There will be another. Do not fret. Who knows after that. I'm having some trouble letting go of this baby.
I wish I was better at replying to reviews. Just know I read them all and am blown away by your insightful response. Amazing. I love you.
June 20, 2020
"You're pretty," I say, head propped up on one elbow so I can look down at his pretty, petty face. If anything, he just gets better lookin' as we get old. It's no fucking fair. His jaw is even more chiseled than ever and I have stretch marks.
Jerk.
"You're beautiful," he replies, flashing that crooked smile. His eyes remained closed behind his Ray Bans.
"I'm old," I correct.
"Your old?" Now I have his attention and he sits up, scowling at me in indignation. "I'm the one that just turned thirty five. I'm practically dead."
At this I snort. Now he is just being a drama queen. "Hopefully you got a few years left in you, dude. I'll kill you if you leave me to deal with the little monsters alone."
"You are more than capable, wife of mine," Edward says, lying down next to me. He reaches up and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.
"Yeah, still couldn't do it without you," I insist.
"Jeeze, Bella," he says, continuing to smile. "Don't get all mushy on me."
He is teasing me so I punch him in the shoulder. I get tickled in retaliation and then somehow end up sprawled on top of him.
"Beautiful," he repeats, touching my face with his fingertips.
"Charmer," I scoff, laying my head on his shoulder and snuggling in.
I close my eyes, listening to the creek babbling near by and enjoying the feel of the sun on my face and Edward underneath me.
"Are you going to miss this?" Edward asks quietly.
"Nope." My reply is instant. "I'm ready to go home. What about you?"
"I am so tired of the color green."
I laugh and sit up. "We should probably go. Got group dinner tonight. Big day tomorrow and what not. I dread taking the monsters on a plane."
"The poor unsuspecting people who have the misfortune to be on our flight," Edward jokes as he starts to gather our shit.
"Let's abolish bedtime for the night. Then, if we're real lucky, they'll be out for the count on the plane tomorrow," I say, standing and surveying the meadow. Our meadow. In the last five years, we didn't get out of the city much, but when do we always come to the meadow.
Edward used to come here when he was an awkward teen. I came here to heal. Now we bring the monsters to enjoy the rare and glorious sun.
"It's really only the one that we have to worry about," Edward says, folding our picnic blanket.
With hands on my hips, I look at the wild flowers, the creek, and the dense foliage beyond. Everything looks as it always does. Birds chirp, bees buzz. My heart stops when I realize the monsters are conspicuously absent.
"Fuck," I mutter under my breath, turning in a circle. Rustling in a nearby tree and a flash of color catch my eye and has me stomping across the meadow. "Masen Anthony! What did I tell you about climbing trees on your own? You are not a flipping monkey child!"
I hear Edward chuckle as he continues to pack up remains of our picnic lunch, totally unfazed. Almost five years of parenthood have mellowed him.
"Jeeze, Mom," says my kid. He already has far too much attitude. Masen is essentially me both in looks and personality, except with Edward's eyes. I should have known any child of mine would be a little hellion. "Calm your pants."
He pops out from behind a bush before army crawling his way over to me. Tyler recently let him watch some war epic and it's been a struggle to get him to walk like a biped since.
I sigh heavily as he hits a particularly muddy patch and see another flash of color in the same tree.
"You got your sister to climb the tree!" I shout, stalking over to stare up at Charlie who is clinging to a branch. Luckily she isn't too far up.
"You only say I can't climbed," Masen tells me. And he's right. That's a rookie mistake I made, right there.
"Hi, Ma," squeaks Charlie, obviously terrified but unwilling to let her twin in on this fact.
"Hello, darling. Whacha doin' up there?"
"I can't climbed down," she explains. "It's tall up here."
"How did you even get up there?" I ask, studying the tree. The shortest branch is about five feet up. Neither of my almost-five-year-olds could have reached that sucker.
"I power boosted her!" Masen screams, punching the air before dropping back to his belly. Poor kid really got an extra load of the Cullen lunatic gene.
"Edward!" I shout over my shoulder. "Little help, Hubs!"
I move closer to the tree. "Charlie-Girl?" I say, trying to reassure her. "We're gonna get you down. Okay?"
"How?" she demands. Charlie wants to know how everything works. She is the miniature of her father, both in looks and personality.
"I hate to break it to you, kid," I confess, knowing she isn't going to like my plan, "but you're gonna have to jump."
"No."
"Charlie, do you want to spend the rest of your life in that tree? I don't think they offer med school up there."
