Guys! Thanks a bunch for reviewing on the last chapter! I know I deserve to be stabbed to death, but I swear, I begged Randy not to go. But he insisted! *innocent face*

But don't worry though.

I started this as Shandy and I'm going to end this story as Shandy. With or without one/two of them being alive...

Song of the Chapter: Been To Hell-Hollywood Undead

(36)

My trembling hands were grabbed gently, his fingers intertwining with mine. I let the silent tears fall onto our hands, watching as them slid down from where they landed. Lightening tore the sky apart, thunder intimidating the windy surroundings. The coldness they brought however, could not compete against the coldness I was feeling inside me. My heart, completely frozen. I wasn't even sure if it was beating. But I could feel the tiny squeeze he gave, attempting to be reassuring me so I guess I was alive. Still. A dry sob escaped from my lips, and I allowed him to cradle my head against his chest, the warmth his skin spreading on mine almost could not be felt.

I was trying to console myself. Saying that it'd be alright, when actually, nothing could be done about the situation. I might have overreacted, but I saw what I saw. My eyes wouldn't lie to me. I should have confronted him; but I knew all there was going to leave was bad blood between us. And I didn't want it. I was not going to do justice taking that woman's place in Stephen's life, so I did what I had to do.

I ran away.

It was all I seemed to be able to do lately. Running away. From questions, from people, from life.

You care too much. About the ones who don't care about you. Someone screamed in the back of my head. I screwed my eyes shut, as if it'd block that voice away.

"H-Hunter?" I whispered, turning my face to his chest. He hummed, an exhausted alertness etched into his voice. I was relieved when he didn't question me about crying at his door at three in the morning, banging on his door loudly, drenched in icy rain water and about to blackout. He had caught me just before I had crashed to the floor. But I knew I'd have to answer him sooner or later; I just didn't want to do it right now. and he understood it.

"What is it?" He cupped my cheek, tilting my head up so I had to look at him. His hazel orbs bore into mine, searching wildly for a clue. I didn't allow my eyes to reveal him anything. A few seconds later I saw him giving up.

"Can... May I stay the day, here?" I asked in a barely audible voice, just enough for him to hear. Dave was in the kitchen, giving us some privacy as we had taken his bed, the couch. I felt bad. "I promise I'll find somewhere to stay. It's until-"

"Hey, hey," he ruffled my hair, then wiped away a stray tear on my cheek. "You can stay here all you want. You don't have to find a place to stay. There's plenty enough room for you in this house."

I nodded for the time being, just to satisfy him. I couldn't stay here. And I could not be a burden to him. He had enough problems in his life, and I didn't want to be another. I could feel Dave's gaze on us as Hunter lead me upstairs, to his room. My bags were carried there by Dave, and they sat on the floor beside the bed. I looked at the bed, which was made for two, but Hunter being twice the size as me, he'd have to take the whole bed. I didn't mind sleeping on the floor anyway.

"Let's get you out of those clothes... Can't have you being sick, now, can we?" Hunter mumbled, tugging at the hem on my shirt. I raised my arms, letting him strip me off the wet t-shirt, and then out of my pants. I waited, eyes fixed on the floor, for him to take off my boxers, but when he didn't, I looked up to see him staring at my hands and then they traveled up to my neck.

"It's not what you think," I whispered, hugging myself. Finger nail marks on wrists and bite marks which didn't look loveable at all would explain otherwise to someone else, but I was the only one who knew what happened. And I wasn't intending to talk about them with Hunter. No way.

"It better not be," he whispered,venom coating his words, but not at me. At Stephen. Hunter pushed clean shorts and a t-shirt at my hands, and I went to the attached bathroom to get changed. I didn't have a problem of Hunter seeing me. He had seen me when we were young. For so many times that I was still comfortable with it. But I needed some time alone. I put on the dry clothes. There was only a small mirror in the bathroom, which I could only see my face on. I avoided looking at it, because I knew that if I did, it will be failure and misery reflecting back at me.

I took a few minutes, sitting on the floor and running the tips of my fingers over the bruises in my wrists. The bite on my neck still stung, as if reminded me who I belonged to. I kind of liked it. The feeling of being someone else's. The only matter was at the moment, I was not anyone's. I belonged to myself. Muffed talking reached my ears, probably Dave coming up to check on us and I waited until the sounds subsided before coming out of the bathroom. Hunter was just closing the door. He leaned against it, his eyes settling on me as if to see what I was going to do next. Sniffing, I gestured to the bed. Giving a stiff nod, Hunter walked to the small closet and took out some extra blankets for me.

