Author's note: Wassup, everybody! Sorry for the delay. It's been over a month, I know, but I got a lot of sh*t going on. My home internet has suddenly stopped working for a while, I've been struggling to find a job, and I think I may have a serious case of writer's block. Seriously, sometimes creative sh*t wants to just jump out of my head and onto Microsoft Word, but there is always this mental blockade that prevents me from popping these chapters out on a regular basis. It's crazy, but there's not much I can do about it. With that said, I know you guys been enjoying my story so far, so I will definitely keep up the writing.
Also, I've been playing "Claptastic Voyage" over this past month. You know, that "Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel" DLC that focuses mainly on Claptrap. I'm not gonna spoil for you if you haven't played it, but, in general, people treats Claptrap like crap, and sometimes he doesn't deserve it. So part of this chapter focuses more on the belittlement of this poor little robot and how some of us may be able to relate to it.
Also, this chapter is supposed to end with all of the corporate vault hunters just depart from Sanctuary and head onward to the Crimson Knight's base, but then I realized that it'll be way too long to just fit in one chapter, with all the character interactions and everything. Man, this story has soared through over 200,000 words and we are still barely 25% done. What I'm saying is … this story is going to be frickin' long. I plan for it to be frickin' long, but I do not intend to do too much padding just to fill up space. Vaults need to be hunted, so make it snappy, know what I mean?
Anyway, sorry about the rant. Enjoy the reads, motherf*cker!
Chapter 36: Sanctuary Morning
It is now early morning in Sanctuary, as the dawning sun shines its warm glow upon the floating city. People have now awakened from their slumber and proceed onward to their morning routines. Whether it's cooking up breakfast, brushing their teeth, watching their latest ECHO-news broadcast, or stripping naked and shouting from the top of their lungs how awesome the Universe is.
Wait, what?
"GOOD MORNING, UNIVERSE!" K.C. shouted from the top of his lungs. As you may have already guessed, he is currently butt-naked, standing proudly on the rooftop of a random small building in Sanctuary, and gazing far towards the horizon at the rising sun. He also seems to be flexing his muscles and doing various exaggerated poses, like he is pretending to be in a naked body-building competition and everyone around him is the audience. One can clearly extrapolate from this situation that the precise amount of f*cks he gives is equivalent to the amount of clothing he is wearing right now … precisely zero. "For your first baby words was not 'mama' or 'papa' but 'B*TCH, I'M ECSTATIC!', I'm going to follow your wise-ass philosophy by waking up as early as possible to BECOME THE MOST EXTREME OF THE MOST EXTREME! Extremeness! Radicalness! Aggressiveness! Outrageousness! And Explosiveness! The TRUE path of becoming the THICKEST AND LONGEST SAUSAGE IN EVERY GODDAMN SAUSAGE FEST THAT HAS EVER EXISTED! That probably came out wrong but WHO GIVES A SAUSAGE LICKIN' F*CK?!"
As K.C. Dynamo was delivering his epic morning speech, it attracted a small crowd of Sanctuary citizens around his vicinity. Everyone was looking up to his chiseled buttocks from below with a sense of speechless awe, as if the three letters 'WTF?!' just wasn't enough to describe this sort of situation anymore. Among them were the irritated Lilith, the embarrassed Maya, the impressed Brick, the astonished Salvador, and the mesmerized Tina. If Lilith and Maya were to facepalm themselves in response to K.C.'s immaturity, their hands would probably go through their faces. On the other hand, Brick and Salvador were rubbing their chins and probably thinking to themselves that this habit of early morning full-body indecent exposure might be something they could get into, much to the gagging horror of pretty much everyone else. As for Tina … well, Tina practically didn't even blink when she was hypnotized by those tan muscular glutes gleaming over the morning sunlight. Also, she was drooling with her mouth open while sporting a dumb smile on her face because of course she is.
"Oh no, he didn't …" Brick commented in quiet awe as he looked up.
"Gotta give it to the kid. He's got cojones (balls). Really BIG cojones." Salvador added with mild interest.
"Tina! NO! Stop staring! And also … STOP DROOLING! NSFW! NSFW!" Lilith shouted annoyingly at Tina, like a mother trying to protect the innocence of her child by preventing her from watching R-rated movies, before ordering Maya to interrupt this inappropriate nastiness. "Maya! Cover her eyes! Get Tina out of here! NOW!"
"Roger that, Lil." Maya obeyed obediently before she covers Tina's eyes from the sexy nakedness and carry her away from the scene.
"Maaaaaiiiiinnnnn squuuuueeeeeeeeeezzzzzeeeee~ hehe … hehehehehe …" Tina said with a drooling smile as she is carried away.
"Hey! K.C.! What … the … HELL do you think you're doing?!" Lilith shouted irritatingly from below. "Get back down here! And for God's sake, put some clothes on!"
"Oh hey, badass siren lady!" K.C. shouted as he looked down towards Lilith. "It's good to wake up early in the morning and bathe in the sun's glory! Talk about a huge dose of AWESOME VITAMIN D! You guys should definitely try it sometime!"
"Thanks for the tip, ninito (little boy)! Maybe, I'll try it sometime!" Salvador shouted enthusiastically, with a hint of real consideration of actually trying it.
"Salvador! Stop encouraging the kid!" Lilith complained irritatingly as she pointed an incriminating finger at Salvador.
"Aww, c'mon, Lil. The kid's just trying to have some fun." Brick casually defended K.C.'s ridiculous actions. "Believe me, when I was his age, I got into a lot worse trouble that that."
"You guys should probably take a picture! It'll last longer!" K.C. loudly suggested.
"We are not taking …" Lilith grumbled with a low tone of annoyed anger before phase-walking to the top of the building next to K.C. and proceeding to kick his sorry ass off the rooftop, causing K.C. to come crashing down on ground level. "… PICTURES!"
"AAAHHH! …" K.C. shouted as he falls down to the ground.
K.C. took the full force of Lilith's siren-style ass-kick and clumsily landed on his ass. Because, as they always say, badasses always land on their asses. Or something like that …
Meanwhile, in the miniature recording studio within the Blue Moby, the two familiar reporters were up and awake at their stations, preparing to record their next bit of footage for the Corporate Vault Hunt reality ECHOnet show, though one of them is more energized than the other. While the awake-and-alert Patrick is in his usual formal attire and holding a stack of papers in one hand while holding a mug of coffee in the other, the sleepy-head Xiao Lan Chen is still in her pink-colored flower-patterned pajamas, snuggly hugging her cushy body-pillow with a picture of *insert favorite anime character* on it, and leaving her messy hair ungroomed. As they both sit beside the long rectangular table with camera at the front and green screen at the back, the cameraman couldn't help but notice that something is just not quite right.
"Good maowning, pee-po. *Snooze* A'm juist go-in ta sweep wight hear, snuggwin' my comfy pillou *Snooze*." Xiao Lan muttered in a half-asleep state. Her eyes are barely opening as she wraps her arms tightly around her body pillow while sitting in front of the camera.
"Uhh, is she alright? She looks like one of those zombies from 'The Sprinting Dead', only way uglier." the cameraman interjected.
"HOOT U KAWLIN' UGLIE, U KNOW-NAME CAMERAMAN?! … *Snooze* …" Xiao Lan snapped at the cameraman while still half-asleep.
" *Sigh* She'll be fine." Patrick reassured sternly. "We were just staying up all night editing the rest of the footage for the Corporate Vault Hunt. We barely have anytime to sleep."
"In that case, how are you still wide-awake?" the cameraman asked curiously while scratching his head.