She wants to grow up to "fix people" like her daddy. The child is such a daddy's girl and it's awesome.
"I'll squish you," Charlie insists, wrapping her limbs more secularly around the branch. "Climbed up, Ma."
"Naw, kid," I say, relieved when Edward joins me, surveying the situation. "I'm too fat."
This makes Charlie giggle. "Are not, Mommy."
That's why I had kids, huge boost to the ego.
"Charlie, I'll catch you," Edward says, lifting his arms up toward our daughter.
She looks at him skeptically and I grin because that look is all me.
"Come on, kid," I say. "Daddy's a good catch. Has he ever lied to you before?"
"No," she says, smiling now.
"Trust me," he says.
"Okay."
"On the count of three."
Masen joins the count down with gusto. Charlie screams a little before letting go of the tree. She's only in the air for a bout a quarter of a second before she's safe in Edward's arms but Masen takes the moment to scream "fly, Charlie, fly!"
"Cool," says Charlie, looking up at the branch. Edward kisses her cheek, I laugh, and Masen is belly-down in the dirt. "Daddy, I got my sneaks all dirty."
Edward frowns and tries to clean the smudge on her otherwise pristine shoe. I roll my eyes at the pair of neat freaks.
"Masen," I say as we get back to the path that leads to the Cullen home. "I will drag you along by your earlobe if you don't stay on two feet for the walk back. We have to be at Mike and Jessica's in an hour and it'll take us twice that long if you go all army dude on us. You aren't fast."
"I'm fast!" he shouts, scowling at me. "I'm fast like a trout!"
And on that bizarre note we set off through the woods of Forks.
"Hiya, Bella."
"Hiya, Robs." I ruffle my favorite Newton's shaggy blond head as I step through the doorway, arms laden bags. "What's up, dude?"
"Just stuff, you know. I found a frog! He's in my room. Dad helped me get a home for him with water and stuff, but I had to promise not to tell Mom. Isn't that dumb? Mom knows everything," he babbles adorably.
"That's real cool," I reply. "What's his name?"
"Walter."
Walter? Fuck, I love this kid. He is so weird.
"Why Walter?" I ask, stifling a giggle.
"Dunno. He just looks like a Walter," Robbie replies with a solemn shrug. "Where's Masen?"
"Outside watchin' Uncle Tyler beat your dad's butt at basketball."
Without another word he zips off out the front door, nearly taking out Charlie who followed me in. She huffs before coming over to clutch my hand.
"He's rude, Mommy," she tells me, scowling. Charlie is just so adorable and so much like her dad I can't resist bending down to kiss her curly, bronze head.
Hand in hand, we walk through the house to the kitchen.
"What up, yo?" I shout dramatically when we enter. Tia jumps at the shove, startled by my sudden, loud intrusion. She scowls at me over her shoulder, and I smirk at her because some things never change.
"You're late," Jessica says, popping out of nowhere and giving me a hug even as she scolds me.
"I blame my son entirely," I reply, handing over all my bags. "Also your husband, T."
"What's all this?" Jess asks, puzzled.
"Pretty much all the food left in the Cullen house. I figured you could keep what you want and bring the rest to the food bank when you go volunteer next week."
"Sweet," says Jess, nodding.
"Hi, Camille," I say, turning my attention to the dark haired seven year old, diligently cooking next to her mom. I place a kiss on her cheek. "How you doin', pretty lady?"
"Good, Bella. I'm in charge of the nan."
"Looks mighty tasty. It smells so good in this kitchen."
Tia always makes the most delicious food. Apparently it's some sort of requirement for Indian girls to learn how to cook basically at birth. She even taught me a bunch of recipes in exchange for babysitting. It's awesome.
"What can I do?"
"You can get out of my kitchen," Tia mutters. We like to pretend like we still don't get along, but its all bullshit. We got mad love for each other, Tia and me.
"It's not your kitchen," I snark back. "This is Jessica's house."
Tia is interrupted before she can reply.
"Enough," cuts in Jess. "Bella, you are the guest of honor. Just sit your butt down and stay out of the way." She forces a beer into my hand and shoves me in a chair at the kitchen table.
"Fair enough," I say with a shrug.
We chat about nothing in particular and before long Lucy and Charlie are back bearing a large Barbie puzzle.
Lucy, as blond her brother and three years younger, climbs into my lap. "Help us make Barbie, Bella?" she asks, blinking her big baby blues at me. It's hard to believe we all made such pretty babies, but there really isn't an ugo in the bunch.
