Unraveling/Shock
Asahina didn't join them in the hospital. She waited on the sidewalk outside, ignoring the members of the other class that ran past her, and being ignored by them in turn. She can see the light from the room that they're keeping Owari in. The curtains have been drawn, but the shadows of those inside are imprinted in its colour.
"Hey. Uh, I heard what happened. That kinda sucks." Hagakure rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. She appreciated that Hagakure usually tries, but she can't think of a time that he was that great at being comforting.
"We were in the middle of a decathlon. Guess I win by default," she said without any enthusiasm.
"What happened?"
At his request, Asahina told him about how Owari collapsed in the middle of an event, about how she went limp at the zenith of her vault and flopped back to earth. She told him about the grey pallor to her skin, and how small Owari's hand had been in Nidai's.
"That sucks," Hagakure said. "So, you feeling okay?"
Asahina clenched her jaw. It was sore from all the teeth clenching she has been doing, but it was the good kind of hurt. It was the kind of hurt that let her know she was alive.
"Did you know her well. Y'know, back in school?" Asahina asked.
"Owari? Nah, not really. I mean she was a great customer – barely questioned anything – but I didn't know her personally or anything."
"We used to train together," Asahina said listlessly. "Sakura-chan and I would wave to her when we walked into the gym. Sometimes, she lifted with us. We'd spot for her when Coach Nidai wasn't available."
"Were you two friends?" Hagakure asked slowly. He inched away, as if ready to run.
"Yeah. I would have said so. Now look at her," Asahina said shortly. "I barely recognize her, and she acts like she has no idea who I am. And I'm supposed to feel bad about it, aren't I? I should be angry or hurt, or something."
"You mean because she doesn't still treat you like a friend?"
"Because of everything!" Asahina shouted, gesturing at the hospital. "This happened in front of me because of a competition I started. I saw her fall. She looked like she was dead. I was the one who had to leave her there to get help."
Hagakure looked very confused now. "So, you're mad because you think you mighta had something to do with this?"
"No, that's the thing. I'm not mad. I should be angry, or crying, or feeling something. But I don't. I was in there when they first tucked her into the hospital bed. I was right at her side. And I looked down at her, and I wasn't upset."
Hagakure pursued his lip. For once, he thought over his words before he said them. "Asahina-chi, what is it you want me to say?"
"I don't know! Just. . . Why am I like this?"
Hagakure repeated that last sentence, stretching it out like an elastic band. "Maybe you two were friends once, but that's not like a permanent thing, you know? People change. Just cause you had something in the past doesn't mean you have to keep it. If it did, Togami-kun probably would have left us to go restore his family's honour or something. And, well, Ultimate Despair? They're kinda awful. I mean, why should you care about them?"
She seriously thought it over. "I don't know."
"Exactly!" Hagakure said way too cheerfully for the topic. "We don't have a reason to care about them, so stop worrying about why you don't and just kick back and enjoy life."
God, she could imagine Naegi's dismay at hearing him. But it made sense to her. Naegi might believe in forgiving everyone, but that wasn't how the world worked. That wasn't how she worked.
When the next person rushed past her and into the hospital, Asahina was suddenly hit with a powerful urge to not be there. She took the long way back to her room, (Home, she thought with a trace of wistfulness), letting the sun's gentle heat burn off the edge of her worries.
She walked through the door and flopped onto the bed without turning the lights on. There, in the dark, she began to think.
"How is she?" Kirigiri asked Kamukura as he walked into the hospital's conference room. Togami is right at her side, listening intensely.
"She cannot recover naturally from this," Kamukura said. "This was destined to happen eventually. However, I did not expect it so soon."
"I understand the idiots were trying to hold a decathlon in one day." Togami scoffed. "There's a reason the events are spread over two."
"What do we do?" Kirigiri asked Kamukura directly.
Kamukura looked away. "She needs medical treatment."
"You're the Ultimate Doctor," Togami said. "You even have an Ultimate Nurse to assist you. Get to it, then."
"Togami-kun, this hospital isn't stocked," Kirigiri said gravely.
Togami's lips thinned as he finally registered the real problem. He glanced at the walls, as if one of them would hold a poster telling them what to do.
"Should we order a scavenger hunt?" Togami asked, although they could all tell that he already knew the answer.
"The type of supplies we need wouldn't be found lying around," Kamukura answered. "I memorized the geography around this area before we departed. I know where to go."
He paused. They all dreaded what he had to say next.
"It would take a few days."
"No," Togami said immediately. "If they find out, they will kill us."
"If we wish to save her, it is the only way. I cannot treat her with what we have," Kamukura said.