"I have gone through plenty of sleepless nights before. It sort of comes with a career in the media industry." Patrick replied casually as he adjusted his glasses. "Anyway, let's roll the cameras."
"Are you sure about that? She isn't even dressed for the part." the cameraman asked with concern.
"It'll be fine. This show needs a bit of ingenuity anyway. This is a way to mix things up for the show." Patrick suggested.
"If you say so." the cameraman shrugged before turning on the camera and letting it roll. The broadcast is starting and Patrick is getting ready to act out his part while Xiao Lan is snoozing away.
" *Clears throat* … Welcome to another episode of the Corporate Brand Allegiance Vault Hunt …" Patrick Anderson presented to the camera with formality. "… taking place here on Pandora where the air smells of piss and gunpowder and people customarily greet each other with a bullet to the face. I'm Patrick Anderson."
"… and ah am wat's it cal a fow-war dat looks like ah rawjina … *mumbles incoherently* …" Xiao Lan added while still half-asleep before releasing what I would call a mildly audible fart while on-camera. It's not just any type of random fart, either. It's a specific type of fart. You see, in this world, within the gastronomic cavities of the digestive track of anyone who has ever taken a sh*t, there exists many different types of farts. There are loud farts, quiet farts, long farts, short farts, smelly farts, aromatic farts, and even rhythmic farts that could be turned into music if done right. I'd say that the fart is not too loud and not too lengthy, much like the farts that are typically released by a lady … or so I was told. Also, it smells like roses and freshly-cut grass … or so I was told. "… *farts* … x-queeze me …"
"Uuuuuhhhhh …" the cameraman doubted with a raised eyebrow, uncertain whether they should continue with the show or not.
"Just continue. It'll be alright." Patrick reassured with a calm demeanor.
"If you say so." the cameraman hesitantly shrugged before continue to manage the camera.
" *Clears throat* … As the corporate vault hunt continues, picking from where we left off …" Patrick continues his broadcast. "… it seems that while our crew was delivering the group of corporate vault hunters to the destination of the Crimson Raiders' base known as Sanctuary, something unprecedented has occurred. The Atlas corporation has intervened. They did this by sending their fleet of airships to bombard the city of Sanctuary, aiming to plunge it to the ground if their demands are not met. Their goals are no different from that of the corporate vault hunters as well as that of the Crimson Raiders … the contents within the vault. Given this sudden turn of events, the corporate vault hunters and the Crimson Raiders have no choice but to join together to take down the Atlas corporation so that they can finally share the spoils of their battle. Who will rise up to the top and claim the vault as their own? Stay tuned to find out."
"… *Yawn* xiaolongbao *mumbles* …" Xiao Lan said incoherently as she waved at the camera in a sleepy but cheerful manner.
"Hey! Crazy Earl?" Mama Jaws yelled as she is currently standing in front of Crazy Earl's black market house while banging on his front door. "CRAZY EARL! Come outta there! I know you're in there!"
Tired of all this unwanted commotion, Crazy Earl finally opened a small rectangular hatch on his front door revealing only the top half of his face.
"What'chu want?!" Crazy Earl complained as he stares out in front of his shack through the small hatch.
"Guess who, ya filthy skaglicker." Mama Jaws replied as she stares back into Crazy Earl's crazy eyes.
"Aww shoot! Not you again!" Crazy Earl got spooked out the moment he saw Mama Jaws. It's like he recognizes Mama Jaws and doesn't like her coming all the way to Sanctuary to find him here. "Listen, last time I had some stomach problems, so I couldn't completely eat the entire buzzard using nothing but a toothpick. Had to flush everything down with a bit of slag-juice mixed with rakk-ale. I've been crapping scrap metal for weeks. It was disgusting, and I've eaten disgusting stuff before. So, what'chu want?"
"Nothin' much. Just thought I give one o' mah ol' pal a visit." Mama Jaws answered with feigning friendliness as she looks around the front entrance of Crazy Earl's black market. "Nice place ya got here. Got a whole Eridium black market all set up and everythin'. Pretty neat, if I do say so myself."
"Yeah, yeah, whateva'. Now scram!" Crazy Earl annoyingly tries to shoo Mama Jaws away before shutting the hatch. Mama Jaws stopped him from shutting the hatch by holding it open with her buzzwrench.
"Hey! Ain't ya gonna gimme a tour of your place inside? Kinda rude, don't ya think?" Mama Jaws complained while forcefully holding the hatch open.
"I got nothin' to show ya. Now stay gone!" Crazy Earl shouted irritatingly as he struggles to close the hatch while Mama Jaws tries to keep it open.
"Well, in that case …" Mama Jaws got an idea. While holding the hatch open, she took out her Midge-unit before proceeding to shove it through the hatch opening and into the other side of Crazy Earl's door. Afterwards, she shouted out the commands, which prompts the SDU to activate. "… Oh, midge-midge~! Wreak some havoc!"
Immediately, the three hyperactive midgets digistruct into life out of the SDU and proceed to scratch Crazy Earl's nuts- …er, I mean climb on top of him so that they could unleash a fury of claw attacks and hammer-punches. This causes Crazy Earl to open the front door of his shack and come running out, screaming like crazy as he scrambles around in panic through the alleyways of Sanctuary to avoid the psychotic little triplets. While Crazy Earl is being tormented by the midgets through Sanctuary, Mama Jaws couldn't help but cackle like a maniac as she observes the insanity of her prank.
"HAHAHAhahahahehehehehaha … oh, it never gets old." Mama Jaws laughed without restraint.
While this is going on, Camtrap, the lovely robot in pink, was wandering around the streets of Sanctuary. It's reasonable for Camtrap to be curious about her surroundings. After all, she was only 'born' a couple of days ago. Much of the world is still new to her. The cameraman understands that and allows Camtrap to explore Sanctuary on her own while he records the next bit of footage for the Corporate Vault Hunt show. So far, not much has happened yet (well, apart from Butt-naked Kid Extreme and Bandit Mama's Midget-Rampage) as Camtrap wheels around Sanctuary to see the sights. While it isn't much when viewed by a regular person, it was oddly fascinating to Camtrap. As she continues to quietly stroll around, there's a shadowy figure meticulously following her and watching her every move. This shadowy figure is known as interplanetary, as a ninja, and as an assassin, despite of possessing none of the qualities of any on them. That's right. This shadowy figure is none other than Claptrap. I don't know if you can read a robot's emotions, but you can obviously tell Claptrap hypothetical hormones are overflowing with the non-existent chemicals of love as he sneakily stares at Camtrap from a far distance. While Camtrap continues to look around, two nearby adult women saw Camtrap and was tempted to approach her with mild curiosity and awe.
"Oh my … is that a Claptrap … but in pink?" one woman questioned in astonishment.
"Why yes, it is. Those flower patterns look … adorable!" the other woman commented with mild glee.
"Oh … uh, thank you. One of my master's co-workers gave me this coloring." Camtrap responded with innocent flattery. "I'm Camtrap, by the way. Nice to meet you."
"Oh my, you are so polite~!" one woman squealed with adoration.
"I know, right?! You must have been exquisitely programmed! You are just too cute!" the other woman replied excitedly.
As Camtrap is being praised by the locals, Claptrap thinks it's about time to show him his own charms of being a robot of similar race and therefore similar appeal … which is totally not how it works, but you cannot blame him for trying.
