Prentiss

"Just listen to me!" Hotch raised his voice, "Please?" He lowered it for his plea. We had been arguing for a while now in my room. Everyone else had since gone to their rooms after we had dinner and then a few drinks as we played board games in the living room. I spent most of the evening by Rossi's side, having missed him so much. He didn't seem to mind one bit. Now I was praying that Hotch and I were quieter than it sounded to me because if we were as loud as I thought, the team may very well be able to hear our words.

"This is clearly not what you—"

"I swear to god if you say "want"," He shook his head, cutting me off, "Is this you trying to end things with me while trying to make it seem like it's my fault? Because if you don't want us to happen anymore then that's fine, I can't change what you want, but don't you dare try and blame this on me."

"I never said I wanted us to stop."

"And neither did I! Morgan, Rossi, and Reid have no idea about u, and so they're assuming I'm seeing someone else. Do you really think I would be stupid enough to cheat on someone like you? I wouldn't do that because for one, you terrify me, and two, you're too good to lose."

"You can't cheat on someone that you're not dating…" I mumbled quietly.

"That's what all this is about? That I haven't taken you out on a date? Or officially referred to you as my girlfriend, or other half or something? Because in case you haven't noticed, things have been a little tough lately."

I shook my head as tears filled my eyes again. I tried to blink them away as I took a deep breath before I spoke, "You shouldn't be with someone you don't love."

"So what you're trying to tell me is that you don't love me?"

"No, that is definitely not what I am saying, because that would be false…" I didn't want to say it first and I wouldn't, but that didn't mean that I couldn't imply it, "What I am saying is that I know that you don't love me."

He shook his head, "When did I ever express that I didn't love you? This is about Chris, isn't it? Of course it is, because the other night you said that you knew that no one would love you after Chris," He nodded as he ran his hand through his hair. He was contemplating what to do or say next. He took both my hands gently and pulled me to the side of the bed before pushing me back to sit. I fell back and sat on the bed. He dropped down to his knees in front of me and looked up into my eyes, "You're broken."

"No." I shook my head and turned my head to look away from him as more tears stung my eyes.

"Look at me," he held my chin gently and turned me back to face him. He spoke again once my eyes met his and stayed there, "You are broken, and I completely understand that. All I am asking of you is that you give me a chance to fix that. Please, Emily?" I closed my eyes but I didn't reply; I didn't shake or nod my head, I just sat and tried desperately to hold my sobs back. Just when I was about to open my eyes again, I felt his lips press against mine softly. I didn't want to respond – I wanted to push him back and either continue to discuss this and work it out or end it like I knew it should be for him to feel better – but I responded immediately. My lips moved against his and my hand sat on his forearm beside me briefly before it brushed up his arm, touched his cheek, and then moved to sit against the back of his neck.

He stood up and moved me backwards to lay down on the bed as he climbed over me, his hands drifting down to my hips. I wrapped both legs around him and intensified the kiss. He lifted me with one arm and held himself up with the other and lay me correctly on the bed, my head on the pillows. After a while of kissing and my clothes stripped to just my underwear, him just to his boxers, he pulled away and I whimpered.

"Where are you going?" I asked as he crawled off the bed.

"Well I've heard that you're into a bit of BDSM, and while I'm not extremely comfortable with the inflicting pain side of it, I don't see the harm in tying you up…" I smirked and bit my lip as he walked to my closet.

I woke early and didn't dare move an inch. Hotch lay over me, his head resting in my neck, his arm draped over me, and our legs entwined. I closed my eyes as I thought through last night. I smiled and opened my eyes when I felt his lips press against my neck. I looked down to him and his eyes met mine. I smiled again and a small gasp left me when his hand moved from my stomach, down one thigh, across and up the other until he reached where he his aim was. I closed my eyes as he worked.

After a while, I lay breathless and he kissed my cheek before sitting up. I would have returned the favour once I could move again but he was already up and getting fresh clothes out of his bag. "Good morning." He winked before leaving the room swiftly, probably to have a shower.

I closed my eyes and couldn't fight the smile on my lips. I rolled over across the bed and lay with my face down in the pillow he had been sleeping on; it smelt faintly of his aftershave. I loved that smell. I heard a knock on the door and shot up. "Just a minute." I jumped up quickly and almost tripped as I ran around the room and threw our clothes into places that they would be unseen. I neatened the bed a bit and slid my robe on quickly before walking to the door and opening it. Garcia stood on the other side with a large smirk. "…What?"

