*This was originally all going to be one chapter containing Aurora but it got so long I split it into two; so this is the 2nd part. Thanks again Bec for letting me use her!*

Chapter 36

It Hurts To Breathe

Andie nervously waited on the front porch for Dean and Aurora to return. She was so focused on the empty road beside Bobby's junkyard that she didn't realize Sam was standing beside her until he lowered a hot cup of coffee under her nose. "Oh," She gratefully took the drink. "Thanks, Sam."

"Welcome." He curled up on the bench beside her. "So, I was thinking, when they bring Ca..." His breath caught sharply in his throat; he couldn't say her name; not yet. Not so soon. "When they bring her back; we can keep her in the panic room. She'll be safe in there until you –we – figure out how to fix this."

Andie took a long, slow drink of the warm java in her mug. She felt it warm down her throat and settle in her belly and wished that warmth would last. But it soon disappeared and was replaced by that cold, hard lump of guilt and anxiety that she'd been nursing since she'd fired that gun at her friend's chest. "What if I can't do it, Sam?" She whispered into her cup. "What if I can't bring her back?"

"Hey," Gently, Sam rested his hand against her back and slid it up around her shoulder.

"No, I mean it," Andie turned to him. "I just found out that I'm...that I have these angelic powers and...and I'm just supposed to know how to bring her back? I assume it's not gonna be like flicking on a kitchen light."

"You just..." Sam exhaled loudly. "You have to believe you can do this, Andie." His voice was strong; assuring. "And if it helps; I know you can."

"So do I." Ellie's warm voice floated into their ears as she stepped gracefully onto the porch.

"You're back." Andie couldn't keep the smile from inching onto her face.

"Yes. Uriel..." She shook her head dismissively. "He's never warmed to me; probably never will." She fiddled with her pearl necklace. "And by the way, Sam, I think it's a great idea to use the panic room." She patted his shoulder and squeezed herself between the two of them on the bench. "I'll sit with Cassidy until you're ready." She took Andie's hand.

"So...there's nothing you can tell me that'll help me figure out how I'm meant to do this?" Andie practically begged.

"I'm sorry, my dear, no." Ellie squeezed her hand. "But I will tell you; that having Castiel's help is the best way for you to accomplish this."

The familiar roar of an engine caught Andie's ear. Glancing up, she saw Aurora's truck pulling into the junkyard. Her breath caught in her throat and she instinctively gripped her grandmother's hand, feeling just like a child all over again.

"Why don't you take Andie inside, Sam?" Ellie turned to him. "I'll make sure Cassidy is safe."

"Sure." Sam rose to his feet and tried to obscure the car from Andie's view, but even he could see the body covered in a white sheet lying in the backseat of Aurora's truck. Still, Sam gulped and took Andie by the arm, grateful she didn't resist as he led her inside and upstairs. They didn't speak; they didn't do anything. They just sat together in one of the spare rooms until Dean came and found them.

"Hey, we're, ah," He cleared his throat. "We're done."

Both brother's looked to Andie, as if awaiting her order. "Do we have any beer?" She asked after a moment.

"What?"

"I need a drink," She got to her feet and averted both sets of concerned eyes as she headed out of the room. "I'll be on the porch."

Andie wasn't sure what she was feeling; and she was getting sick of feeling this way. One of the things she felt confident in when it came to her personality was her control of her emotions. So to have a spanner thrown into the works was a real...well...spanner in the works. She knew she had to be careful; her powers were tied to her emotions – which made so much more sense now that she knew they stemmed from angels - and when she lost control it was dangerous for all concerned.

After nabbing a beer from the fridge, Andie retreated back to the porch and sat cross legged on the bench again. Her mind was racing and yet foggy at the same time. How the hell was she supposed to bring Cassidy back? More to the point; how was she supposed to locate her soul? Never mind the fact that her supposedly dead grandmother was walking around; but now she was attempting to raise a corpse herself? Even by Andie's standards that was strange.

It didn't take long for someone to join Andie on the porch. Their footsteps were sharp and light so she knew it wasn't Dean or Sam; her grandmother seemed to just pop up out of nowhere; so it didn't surprise Andie to see Aurora come out carrying a cooler full of beers which she placed at Andie's feet. She selected one for herself and leant against the doorframe, staring off into the distance just as Andie was.

"How did you get her out?" Andie asked after awhile; not looking up.

"Well, the hospital wasn't too keen on the CIA investigating their premises." She explained with a triumphant smile. "All it took was few choice words with the administrator; they don't need my people in their business."