"Hello, ladies. My, what a nice day it is." Claptrap approached Camtrap and the two women. You can tell he is trying to feign his nonexistent robotic charms by brushing his antenna back like it's his hair. "Gee, I see you two are getting along with this Claptrap unit quite well. Goes to show, not all Claptrap units are intolerably annoying buckets of scrap metal. Now that we got that out of the way, you ladies want to hang out some time? As for you, Miss Camtrap. You are always welcome to join me for brunch. I've got a bucket of crude oil that's just sitting there in my shack, waiting to be shared."
"Umm …" Camtrap said shyly, not knowing what to say. Before she can answer, the two women interrupted her.
" *Gasp* … oh Lord! It's Claptrap! How abhorring!" one woman freaked out like she just encountered the plague the moment Claptrap showed up.
"Ugh, go away, Claptrap! You are polluting the air around us. Why don't you stick your integrator somewhere else?" the other woman scolded with equal revulsion.
"But but-" Claptrap tries to say something that would prevent the two ladies from insulting him. However, before he could say anything, he is forcefully kicked away by one of the ladies like a soccer ball, knocking Claptrap away at a far distance. "AAAaaahhhhhh …!"
"Umm …" Camtrap felt kind of sympathetic to Claptrap, but is too shy to say anything.
"Ugh, what an annoying and pathetic little robot." one woman criticized loathingly.
"I know, right?" the other woman agreed with equal tone before gently patting Camtrap on her head. "Don't worry, cute little robot. We'll protect you from bad influences such as him. It's always good to remember not to trust suspicious strangers like that pathetic Claptrap. Now, how about we give you a nice tour to Sanctuary?"
"Oh … uh, I'm not sure I should take up so much of your precious time, lovely misses." Camtrap considered with polite concern.
"Oh, nonsense! It would be our pleasure to give a lovely tourist like you a tour of our city." the other woman suggested. "I mean, it's not much, but it is home."
"Umm … okay. If you insist." Camtrap agreed shyly.
"Lovely! This way please~!" one woman yelped with delight as the group walked off to another direction to explore Sanctuary.
Meanwhile, Claptrap just so happens to crash-land near Gaige and Deathtrap, who are outside at a working bench in front of Scooter's garage. Gaige seems to be doing some maintenance work on Deathtrap, as a loyal killer robot always needs repair from time to time from his loving and caring master mechanic.
"Alright, Deathtrap. Time for another tune-up." Gaige noted kindly as she opens up Deathtrap's panel, revealing his mechanical and electrical components. Gaige always seems to enjoy herself whenever she takes care of Deathtrap. It's like Deathtrap is her child … if that child has metal claws and a laser eye, which, let's admit it, you wish your child would have as well. "Who's a good little killer robot~? Yes, you are~. Yes, you are~."
Deathtrap growled happily in response to indicate his shared enjoyment of spending time with his master mechanic. While Gaige and Deathtrap are performing their routine maintenance, Claptrap could only sighed sadly as he wheels up next to them and sits on the ground in a disheartening manner. As Gaige is fixing up on Deathtrap, she only needs to take a side glance at Claptrap to know what his troubles are.
"Still having no luck with your pink and lovable counterpart?" Gaige asked Claptrap in a casual manner.
"Huh? … what? … Minion … how … how did you know?" Claptrap asked astonishingly, surprised that at least someone in Sanctuary understands him.
"Oh please. I'm THE Mechromancer. I know robots. And when I say I know robots, I REALLY mean that I know robots." Gaige self-praised confidently. "You got first-crush algorithms written all over your mainframe, Clappy. You got the heart but not the charms, and therefore you have failed to woo the pink hotness that's just arrived in Sanctuary. Can't say I blame you for having a thing for her. I mean, she is just so cute and adorable and likeable and huggable. Plus, she got a bunch of cool tech strapped on her, which makes her even more awesome! In other words, she's like you, only the complete opposite."
" *Sigh* You're right, Minion. There's not a chance in a million years that she would ever like me." Claptrap wallowed himself in disappointment. "I mean, we both could literally be the only two Claptrap units in existence and there is still no chance for us to be together. I think a Loader-bot, a Surveyor, or … heck, even a Constructor would have a better chance with her than me."
"Oh, don't be like that. It's not impossible for you two to be together." Gaige encouraged Claptrap sympathetically as she pats Claptrap on the head to comfort him.
"Really? You mean it?" Claptrap sparked with mild hope.
"Of course, I do. Well, sure it will be difficult since … well, you know, you're Claptrap. But there's still a chance." Gaige said motivationally.
"Wow … I suddenly feel a sudden tingly feeling of weightlessness inside me." Claptrap described with restored self-esteem. "Is this … hope? Or is it my circuitry going on the fritz again? I don't know which. Anyway, you have any tips for me to appeal to a lovely robot like Camtrap?"
"Well, I wouldn't say robotic romance is my strong suit, but … sure, I'll give it a try." Gaige shrugged as she rolls her eyes. While she resume to doing maintenance work on Deathtrap, she continues to give Claptrap advice on love. "Okay, first of all, you gotta know what most girls like in a guy. Most girls who I've met in my school told me they would go completely crazy over guys who are … cool … and mysterious … and rebellious. Sorta like one of those bad-boys you often see in those high-school drama ECHO-net shows. You know, guys with long spiky hair and chiseled abs and ripped jeans. That sort of thing."
"Okay! Well, that's a start." Claptrap cheered enthusiastically before carefully considering his options. "Let's see, I'm a robot so I literally cannot grow hair … also, I don't have abs, either … also, my body shape does not allow me to wear jeans WHAT THE HECK?! These aren't good advices at all!"
"Oh come on! At least I tried." Gaige complained frustratingly before pausing her maintenance work on Deathtrap in order to search something in her tool-box. "Hang on, let me see if I could fix up something for you."
After a couple minutes of work, Gaige used a couple of random items to transform Claptrap into something more … presentable.
"There. All done. Now all you need to do is to change up your personality a little." Gaige explained. "Remember, you are one of the cool kids now. You're a rebel. You're a delinquent. You're a bad-boy. You follow nobody else's rules but your own. Get that into your motherboard and you'll have Camtrap be magnetized to you in no time."
"Gee, thanks. This really looks good on me. I'm gonna give it a try." Claptrap gratefully thanked Gaige as he looks as his new outfit. He later wheels off for another attempt to flirt with Camtrap, hoping it would work this time. "Wish me luck!"
"Good luck!" Gaige cheered on the newly-dressed Claptrap as she waved him good-bye. She later resumes her maintenance work with Deathtrap, during which she mumbles some words to her robot companion. "Pfft, he is totally going to fail." Deathtrap let out a quiet growl in agreement.
While Camtrap and the two women are touring around Sanctuary, Claptrap caught up with them with his second attempt of befriending them. This time, with the help of Gaige, Claptrap is wearing a custom-size jeans shirt with ripped sleeves and a fake black wig of spiky emo-style hair worn on top of his head. Claptrap also seems to be holding a cigarette and is pretending to smoke it in one of the most try-hard cool poses ever. Remember kids: don't smoke … or you'll end up like a worse-looking version of Claptrap … if that's even possible.
"Hello … ladies~." Badboy-Claptrap greeted with a horrible imitation of a cool-guy voice as he brushes his hair in a cool manner. He is even standing in a slanted angle while pressing one hand against a wall to further emphasizes his coolness. Camtrap and the other two women couldn't help but feel weirded-out as they see Claptrap in this new get-up. Are they supposed to laugh … or vomit … or maybe claw their eyes out? They just can't decide.
"Ugh … who the heck are YOU supposed to be?" one of the women asked with mild disgust.