Charlie loves puzzles and she meticulously finds the corners and starts with the edge pieces like Edward taught her. Lucy's strategy is more luck based and I giggle as she just shoves random ones together.
"Ah-ha!" I shout when I connect two pieces of border. The girls think this is great and commence to say ah-ha whenever they find the right piece. Camille is attracted by the noise and the three of them laugh a lot.
I wander back into the kitchen with the other moms.
"So you're all packed up?" Jess asks, nursing her own beer.
"Yup," I reply. "Fuck, I hate moving. I told Edward I'm done. This is it."
"I'm not surprised," says Tia. "I always knew you two would end up back in Colorado eventually.'
"Yeah and this job offer couldn't have come at a better time. What with the monsters starting school next year," I agree, plopping myself on the counter by the sink.
"Bella," Tia scolds as she continues to diligently prepare our Indian going away meal.
"What? Have you met my son? I love the kid but he is totally a monster. Charlie is too, thought it's less obvious. She is sneakier than her brother," I say, eyeing Charlie as she laughs with the other girls at the puzzle. Recently, I've suspected that she has been framing her brother for various mishaps but I haven't been able to prove it. It doesn't help that they have a no tattle-taling pact against me. It's that stupid twin thing.
"I'm going to miss you guys so much!" Jess wails, getting all teary eyed.
"Snap out of it, man!" I shout back, mostly to keep myself from tearing up in response. "It's not like we saw that much of you when we lived in Seattle."
We put our Seattle home on the market about a month ago when Edward decided to take the job in Boulder. It sold quicker than anticipated – under the condition that we vacate right away – so we have been living in the Cullen's Forks home. It's been great being close to the Newtons and the Crowleys, but Edward has been basically living out of a hotel during the week so I'm ready to get to Boulder.
The house we bought there is less than a mile away from the house on Goss. I can't fucking wait.
"Still more than we'll see you when you live in Colorado," Tia points out.
"You'll just have to come visit," I tell them both.
"I think we can handle that," says Jess.
"Damn right," says Tia.
The man-folk and our male spawn all burst into the kitchen demanding dinner and complaining of extreme hunger. Tia and Jess scold them and there is a lot of yelling as Masen and Robbie protest the hand washing Jessica insists upon. Edward comes to stand in front of me.
"Hey, Hubs," I say, pulling him closer with my feet on the back of his thighs. "You're all sweaty." I push my hands through his damp hair.
"Gross, Bella," Jessica shouts from across the chaotic kitchen. "You better wash your hands too!"
Mike takes this moment to rub his own sweaty head all over his wife who shrieks and runs off with Mike in full pursuit.
Mostly, I ignore their antics because Edward is all sweaty and between my legs. I slide forward on the countertop to get closer. He leans forward, resting his hands behind me on the countertop and giving me a languid kiss.
"How were the hoops?" I ask when he pulls away. The question is a preventive measure designed to keep myself from humping him. That would be entirely inappropriate. Right?
Right.
"I dominated," he whispers in my ear. The word combined with his hot breath make me shiver. He is purposefully driving me crazy.
Asshole.
"No, you didn't," I say, giggling slightly and wrapping my arms around his shoulders.
"Bella," he says with mock indignation. "You are my wife. You are supposed to blindly accept anything I tell you."
He can't even keep a straight face as he says it and I giggle a little with him.
"Tyler and Mike take the b-ball pretty seriously, if I recall," I say, still trying to distract myself from the havoc he is wrecking on my body from the close proximity. Edward, despite he rather rigorous fitness regime of weights and running, has never been the best at sports. "And balls have never really been your thing, baby."
"No, that is more your area of expertise," he says, waggling his eyebrows at me. I punch him lightly in the arm. "Actually," he says, getting slightly more serious now. "I did take a ball right to the nose."
There is so much I want to say but don't being as we are surrounded by little ears. But I do laugh at him for a moment before regaining my composure and examining his nose. Sure enough, the bridge is a little red and slightly swollen. People who have spent less time looking at Edward's face probably wouldn't even notice the slight changes. But I've devoted a lot of time to looking at him. It's my wifely privilege.
"Poor baby," I coo, lightly brushing my lips over the spot. "Gettin' smacked around by balls to the face."
"Funny," he replies dryly.
I kiss his nose once more before moving to his lips. For a quick moment I forget where we are, and I lock my ankles behind him as I continue to kiss him lazily.
I've probably spent almost as much time kissing him as I have lookin' at him but I doubt I'll ever tire of either activity.
