Disclaimer: Sadly Twilight isn't mine. I do have an ugly knee brace I get to wear for a while though since I tripped over my dog and fell down the stairs like a slinky…it wasn't fun. Also, while I may write this story, I am not a musician or songwriter - all songs & lyrics belong to the respective artists/composers.
A/N: I loved everyone's thoughts about Sue. She was a tad bitchy towards Bella. As usual, thanks to everyone for reading, reviewing, and rec'ing.
Chapter 35: The Final Battle
Song: Tourniquet by Evanescence
***BPOV***
I slam my foot on the gas as I drive away from the church. I don't bother with looking into the rear view mirror, even though I can hear the Cullens shouting at me to come back. I'm also quite sure that the only reason that the pack didn't phase and that the Cullens didn't run to catch me was the fact that everyone else who was at the funeral had stopped to see the scene that Sue was causing.
All I can think about as I make my way through town is how badly I want all the pain to stop, how much I need a break from it all. Without even thinking or consciously making the decision, I find myself heading into Port Angeles towards one of my old hang outs. Pulling up near the old warehouse, I can see nothing has changed much, neither have any of the people.
I park the car and make my way towards the side entrance, and try the knock that I used to use – three quick knocks followed by two longer ones – and pray that someone opens the door, which thankfully someone does a few moments later.
Standing in the doorway is a gangly looking boy who looks like he hasn't showered in about a week and probably isn't older than seventeen, but I can tell by the gun I see peeking out of his pants that he's the kind of kid who means business. The boy eyes me suspiciously and its only when I realize what I'm wearing and the fact that I don't look like the usual customers that come through here that I understand why he is.
"What's your deal?" he asks.
"Is Fred still running the show?" I reply, hoping I still remember the way things were run here.
The boy nods.
"Let him know the flightless bird is looking for her wings."
I hear nothing else out of the boy as he walks off to go find Fred. I wonder if Fred will even remember me or the code that I always used to use with him when I was looking to score. It was the one reason Fred always managed to stay in business. He always had plenty of middlemen and everyone had their own code…it kept the cops off of his tail for this long so I guess it worked.
A short while later I hear footsteps and turn to see Fred walking towards me, a smirk on his face.
"Well if it isn't the little bird who managed to leave the nest"
"Look Fred, I'm in a bit of a hurry so…"
"No worries my dear. I have what you're looking for as long as you have the paper."
Nodding, I pull the cash out of my wallet and hand it over to Fred who counts it before handing me the drugs and the syringe. Tossing my purchase into my purse, offer a wave to Fred and head back out to the car.
As I get into the car and start it, the sky opens up and it starts to rain. Fitting for the day, I think to myself. Unsure of where I'm going next I just start driving as all the thoughts that I've been fighting to keep out of my mind come flooding back in.
After driving for a while, I park the car, and start walking the once all too familiar trail that Edward and I used to take to get to our meadow. It's slow going and not as easy as I remember it being, then again, when I used to be on this path Edward usually just carried me as he ran.
I manage to find my way back to the meadow that Edward and I used to spend our time in. As soon as I break clear of the trees I fall to the ground, the rain pouring down mixing with the tears running down my cheek. I can't handle this…I thought I could, but I can't. I was doing ok, I was handling the grief and the loss of Charlie, but the blame….I can't handle the blame. Sue was right with everything she said. It was all my fault, and because of that I don't deserve this chance at happiness…Charlie paid for my sins, now it's time for me to pay as well. Staring down at the needle in my hand, I can feel the battle waging within me as I try to decide if I have the strength and the will not to give in to my inner demons.
***EPOV***
As soon as we heard the car door slam shut we all realized what was happening. In the chaos that ensued after Sue's outburst we all neglected the one person who most needed comfort and support…Bella. We all shouted after her to stop as we heard her rev the engine when she drove away, but she didn't listen, and with half of Forks standing around us, none of us could just go run after her to try to bring her back.
We all jumped into our cars and headed back to the house. Once we got there and realized Bella didn't come back here we started to worry. Emmett went and checked Charlie's house but she wasn't there either, and once Alice said she was getting glimpses of a warehouse followed by glimpses of green and lots of trees, all of us were in full blown panic mode.