"I'm glad you ask, sexy bimbo~." Badboy-Claptrap replied in a cool manner. "I am known by many to be the bad-boy of all robots, the emo-delinquent, the hipster rebel, the coolest-of-the-cool ..." While he said those words, he tries to smoke the cigarette that he is holding in his hand, which is pretty much pointless since he does not have lungs and the cigarette is not even lit. "… I am known as B4D-TP, but you can call me … Badtrap.~"
"Ugh … Badtrap? Seriously …?" the other woman questioned in discomforting disbelief.
"That's right, hot babe. I'm basically the dream guy that every female robot wants to hang out with.~" Badboy-Claptrap mentioned while maintaining his cool-guy persona. "I could basically make girls faint by just looking at them. I'm the baddest of the bad, baby. Now, why don't you girls come with me and I'll show you a good time? Especially you, the lovely-one-in-pink.~"
"Uh … who? … Me?" Camtrap was mildly startled as she blushes shyly. (At least I think she is blushing. What do robots do instead of blushing?)
"Yes … you.~" Badboy-Claptrap comfirmed as he boldly grasps onto Camtrap's hands and looks at Camtrap passionately in the eye. "I don't know what it is, but from the moment I lay my eye on you … my electric motor has been jumpstarted into life. My transistors are amplified with p-n emo-junction, my resistors cannot resist your beauty, my capacitors are overloaded in its capacity of love, my diodes light up red with passion, and the logic gate that traps my heart is starting to open as it becomes more and more illogical. Oh, Camtrap … you are the Juliet of my Romeo, the Bonnie to my Clyde, the piggy-back-riding midget of my Goliath … what I'm trying to say is … Camtrap, I … lo- OOOWWWW!"
"AAAHHH! Get away from our lovely Camtrap, will you?!" one of the women screeched with horrid disgust as she forcefully kick Claptrap away from Camtrap.
"Your futile attempts to brainwash our lovely Camtrap make me want to hurl!" the other woman cried with equal outrage and disgust. "Why don't you take your excruciatingly horrid harassment somewhere else, you piece of trash! Camtrap's mind would not be sullied by your disgusting thoughts of integration!"
"Umm, misses, I think you're being too harsh on this poor Claptrap. He's just being friendly." Camtrap defended Claptrap with a gentle tone of voice as she feels kind of sympathetic of the poor Claptrap that is being harshly rejected.
"Oh, nonsense. Claptrap is used to this sort of abuse." one woman commented condescendingly. "He should know better than to butt his head into the presence of someone as elegant and lovely as you are, Camtrap."
"That's right, cute little Camtrap." the other woman advised with adoration. "And remember, do not listen to pretentious bad-boy types like him. They are bound to toy with your fragile emotions and throw you away when they see another pretty robot. Trust us … we are doing this for your own safety."
"Umm … I don't know." Camtrap reconsidered shyly.
"Oh, silly Camtrap. Don't think too hard on this." one of the women persuaded. "Save your processing power for something else. Now … shall we go back to touring the city."
"Brilliant idea! Let's continue." the other woman agreed enthusiastically.
As the trio continues their tour, one of the women kicked Claptrap aside one more time before walking away from him. Upon this heartbreaking defeat, Claptrap got up and couldn't help but sigh depressingly before he wheels back to his run-down shack. As he wheels away, he takes off his fake emo-wig and sleeveless jeans jacket and tosses them aside.
During this time, Eugene was inside Scooter's garage and in the process of maintaining his Mason mini-tank. Eugene had previously asked Scooter to borrow a section of his garage to use as working space. Of course, Scooter gladly agrees, seeing as he and Ellie now have the opportunity to observe the inner-workings of a new piece of state-of-the-art Dahl-tech. As a bunch of mechanical parts and tools are all neatly laid out on a large rectangular table, Eugene meticulously works on his mini-tank while Scooter and Ellie takes a peek at the various parts.
"Hot damn, them are some fine-ass Dahl-tech right there." Scooter commented excitedly as he looks over Eugene's shoulders to observe the maintenance process. "I bet I would trade mah left nut just for a piece of that shiny hardware. Two of mah nuts for half-of all the parts. Three of mah nuts if I could have the entire tank … if I had three to spare."
"Oh, calm your engines, Scooter. No one's tradin' nuts for parts, ye hear?" Ellie reacted more rationally, trying to calm down Scooter's mecha-maniac urges, before focusing her attention to Eugene. "Sorry about that. Mah brother's a bit hyperactive when it comes to high-tech machines."
"Heh, it's no problem at all, girl." Eugene replied smugly. "I expected Pandoran folks like him to be amazed by the latest in Dahl technology. It's kinda flattering, actually. After all, the best-of-the-best has got to have the best gear to use on the battlefield. It's only natural for people to be impressed."
"You think you could let me have a closer look at them parts?" Scooter pleaded eagerly, craving to examine the mini-tank's inner-workings even further. "I might even be able to make a few improvements on the design and such. Whatta ya say?"
"Well, that'll be nice, but I'm afraid I cannot let you, or anyone else for that matter, touch the tank." Eugene said regrettably. "The Corporate Vault Hunt prohibits anyone from messing with the gear that has been specifically made to be used on this event. In fact, even I cannot alter its design while I use it on the battlefield. All I could do is routine maintenance and the occasional field-strip. Only the R&D people from Dahl could make any modifications."
"Aww, what a shame, man. If I could get mah hands on it, I would totally make it a heck lot better." Scooter complained disappointingly. " Like how any gal could be made slightly more attractive with a boob-job or realizing that they are your distant relative. Ahahahaha …"
" *Sigh* … c'mon, Scooter, let's get back to our own work." Ellie ordered in mild annoyance as she rolls her eyes. She then pulls on the back-neck Scooter shirt to move him away from Eugene so that Eugene won't get distracted from his work.
As Scooter and Ellie move to another part of the garage, they met up with Axton, who was just entering the garage for his own turret-maintenance. Axton usually does his turret maintenance inside Scooter's garage on occasion. While machine-maintenance work could technically be done anywhere, it should ideally be done in a machine shop like Scooter's garage for better access to machine tools and such. In fact, Axton and Gaige often fight over who gets to use a reserved section of Scooter's garage to maintain their military grade-turret/robot of death. Nowadays, they just take turns, but they would still occasionally argue the sh*t about it.
"Oh, hey, Axton. Good mornin'." Ellie greeted politely as she saw Axton.
"Good morning. I'm here for the usual, just like always." Axton replied.
"Oh snap! I almost forgot that today's your turn to use the space." Scooter noted shockingly as he now remembers that particular detail. "Well, your Dahl Commando friend is over there using your space, so … uh, sorry about that."
Axton look over to see Eugene using the workspace to maintain his mini-tank. Realizing that, Axton couldn't help but feel slightly annoyed.
"Wow, he's here already? When did first get here?" Axton asked out of curiosity.
"Not too long. Only a couple minutes ago." Ellie replied.
"I'm real sorry, man. Hey, you want me to go talk to him? Tell him that you needed the space?" Scooter offered apologetically.
"Nah, it's alright. I'll go talk to him. You guys just go on ahead." Axton reassured Scooter and Ellie as he walks calmly towards Eugene.
"Hah, whatever you say, man." Scooter expressed with relief as he and Ellie walk to another part of the garage to resume on their own work.
Meanwhile, Axton approaches Eugene near the workspace. Eugene noticed Axton walking up to him and greeted him with mild delight.
"Oh hey, Ax. Doing your morning turret fix-up?" Eugene asked smugly, half-focusing on conversing with Axton and half-focusing on his mechanical work.