"Yeah, well to be honest, I don't really like your people in my business anyway." Andie complained.

"Jesus; do you have trust issues..." Aurora shook her head and slouched into the deck chair beside her. "Can't say I blame you... Dean told me about you, y'know..." She paused for a moment. "And your mum."

Of course he did, Andie thought as a niggle of annoyance rippled through her. "Yeah..." She muttered.

"If it makes you feel any better, my mum wasn't all that great either," Aurora took a bottle of beer from the cooler. "She was really prestigious... but my dad wasn't. Guess she thought we brought her down or something." She quickly swallowed down some alcohol to drown out those memories.

"How'd you get into the CIA?" Andie wondered aloud, curious as to why someone as beautiful as Aurora would chose such a career.

"My dad was a cop," Aurora replied. "Guess I was sorta born into it." She took another long drink. "What about your father; what did he do?"

"I don't really know; he died when I was three. He wasn't a hunter." Andie tapped her wedding ring against her beer bottle. "He was killed in a demon attack trying to protect my mother...she never got over it." Her brow creased itself of its own accord. "Guess being part angel didn't help her much back then..."

Aurora laughed gently. "I always think I'm getting a hang of this whole demon world," She smiled faintly as polished off her drink. "And then something like this happens."

"Well," Andie shrugged and swallowed a large gulp of alcohol. "Such is our life." The conversation was getting too close for comfort; at least to Andie, so she switched things up. "So, you and Sam?" She asked, making her voice more upbeat.

"Yep, well sort of," Her pretty face twisted into one of confusion. "And you and Dean."

"Yep," She took a long drink and drained the bottle.

"I always thought I knew that guy pretty well," Aurora shook her head and brushed some auburn strands of hair out of her eyes. "Never thought he'd end up someone's husband."

"I know the feeling."

"Sorry?"

"Imagine someone so irritating, so chauvinistic and juvenile and actually quite gross... I hate guys like that." Andie limply shrugged her shoulders, a smile making its way onto her face. "And yet I fell in love with one."

Aurora laughed. "That's because once you get past the irritating, childish, grossness you see what he really is. A good man who would do anything for you." She let herself drift off to a memory of when she thought of her Winchester boy like that. Sam had been so precious to her; and yet he'd stabbed a knife through her heart by lying about Dean. A sad smile played at her lips, "Goddamn it's hard to love a Winchester." She barely managed to whisper.

"I'll drink to that." Andie clinked her empty bottle against her new friend's and let out a satisfied breath.

Aurora chucked her empty bottle aside. "I should get back on the road; got some paperwork to lose on this matter." She sent a playful smirk at Andie.

"Hey..." Andie called her back. "Thank you...for doing what you did. I know you didn't have to." She gulped awkwardly. "I, ah, I owe you one."

"You're welcome." Aurora smiled. "That was hard for you, wasn't it?"

Andie sighed. "Yep."

Aurora paused before heading back into the house. "I hope everything works out for you guys." She said, her voice genuine. "I really do."

Andie didn't really know what to say; she just offered a wobbly smile back and watched Aurora leave. She heard her call Sam's name as she entered the house and assumed they were saying their goodbyes. At least they weren't yelling; maybe all was not as lost as Aurora seemed to think.

Curled up on the bench, Andie watched the night sky start to lighten as the day broke. She became aware that she was twisting her wedding ring around her finger again; she seemed to do it all the time. Aurora's words played over and over in Andie's mind. Why were she and Dean still married? Were they really just lazy, or did neither of them really care? It didn't seem like the kind of conversation they were going to have any time soon; both of them just preferred to keep the messy stuff out of the way; it made their lives a hell of a lot easier.

After Aurora left and the sun was almost fully awake, Andie went looking for Dean. She found Sam dead asleep on the couch and assumed Ellie was down in the basement with Cassidy inside the panic room; though Andie still didn't want to go down there. Not yet. She found Dean where she expected to find him; out by the Impala leaning against the bonnet watching the horizon. It had been a hell of a couple of days for all of them; they were all taken short moments to go over things and Andie realized she might be interrupting Dean's moment, but something Castiel said earlier made her approach him anyway. His answer when Andie had stated that after being raised from Hell that Dean was fine. Is he?, Castiel had replied.

"The sunrise..." Andie commented as the golden glow rose over the horizon. "It's beautiful." She scooted herself up onto the bonnet behind Dean.

