Double Trouble 36

Chapter 36 'Regina's Story - the blow'

"Ok what'd I miss?" Ruby plonked back down in the booth completely out of breath from rushing through her orders.

Granny shot her a look. "You almost missed the table when you were serving the Bakers just now. Mrs Baker nearly ended up with special bean stew on her lap."

"Something which could only improve her outfit I'm sure," said Regina dryly.

"I know right," Ruby whispered. "What is that supposed to be? It looks like something I've eaten. After I've eaten it."

"Ruby!" hissed Granny.

"What? It does and Regina agrees with me." Ruby leaned in closer across the table. "So tell me. You and Emma. The sex is totally hot right?"

"Ruby," said Granny, shooting her granddaughter a warning look before Regina could answer. "Behave."

"Throw a girl a bone. It's good, right? There was one time I got into a discussion with Emma about whether it'd be better with a girl than with a guy and she said-"

"Ruby, for the last time," Granny cut her off exasperatedly. "Cut it out with the inappropriate questions."

"Whatever." Ruby was finally chastened into dropping her line of interrogation.

Granny said to Regina, "Her shift is over soon. Just say the word and I'll send her off."

"No, it's fine."

Ruby brightened. "So. When did you first realise you had the hots for Emma? And why was she even at your house, I missed the first part of the story. That was your first kiss right?"

Regina smiled and recounted the events of that ill-fated evening again. "Emma, typical of her charming self, invited herself over to dinner at my house. Henry loved it. He looked like all his birthdays had come at once just by having her there. But I was jealous. Henry worshipped her and at the time he would hardly even talk to me. After dinner, we were alone in the kitchen and I was upset. Emma tried to comfort me.

"We kissed for the first time and it was-" Regina shook her head slowly. "Too much. I pushed her away."

"What happened next?" asked Ruby eagerly.

"Technically she never agreed to it but if Emma turned up that Saturday I was planning to throw her out in two seconds," said Regina. "But she came over for the whole day to play with Henry... and I thought maybe it wasn't just because of him. It felt like she wanted to spend time with me too. The longer she was there the more I could picture her being around, taking care of us, making us laugh, filling in the empty void I didn't even realise was there..."

Last year

It was Saturday. Regina's heart jumped into her throat hearing a sharp knock and little footsteps racing to get the door. From inside the study she heard Emma's voice. "Hey kid, I hear you got a frisbee stuck on the roof. Want me to get it down?"

"Yay, Emma, you're here!" said Henry.

At least he was happy to see someone. Regina pictured her son's face lighting up in happy surprise and tried to remember a time when he was that pleased to see her.

Unbeknownst to the mother-son duo, Regina tracked them through a gap in the curtains at the back window. Emma must've gotten Henry to open the garage for her so she could retrieve the house ladder and then carried it out to the backyard under one arm, the tall steel clattered together the whole way. The blonde had dressed for the part in knee-length cargo shorts and a white tanktop and her mess of curly hair was tied up in a haphazard bun.

"Kid, do you remember roughly where it is?" asked Emma, hoping to narrow down the search.

Henry shrugged so Emma placed the base of the ladder on the ground and released the catch. The steel clattered as the top section released and she lent it against the eaves.

Regina joined them outside under the guise of investigating what all the noise was. "Sheriff Swan, what are you doing here?"

"But you said to- oh-" stammered Emma.

The way Emma was staring at her had Regina half-regretting her appearance. Her hair was slightly curled at the ends since she hadn't styled it properly and had left it to dry naturally instead. She was wearing dress pants and a white blouse with a ruffle around the scoop neckline. And it was low-cut. Regina was inordinately pleased that Emma hadn't failed to notice.

After the post-kiss awkwardness of the other night, she was surprised that Emma had even turned up and saw with pleasure that she actually looked awkward and nervous to see her.

Emma gulped visibly. "I mean, sorry. I'll just get the frisbee down off the roof for Henry."

"Don't fall."

"Yes, thanks for that helpful advice," teased Emma. "Wasn't planning on it."