"Yeah, I am … and this is supposed to be my space." Axton noted grumpily.
"Oh really? Sorry, I didn't know. That Scooter guy didn't tell me." Eugene realized with mild shock and unease.
"It's alright." Axton spoke in a forgiving manner.
"Here, I'll split the space between you and me. You take half and I'll take half." Eugene suggested as he moves the parts around so that he could leave an open space for Axton to work on. "We'll work side-by-side, cleaning out dirt and putting on oil to our lovely machines, just like the good ol' days, eh?"
"Thanks." Axton replied indifferently as he proceeds to take out his own Sabre-turret for repair. He starts off by taking the turret apart, piece-by-piece, and then carefully lay them out all over his section of the desk.
Eugene and Axton both continue to work quietly on their own respective machines. It feels kind of awkward for them not to talk, since they are long-time war buddies who have been through a lot and probably has way too much to catch up on. It feels like their partially-strained relationship is preventing them from having a proper conversation.
"You seem a bit quiet, Ax. What's wrong?" Eugene broke the silence as he continues his work. "You're often very chatty when it comes to maintaining your turret. Usually, it's talking about cringe-worthy flirty stuff with your turret that I don't think husbands would even say to their wives. I know you, Axton. And when you are being this quiet, I know something is wrong."
" *Sigh* … I don't know, man. Everything just feels so … sudden." Axton expressed with uncertainty. "Dahl participating on this corporate vault hunt … you being here on Pandora … I mean, what's even the deal here? What is Dahl's decision on my actions? Are they still trying to kill me? Is that your mission?"
"Well, I wouldn't say they are completely abandoning the idea of killing you on sight." Eugene explained smugly. "But they are putting that plan on hold. Seeing as the Corporate Vault Hunt takes more priority here, they don't want me to be distracted on anything else. And since the rules of the event prevent any other Dahl personnel from coming here on Pandora, I highly doubt that they are going to send people to cap your ass anytime soon. Though, I'm pretty sure that once this is over, their eyes will be dead-set on bringing you to back to the firing squad. You know how Dahl is. They are strict as hell in their military laws, even risking countless soldiers just to maintain it. Discipline above all else: one of the Dahl Commando's mottos."
"I see. Well, I'm not worried. If I were meant to die, I would have done so while fighting against Handsome Jack and Hyperion." Axton bragged confidently. "Dahl can send any soldier it wants to get me. I know Dahl from the inside-out, so there's pretty much nothing they can throw at me that surprises me anymore. In fact, I think I remember Jarter coming to Pandora to try to kill me. You remember Jarter, right?"
"Oh yeah … that asshole." Eugene said waveringly, pretending not to know about what happened to Jarter since he was the one who blew him up into chunky pieces with a tank shell. "… Uh, what happened to him, exactly?"
"Well, the weird thing about it was … he's dead. He blew up. Nothing but bits of him left." Axton described. "It all happened on this vacation resort island on Pandora. I was visiting there with my other vault hunter pals for a nice relaxing break. Then, out of nowhere, … *BLAM* … he was pretty much dead before we even got there."
"I see …" Eugene commented lightly as he keeps the truth hidden.
"It's kinda strange, really." Axton noted with intrigue. "Despite of Jarter being an asshole, he was just as good as the rest of the other Commandos. It's not like him to be easily killed like that. So whoever killed him must have been a pro."
"Heh, you feel sorry for him?" Eugene asked as he stops his maintenance to comb his hair with his signature comb.
"Hardly. I'm just curious, that's all." Axton remarked. "Apparently, he was part of a group known as 'Victims of Vault Hunters' who aims to target vault hunters who have wronged someone in the group in some way. Who knew vault hunters could have so many enemies in such unexpected places."
"Yeah, well, I'll keep that in mind." Eugene said smugly before putting his comb away and resuming to his mini-tank maintenance. "As for Jarter, it's probably someone Sarah sent to eliminate in order to protect your ass."
"Wait, how did you know Sarah was behind it?" Axton asked with surprise. "I received an ECHO-message from Sarah shortly after Jarter died. That's how I knew she had something to do with it. But how did you know about it?"
"Well … uh … lucky guess." Eugene answered with slight nervousness, trying to feign ignorance. "I mean, when you think about it, it's pretty obvious, isn't it? Even though she was the one who divorced your ass, I can tell that she still got the hots for you. Besides, she hates Jarter just as much as we do and she got intel on pretty much all of Dahl's personnel movement. Is it really that surprising that she would do something like this?"
"Huh … I guess you're right." Axton reasoned passively before pausing to think for a while. "… how is she by the way? … Sarah, I mean."
"Oh? Didn't know you cared, ex-husband." Eugene said smugly as he crossed his arms and leaned against the work-table. "Well … she's doing okay. Though, I wouldn't say she's … happy. I haven't seen her crack a smile since that … 'incident'. At least when you two were together, she does a barely noticeable smirk every now and again … you know, to indicate that not every day in the base back at Themis was a sh*tty day. Remember when she used to be the stoic lieutenant that we all see her as? It's like she reverted back to her humorless self the moment you were gone. It hadn't really been the same since."
"I see …" Axton said sentimentally as his heart is secretly aching that his ex-wife is being affected emotionally by his departure.
"It also didn't exactly help that what you did has put her into a pretty tough position …" Eugene added with minor contempt. "… seeing as how the higher-ups have been giving her a lot of sh*t lately."
"Eugene … *sigh* … you saw what happened. You know it has to be done." Axton convinced with resolve. "Sarah would have agreed with me."
"Did you even ask her … before you pulled the trigger?" Eugene questioned doubtingly, his usual smug demeanor gradually shifted to a more serious look.
"That kid died right in front of me, Eugene!" Axton gritted with anger.
"And you're so cocksure that killing more people is going to make it better." Eugene countered steadfastly.
"Look, after that incident … after what I did, I went back and … I saw Sarah founded that body … saw her wrapped her arms around that kid's lifeless corpse … wouldn't stop crying because of it … it's the first time I have ever saw her cry like that …" Axton reminisced with held-back anguish as he stops working on his turret to sit on the ground depressingly. "I knew she felt the emotional pain just as I did. I couldn't just … look away."
"Did you really did it for her? … Or did you do it for yourself?" Eugene questioned as he maintained his serious look.
"Don't give me that crap! You've never cared about the morals of war!" Axton snapped violently at Eugene as he got up from the ground and forcefully taps his finger at Eugene's chest to emphasize his point. "All you cared about was the thrills of danger! To see how close you can get to a bullet without it blowing your brains out! To see how many confirmed kills you can get under your name! To see how easily you can ignore the atrocities of war before it finally gets to you! You're the last person I want to hear from about whether what I did was right or wrong!"
"… we're not saints, Axton." Eugene argued with calmness contrasting to Axton's rage-filled anger. "We're not philosophers, or politicians, or priests. We're just soldiers. Always have been for 10 whole years. The brass gave us a mission, we do it. It's that simple … and you're just over-complicating it."
"Well, F*CK YOU!" Axton shouted angrily as he shoves Eugene away.
"Uh, 'xcuse me. Is there somethin' wrong?" Scooter came by to interject with a sense of concern as he saw the two of them arguing.
"Yeah, you guys seem kinda tense. Is everythin' alright?" Ellie came by as well, trying to dissolve the situation.
Both Axton and Eugene stood silently for a while to try to calm the tension in the air. Once the tense atmosphere was cleared, they both try to act like nothing has happened and proceed to return to their work.
"Yeah … everything's alright. Sorry for causing a commotion." Axton assured apathetically.