She walked in and closed the door behind her. She pulled me to the bed and sat down, pulling me down with her, "I walked past your room like ten minutes ago and it sounded like you were enjoying yourself. Don't worry, no one else would have heard anything, but tell me everything!"

I smiled and shook my head, looking down, "I don't know what you're talking about."

She rolled her eyes, "Fine, don't tell me. I know it's only for a few days, but is it good having him around again?" My smile faltered and she noticed. "Why are you making that face?"

"Is it wrong to keep doing this? I mean, we're keeping it from the guys, we can't ever tell anyone if I ever happen to return to the BAU. I love him a lot, but I know that he doesn't love me, so is it wrong to let this go on?"

"God, I miss these conversations," She said quietly before answering me, "No, I don't think it's wrong. I think that it makes you happy, and although I disagree with you and I think that he does love you, if Hotch wanted to stop, he would. As far as I'm concerned, as long as there's consent from both sides, it's completely okay."

I smiled and looked down, "Do you think he's seeing someone?"

"I think he's seeing you."

"But the guys—"

"The guys don't know a thing about the two of you. If they knew, they'd understand Hotch's moods. They only think he's seeing someone else because they don't know. About that, when are you going to tell them?"

"…I was waiting for Hotch to do it. I don't think he wants to…and that is because he doesn't see us getting anywhere further than the bed."

"Well, I think you're wrong and I think I just heard the shower stop so I'm going to leave before he comes back in here. See you later." She stood and walked to the door quickly. I watched her leave before I fell backwards and lay on the bed, staring at the roof above me.

I sighed and got up after a while. I went and had a quick shower once Hotch was out of the bathroom and changed into my usual wear for the past time here, and I brushed my hair before going downstairs. They were nowhere to be found inside, and so I got a mug of coffee before making my way out to the porch where I saw them all.

"Hurry up and finish that. We're taking them riding." JJ smirked.

I looked around my team, "Do any of you know how to ride?"

"Nope." Morgan shook his head. Savannah shook hers too.

"I haven't ridden before, but I can't say I don't know how to. It's really quite simple, if you just—"

"Reid," I held my hand up, "It's a yes or no question."

"Oh…well no."

I looked at Hotch, Rossi, and Garcia. I knew Garcia had ridden as a child, so she would only need some refreshers and to relearn some stuff like JJ and I had. They both nodded in response to my question. I looked back at JJ, "You're in charge of those three." I motioned to Reid, Savannah, and Morgan.

She rolled her eyes, "Can't be that hard."

I raised my eyebrows and nodded, "Right…well good luck." I drank my coffee quickly and took the mug back inside. I walked back towards the door and slid my boots on. I took my hat and flipped it over onto my head as I exited the house again. "Alright, let's go then."

It took us a while to teach them all how to saddle and bridle a horse properly. We had discovered throughout the day that Reid definitely was not a fan of horses, Garcia remembered quickly and only had to learn a few things, Hotch and Rossi rode like they had been doing it recently, and Savannah and Morgan were very fast learners. Morgan was a bit impatient, but he handled it fine. We rode up the hill and showed them where JJ and I would go every morning and night, we showed them the river, we showed them the whole farm from corner to corner. We ended back up the hill again as the sun began to set and JJ and I dismounted immediately. We tied the horses to the nearby trees that we always did and waited for the others to follow suit.

"It's beautiful." Garcia said quietly once they were all approaching us.

I smiled, "It's my favourite place here."

"…How much do you the two of you like it here?" Hotch asked hesitantly.

JJ looked at him quickly, "Why?"

He smiled, knowing full well – like the rest of us – what she was hoping to hear next, "Because Dave and I spoke to Doctor Nicol last night and she's been in constant touch with Amber and Jake, and she thinks that the both of you have made enough progress here than you may ever make and that you can come home."

I closed my eyes. I had been thinking about this all day; what I would do if it were offered soon. I didn't expect it to be this soon. I still had so much to work out on my own, so much in my mind to sort through. JJ, Savannah, and Garcia squealed as JJ hugged them before she hugged Reid and Morgan, both wearing large smiles. Rossi smiled and kissed her cheek when she hugged him, and then she hugged and thanked Hotch. After a few more seconds, I opened my eyes and felt JJ touch my shoulder, "Why are you not happy?"

"Yeah, you were just told that you can come home?" Savannah questioned.

"Home as in Virginia…with us!" Garcia said excitedly.

I nodded, "I know what I was just told, I'm just not so sure that I want to," I saw Garcia's shoulders slump out the corner of my eye and JJ sigh quietly. I turned to face the team, "It's not any of you, I just don't think that I want to go back there and act as though nothing ever happened. I mean, I don't even know if Chris is completely gone yet."