Regina stood with Henry to watch Emma ascend the ladder. She reached out from where she was and got hold of the frisbee and threw it down to the ground.

"There ya go, kid," Emma called. "One rescued frisbee. Although I'm still not sure why I'm up here risking my neck for a two-dollar piece of plastic you could get anywhere."

"Because I asked you to, Sheriff Swan," said Regina wryly, putting her hands on her hips.

"Yeah, sure." Emma grinned down at her for a second. "Hey, there's some more stuff up here."

There was a whole collection of balls and toys still up on the roof. It looked like a museum to Henry's childhood. Almost as if whenever a toy had gone up on the roof no-one had ever gotten it down and it was gone forever. Emma pushed herself up and climbed onto the roof.

"What are you doing?" called Regina.

"Don't die, Emma!" Henry chimed in.

Emma stepped on the tiles carefully and picked up each toy before tossing it to the lawn below. She made her way back to the ladder and got her footing back on the rungs.

"Relax, Mills family. I got this," said Emma, then grinned to herself so they couldn't see. "Woah, uh oh!"

Emma rocked the ladder dangerously and pretended to lose her grip. The pair on the ground were fooled instantly.

"Emma!" they cried out to her.

She stilled and turned around laughing, coming down the ladder safely. "Ha. Got ya's big time."

Regina gave her a dirty glare and picked one of the tennis balls off the ground and pegged it at Emma's shoulder. The ball hit her with a swift smack and fell to the grass.

"Ouch! It was just a joke, Regina." Emma rubbed her shoulder. "You might punch like a girl but gee you got an arm on you. You ever think of trying out for softball?"

Regina stalked inside after that, leaving the two of them in the backyard. She paused at the door and looked back at them.

"Let's play," said Emma, picking up the frisbee.

Henry scrunched his face unenthusiastically. "Boring."

"Well, what have you been doing all morning that's so interesting then?"

He shrugged. "Reading."

Emma sighed. "Kid, now that I got this thing down we're playing frisbee ok."

It was such a perfect day, a clear blue sky and bright sunlight that fell on the greenery of the backyard. To anyone who didn't know the truth, they would've looked like a perfect family enjoying the weekend and the pleasant weather. Naturally, it was just about time for something to go wrong.

The two of them were still playing when Regina came back outside to ask them if they wanted drinks. Henry wasn't very good at the game and Emma kept trying to get him to watch how she was flicking her wrist to throw the disc properly so it would rotate in the air in a steady horizontal plane. Emma really was great with her son, Regina thought with a pang. She wondered what it'd be like if they -

The frisbee sailed over and Regina looked up just in time to flinch as it hit her in the bridge of the nose. Her hand went immediately to cover the injury by instinct as the pain radiated through her face.

Emma's mouth dropped open in horror. "Oh god I'm gonna die for this..." her voice tremored.

"Mom, does it hurt?" said Henry.

Emma started to apologise as if her life depended on it - which it did. "Regina! I am so sorry. It was an accident. Our kid can't catch for shit but I'll teach him. I didn't mean to hit you. Are you ok?"

Regina merely gave her a leaden glare and then removed her hand to reveal the damage.

"Ohhh, holy fu-!" Emma cried, stopping herself from swearing in front of Henry just in time by clapping a hand over her mouth.

The entire lower half of Regina's face was covered in blood, it flowed from her nose all over her mouth and was starting to drop from her chin onto her white shirt.

Emma ran to Regina and pinched the bridge of her nose with one hand and held the other at the base of her neck.

"Don' tilt my head back, idiot! I'm not habing blood run dow' my throat," Regina said nasally.

"I had a nosebleed once. It tasted yum," said Henry helpfully. "Are you ok, Mom?"

"Eww, Henry! Run inside and get a box of tissues. Go," ordered Emma.

Emma walked them both backwards like an awkward crab to sit her down on the back porch steps. She murmured apologies nervously, still holding the bloody nose tightly.

"Why is it still bleeding? Do you need to go to the hospital?"