There's something in her tone she's never heard before: hesitance. With a jolt of sick fear, she knows why it's there; even Kamukura isn't sure what will happen while he is gone. There are two many variables, starting with despair and ending with Naegi. For once, he is not giving them an order. This is an actual choice.
"Owari is their first distraction," Kamukura said. "Naegi-kun will suffice as a second."
"But that doesn't mean they'll stay distracted," Togami pointed out.
"No. It does not."
What would happen if Owari died now, when the mistrust between their camps was already too high? Surely, Ultimate Despair wouldn't be bold enough to blame something like Owari starving herself on them. She would have been confident that they were safe, but Owari had been with Asahina and Naegi when the incident occurred. Nidai, too, had been there, but he had come in late. There had still been a long period of time where it was only those three, and Naegi was well known for his inability to acknowledge the darkness in others. She could see some members of Class 77 running with that, especially the more paranoid ones.
And Naegi, what of him? This chain of events had been initiated by Owari seeking him out – and of course, it revolved around him again. If he took on the mantle of Owari's killer, what would that mean for his recovery.
"We have to try," she said finally.
"This is a fool's plan," Togami said quietly.
"No. If it was hopeless, Kamukura-kun wouldn't have suggested it in the first place."
"I will leave within the hour," he said. "In three days, I will return. Until then, you must keep my absence a secret."
"Who's going to take care of Owari while you're gone?" Togami asked. "They'll be expecting you."
"Tell them I am creating a miracle cure in my secret laboratory," he deadpanned. "Tsumiki-san will be able to keep her alive in the meantime."
It's a horrible solution, but it's the only one that has a chance at keeping everyone on this island alive. She knew Togami didn't like it, but pretended not to notice as they hammered out the details with Kamukura. Finally, they had some semblance of a plan, and Kamukura immediately left to prepare for his voyage.
"If this goes wrong. . ." Togami began.
"We'll make sure it doesn't," she vowed.
In this kind of situation, Naegi would have expected to hear the steady beeping of a heart monitor. Alas, they didn't have one. They didn't have anything except for Owari's bed and some herbs Hagakure had gathered. He wondered if they were going to have to use some of Hagakure's 'natural' therapies after all.
Even Mikan was at a loss of what to do. She'd gotten Owari tucked in and was keeping a close watch on her temperature to make sure she wasn't cold, but that wasn't going to make her wake up. Mikan was adamant that the problem was malnutrition. Owari needed food, but due to the lack of information they had on Owari's internal state, Mikan was refusing to force food down her throat. She said it was possible that Owari couldn't swallow and she could choke on it. They didn't have a way to safely feed her. Even if they found a tube somewhere, it would probably end up being an industrial one.
Nidai hadn't left her side since he brought her in. He sat at the head of her bed, Owari's head resting on his thigh. Mikan sat on the other side, two fingers always on Owari's pulse point. The Imposter was the next closest, collapsed in a chair right next to the bed. He was pale, and his hand covered his mouth. Everyone else was in a rough semicircle around the bed, leaving a healthy space as not to crowd the patient.
And Naegi? He was at the back of the room, by the door, where nobody would see him.
What had he been thinking? He'd known she was weak. They had warned him something like this could happen. He had warned her this could happen. It had been just yesterday! And yet he had been so arrogant, he had been so selfish. . . He pushed this on her anyways, just because he wanted to prove he was right.
What kind of monster was he?
No one called after him when he slipped out the room. Good. He didn't deserve their concern. He didn't deserve their pity. He was a murderer. He'd killed one of them. He'd killed one of his friends and not even they – not even Ultimate Despair had done. . .
"Don't," he wheezed. A jolt of pain went through his body as he collapsed onto his knees. His arms wrapped around himself. "Don't."
Stop. He needed to stop thinking like this. He couldn't do that to her. This sucked, but . . . He could still turn this into Hope. He could do it. Just like with the others. Like his classmates, and Kuma and Iwa. . . Like the other martyrs. He couldn't buckle now and let all their work go to waste. He had to build them up again. He had to take this and make it a rallying point.
He giggled hysterically.
"It's Hope," he said aloud, as if he stood upon an imaginary stage. "It's not despair. It's Hope."
It felt like he was spitting up blood when he cackled. Something wet and hot was in the back of his throat. He swallowed it down and slowly rocked back and forth.
"Naegi-kun?"
The rocking stopped. His slit-like irises snapped open.
He pushed himself up to one knee and looked behind him.
"Komaeda-kun?"
He was there. Komaeda was here, right in front of him. Naegi didn't understand the strange, wide-eyed look Komaeda was giving him, but he was here. Wearing that same sweater he remembered, with that same wild hair style.
"You left," Komaeda said. "I thought you would have stayed."
He giggled. Komaeda jumped.
