into the middle of his chest, coating the sword in brown blood before the body dissipated into blue light.
"Good thing he didn't explode when we punctured his chest, I'd hate for his corpse to take me out too!" Dave exclaimed.
"Well, I couldn't have done it without your help."
"I'm still here, you realize that?" Cameron asked. Suddenly, Brick, a spear in his butt, fell out of the sky and landed on him, ejecting both.
"I didn't pray to Tammy of all people just to kill a stupid horse," Kitty grumbled. "No offense to Brick, of course, but pegasi are just really overrated."
"Don't say that! Think of the bronies!" Sky gasped. "And does this mean you've killed all the other Air elementals?"
"[F WORD] THE BRONIES! And yes, we did. Topher suffocated when Sam got air power from Lorenzo's statue, Jo tripped and took out all the Air Heroes and herself, Heather got stuck in a beartrap we got from Mickey's, Ennui got turned into this cool-looking ghost thing that we zapped with Owen's laser blaster that we stole, and you should've seen Lindsay take out Scarlett."
A few minutes earlier
"You may not pass until you answer my riddle," Scarlett, turned into a red-furred sphinx with a crow's wings and a scorpion's tail, said, blocking the way to Leshaniqua's statue. "What word becomes shorter when it is added to?"
"Short?" Lindsay guessed.
Scarlett exploded into glitter.
Confessional – Lindsay.
"Is this a weapon?' Lindsay asked, looking confusedly at the toothbrush she'd gotten from the statue.
"Well, I suppose, if you stick it in someone's eye or the toilet and then their mouth," Dave mused.
"Enough talk! Prepare to die!" Kitty retrieved her spear. Unfortunately, at that exact moment they were blasted by a brilliant white flame.
Flying above, Alejandro, now wreathed in flames he'd gotten from Anne Maria, laughed evilly. "I am most overpowered! Time to make good on that."
Alejandro returned to the beach. "Sam, now would be a good time to use your air power!" Ella gasped.
"Not really! Air feeds fire! And there's not enough carbon dioxide around here for me to use it!" Sam replied. Alejandro blasted the remnants of the Invaders, ensuring the team's need for elimination. His fire was so hot, the weapons, which now included a frying pan (Phil's), an axe (Jazz's), a steakknife (Beth's), a shuriken (Brody's), a spork (Brady's), and a pair of nunchucks (Lauren's), melted into slag.
"We only have two statues left," Emma gulped.
"And a whole lotta monster to get through!" Courtney, turned into a mocha-furred lioness, grinned as the remaining monsters convened. "Plus, you can't hurt me; I'm the Nemean lion! My skin's unbreakable!"
"But her insides aren't," Noah murmured, piecing together an idea. "All Heroes! Hold off the monsters! Emma and I will do something else!"
"What're you gonna do?" Owen asked.
Noah smirked to himself. "We're grounding Alejandro," he said to Emma. She nodded firmly and the lovers took off.
"Oh no you don't!" Gwen tried to snatch them, but they were too small. They bobbed and weaved through the crowd, dodging claws and tails and teeth before escaping into the city.
"Thanks a lot, Gwen!" Taylor, now a bizarre monster with a goat's head and an anaconda's tail on a lion's body, complained.
"It's not all bad," Alejandro called from above. "For now...I get to find out what fried Butter Boy tastes like." He blasted his flame at the ground and began to chase Owen with it.
Confessional – Crimson and Geoff.
"SEE?! This is why I hate Al!" Geoff griped. He was turned into a centaur, his lower half a Palomino.
"I agree with your sentiments. Alejandro is a sadist and I do not like sharing his team," Crimson, her head now a Guernsey cow's, agreed flatly.
The Cynic Couple finally made it to the two statues in the middle of the city. Zeke and Scott's.
"Aw, seriously? We need to pray to Scott?" Noah muttered. "Okay, which of us should do which?"
"Zeke's obviously the water elemental, so whoever prays to him could crush all the monsters by dropping the ocean on them," Emma noted. "And Scott's just got a weapon. But...you have a pretty big grudge against Alejandro, don't you?"
"Yeah. I knew he was trouble when he showed up last January. But I didn't want him to know I knew, so I pretended I'd fallen for his charms. Eventually I had to reveal it when he tried to pull a prank on me and I turned it back on him."
"Mm. So...taking out Alejandro would be your biggest victory, then?"
"No, that would be winning this show. Proving my enemies, my family, and everyone with as dense a brain as Chris', that despite my lack of muscles, despite my high IQ and dislike of most people, that I CAN succeed just as well as they can. But taking out that bastard? It's pretty [f word]ing close."
Emma smiled as Noah knelt in front of Scott's statue. "Hey, Scott, listen, we don't have the best relationship. And rightly so, you tried to cheat my friend out of a fair chance. But Alejandro screwed you over too, so can we put our grudges aside so we can defeat him?"