"Ew!" I pull away at the shout, recognizing my son's voice, but I can't see him. He then pops up from the ground and smacks Edward in the butt, hard. "No kissing!"
Edward lets out a growl and quickly pulls away to yank Masen off the ground. My little monster is over Edward's shoulder and upside down a moment later, making come sort of banshee noise that is a cross between scream and a giggle. Edward tickles Masen's dirty feet and the noise becomes a straight up laugh.
"Hey, you crazy Cullens," Tyler shouts from the dinning room. "Come and get it!"
Edward turns with Masen continuing to laugh and struggle over his shoulder. I follow, bending to make eye contact with my kid.
"No hitting, Masen," I remind him, trying to be stern. He just continues to giggle and I give up my little attempt at parenting.
The meal is set up buffet style and I make a plate for myself and Charlie, leaving Masen to Edward. That kid will eat anything. I once found eighty-nine cents in his diaper. Good thing I married a doctor. I was pretty convinced Masen was going to die but Edward reassured me that what went in would come out.
We all settle at the table and Jessica stands, demanding that we don't eat until she makes her toast. Most of the kids and Tyler ignore her and dig in, but she continues anyway.
"It seems like just yesterday that four of us were seated around this very table, attending a very similar fare thee well dinner," she say, nodding towards Mike, Tyler, and me. "That night was a bittersweet affair. We were going to miss Bell a lot, but we were happy that she was going after what she wanted. Well, she got it and for that we are all thankful. Edward, you and Bella made a beautiful family and we're really going to miss you. So good luck and safe travels."
All the adults lift their glasses, repeating the sentiment. Masen screams "live long and prosper," before dumping his entire glass of milk in Lucy's lap.
I have high hopes that the two of them will get married someday.
"I didn't see nothin'," Charlie insists, defending her brother. As usual.
When that clutterfuck is taken care of and Masen is properly chastised, everyone has a real good time. The adults plan fabulous future reunions and drink too much. The kids chatter happily and play a game they invented called manners. From what I gather, some of them exhibit good manner while the others embody bad.
I don't get the appeal.
Jessica ends the game when Charlie throws a glob of something at Robbie who retaliates by salting my daughter's hair and threatening to eat her. Lucy pokes Masen in the eyes, yelling "ah-ha" at the top of her lungs. Camille is the only child who chose to show good manners.
"Mom, please close your mouth hole!" Masen says, covering his ears as I give Charlie a nice lecture about where food is supposed to go. "She had to have bad manners for the win!"
"Don't say mouth hole," I tell him.
"Okay, bum-oley."
Monsters. I birthed monsters.
Camille is the only kid that gets out of dish duty with the dads.
It's way too late when we finally leave the Newton's. The goodbye is tough and I get even more teary than I expected. Edward looks at me with concern as I burst into tears in the car. I alarm myself with the violence of my sobs, and the twins touch my hair and grab at my hands from the back seat, telling me not to cry.
This is why I had children. They can be really sweet when they try.
Edward wrestles with the monster's upstairs while I go through our bags and walk through the house, making sure we have everything. We sent our furniture to Boulder when we moved out of our house in Seattle, so really we just have luggage to deal with. It's not the end of the world if we leave something, but I triple check my Masen-entertaining supplies. Charlie can focus on one thing for a long time, and should be okay with just coloring on the flight but Masen has the attention span of a goldfish. My carry on is full of activities for the monster.
I walk through Edward's childhood home once more, making sure everything is where it should be. A cleaning service will be here in a couple days, but it was real cool of Carlisle and Esme to loan us their house. I want to leave it as we found it.
Unfortunately, this means I had to spend most of yesterday painting a bathroom wall where a sharpie and toothpaste mural magically appeared. Both children claim no knowledge and even provide each other with alibis.
Monsters.
I'm tucking our boarding passes into my purse when Edward enters, closing the bedroom door behind him. We've been camped out in Edward's childhood room because sleeping in his parent's bed weirds him out.
"Are the monster's in hibernating?" I ask.
He doesn't respond. He just picks me up and tosses me on the bed. I giggle as I bounce a little before he falls on top of me. He just lies there for a moment, a dead weigh, as I wiggle around and laugh under him.
"You're crushing me!" I say with a laugh, tugging on his hair. He lies still for another moment before attacking me with his hands and mouth. His tongue plunges into my mouth and his hands yank at my shirt.