"Sorry. I know it was rude, but I needed to collect myself," Naegi said with a dismissive flick of his hand. "But I'm ready now. Let's go back in there. We can do this together!"
Komaeda half-turned, as if listening. But then he paused. "Do what?"
"Make Hope!" Naegi shouted giddily. "They're all wallowing in despair, but we can turn it around. We can bring Hope back!"
"You have to wait until it's over," Komaeda said absently. "Once they overcome this despair, I know their hope will shine brighter, but we have to wait for Owari-san to wake first . . ."
"No, we don't!" Silly Komaeda. Had he forgotten this was the Ultimate Hope he was speaking to? "We can make them see now. Why would we make them go through all this nasty despair first? Don't you see? This is just another guiding light towards Hope!"
He grabbed fistfuls of Komaeda's sweater. The other teen yelped and frantically tried to push him away, but Naegi clung.
"You understand, don't you? Despair is what did this to her. Now they have to see how awful it is. And when they turn their backs on despair, what else is waiting for them but Hope? And we can guide them."
Komaeda was taking slow steps back. Naegi tried to follow, but his legs weren't working right and he collapsed to his knees once more, still clinging to Komaeda's sweater.
"We can finally lead them to Hope," Naegi murmured. "Once I explain, they'll see. We can finally rid the world of despair once and for all. The cycle will be complete. Enoshima's world of despair will finally turn back to hope. Our mission will be complete."
He twisted his fists, tightening his grip on Komaeda's sweater. He waited for his praise.
"Is . . . Is this what I've always sounded like?" Komaeda's voice cracked.
"Huh? No, it's what Hope sounds like. But," he looked away as his cheeks heated up, "you did teach me, so I wouldn't be surprised if there's similarities."
Komaeda's teeth were grinding together. "Naegi-kun, let go of me."
"Oh, sorry!"
He let go and wiped his hands on his pants. Maybe they were dirty.
"Naegi-kun, this. . . This is a terrible time to try to spread hope."
"What? No, it's perfect. There's so much despair and Hope is the natural next step. Despair breeds Hope. You told me that, remember?"
"I did, but. . ." Komaeda smacked his forehead. "It does, but. . ."
"So, let's get in there and start working!" Naegi scrabbled to his feet, bouncing on his feet in anticipation.
"No," Komaeda said as Naegi tried to run past him. He put his hand out to hold Naegi's shoulder back and Komaeda touched him, Komaeda touched him.
"Naegi-kun, this isn't something that's going to bring them hope," Komaeda said.
"Not if we don't try," Naegi shot back. "You don't know what will happen."
"Yes, I do!" Komaeda's voice raised and Naegi cowered. With visible effort, Komaeda settled at his normal volume. "I do. This isn't the first time I've seen this."
"Owari-san's fainted before?" he asked, confused.
"No, not her, but . . ." He was barely audible. "Nanami-san."
"Nanami Chiaki?"
"I thought they would overcome it, too," he whispered. "I thought I could help. But I didn't, and there wasn't any hope that came out of it. Only despair. Only Ultimate Despair."
He listened, but had trouble understanding. Ultimate Despair was Enoshima's fault.
"When Nanami-san died, Kamukura-kun left and never came back." Komaeda laughed bitterly. "Well, he did, but when he did, it was so he could tear out hope by its roots. He never got over it. He still isn't over it. All that time, he wallowed in despair until. . ."
Komaeda swallowed.
"Until you."
"Of course. I'm the Ultimate Hope," Naegi said.
"Yes, you were. You did it without me." Komaeda's voice twisted into something tight and almost needy. "And I was jealous. So I tried to break that. I tried to make myself needed. I didn't care what I broke in the process, as long as I was getting what I thought I wanted."
"I . . . I don't understand."
Komaeda took a deep breath. Then he spoke.
"Naegi-kun, you can't make people just stop grieving. I know it hurts and it isn't pleasant, but it's important to them, too. When you try to ignore it and brush it aside. . . That's how all of this happens."
"But grief's part of despair!" Naegi protested. "Isn't it?"
"I don't know," Komaeda said softly. "But I don't think it is."
Naegi frowns. He feels like someone who's just been told that Christmas was canceled. "So, maybe later then?"
"Maybe. Come on, I need you get you back now."
"Already?" Naegi whined. He was hoping they could spend more time together.
Komaeda's hands were shaking. "I don't want anyone to know I was alone with you."
He tried to hold Komaeda's hand on the way back to the room, but Komaeda quickly yanked it away. No one said anything when they walked in, so it looked like they hadn't noticed he was gone. He looked up at Komaeda for further instructions, but Komaeda was already trudging ahead, paying him no mind.
Naegi frowned and then joined the crowd.