"Get in," he ordered, yanking the thin sheet of blanket that was already on the bed. I looked at him puzzled.

"But I can-"

"Get in," he repeated, casting a half hearted glare at me. I did as he told, and edged myself to the corner of the bed, patting the empty space beside me for him. He switched his gaze back and forth the space on the bed and to me, then sighed, tucking me under huge comforters before taking off the robe he was wearing and sliding next to me. After much struggling, we settled on the bed with me half lying on top of him. "Try to get some sleep."

He mumbled that, because he obviously knew I wasn't going to get any sleep tonight. My eyes burned, and I shut them, blocking out the world and letting only Hunter's warmth attempt to spread through me. I adjusted my head on his chest, so my face was held up by my chin. His shiny hazel orbs locked with mine, and he cracked a smile, ruffling my hair again. "Ain't I a pain in the ass?"

"You are," he agreed, nodding his head vigorously. His smile widened, though sadness in his eyes lingered, and muttered, "But that pain is a thing I'm willing to handle."

My lips hinted at a thankful smile. I kept my silence, letting him slip onto his much needed sleep. The constant pain in my chest still pounded. It had started the moment since I let Stephen's house. Stephen's house. It wasn't my home anymore. I didn't know what I was going to do next. My eyes fell on the thin gold band around my ring finger, my heart swelling at the sight of the heart shaped ruby which decorated it; It was what Stephen called his heart. That I had stolen it. And the heart shaped hole was designed into his ring. Just the thought of handing the ring over to him by myself threatened to tear me apart.

So I'd do it in the other way. I'd have a lawyer to do it for me.

XXX

I actually fell asleep. It was more like a coma, because Hunter said I had been asleep for almost twelve hours. But when I woke up, there was only a quiet buzzing in my head and blurring in my eyes; the signs that I have only had a normal sleep. I attempted a joke about it, which slowly faded into nothing because of the heated glare Hunter casted at me. I shooed him away to the bar, protesting when he said he was thinking of having a day off. I could clearly see in his eyes that he just didn't want to leave me alone in the house. I would never let him stop doing his jobs just because he felt the need to take care of me.

I was a big boy.

I should take care of myself.

I spent the rest of the day searching through apartments or renting places which looked somewhat good, wasn't expensive and had enough space for me to breathe. A descent place around here was what I needed, somewhere that wasn't too far away from Hunter. I knew I had to find a job, apart from the one I'm having at Hunter's bar because it wasn't enough to pay the bills and for food. I needed to make some more money, because I needed to learn something. I was a high-school graduate. I couldn't just sit in a place and do small jobs. I had a goal, and I was to reach it whether I had hills or hells in my path.

The idea and the chance to go to Dartmouth, I left only to be just a dream. I might go there, just to visit this, after I make something of myself. But until then, it was just better t be left alone. I regretted not even saying goodbye to John, Dean and the others, but I had no time. And I would not go back; I could not face them. Not because I had done something wrong, but because of I had left every single one of them behind me without a second thought. Little Evie, little, Evan, and Mr. Pervert. Only God knew if I'd see them ever again. I pushed the depressing thoughts to the depth of my mind, behind the rebuilding iron wall. And this time, I was intending for a greater substitute to the one I had before, so it could not be taken down in any way.

I sighed, when Hunter and Dave both came back before it was even eight o'clock. I guess Hunter did not have patience till the day was over. I wasn't suicidal, so I did not know why Hunter was acting this way. He snatched the newspapers from my lap away and put them somewhere I could not take from. I sighed yet again, when he gave me a lecture about not being old enough to do anything but studying. I rolled my eyes at him, but let him comfort me that way. In other words, I let him comfort himself.

"You're strong," Dave spilled, as Hunter left to change into more comfortable clothes.

I shrugged. "Not as strong as I want myself to be."

"He's already ditched his job because he can't stop worrying about you, although you're under his roof," Dave ran a hand through his short, dark hair, pursing his lips for a second. "So don't go. Imagine how he'd feel when you're not with him." I could already imagine it, as images flashed through my head. I wiped a hand down my face, and heard Hunter's heavy footfalls coming down the stairs.

The door bell rang. I froze, my heart stopping its unsteady breathing. Dave was here, Hunter was here. Who could that be? One look at Hunter's face, and I knew what I had to do. I sprinted off the couch, and shut myself in the utility room. I covered my mouth and nose with my palm, fearing that whoever was out there would hear me. I heard the front door open, and then close. Heavy silence filled the space around me, and I pressed my ear against the door to hear what was happening outside.

