The rest of the day went by slowly for me, and my apprehension grew as night approached. I had busied myself with Rian, teaching him the very first steps of being able to hone his confessor power. It would be another three years until he would be strong enough to use his ability to confess, but his training, as was with every confessor, began as soon as they were born. With other children, they are taught to walk and talk, the same is with confessors except there is an added instinct confessors are born with to test the boundaries with their powers. I found it harder for me not having any other confessors to help me, but Zedd, and even Nicci, have come alongside me and helped me with Rian. Of course, Richard is fascinated with all of this, and still practices his fledgling magic along with his son. They are learning together, my two Lord Rahls.

I smiled, thinking of Richard and Rian, as I get out of the tub, moving slowly as I wrapped the towel around my body. I sat down at the vanity, taking my brush and pulling it down the long length of my hair and peered at my pale face in the mirror, trying to find the woman I recognize. I look older, I realize with a sinking feeling. What if I'm not beautiful to him as I was before? I let the towel drop to reveal my breasts and notice they are larger with darker nipples and I then look down at my stomach that looks like a deflated balloon with silver lines painted across. I stand and look at my hips, which are far wider than before by pelvic bones shifted to hold Rian. My legs are still long and shapely, but there are a few silver lines on my thighs from when I carried Rian. A silent tear rolls down my face and I drop the brush, useless, to the floor as I look at the ugly woman staring back at me. No wonder I had to beg Richard to make love to me. I grabed the nightgown off the back of the vanity chair, quickly pulling it over myself so I won't have to look and continue to cry as I pull the laces through the front. I fumble with strings, attempting to tighten them over my breasts but they barley stretch far enough but I pull them tighter in an attempt to flatten myself.

So engrossed in the torment toward myself, I don't notice Richard has entered the room and watching me. I nearly come out of my skin when I hear him gently call my name and the tears explode, and I weep harder.

"Kahlan, what's wrong?"

"I'm not beautiful anymore." I wailed in shame, and chastised myself at being weak. But this was Richard and I showed him every part of me, even the weakest parts.

"What?" He chuckled and moved my hands gently loosening the strings. "You know you're a bad liar, Mother Confessor." He teased as he pulled the strings out, opening the gown to reveal my breasts to him and let the nightgown fall to the ground in a puddle at my feet. He gasped and looked me in the eye, a fog of desire glazed in his eyes. "You're more beautiful now then you were before. Don't ever think that you're not beautiful to me."

"But I'm ruined."

"I've seen you naked before now, and you're beautiful, beyond words, Kahlan. But it's not your body I love, its you." He said and tenderly kissed me on the lips. "And you know that you don't have to do this for me to love you."

"I want to. You know why." I said, feeling my emotions slipping again as he removed his shirt. He stepped close to me and took my hand in his entwining our fingers and kissed me again, pressing his chest against my breasts. His other hand ran up my back burying in my hair and his lips moved to my neck and I felt tears bathing my skin. I hooked my other arm around his waist, pulling him closer and guided us to the bed where he laid on his back and motioned for me. I laid down next by his side and pulled him down on top of me, wanting to feel his strength engulfing me. He wept as he kissed me, his hand caressing my neck and his lips falling to my shoulder. I held him against me and noticed I too was weeping.

"I love you so much." He whispered as his hand met with my breast. He leaned up to watch my face and he gently brushed my hair aside. "Kahlan?" He asked, and I knew that he was hesitant but I pulled his face back to mine in a gentle, sensuous kiss and he let himself touch me without restraint. He shook with emotion as he caressed my thighs, his other hand still on my breast. His lips left a trail from my neck, down between my breasts, and across the length of my stomach. "So beautiful." He said as he traced the silver lines with the tip of his finger. "You've given me the life of a son, don't ever forget that."

I melted into the mattress and locked my eyes on Richard as he continued to kiss me. His hands and lips slid across my thighs and he looked at me when he helped spread my legs. I was scared, but I nodded as he slowly ran his fingers across my womanhood. He crawled up next to me on the bed and kept our gazes locked. "Look at me, Kahlan." I knew he wanted me to think of only him, and it helped to look into his eyes to keep the memories of horror at bay. But when he pushed a finger inside of me, the memory of Jagang rushed back and all of my muscles tensed as I shivered and tears ran down my face.

Richard removed his finger from me and grabbed the sides of my face as I wept. "No, no, no…I want this." I wailed. "Please, Richard! I want to remember you but I can't. All I can see is him."

"Shh…" he soothed and held me naked against him.

"I'm sorry, Richard. I…"

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He said, his voice cracking.

"Please, I-I can't let you go without…"

"It's alright, Kahlan." His hand caressed the side of my face and down my arm, entwining our fingers again. "If you want this, I will, but not if it hurts you."

I nodded weakly, catching my breath. "Please, Richard, just be inside me? I just want to feel you again." He studied my face for a long moment then stood up to take off his pants. I couldn't even look at him, I was so afraid. When I felt him settle back on the bed I pulled him to me between my legs.

"You're shacking. Kahlan, I can't.."

"Please, Richard." I wept and he hesitantly moved closer to me, all the time watching me face for any reactions of fear.

I felt him align with my opening and he held my face in his hands. "Look at me." He said tenderly. "I love you Kahlan." He said as he pushed into me. When he began to move I wept and clutched him to my chest. The horrors that had happened to me seemed to peel away one by one with each stroke of him inside me. I wept with love for him and regret at everything that I had been forced to do.

"I love you, I love you." It became a chant between us as we buried our sorrows in each other. Never, in all the times I had been with Richard, did I feel so connected to him. He was slow and tender with me and his hands caressed me everywhere and his tears soaked my face, shoulders and hair. He reached between us and caressed my sensitive nub drawing me with him over the edge of rapture. The pleasure was unlike anything I had ever known and I held him close as we wept with our sorrows and our passions.

"I love you Kahlan Amnell Rahl." He whispered in to the night, thinking I was asleep. "I can't lose you, ever again. I was afraid I had." He whispered and wound his fingers absentmindedly into my hair. I turned over to face him, caressing my hand over his chest and he grabbed me hand pulling me close to him. "Did I wake you?"

"No. I was just thinking…."

"About what?" He asked.

"About how much I love you." I gave him my special smile and pressed my body close to his and his strong arms wrapped around me burying me in his body. "And how I'm not so afraid anymore and how making love to you helps me forget."

"It helps me forget to, but it also gives me more resolve to destroy him. If he ever touched you again…."

"Shhh…" I said leaning back and pressing a finger to his lips. "Not tonight….tonight I just want to be with you."