"But you haven't heard or seen him even once since our first week here…" JJ said quietly.

I nodded, "But that doesn't mean that he won't come back. I met him in Virginia, I fell in love with him in Virginia…I left with him in Virginia. He died in Virginia."

"But it was only in your head…"

"And being there might remind me every day of everything he did and every mistake that I made. I'm not ready to face that possibility yet."

She shook her head and I knew she was getting either angry or irritated; I couldn't determine which one yet. "You told me that you were letting go and that you were happy with who you're seeing now."

"And I am happy with who I'm seeing now, and I am trying to let go, but it's not that easy. Surely you understand that; you couldn't even wait ten seconds before you took that phone from me last night."

"Okay, that is completely different, and you obviously aren't as happy as you say you are if you haven't let go."

I raised my eyebrows, "Boy, are you making me want to come back home right now," I said sarcastically, "And he has nothing to do with this so do not try and bring him into it or use him against me," My voice was calm and quiet, but she was definitely angry, "Why are you getting so angry? Just because I might not go home yet doesn't mean that you can't."

"Yes it does because I'm not leaving you here on your own. Literally the only thing that would make me hesitant is Alaska," She motioned to the horses behind her, "but I know that she'll be fine and that I can come see her whenever I want. Why does everything have to be so damn complicated with you?"

"You're making it complicated, JJ."

She shook her head and turned, walking back to the horses quickly. I raised my eyebrows and looked back at the team. Hotch stepped forward and touched my arm briefly as he walked away, "Walk with me." I sighed and smiled at the others before running to catch up to him. We walked for a short while before he stopped and turned to me. "What is that about?"

"What?"

"JJ, Amber, and Jake all told me that you hate it here and I doubt that they're all suspecting the wrong thing, so why don't you want to come back? I thought you'd be happy…"

"I am happy that I am allowed to come back, and I don't exactly like it here, no."

"Then what is it?"

"I'd rather not talk about it." I shook my head.

"It's me, isn't it?" He concluded.

I sighed and looked away, "I just know that when I come back and you start seeing me more again, then you're going get sick of me and you're going to end it and then I'm not going to be able to stay." I looked back at him.

He shook his head as he looked away and snickered in disbelief, "Why are you so convinced that I don't love you?"

"…I didn't mean to offend you or make you angry, Aaron. I just know what it's like to—"

He shook his head again as he cut me off, "Maybe if you stopped telling yourself and others all the time that I don't love you, then maybe you wouldn't be convinced. Yeah, Garcia told me. Thank you for letting me know that the girls knew, by the way."

I looked down and closed my eyes, "Sorry that I told them."

He huffed quietly, "I don't care that they know, Emily. I don't care if you want to tell Dave, Morgan, and Reid or if you want me to tell them. What I care about is the lack of commitment you seem to think I have to you." I bit my lip and looked at him. He shook his head, "I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart."

I closed my eyes again and smiled at his term of endearment. I loved it when he gave me nicknames like that; it happened to rarely. I felt his finger touch my chin gently and he pushed my head back up from where it had dropped, and his lips pressed to mine. I kissed him back multiple times before I pulled away, "The team is waiting." I whispered quietly. He took his hands away from where they had been resting on my hips and winked at me before walking past me, back towards the way we had come. I smiled to myself and followed a step behind him.

When we got back to the team, I saw JJ laughing at Reid, and the others were smiling, all listening to them talk. They quietened when we reached them and I walked to JJ's side slowly. She looked at me hopefully and tilted her head slightly as if to ask for me to give in and go home. I smiled and nodded slightly. She smiled wide and hugged me, whispering her thanks in my ear. The rest of the team hugged me briefly, and then JJ decided we should head back to the farm before it got dark. I took a few extra seconds to look over the sun that had almost gone down completely as the others untied and mounted their horses. Hotch touched my hand briefly, probably already ensuring no one was watching before he did, and motioned for me to come. I walked by his side to the horses and we untied them before mounting. JJ and I led the way down the hill and towards the farm; they followed at their own pace. We couldn't gallop of course, because there was no way we'd even try and get Morgan, Savannah, and Reid to do it, and so we just walked, sometimes cantered.

I wouldn't be going home to Virginia, I would be going home to Hotch – to be with him and Jack and it be in his arms again – because that's what home really felt like to me.

"She knew she loved him when 'home' went from being a place to being a person." – E. Leventhal