"I'm sorry I haven't kept contact with you-" It was Stephen. The pain in my chest worsened, and I put a hand over my heart as if it'd help. My legs felt wobbly, and I was about to crash to the floor. His voice was an attempted strong one. I could tell, even if I wasn't there with him.

"Get to the point," Hunter growled, and he was not hesitating to show his anger. Again, silence filled the air.

"He's gone." Stephen let himself go. His shattered, trembling, weak voice echoed through the door, and I fell onto my knees. I realized that it wasn't only me that was suffering.

"I know," Hunter simply said.

"How do you-"

"Why else would you come here?" Hunter asked, and I could feel his anger surging through the atmosphere.

"You have to help me," I almost didn't hear that. "You have to help me find him-"

"You can't," Hunter replied, his tone cold and biting back into Stephen. I bit my lip, clenching my hands to fists against the door, not permitting myself to run into Stephen's arms. "He doesn't want you to find him. He doesn't want us to find him." He added at the last moment.

"He came here?"

A moment of hesitation. "Yes. He did."

"Is he here?" His broken voice tried. Another several seconds passed. Then, "Please..."

I broke out into tears.

"I'm sorry," was all I heard from Hunter.

I crawled to a corner, drawing my knees to my chest before hiding my face between them, violently sobbing. My mind was screaming for me to stop, reminding me that I had promised I'd be strong for myself. And then there was this other part in my head, saying that I had done the right thing.

For both of us.

He had a life on his own now, and I had mine. I freed him to do whatever he wanted in his life. And I hoped he did the right thing. If not, my pain would be worthless. I didn't protest when Hunter entered the room, and pulled me to him. I ruined his shirt, spilling my unstoppable tears on it.

"What happened to you?" he asked, and I knew he wasn't meaning about just me, but the both of us. Me and Stephen.

XXX

I was locked away in Hunter's office. Not exactly locked, but ordered to stay there. It was day three, and I was holding pretty good if I excluded the total breakdown yesterday. I found it hard to glue my broken pieces together when Stephen was not there. It was like, once the healing touch of his flipped completely opposite and the mere sight of him hurt me. Except that he had hurt me.

A light groan slipped from my lips, and I stretched back in the chair. Stupid cramps.

"Are you alright?" I didn't notice that Hunter had come into the room. I straightened up in the chair, wincing as a strong wave of pain rolled through my abdomen.

"Yeah, it's just my," I paused to breathe, and, "Stomach... I think I have flu..."

Hunter crouched down in front of me, and then pressed the back of his hand to my forehead. "You're sweating," he muttered, frowning alongside me. "Did you eat something?"

Making a face, I shook my head, wanting to tell him that I tasted bitter in my mouth, but my stomach beat me to it and growled loudly. Hunter shook his head, standing up and storming out of the room. He probably went to make something for me. It was a busy day at the bar by the muffled sounds from outside, and here I was, sulking in Hunter's office like I had nothing to do. Actually, I did have nothing to do except curse at the pain that was now numbing my right leg.

I closed my eyes and stayed in a stretched position for a long time, and the pain subsided a bit. They had started this morning, and had come and went repeatedly. When a hand soothed at the side of my neck I opened my eyes, to see Hunter leaning against the table and with a covered plate in his hands. I handed me it, ushering me to eat the bacon and eggs he had prepared.

"You don't look that good, Randy," he stated. Again checking my temperature.

"It must be just flu," I waved him off, shoving pieces of bacon down my throat. The taste was better, and it bit off the bitter sweetness that lingered in my mouth.

"I don't think so," Hunter frowned more, and crossed his arms above his chest. I rolled my eyes, already finished with the bacon and moving onto scrambled eggs. I chewed and gulped down a mouthful or two of eggs, and paused. I pushed the plate away, and stood up quickly, rushing past Hunter ignoring when he called my name. I ran to the bathroom, which was at the other end of the bar and I barely made it before I puked what I had just eaten in the toilet. My lungs squeezed tightly, and tears rolled out of my eyes at the force my insides were giving out. I was dry heaving when Hunter came behind me and patted my back.

Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I stood up with Hunter's help and flushed the toilet, dragging myself to the sink and washing my mouth and hands. I slumped against him afterward, whimpering softly. The burn in my stomach and throat was almost unbearable. I was sure it only just stomach flue, but I'd better go see a doctor. If only I could not control it. Didn't want unnecessary trips to the hospital when in the past year I have had two very long ones to there.

Hunter's worry was oozing off him. I looked up at him and patted his cheek soothingly.

"You look tired... And old..." He softly complained. "And I don't like it."

"I'll be fine," I assured, both himself and myself.