"Yeah … no need to worry. You know how we is." Eugene added in a cool manner as he slings an arm around Axton's shoulders. "Military grunts like us always like to shout stuff out loud, especially to each other. But it's all friendly and such. Don't worry too much about it."
"Uhh … alright." Scooter said as he scratches his head.
"Well, try to keep it down, will ya? Others are trying to work here." Ellie complained.
"Will do, girl. Won't happen again." Eugene promised with a friendly smile.
Not long after, Scooter and Ellie left the two Dahl commandos alone. Axton and Eugene have since work on their perspective machines for the rest of the morning in relative tranquility.
"… have you kept it?" Eugene spoke softly to Axton.
"What?" Axton asked confusingly, wondering what Eugene was talking about.
"The ring, Axton. The wedding ring." Eugene clarified.
"… yeah, I kept it." Axton muttered sentimentally as he held on to the wedding ring that marks the marriage between him and Sarah. Ever since the divorce, Axton has always held the ring close as he have it tied to a string and wrapped it around his neck.
"Well … at least you're not the only one." Eugene remarked. This causes Axton to widen his eyes a little in mild surprise, thinking that Eugene is implying that Sarah had kept her wedding ring as well. However, Axton ultimately refused to continue the conversation and instead focusing on his turret maintenance work in silence.
At the same time at another place in Sanctuary, on the concrete rooftop of a building where the open air is nice and breezy, Zer0 and Kazuki are standing still while facing each other at about a couple meters apart. They both stare at each other emotionlessly as they are about to commence an activity of sorts.
"Shall we begin?" Zer0 said with his signature mysteriously cool tone.
"I am ready when you are, Zer0-sensei." Kazuki replied politely.
"A true test of skill/ Reflex, precision, and stealth/ Let the trial start." Zer0 stated.
Afterwards, in a flash of a moment, Zer0 swiftly took out a regular kunai and throws it at directly Kazuki at almost lightning speed. Even though a normal person wouldn't even be able to perceive the fast-moving kunai, Kazuki is able to react just in time and catch the kunai in her hand with relative ease. If she were even a bit slower, the kunai would have stabbed her in the flesh, thereby further emphasizing Kazuki's impressive skills and reflexes. Kazuki then throws the kunai back at Zer0 with matching speed and skill, by which Zer0 also caught it with almost no effort. Essentially what they are doing is playing fetch … with deadly sharp ninja daggers.
"Your speed is maintained/ Skill was not slowed down one bit/ I am quite impressed." Zer0 praised mildly.
"You are too kind, Zer0-sensei." Kazuki thanked with a polite bow. "It's only because good teachers makes good students. I have been keeping up with the training routine even after you are gone. I do not wish to put all your teaching efforts to waste."
"Such a great resolve/ But can you seek to do more?/ To push your limits?" Zer0 asked.
"I will most certainly try my hardest." Kazuki replied earnestly.
"Very well." Zer0 said.
Zer0 then proceed to swiftly throw Kazuki a barrage of kunai in rapid succession, of which Kazuki caught with equal speed before throwing it back at Zer0, who catches it with even greater speed. As the swarm of kunai was tossed back and forth, Zer0 gradually increases the speed of his throws in order to push the limits of Kazuki's reflexes even further. While Kazuki is starting to feel overwhelmed, she is not deterred and continues to pursue the deadly game of catch-and-throw. Eventually, the flock of kunai is moving so fast that not even a naked human eye could detect it. Eventually, Kazuki senses that she is at her limits in terms of throwing and catching speed, so instead she swiftly activates her Talisman and attach an incendiary elemental throwing card onto one of the kunai before returning it with the barrage of other kunai back at Zer0. As a result, the moment Zer0 catches one of the kunai with the card attached to it, the card bursts into a small ball of flame which mildly singes Zer0's suit.
After that brief explosion of fire, Zer0's suit becomes charred, much to Kazuki's rather strange indifference, seeing as how she had nearly burned her sensei alive with that sleight-of-hand trick. However, upon closer inspection, that charred Zer0 was actually … a holographic decoy. As the Decepti0n decoy vanishes into thin air, the real Zer0 appears right next to where the decoy originally was , perfectly unharmed. While trying to burn your sensei alive was not something anyone should do in a conventional manner, Zer0 was actually quite impressed with what Kazuki did, seeing as how she uses trickery to almost catch Zer0 by surprise … which was the real test behind this game all along.
"Very impressive/ Use decepti0n to bend rules/ Just like I taught you." Zer0 praised with mild admiration.
"Well, you never said that it wasn't allowed." Kazuki explained logically as she adjusts her glasses in a cool manner. "And you have always taught me before not oblige to rules when there is none to begin with. All you have told me to do was to test my skills, not just the speed of my throws and catches alone. To truly exceed someone is to not play their game and follow their rules, but to make it so that they play your game and follow your rules instead."
"Still, it is dangerous/ You could have burned me alive/ With a flame like that." Zer0 pointed out.
"I knew you would be too smart and too quick to be caught in my attack." Kazuki explained. "The intensity of that flame equates to the level of my confidence that you would react fast enough to get out of that alive and unharmed. A true master assassin would have escaped that easily."
"Tactful logician/ Your potential is boundless/ You are a true gem." Zer0 praised in a cool manner.
" Zer0-sensei … you're too kind." Kazuki replied with mild embarrassment, showing a slight red blush on her cheeks.
"As of other things/ How is your father doing?/ Kenji, my old friend." Zer0 changed the subject.
"Oh, he's doing fine. Thank you for your kind concern. Though, he is still in the habit of overworking himself." Kazuki replied with a mixture of gratitude and concern. "I try to tell him to not put too much stress on his own body and mind, but he claims that the job of running a corporation, especially one as large as Maliwan, is never done and that to ease up even a little is to disrespect and demoralizes those who loyally work under him. I can see that it makes sense, but at the same time, I can't help but feel emotional pain that he is ruining his health because of it."
"He is quite stubborn/ But he's stronger than he looks/ You give him that strength." Zer0 pointed out.
"Thank you for your praise, but I'm afraid I do not deserve it." Kazuki refuted with mild sadness. "Maybe if I could assist him in running the company, then perhaps I could be of true help to him in a practical sense instead of merely being spiritual encouragement. However, I'm not as good with business as my nii-san (elder brother). Even if I were as good, certain people in the company would never acknowledge me to be a respected part of their corporation due to my illegitimacy. That is why winning this corporate vault hunt is so important to me. If I were able to prove to them that I have made a major contribution to the continuing success of Maliwan, surely they will accept me as being one of them, and then I'll be able to alleviate a fraction of the stress that is being placed on my father."
"You're a great daughter/ Risking life to gain honor/ He would be grateful." Zer0 said.
"Thank you, Zer0-sensei." Kazuki thanked politely before switching to another topic. "… come to think of it, I thought your career has mainly been focused on assassinations. I would never have thought vault-hunting would be of any interest to you."
"Focus has shifted/ It was a nice change of pace/ Keep things refreshing." Zer0 said.
"I see …" Kazuki said understandably before displaying a small smile of innocent curiosity. "… so, being a novice vault hunter myself, is there any advice you can give me regarding this particular line of work? Perhaps any specific info relating to Pandora that might be helpful?"
"Hmm …" Zer0 took a while to consider before he spoke. "No shortage of guns/ No shortage of ammo, too/ Guns, guns, guns, guns … guns."
"Uhh … okay?" Kazuki uttered softly with a blank stare.