Edward and I have this great tradition of fucking all night as a goodbye to the various places we live. Though we've been in Washington for the last five years, we moved a fuck ton for a couple years between Edward's internship in Boston and his residency is Seattle. Those were a cool couple of years. Edward did some volunteer doctor stuff while I wrote a ton. We spend a couple months in Zambia, Cameroon, and then Ghana. We took a little trip to the rift before living in Spain for a while. But then I got knocked up and it was time to go back to the states.
Goodbye sex is always real good.
Edward's hand sneaks into my panties after removing my shirt and I roll us over roughly because I like to keep the hubs on his toes.
"Hey, no locks, bums!" shouts Masen, banging on the door. I let out a frustrated groan and tumble off Edward, lying next to him on my back.
"Fuck, did they trick you?" I ask him.
"Guess so," Edward muses, sighing heavily. The monsters do this thing where they pretend to be asleep so they can bust in on us a couple minutes later. Masen calls it storming the castle and they think it's real funny. It always puts off bedtime for at least half an hour and we never catch them plotting. It's that stupid twin thing they have going on.
"Daddy!" yells Charlie as Masen continues to abuse the door. "Prince Waldo wants in!"
"God, they have Waldo," I say in horror. "Edward, go save him."
Our cat is way too old to put up with all the shit he does. But he seems okay. Maybe the monsters are keeping him young.
Edward lumbers on over to the door, adjusting himself in his shorts, while I grab one of his t-shirts to sleep in.
"Sir Bella-pants!" Masen says, running over a saluting me. "Bow to the new Queen of Cullen-land!"
I glance at Charlie in the doorway where she's holding a resigned looking Waldo under his armpits.
"If your sister is the queen does that make you the royal knight?" I ask him.
"More like the royal jester," Edward mutters, picking up both Charlie and Waldo and moving to sit on the bed.
"No, she is the lady witch that fixers people with her magic stick," he informs me as if I'm crazy to not know this. "I am your Queen. Bow to me."
Okay then. Glad to see my son has ignored gender roles. How progressive of him.
"Your grace," I say. It's difficult to keep a straight face as I bow to him.
"Don't you call me that girls name, bum!" he yells, arms flailing at me. "I'll chop your face off."
Okay, so maybe not so progressive.
"My apologies, Queen Masen," I say dramatically, bending over to pick him up. We join the rest of the family on the bed where Edward is demonstrating for the zillionth time how to nicely pet Waldo. "I shall never again call you a girls name."
Edward chuckles at this.
Edward and I settle against the headboard with Waldo between us as the monsters jump around, showing us the proper way to honor the new queen of Cullen-land. It involves a lot of butt bumping and tongue waggling.
But eventually they lose steam and we all crawl under the covers together with Edward and I on the ends, facing each other. Masen lays his head on my arm and faces his sister. I run my fingers through his hair as Edward reaches to turn off the light.
"Daddy!" Masen yells.
Edward climbs out of bed, opens the blinds to let the moonlight in.
"Hows that, Mase?"
"The closet too," Masen insists. Edward dutifully turns on the light in the closet and shuts the door, letting the light in through the cracks.
"There's nothing in there, Masie," Charlie says, her voice sleepy. "I looked."
"But you don't know what happens in the dark," Masen defends. "It's too dark."
"It's the same as the light," Charlie replies, snuggling back in to Edward's arms. "But just dark."
"It's not the same."
"Your sister is right, kid," Edward replies softly.
"Just don't turn it off," Masen mumbles.
We all exchanges kisses and I love yous.
It's quiet for a while, and I think everyone is finally asleep. Edward reaches an arm across our kids sleeping, touching my cheek. I lean in to his touch slightly and push my foot in between his calves.
"What if they don't like me?" Masen mumbles, surprising me.
"Who, baby?" I ask.
"The people in Colorado."
"Masen, they love you," Edward tells him. "They are your family. Remember, we saw them for Christmas and they gave you a bunch of presents. You have fun with your cousins."
"I guess," Masen replies, sounding unconvinced. This whole little conversation is totally unexpected and just reaffirms my desire to move back to Boulder. We are the only part family to not live close and my kids don't know what it's really like to be a Cullen as a result. I want them to feel the acceptance and love I feel. And soon they will.
"Will they like me?" Charlie asks, picking up on Masen's concern.
"They love you already," I say. "Just like me and Dad do. You'll see when we get there."
"And if they don't, I'll chop off their faces."
"That really won't be necessary," says Edward.
Cute, aren't they? Fluff is usually not my thing, but I think I'm doin' alright.