Carlisle didn't say it, he didn't even really need to think it, but I knew…if Bella lost it and went over the edge this time, we probably wouldn't be able to save her. Despite how much Bella had opened up with us about everything, she never went into full specifics of where or who she got drugs from or where she spent her time when she was on her own or living on the streets. We knew she had spent some time in Port Angeles, and even in Seattle and Tacoma, but without specifics the areas were too broad to try and track her down.
Calling Bella's cell phone did little to help. She had left it in Carlisle's car before going into the church for the funeral. We even thought about contacting the police to report the car missing, but we didn't because we didn't want Bella getting in trouble in case she had anything on her that she shouldn't. I kept my focus on Alice's thoughts as she kept trying to search out more clues for where Bella was.
For a brief moment Alice's glimpses of Bella got hazy, which worried us all, but once they came back into focus I knew exactly where Bella was going, and I knew it needed to be me who went to get her. It was hard for me, dealing with the distance between us these past few months, especially now when she was hurting so much and all I wanted to do was protect her and make everything okay again.
She had promised she wouldn't shut me out, and even though she had…I understood. She was dealing with a lot and I was keeping my promise this time. I would wait until she was ready to come to me. I kept up to date with how she was doing…creeping into everyone else's thoughts on occasion, and I was so proud of the progress she made. She may not notice it, but I see how strong she had become, and to think that Sue could have shattered all of it with just a few hateful words angered me to no end. That's why I knew it needed to be me who got to her this time. She needed to hear everything I've wanted to say, she needed to know that I believed in her, and would always be there for her…that I still loved her, that she wasn't alone, and that none of this was her fault.
All I manage to say to everyone before running out the door is "I know where she's going…I'll be back when I'm bringing her home."
***BPOV***
I feel like I've become split into two beings, both fighting for dominance. One part of me wanting to be able to resist the drugs in my hand…wanting to be able to just accept the pain and the guilt and learn how to work through it. The other part of me feels like it's dying from the pain, desperate for anything that will make it stop…willing me to stick the needle in my arm and inject its contents into my system.
Tossing the drugs and the needle aside I scream out in frustration at the situation I find myself in. The screaming helps and before I know it the dam breaks and everything that has been building up in me comes pouring out in shouts and screams with no one but the trees to hear me.
"Why is this so unfair? I never asked for this…any of it. I want my father back goddammit! He was supposed to still be here for me, we were supposed to fix everything. He wasn't supposed to die because of me! I can't deal with all this hurt and pain anymore."
I turn and glare at the drugs laying on the ground and start yelling at them as if they were a sentient being.
"I'm not supposed to need you. I'm supposed to be able to handle this on my own. Why can't I just get away from your grip on me…just let me go, let me be a normal person for once. Let me be a person who can deal with problems like everyone else."
I start lashing out at everything in my path, kicking rocks and broken tree branches that are strewn across the ground as I scream. The rain doesn't help and in the course of my attempted destruction of anything I come across bits of grass, leaves, and a good deal of mud go flying, much of it landing on me in the process. I see a rock that is about the size of a grapefruit and pick it up in my hand, looking for any sort of target for me to throw it at, and choosing the stump of a tree on the other side of the meadow.
"I'm so damn tired of being alone!" I yell as I throw the rock, but I end up tripping over my own two feet. Bracing myself as I prepare to fall, I realize the ground and my face never meet. It's only then that I hear Edward's voice murmuring over and over again "You're not alone love, I promise you that you'll never be alone again" as he cradles me in his arms.
A/N: That's right…Edward is back! What do we think about what Edward had to say about Bella's shutting him out? Thoughts on Bella's little tirade in the meadow, and what happens now that Edward's found her? Just how much of Bella's shouting did Edward manage to hear? Remember…if you review, I'll send you a snippet from the next chapter which should be up on Monday or Tuesday.
Now for the important reminder!
I've been nominated in 3 categories in The Sunflower Awards. I'm very excited to just be nominated along with all the other amazing authors and stories that were nominated as well. The Sharpest Lives was nominated in The Best Angst Story category and Best Bella Category, and my o/s A Walk In The Park has been nominated in The Best OneShot Category. Voting is now open. You can go to thesunflowerawards(.)blogspot(.)com/ to check out all the nominees and to vote.
Some Rec's for you:
Somewhere I Belong by swervin35
When Love and Reality Collide by Gelix
29 Dimensions by Catastrophia