"It's fi'ne. I'b had worse," said Regina calmly.

"The fuck you have!" cried Emma. "Ugh, this is horrible."

Henry reappeared and held out the box of tissues. Emma grabbed at them over and over and then pressed a huge wad of tissue to Regina's face where it started to soak up blood immediately.

"Henry, go back inside and get a sports icepack from the freezer," instructed Emma.

"We don' hab any," said Regina.

Henry shook his head. "I don't play sports."

Emma groaned at them both. "Ok, go get a bag of frozen peas or something and wrap it in a couple of tea towels."

While they waited, Emma checked under the bloody tissues. The blood seemed to have stopped flowing quite so much.

"Why doesn't the kid play sport? He's playing something next year, I don't care what."

"He likes reading."

Emma rolled her eyes. "I suppose you don't play sport or anything either."

"Whad? Of course not. I don' exercise. I run around after a ten-year-old."

"How is it you look like you do then? That's the unholiest thing I ever heard. Gotta be witchcraft."

"Whad do you mean?" said Regina worriedly.

"Oh you know, Henry's book. The Evil Queen thing. Doesn't she eat the hearts of young girls to stay beautiful or something?"

"I haben't read it. Thad sounds horrible."

"Ha, yeah. Should I be worried?" Emma joked, stroking her fingers lightly across the back of Regina's neck and through her hair.

Regina's answer was a barely audible, "Yes."

The bleeding had finally stopped so Regina had gone upstairs to clean her face and change shirts. Emma was waiting downstairs, getting rid of the mess of bloody tissues and disposing of the bag of now-defrosted peas into the trash after it'd been used as a makeshift cold compress.

"I really am sorry, Regina," said Emma, immediately hopping off the kitchen bench after she came back into the room. She went straight to her and both her hands went to cup Regina's face, but the injured woman shrugged her off.

"It's fine," said Regina. "Stop apologising, it's getting irritating."

"Sorry," said Emma, ever the smartass.

Regina rolled her eyes at her. But truthfully, her face was feeling stuffy and sore. She hoped that she wouldn't wake up tomorrow with two blackened eyes. There was only so much a good concealer could do - it wasn't magic after all. There was no way she would let Emma see her like that.

"So I thought I'd take Henry to soccer tryouts next season?" suggested Emma.

"He went two years ago and then didn't want to play anymore."

"Maybe something else then?"

Regina bristled. "Are you under the impression that I've been stopping him from playing sports or something? I know I'm not half the man you are but I haven't deprived my son."

Emma held her hands out angrily. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I let him try whatever he wanted. Soccer, tennis, scouts. He didn't like any of them. When he was five I took him fishing down at the marina and he hated it. We didn't last five minutes before he dumped the bait in the water saying he wanted them to be free and live again. They did not live again. He cried until we got home. I don't force interests upon him anymore."

"Alright, he's really into reading and the fairytales stuff but I don't think it's good for him to be alone so much. Does he even have any friends?"

"He's fine."

"I know. But I can't help him with homework. You're all over the smart stuff. I just wanted there to be something I could help him with. Something we could do together."

"What are you complaining about. He follows you around like he's your shadow."

"It'd be even better if the three of us could do something together. So uh," Emma paused to take a breath. "Would you want go for a walk to the park with me and Henry sometime?"

"Why," said Regina suspiciously.

Emma shrugged. "It's exercise. Gets you out of the house."

"What's wrong with my house."

"Nothing. It'll do you guys good."

Regina narrowed her eyes. "Why is that?"

"Exercise is great for stress relief. No wonder you're so uptight. All you do is work and read."

"Who says I'm stressed?"

Emma gave her a look as if to say 'really, you have to ask?'. "Exercise gives you endorphins or something, it makes you feel good. The only thing that's better is sex and since we're both single we might as well."

Regina's lips parted in shock. "Might as well what."

"Exercise together… unless you want to have sex?"

"Why do you have to keep joking like that. It's not funny," Regina snapped.

"I know, I'm sorry," Emma said contritely. "You only just lost Graham. Were you and he together long?"

