And the Pairing rants continue! With one named K2.

Read that out. It rhymes. I just figured I'd point that out, you know, for the sake of poetry and whatnot.

So, how about I get this message out simply with a nice little haiku, huh?

I am not gay, guys
Guys aren't really my thing
I'm serious, guys

Okay, I'll admit, that sucked ass. Mainly because I couldn't get the syllables right and guys seemed like the only appropriate thing to use. Screw that. Let's just get to the point.

K2. Because Kyle and Kenny just don't mix. I'm talking about our names, but yes, we don't really mix in that way. I mean, Kenny's cool and all, and he's on my side when it comes to kicking Fatass in the balls, but…just…no.

I mean, what is it with you guys and making two friends make out in a random closet!? That's how most of these things go.

"Oh my god, I like, really fucking love you"

"Holy shit, no way!"

"I'm sorry!"

"No! I loved you too!"

"Holy fuck, really?"

"Fuck yes! Let's make out now!"

And of course, the idea of them both being guys is completely skipped over. Don't you think, oh, I don't know, they'd wait a bit before shoving their tongues down each other's throats?!

I don't really read romance, but when it comes to Stan and Wendy, I'm more or less his fucking relationship counsellor. Don't even turn that against me. Don't. Wait until that rant comes out, for shit shall be shat…or said.

Come on, anyone can tell real relationships don't work like that! Jesus fucking Christ! You wait, Goddamnit! If you rush it, you'll crash into a tree. You'll crash into a fucking tree and die.

Or something along those lines.

Back to…K2. That rhymed again. Seriously, read it out loud, and tell me I'm not a natural rhymer.

There are a shit ton of stupid reasons we're…shipped…together. Shipped? Like a boat? I don't get it. Like a 'boat of love'? Because that sounds cornier than the feet of Corny Bertha who lives round Kenny's place. They say she's in a wheelchair, because if she stood up, her corns would explode everywhere from her weight.

Nasty…

Again, back to the 'shipping'. Ship…Shiiiip….Sh-iiiip.

I still don't get it.

OH WAIT! Relationship! Now I get it! Everything makes sense! Except how Fatass' arteries aren't totally clogged by now. Still don't get that…

But yes, the reasons we're 'shipped' are usually pretty damn stupid. Stupider than Fatass' latest plan to get Cheesy Poofs. He seriously believes that if he dresses as a giant Cheesy Poof, and hides in the factory with all the others, that he'll be famed as 'the Largest Cheesy Poof ever', put into a Cheesy Poof museum, and then eat all the Cheesy Poofs at night when the museum closes.

Fucking idiot.

And I strayed off again. So, what are these stupid reasons? One of them is because we both wear orange coats. I fuck you not. What was going through the mind of whoever thought that? That matching outfits are cute?

It's like saying Stan should date Fatass just because Stan wears a brown coat and Fatass wears (extremely large, might I add) brown pants. OH HEY, THEY WEAR BROWN! THEY MATCH! LET'S SHIP IT!

Oh sweet Mother of Jehovah….WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

I can't that picture out of my head. Fatass and Stan….HE'D FUCKING CRUSH HIM! Oh-God, Oh-God, Oh-God, Oh-God, OH GOD!

No. No. NOPE.

THIS ISN'T EVEN ABOUT THAT!

WHY WOULD I EVEN?

FUCK, A CRUMB GOT STUCK UNDER MY CAPS LOCK. I CAN'T TURN IT OFF. WAIT, I'LL JUST PICK IT OUT.

JUST A MINUTE.

. Back to the whole fucking point of this. Other reasons? Just because Stan is taken with Wendy, or some crap.

"OH HEY, STAN'S DATIN' THAT CHICK WENDY! AND KYLE SURE DOES HATE CARTMAN! MAN, I GUESS I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO THROW HIM IN A LOCKED ROOM WITH KENNY AND SOME VIAGRA AND WAIT FOR RESULTS!"

Yep. The thoughts of whoever thought of that, clearly.

Other reasons? Because Kenny's a 'bad boy' and I'm 'innocent'.

Innocent? I'VE FUCKING KILLED PEOPLE! I mean, Jesus did say it was the only way to save Stan and the others, and he was ok with it and all, and those zombies were gonna kill everyone if I didn't get them, so really, it's not like I was doing it for bad reasons.

What else have I done? I've read, seen and witness such horrifying acts between myself and others that has robbed me of any shred of innocence I had left.

I'M NOT AN INNOCENT FUCKING PANSY! Sorry, Caps Lock got stuck again.

And then there's Ken. That rhymed too. I'm on a rhyming roll today! He wants to be a princess. With a pink dress. That rhymed too. See? On a roll! I mean, his Mysterion thing was pretty badass, but a princess?

Really? Really?

Yes, apparently.

And who else? I've heard of certain people called Courtanie and azngirlLH. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY MASCULINITY? Goddamnit Caps Lock. But really, I've heard a shit load of things about these guys and 'K2'.

And…

I…

Ah, yes, right on cue. Fatass is at my goddamn window again. Hold on, let me get my dreidels. This shouldn't take long.

…Yep, there we go. Running back to his 'meeeeem'.

But really, what is it with turning friends into lovers? If that happened all the time….Geez, the love triangles, squares, pentagons, hexagons, septagons, octagons, ninagons, decagons….would be endless.

Yeah, I got a little carried away with my polygons.

But really? Ken and me? It has more sense than Cryle…but still, really? Then again, there are worse. So much worse…

Some horrifying things…That cannot be unseen…

A/N: Well, firstly, if you like K2 and you haven't heard of Courtanie or azngirlLH, look them up right now! Courtanie is a really talented writer, and has some pretty good stuff, and azngirlLH does amazing fanarts! Of course, there are a ton of talented fanartists, but if K2's down your alley and you haven't gone to her, GO NOW! GO MY PRETTIES, FLY!

Guest Reviews!

24601: Of course! I reply to all reviews, mainly Guest ones here for obvious reasons. But geez, that sucks! If I ever do a competition (although I usually do requests if I'm asked), Guests will definitely be allowed!

Glad to see your looking forward to the future rants series! I'm hoping I won't fuck it up!

Lwuzhere: Thank you! I'm glad you like this randomosity. Yep, I created that word and Microsoft Word doesn't approve. Goddamnit, Word.

Mysterion: WOO! ANIME! I know the feel, of having an awesome Mum like that. Mum. Mom. I don't know, I just like to compare the two words and laugh, because they're a freaking tongue twister.

Dance unit? Funny enough, we just finished that! We had little choice though, and had to choreograph for Katy Perry's Firework. But hey, it could've been worse, like Bieber or One Direction.

YOU COSPLAY AS JAPAN? AND HAVE A FRIEND WHO COSPLAYS AS RUSSIA? FUCK YEAH! That sounds…so…awesome! My friends are planning on going to a Con in a few years, one of my friends being Hans Gunsche from Hellsing, and me likely being a Hetalia character.

HURRAY FOR JAPAN LOGIC! I remember that episode perfectly!

And now, it's the part of the rant where I shut the fuck up.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

-Cookie