"Yeah…" Dean agreed, keeping his eyes on the horizon. "I know you heard him, Morgan." Dean said a moment later. "Alastair. What he said back at the church...about how I had promise."

That took her mind back, even though it had only been two days it felt like an eternity ago. Hell, Andie could still feel Cassidy's warm hand in her own as she sat with her waiting for the ambulance. But now that she let herself remember Alistair, that horrid, smarmy demon who'd really gave them a working over, she vividly recalled what he'd said about Dean. "Yeah, I heard him." Andie confirmed; but she didn't press the matter.

Dean cast his eyes over his shoulder at her. "You're not curious?"

"Yes, I'm curious. But you don't wanna talk about and I'm not gonna make you. When I don't wanna talk about something; you don't push it." She pointed out, mentally kicking herself for her attitude towards him earlier. Everything he'd done today he'd done for her; and she hadn't as much as thanked him. "Truth be told; I don't like to remember what it was like when you were gone. I'd like to erase those four months from my life."

"It wasn't four months, you know." Dean whispered.

"Sorry?"

"It was four months up here, but down there..." Dean tried to steady his shaky voice. "I don't know; time's different. It was more like 40 years."

"Oh, God." Andie murmured, hanging her head in disbelief.

"They, uh... they sliced and carved and tore at me in ways that you," A boyish smirk played at his lips; as though trying to hide fear with arrogance. "Until there was nothing left." His voice lowered in register; the childish innocence vanishing. "And then, suddenly... I would be whole again." He gulped. "Like magic...just so they could start all over again."

Andie had to bite her lip to stop herself from crying. The very idea that someone could do something like that to a human being was repulsive. But to do it to her Dean? How dare they? Her mind forced out the horrid images that kept flashing in front of her eyes of Dean being ripped to shreds while screaming in agony; screaming like he had been in all those nightmares she'd suffered in those four months. Now she was dreading the realization to dawn on her that those nightmares might be more real than she'd first thought.

"And Alastair..." Dean continued, trying to keep his voice strong. "At the end of every day... every one... He would come over. And he would make me an offer. To take me off the rack... if I put souls on...if I started the torturing. And every day, I told him to stick it where the sun shines."

Andie felt a faint smile tugging at her lips, but her tears bore nothing but pity for this broken man in front of her; my broken man, she thought.

"For 30 years, I told him." Now, he voice shook. The pain of what he was admitting to verbalizing itself as he spoke.

Andie tilted her head to the side; seeing his facial features contorting into devastation.

"But then I couldn't do it anymore, Andie." His voice was so small; almost begging in tone. "I couldn't. And I got off that rack. God help me, I got right off it, and I started ripping them apart. I lost count of how many souls. The -- the things that I did to them.

Then, he broke. Andie had never seen him cry, but this was even more than that. His heart was breaking right in front of her. And now she understood.

The way he'd come back, the way he'd just slipped right back into his old self as if he'd never been gone; it was to protect himself from the realization of just how awful the things he did were. Not only that, but since Cassidy's death, Dean had been the strong one. He'd been the one to keep her steady and on her feet. He'd been her husband and Sam's brother; he hadn't let his own thoughts or feelings seep into any of it because he didn't want them to be burdened by him.

Sliding off the Impala, Andie moved in front of Dean and rested her hands gently on his knees. His head dipping into his chest as his face cringed with tears, he let out a slow, jagged breath. To see him like this caused a physical reaction in Andie's body; it tore at her insides so violently she thought it was happened to her. A man so shattered; how could she fix him?

Andie slid her hands up around the back of Dean's neck and rubbed her thumbs just below his earlobes. "Dean…" She whispered quietly as she tilted his head up to meet her eyes. All she saw was sorrow looking back at her; a fragile man full of regret and self-hatred.

"How I feel..." He continued tearfully. "This... inside me... I wish I couldn't feel anything, Andie." His chin quivered as fresh tears slid down his pained cheeks. "I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing."

Andie's burst into tears the moment she flung her arms around Dean's neck. "I'm so sorry," She whispered as he tightly squeezed her as close to him as he could. "I'm so sorry I couldn't get you out of there." She took a long, steadying breath. "But I promise…I'm not leaving you anymore."

Aurora was right; it was hard to love a Winchester. But Andie knew, holding Dean's frail body in her arms, that she'd never feel this way about someone else; never feel this connection of friendship and trust. The word 'love' didn't explain what she felt for this man in her grasp; no word could. They were…indefinable, Andie let herself smile as she stroked the back of Dean's neck. I like the sound of that…

xxx