"Thir – three years," amended Regina, trying to keep up with the rapid questions.

"That's a long time for a relationship. It takes a while to get over losing someone you cared about."

"I didn't ... love him," said Regina vaguely.

"I guess I'm relieved to hear that. He told me he didn't love you. Actually he said he felt nothing. What was he doing stringing you along like that? A bad relationship stops both parties from finding someone they can be happy with. It's not like people get trapped forever in arranged marriages anymore. Not here, at least."

"What," Regina whispered.

"Anyway, I - um," Emma stammered nervously. "I was just hoping that maybe – uh, one day, when it gets a bit easier to deal with – that you might consider having a relationship again. Um, with me?"

Regina felt her chest tighten as the breath got sucked out of her lungs. She was usually so carefully composed but right now she could barely get a coherent response together. What was Emma thinking asking this of her now?

"Regina? Ok I know it's complicated because of Henry and everything but we can start slow, whatever you want. I mean, we kinda get on each other's nerves a bit but that kiss the other day - it was really something special. I felt it. You know? I like you. A lot. It feels right, I can't explain it but I want more. It feels like I've known you forever. I thought maybe you might feel the same way and if you do that'd be..." Emma trailed off. "Please can you just say something so I know..."

Regina closed her eyes for a second and shook her head. "We can't be in a relationship- you don't know that I'm– I can't because you're-"

"Oh," said Emma flatly. "I get it."

"You do?"

"You know, out of all the arguments I expected to hear I didn't even think you'd go for that one. But I can't help that, Madam Mayor. Sorry."

Emma left and only once she was already gone Regina realised what she meant, that she'd gotten the wrong idea entirely.

But the right idea was far worse.

Granny took it all in shrewdly. "She thought you didn't want a relationship with her because she's a woman?"

"Yes," said Regina.

"When really it was because of you being the Evil Queen, her being Snow White's daughter, and the curse being real," said Granny.

Ruby cringed in sympathy. "Eesh. That's an interesting twist on 'It's not me, it's you … but it really is me'. I've heard that one plenty of times and it sucks. Poor Emma."

Regina nodded slowly. "She kissed me again sometime later, but I made certain that it would be the last time. It was until recently."

"But how did you deal with it?" said Ruby. "Feeling that strongly about her, seeing her all the time and not being able to do anything about it?"

"I tried to ignore it," Regina admitted. "I thought I only cared about Emma because she was Henry's birth mother. I thought that I was attracted to her because she was so great with him and I was just looking for someone to step in as his other parent. I told myself I was merely searching for the the traits I loved in my son and finding them in her..."

Last year

Regina was in bed though the lights were still on and she was sitting up with her back against the headboard. She wasn't reading or doing any paperwork or anything like she usually would after Henry was asleep. Instead she was just sitting and staring, occasionally glancing at the empty space next to her.

The alarm clock on the bedside table read 8.34pm.

She heard the front door close and even though her bedroom was at the back of the house, the next sound was the characteristic rumble of Emma's VW bug finally driving away.

What a disaster today's impromptu playdate had turned out to be for her. Without even asking permission Emma Swan had waltzed into her life and picked her up like a cardboard box to tip all of her contents out onto the floor. The day had started off fairly well and then rapidly descended into an icy awkwardness between them after the frisbee incident and its aftermath.

Emma had made her an offer she could only refuse.

Regina closed her eyes and pressed her hand over her nose and mouth, which was feeling very sore already. But all it did was remind her of a blow and a kiss from the same woman. Her mind replayed Emma's offer of a romantic relationship over and over. She couldn't have accepted it even if she wanted to - but did she want to? She hadn't sacrificed everything for this new life just to risk losing it all over again. The curse was weakening day by day.

Loving Emma Swan wasn't safe. Losing Henry wasn't an option... But the sight of Emma's face when she'd confessed to having feelings for her, it was hopeful at first then disappointed. She looked much younger than her 28 years in that moment. She looked rejected. Hurt. Regina couldn't get it out of her mind, it was like she wanted to embrace her and keep her warm and reassure her that she was still wanted. But why? It wasn't her place to do so. It never would be. What did Emma think would happen by asking her such a thing? Did she really think that they could be together?