Scott's statue responded by glowing blue. When it was done, Noah held a metal stake as long as he was tall. "Your turn," he said to Emma, who nodded and approached Zeke's, which was decorated with lapis.
Heroes, Monsters
"How many of you are left?" Alejandro asked rhetorically as the remnants of the Heroes huddled together. "Let me count. Two Water, one Earth, three Fire, and no Air for a total of six. While there are ten of us. I think our victory is automatic, no?"
"For someone as smart as you, you sure don't know how to count!" The Monsters looked up to see Emma.
"And what's a twerp like you going to do about it?" Taylor sneered.
"It is unwise to be so confident in oneself, Taylor," Dawn said gently. She was the most human of them, but her ears were pointed, her azure-painted fingers and toes webbed, and she was clad in a chiton made of lilypads. "Emma may be on the same alliance as I am, but she is still a hard foe to beat."
"Especially when I have water power," Emma added. Her palms glowed blue. "Drink up, because a lot of liquid's coming your way!"
"What does she mean by that, brah?" Geoff asked Josee.
Josee turned around and her jaw dropped. "That we should've left the beach a long time ago."
A towering wave crashed into the beach, tugged and yanked by Emma's newfound Power of Water. The concussive forces shattered bones, ruptured organs, and turned brains to nonfunctional goop, eliminating Monsters left and right. Josee was killed when the water put out her fire, while Courtney's impenetrable skin confined the shockwaves to the inside of her body, thereby worsening their severity. The heroes, though, were protected by a bubble.
"Impossible!" Alejandro cried when he saw Dawn disappear in blue light. "She is a water nymph!"
"She's a naiad. A freshwater nymph. We figured she'd be highly sensitive to salt," Noah said as he clambered out of the hole in the beach he'd dug beneath the Heroes. "As for those two," he said, pointing to Justin, here a brown-tailed mermaid with sharp teeth, "sirens still need to breathe air and almost nothing could withstand being smacked into the ground at 50 miles an hour." After Justin disappeared, he pointed to MacArthur, who'd been turned into a massive blue thing resembling a mix between a frilled lizard and an axolotl with an enormous mouth. "And Charybdis here is exclusively marine, so her organs would collapse if she ventured on land." MacArthur disappeared, leaving the Latin Mastermind the only Monster still standing.
"But you still have me to contend with," Alejandro snarled.
"Uh...doesn't water put out fire?" Carrie asked. Alejandro realized that yes, it did, and his wings had been sprained when the wave had hit him, so he couldn't fly away.
"Not so mighty now, are you?" Noah calmly walked over to Alejandro and propped his mouth open with the stake. "Hold still, this is gonna be the most painful thing you've ever felt." He drew his wooden sword and drove it upwards through the dragon's skull into his brain. Alejandro's body disappeared.
The Heroes, after a grueling battle, had won. They disappeared into blue light...
Back in the real world, Alejandro was glaring at Noah furiously; Amy had found out Dakota's prank and was doing the same to the intern, who was whistling not-so-innocently. "Well I'll be! The Heroes win just like the myths say they do! Wow!" Chris exclaimed.
"We get it, you thought the highly-overpowered Monsters would beat us into dust," Jasmine grumbled.
"Anyhow, a deal's a deal. As Sky, Dave, Trent, Noah, Emma, Izzy, Owen, and Carrie were still alive when Alejandro bit it in more ways than one, they win! Their prize? Drumroll please...an all-expenses-paid trip to the Museum of Contemporary Art Toronto Canada!
"And Monsters, you died second, but you're still my favorite team, and you put up a really good fight. Your prize? Greek yogurt, chicken gyros, goat cheese, and grapes!
"Now for the Invaders. Thank you so much! You proved that my interns could never rise against me." Miranda facepalmed. "But you still lost. Meet me at the campfire at eight, Invaders, someone's going home!"
"Chris, can we stay inside a little longer?" Sky asked.
"Why? It's perfectly fine outside!" He opened the door only to get a faceful of snow. "Never mind."
Duncan grimaced when he saw Katie and Sadie cuddling together in the cold. "Why does everyone else get to have a perfect love life but me?" he grumbled. Then he got an evil idea. "Okay, next time for sure, I'm breaking things off with Courtney and asking Gwen out. But first...if I can't be with the one I love, neither can anyone else...and Devin's enough of a tool for it to go through..."
Confessional – Sam.
"I've wanted this chance for a long time now. It's time we get some fair competitors around here!" He wrote JACQUES on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Leshawna.
"It's right time that stuck-up pig got what she deserves!" She wrote SUGAR on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Miles.
"I respect Katie and Sadie because they're another powerful same-sex couple. However, Katie died first, plus she's not a vegan." She wrote KATIE on a piece of paper.
Confessional – Ella.
"I still refuse to vote," Ella said. She doodled a :( on her slip of paper, which was her way of letting Chris know that her vote didn't count.