Meanwhile, Mordecai and Monty are sitting leisurely inside Moxxi's bar as they exchange stories of their adventures. Mordecai was of course fighting alongside the Crimson Raiders against Handsome Jack's regime while Monty was traveling throughout the six galaxies to immerse himself into the uncharted natural habitats of the wild and discovering new tasty recipes for all the exotic ingredients he found.
"… and then I had to drink a lot of rakk-ale just to make it through the day." Mordecai explained the side-story about Bloodwing's loss to Monty. "Losing a friend will do that to ya."
"I get that feeling. I've lost someone close to me, too. But, eventually, we will learn to move on." Monty sympathized with Mordecai as Talon clings onto Monty's arm in a manner similar to that of a falconry trainer. Monty even affectionately tickles Talon's down-feathers near its neck, which Talon sort of likes. "Ain't that right, Talon? Good boy, Talon~. Nice Talon.~"
" *Gawk* …" Talon cries affectionately in response as he spread his wings to welcome Monty's contact. It's almost like Monty is skilled with taming animals just as much as he is skilled with cooking them.
"Wow, he likes you already." Mordecai noted with mild surprise. "Usually, he's pretty aggressive around unfamiliar people. He even tries to bite Lilith's fingers multiple times."
"What could I say? I'm good with animals." Monty responded in a friendly manner as he hands Talon back to Mordecai. "Now, let's say we cook ourselves some mornin' grub for everybody. I'm pretty sure everyone's gettin' hungry by now. Where's the kitchen?"
"You mean if we have a kitchen around here?" Mordecai pauses to think as he feeds Talon some nuts and seeds that he pulls out from his pocket as a snack. "I don't know. We usually just order take-out or roast stuff over at a campfire. You could ask Moxxi if you want."
"Alrightie!" Monty cheered with enthusiasm, anticipating for his chance to flex his cooking muscles once again. He calmly walks towards Moxxi, who is working at the other side of the bar, and politely tips his gray cowboy hat to greet the seductive bar owner. "Howdy, miss. Nice mornin' we got today."
"Oh, hey there, cowboy. You're one of the corporate vault hunters I've been hearing about? A friend of Mordecai's?" Moxxi replied with her usual seductive tone before shifting to a slightly more spiteful tone. "Toying with that nutty bird of his, haven't you?"
"Well, I wouldn't put it like that. Talon's sort of a youngin', and birds of his species always wants to use their beaks to cling onto anything that remotely seems like food." Monty explained kindly. "I think it's quite adorable, to be honest. Reminds me a lot of Bloodwing."
"Hmph, whatever." Moxxi remarked dismissively while rolling her eyes as she mops the bar table. Despite of knowing what happened to Bloodwing and how deeply it affected Mordecai, Moxxi wasn't really fond of that bird, which is one of the main reasons Mordecai and Moxxi's previous relationship turns sour. Nowadays, they just play it cool and act sort of like distant friends, but there is still a bit of tension remaining between them. "Anyway, what can I get for you, sugar? Too early for a stiff drink, don't you think?"
"Actually, I was hopin' to borrow your kitchen for a while, so I can cook up some grub for everybody." Monty suggested with a polite smile.
"An amateur chef, huh? Well, I certainly wouldn't mind, but I'm afraid we don't have much in terms of ingredients." Moxxi disclosed with mild concern. "Mostly, it's either canned-skag meat or pizza. But, hey, it's better than nothing and nothing is pretty much what most people on Pandora are eating, so they sure as hell not complaining when they do get a meal once in a while."
"Huh … I see. Well, it's 'bout time that people around here get a great-tastin' meal every now and again to livin' things up." Monty said confidently. "Plus, I count myself as a pretty resourceful guy. A lack of ingredients ain't no problem to me. Heck, if you go out there in the wilderness and pick up a blade of grass, I could probably cook somethin' out of it. I'm sure I'll think of somethin'."
"Whatever you say, sugar. Follow me." Moxxi shrugged before leading Monty to a door at the back of the bar, which contains the bar's kitchen.
On the surface, the kitchen seems quite small and a bit messy. There are several rusted pots and pans hanging on the racks and only several minor cooking ingredients in small quantities. Much of the surfaces are mildly dirty and there's even a dank smell lingering in the air, indicating that this kitchen hasn't been cleaned in a while.
"Here it is. Told you it wasn't much." Moxxi said indifferently.
"Hmm …" Monty went to a cardboard box nearby to find a bunch of vegetables inside. There, he carefully selects a few of the non-rotten ones and sniffs them for its freshness and aroma. Afterwards, Monty displays a smile of confidence to indicate that cooking up a decent breakfast in this kitchen is not impossible. "Yeah, this should be enough. I'll have somethin' tasty cooked up in no time." Monty then readies himself by first taking off his short cloak and wraps it around his waist like an improvised apron. He then takes off his gray cowboy hat and neatly puts it aside so it won't get dirty in the cooking process. Lastly, he rolls up his arm-sleeves and takes out a stalk of wheat to chew on.
"Alright, then. If you say so, sugar." Moxxi replied with wavering confidence. "Just make sure not to … burn down the kitchen or anything like that."
"Hehehe … don't worry, Miss Moxxi. I'll be careful." Monty reassured with a bright and gentle smile before he starts cooking.
While Monty is working on breakfast, Moxxi walks out of the kitchen and went back to tending the bar. As she got back to the bar, she looked at the far distance to see a new yet familiar face, slowly and drunkenly lumbering across the bar like a bear trying to clumsily walk upright on two hind legs. That face, with its large scar down its left eye and bushy mustache (MUSTACHE! *gets kicked in the face for his obsession with mustaches*) belongs to none other than Oleg. As he is struggling to even find a bar stool to sit on, Oleg seems to be showing symptoms to a major hangover, which is not surprising considering that last night he drank the equivalent amount of booze enough to give a dozen men alcohol poisoning. As Oleg is holding onto his head to try to keep his hangover headache in check, Moxxi couldn't help but feel a little pity for this wallowing trench-coat giant.
"Getting hungover already? Told ya you shouldn't drink too much, sugar." Moxxi advised Oleg with a hint of concern mixed in with her usual innuendo talk. "Well, you may think that your gargantuan size might make the effects of alcohol a bit easier to tolerate, but handling alcohol is like handling a lady … size is not the only thing that matters, hun~."
As Oleg tries gets a hold of himself, his eyes finally gains a bit of focus … enough for him to see Moxxi clearly from across the bar table. Once Oleg got a good look of Moxxi's complexion, his eyes widen in surprise as memories from his past starts to surface from within his befuddled mind. It's not that Moxxi's pretty … well, she is, but that's not the point … it's that Moxxi kinda reminds Oleg of someone else … someone he once knew.
"Oh boy, don't look at me like that, sugar. A lady can get embarrassed, you know.~" Moxxi teased as she tries to look away from the gaze of Oleg's widened eyes. "Or rather, do look. I don't really mind.~" Moxxi then faces Oleg eye-to-eye as she leans towards Oleg's face, close enough that she could almost smell the strong alcoholic stench coming from Oleg's breath. As Moxxi advances more, her tone of voice gradually becomes softer and sexier. "But, hey, aren't your eyes supposed to aim … a bit lower?~"
"Uhh … *clears throat* … it's not that." Oleg muttered awkwardly as he tries to back away from Moxxi's closing advancement. "It's just … you reminded me of someone I know …" It is not false. Oleg used to know someone who looks and acts almost exactly like Moxxi. A certain someone whom … Oleg had a complicated relationship with. While Oleg doesn't like to be reminded of that relationship, he can't help but think of it again the moment he saw Moxxi's appearance and observed her mannerisms. The similarities are almost too striking to be real. Is this a wild coincidence? Or could the vodka finally be getting to him?