She wouldn't ask if she knew who she really was. If she knew who I was she would never even consider it. I can't keep the truth from her and have her too.

Her eyes snapped up in surprise to see Henry coming into her bedroom, dragging his feet toward the bed. He had a little smile on his face and climbed up on the bed. He plonked himself facedown on the bedspread like a slug and crawled up close to her side.

"Hi Mom."

She reached out to smooth her hand over his head. "Nearly ready for bed, Henry?"

"Not tired," mumbled Henry, contradicting himself. "Thanks for letting Emma stay."

"I'm glad you had fun with Emma today, Henry."

Not the kind of fun I could've had with her! Regina's brain came up with the thought to her own annoyance. Their kiss the other day had barely lasted 28 seconds and yet it was the most she'd felt in 28 years. Or longer. And apparently all she'd had to do to make Henry happy was give him time with Emma as well.

It'd felt so good kissing her. So right. Familiar even. It was too much of everything and the feeling was overwhelming. Emma was right, they did have something special. She hadn't felt this in her heart since she was a teenager, she'd fallen in love so quickly then too - No. Don't start with that. This is not like that. There's no point in wishing for what could never happen. Wishes never come true.

"...you should play together."

"Sorry?" said Regina weakly, realising she hadn't been listening.

"I said, you should let Emma come over more often. You could borrow my xbox if you want, but only when I'm not playing it. Emma sucks at it too, she hasn't had much practice either so you'd be a good match for each other."

That just seemed to remind the boy of something and he pulled a rectangle of cardboard out of his pocket that had been folded in half. He handed it to her.

"I got an award at school yesterday. My team won the titration competition. We got extra points because of that thing you showed me how to do."

Regina opened the certificate filling up with motherly pride. "This is wonderful, Henry. I'm so proud of you. I know how hard you've worked hard for this."

Henry shrugged his little shoulders and smiled modestly.

"What did Emma say?" asked Regina.

"I didn't tell her. I don't think she knows what titration is."

Regina laughed in spite of herself. "No. She probably doesn't."

"She told me that chemistry is for nerds and I look like Harry Potter when I do stuff with the chemistry kit."

Regina thought that sounded just like something Emma would say. She didn't know if her son's birth mother was good with children in general but she had such a camaraderie with Henry. Or maybe, the thought gave her a sinking feeling, it really was down to genetics and biology and maternal instincts. Maybe what people say is true, that nothing compares to a child being raised by its birth parents. Maybe she'd been kidding herself all this time. Maybe her ten years with Henry had been borrowed time and it was running out. Now his real mother was here.

How can I compete with that?

Her heart whispered to her that perhaps the answer was not to compete but to share.

She looked over at her son (her son?) and saw that he hadn't moved in a while. He'd fallen asleep. He was too heavy for her to carry anymore so she leant over to pull the covers out from under him and tucked him in beside her and then switched off her lamp.

Regina put an arm around Henry and hugged him to her. She was tired but she fought sleep as long as she could, knowing that if he was awake he would probably wriggle away from her. She savoured it, wondering if it would be the last time she'd get to hold him like that before she lost him for good.

"I gotta go, my shift's over," said Ruby hastily. Her eyes darted towards the diner entrance as the bell rang signalling a new customer.

"Me too." Granny slid out of the booth after her granddaughter. Her arthritic joints protested stiffly as she stood up. "This place doesn't run itself."

Regina tried not to sigh as they too left her alone with lonely memories fresh in her mind. She was starting to regret spilling her innermost secrets to them now. She fiddled with the handle of her mug of now-cold vanilla latte. Neither it nor staying around for a similarly lonely meal seemed appealing in the slightest. She decided not to bother anymore and slid out of the booth to leave.

But just as she stood up without watching what she was doing, Regina nearly collided with someone.

"Hey, I'm starving. Is that seat taken?"