"Here's how we do eliminations," Chris said. "We use the marshmallow system here. When I call your name, come get one." Twenty marshmallows stood on the plate, six of them colored. "The marshmallows are color-coded to show how many votes you got because I'm the drama god. White means no votes against you, and the recipients are–"
"Chris! I found this sha-inside my pillowcase!" Lightning exclaimed, tossing him an immunity idol.
"Emma's idol! Not bad!" Chris said on turning it over, grinning gleefully. The Misfits gasped.
Then Chris glared at Lightning. "IF you'd gotten any votes!" He tossed a white marshmallow at Lightning's head, and as it connected the Misfits sighed in relief. "If you don't get any votes, you just waste an immunity idol and give someone else immunity!" He deactivated the idol. "Our other recipients of the mighty whiteys are Bridgette, Devin, Miles, Laurie, Sadie, Eva, Duncan, Leshawna, Jay, Kitty, Sam, Ella, and Lindsay." He was clearly cross.
Chris pointed to the two blue marshmallows. "Blue means you received only one vote against you. Cody and Sammy, you two managed to get some hate! I think this is your first vote, isn't it, Cody?"
"Yeah, but I'm hoping it's gonna be my last," Cody replied confidently.
"Sure it will." Then Chris pointed to the two green marshmallows. "Green means you got more than one vote, but are still safe. Sierra, two votes. Jacques, four votes."
"But who would vote for me?" Sierra asked. Behind her, Sammy and Cody looked at each other, the former making the "cuckoo" gesture.
Two colored marshmallows were left. "Orange means you're on the chopping block, but are safe. Red means you're gone. Katie. Sugar."
Katie gulped, while Sugar smiled cockily.
"Katie, you died first, meaning you're a weak link. Sugar, no explanations are needed. By just one vote more...
...
...
...
...
"Katie is done for!"
"WHAT?!" half the team shrieked.
"Hey, we needed to break up the voting blocks who aren't us," Duncan replied nonchalantly.
"Dude, they aren't supposed to know about–"
"Devin, Noah outed us many challenges ago! Everyone knows about the Guy's Alliance now."
"...Oh."
Sadie sniffled. "Promise to stay in touch with me, okay boo?"
"Of course, babe." The BFFFLs turned lovers shared one last kiss before Katie turned around and got on the boat.
Sadie quickly collected herself. "Well, on the plus side I won't need to go against her during the final ten..."
Confessional – Topher.
"Hm...Chris seemed really angry that Emma didn't get eliminated. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm starting to question why I'm a fan of him."
Confessional – Noah.
"Good thing Lightning's an idiot! And good thing I recovered this from his pillowcase so he won't be able to use it." He showed the camera another idol, this one marked LINDSAY.
"Well, good thing I don't have to become so egregiously nerdy until next time," Chris said. He was in the bathroom of the Good Cabin. "Twenty-five down. Fifty-nine remain. Who'll get their own constellation for their heroism and who's gonna be eaten by Rome? Find out on
"Total.
"Drama!"
"Your metaphorsh are getting weirder, you know that?" Emma asked through a mouth full of toothpaste, thoroughly creeped out that Chris was there.
"I didn't HAVE to give you immunity, you know!"
"No, according to your contract, you were." Chris realized this and groaned.
Votes:
Jacques – Katie
Bridgette – Jacques
Sierra – Sammy
Sammy – Sierra
Devin – Katie
Miles – Katie
Laurie – Katie
Katie – Jacques
Sadie – Jacques
Lightning – Cody
Sugar – Katie
Eva – Sugar
Duncan – Katie
Leshawna – Sugar
Jay – Sugar
Kitty – Sugar
Sam – Jacques
Ella – Didn't vote
Cody – Sierra
Lindsay – Sugar
Results: 6-5-4-2-1-1 Katie-Sugar-Jacques-Sierra-Sammy-Cody
Eliminated: Staci, Leonard, Tammy, Leshaniqua, Spud, Chet, Dakota (ii), Phil (r), Ellody, Rock, Rodney (t), Anne Maria, Mickey, Jazz (r), Max, Mary, Junior, Zeke (t), Beth, Brody, Scott, Lauren, Brady, Lorenzo (t), Katie
Known active immunity idols: Josee (Crimson), Owen, Carrie, Tyler, Sammy, Lindsay (Noah), Geoff (Geoff), Justin (Ella), Duncan (Alejandro)
Future eliminations immunized against: Emma (9)
Bonus clip:
"Man, I love being king!" the body Chris had taken control over declared back in the virtual world.
"Yeah, well, we don't love being your subjects!" the Socrates impersonator said. He whistled, and the full Mirandan army showed up. The queen Miranda had played, this time with her own face, snapped her fingers, and a new group of monsters, led by the now-freed Titan, appeared.
The king gulped. "Well, crap."