"Oh really?" Moxxi questioned while crossing her arms and raising a doubtful eyebrow. "Is it someone special? Someone … you have a liking for?~"
"… *clears throat* … I prefer to keep it a secret." Oleg stated, trying to refrain from taking about his troubled past. "Besides, it wasn't that interesting of a story anyway."
And with that sentence, Oleg followed up with another swig of vodka from his bottle, much to Moxxi's dismay. However, this time, instead of gulping it down like usual, Oleg felt a sudden rush of nausea and have an uncontrollable urge to throw up. Trying to at least have the decency of not dirtying the floors inside the bar, Oleg abruptly dashes towards the nearest exit so that he could vomit onto the ground outside. It seems like the symptoms of Oleg's hangover just keeps getting worse. Moxxi follows Oleg outside of the bar to see the act of Oleg's hangover-vomiting and couldn't help but feel slightly annoyed as she sees that Oleg's drinking habits are finally catching up to him.
"See, what did I tell ya?" Moxxi criticized Oleg in a carefree yet serious manner. "You go crazy with the booze and it goes crazy all over your insides."
" *Sigh* …" Oleg didn't speak a word. Instead, he got back inside the bar and sat back onto the bar stool … and proceed to drink from his vodka bottle again.
"Wow … I've seen my fair share of die-hard alcoholics in my lifetime, but you at a whole other level." Moxxi spoke with a mixture of awe and irritation as she observed how Oleg persisted on drinking. "How could you be drinking after that?"
" *Grunts* …" Oleg slams the vodka bottle hard onto the table right after a large gulp before wiping his wet lips with his sleeves. He then stares Moxxi right in the eyes while saying this. "… hair of the dog."
"Seriously?!" Moxxi exclaimed with irritated shock. "That's your excuse for drinking so much in the morning? You know that's just a myth, right? Trying to cure a hangover by drinking more alcohol? If that actually works, there would be no hangovers to speak of."
"Hmph, how ironic that someone who's in the business of selling alcohol is telling people to drink less alcohol." Oleg remarked.
"Hey, I only sell booze so that people who are reasonably able to moderate it is able to have a good time." Moxxi argued in a serious and passionate manner, gradually growing more furious as she argues. "Alcohol should be used as a way to help benefit a person's soul while still maintaining a healthy body. As a bar owner, I look after my patrons' well-being just as much as I sell them liquefied escapism, and it is people like YOU who gives alcohol a bad name, which completely infuriates me!"
"Hmph, whatever you say …" Oleg replied impartially as he continues to drink out of his vodka bottle, ignoring Moxxi's debate.
" *Sigh* … Alright, you know what?!" Moxxi snapped as she grabbed Oleg's vodka bottle away and puts it aside, much to Oleg's annoyance. "Instead of fruitlessly washing away your headache and nausea with that, why don't I give you a REAL hangover cure?" Immediately afterwards, Moxxi took out a plastic gallon jug from the mini-fridge under the bar table. She then opens the jug and pours a red-purple concoction, similar to that of a smoothie, into a large glass and serves it to Oleg. "It's a secret recipe, meticulously crafted by yours truly~. Works like a charm, if I do say so myself. Even though the ingredients for it are hard to come by from intergalactic supply transports, the results are well worth it. People around here ordered it all the time whenever they need a pick-me-up from intense partying the night before. I call it … Ante Meridiem Brio. 'AMB' for short. Go on … try it out."
At first, Oleg looked at the glass of thick liquid with suspicious eyes, but in the end decided to give it a try. He took one huge gulp, emptying away almost half of the glass in an instant. It tasted … kind of pleasant, actually. Almost invigorating … at least, when drank by a hungover person like Oleg. The sweetness, sourness, and spiciness of the drink are mixed in just the right proportions to give it a good wake-up kick to the drinker. However, as Oleg carefully tastes the drink, he gradually feels that the taste of it … seems awfully familiar.
"What do you think?" Moxxi asked with a mixture of excitement and pride. "Really gives any drunkard the spirit to wake up in the morning headstrong and ready to take the day, huh?"
"Eh … it's okay." Oleg shrugged before attempting to finish the rest of the drink.
"Well … at least that's a compliment … about as much as I can hope to get from you for now." Moxxi remarked casually before coming up with an idea. "How about this? Try guessing what ingredients are in that drink. If you can guess at least half of the ingredients correctly, that drink is on-the-house. If you can guess all of the ingredients, I'll even throw in a second glass, completely free. What do you think?"
" *Sigh* … my headache is not completely subsided yet for me to think clearly … but, sure, I'll play your game." Oleg agreed after he finishes more than three-quarters of the drink.
"Really? *Laughs* … good luck trying to figure that one out. This drink has over 20 ingredients. I highly doubt you can name even five of them." Moxxi explains as she almost laughs out loud. "Alright, how about this? I'll give you a hint. I'll tell you three of the ingredients. You have to guess the rest. Let's see … there are tomatoes, bananas, almond milk …"
"… Tabasco peppers, coconut oil, avocado, kale, cactus extract, arrowroot …" Oleg lists the rest of the ingredients with astonishing ease. "… peppermint, chia seeds, raw egg yolk, clam juice, beef broth, peanut butter, willow bark extract, walnuts, sea salt, horseradish, Greek yogurt, and … of course … a deep-fried canary."
"… wha-" Moxxi's jaws literally dropped as Oleg actually listed all of the ingredients correctly and concisely. To her, this seems almost impossible. Only a handful of people have ever known about the existence of this special recipe, let alone its full ingredients list. How could this corporate vault hunter have known …? As Moxxi tries to figure this out in her head, her mouth is struggling to find words to speak. "How … how did you-"
"… because nothing wakes you up early like devouring an early bird." Oleg continues to say.
Those words have practically turned Moxxi's face pale … well, more pale than she already is with her make-up. '… because nothing wakes you up early like devouring an early bird …' She recognized those exact words. Those words buried deep within her memories from way too long ago. Words of which could only have been spoken by a special someone whom Moxxi once knew. Someone who was close to her. Someone who eventually left the planet of Pandora, leaving Moxxi and her family alone to fend for themselves. Someone whom she thought she would never see ever again. As the memories flashes chaotically inside her head, Moxxi could only stand motionless and speechless as she tries to process this sudden flood of intense emotions,
" *Gulp* … *Sigh*…" Oleg finally finishes the entire glass of AMB, and is interested enough for another glass. "Refill, please."
"How … how did you know? … About the ingredients?" Moxxi asked, wide-eyed in shock. Her low dull voice is contrasted to her usual seductive tone.
"Hmph, you said it was a special recipe?" Oleg doubted lazily with a raised eyebrow. "If someone like me is able to figure it out … I guess it's not so special anymore."
Moxxi finally snapped. She abruptly closes in towards Oleg from across the bar table and forcefully grabs him by the collar while pressing her wrathful eyes against his. For a moment there, Moxxi is not acting like her usual self. She is less of a seductress and more of a raging beast of violence. Even Oleg is surprised by how strong and savage this woman has suddenly become.
"WHO TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT RECIPE?! WHO WAS IT?! TELL ME NOW!" Moxxi yelled at Oleg with intense rage. The yell was so loud that almost everyone at the bar could hear it. If what Moxxi suspected was true … about how Oleg figured out that recipe … then, this could be huge. Moxxi may finally know the whereabouts of … that person.