Chapter 12: What we see, what we are
A.N. I'm going to do a note here for a few reasons. One, to warn you right now, this chapter focuses on a character and is very strange. But it is very important to the storyline of this fanfic. Also I won't be updating for a while because I need to update 3 stories, I think. Now with all that out of the way, onto chapter 12!
I know this may sound really odd, but to X! (I remembered him, how about you?)
Mindspace is an interesting place. Deep within a being's subconscious there it just is. To think it was so important to the being, and yet most beings have never been to the mindspace. Did they even realize the importance of it, how dangerous to them it could be if someone else were to destroy it. Not even destroy the mindspace, but to shatter it. Even a break could cause absolutely traumatic effects to the being in the physical plane.
No one knew that better than X. He was a master of the mindspace. He knew how it worked, how to bring the mindspace and reality without splitting the fabrics that held them together. Illusions could become part of the physical plane, and even become within reality. That was how magic tended to work. There were probably exceptions though.
That wasn't how he used it against people. No, no, no, he preferred to use it in a much different from, in a much more effective form. How does physiologically tormenting someone sound, probably pretty stupid. Not when you're X it isn't.
Now Ciana's mindspace was rather boring to him. Just a mass forest of pine trees with a few clearings. But since he would have to be summoned to have a slight physical form, it was "home". So if this place is broken, destroyed, or shattered, then so was X.
X looked. There was the clearing with the two rocks. They had taken a smooth grey color to them and there was still a bit of moss growing on one of them. He stepped on the edge of one of them, foot curling around the ovular shape of the rock.
"C'mon kid, I know you're here." He muttered slightly annoyed. Whilst his left foot stayed curved, his right foot slowly keeping form around the rock turned him looking in all directions. "You promised to be here." They were still a no-show. That just annoyed him even more.
"X, I'm sorry I was late!" his head turned attention to her voice. She sounded slightly panicked. "But I'm he-"
"Here now, I know what you're going to say kid. Remember?" X sighed turning to her and starring into a pair of deep blue eyes. She gave a nod to him in response. "But out of curiosity's sake, what possibly kept you?"
"It's happened again. I don't know if I can fight for much longer." Her eyes turned away from his mask and onto the ground. X gave a laugh, she glared at him for it. "It's not funny!" she shouted back in defense. He held up a hand telling her to be calm while he finished laughing.
"Okay fine, it's just the irony of it all." He smiled from under the mask, there was already a smile on the outside of the mask.
"How is it ironic!?" didn't he get the seriousness of the situation? "X, I'm disappearing. Nothing can stop it, and it's been hurting me!" tears lied rest at the edge of her eyes. X held a smile underneath, as much as he wouldn't like to admit he always had enjoyed pain. It didn't matter who it was inflicted on, he just secretly adored it. Only physical though.
"Well, she wanted to protect you, but as doing so she is harming you." He explained. She glared at him.
"You're insane X." She mumbled under her breath. X leaned towards her closely.
"And you think I don't already know that?" his voice had become so hush it was near whisper. It made her exceptionally uncomfortable, she trusted him but also knew he could possibly become spastic in personality. He could be threatening, but then absolutely collected from second to second. She merely thought of the time he had nearly broken her wrist in an outrage but became more quiet and disregarding of the incident. And to think he said he's even more unstable in the physical plane.
He leaned back to a standing position in an instant. "But isn't this about your stability, not mine?" I swear his voice echoes in my head.
"X I'm worried about you." She looked at him. His neck turned in perplexity making a sickening snap sound. Her body shook in disgust, he was always twisting his body until was supposed to break. But they didn't. Her body tightened at the sound.
"Sorry, too far perhaps. I know you don't like to hear that sound, you don't want to remember it don't you?" He questioned the girl soothingly. She wasn't looking at him but she could tell he was moving around her. His voice did make her feel a bit better admittedly.
We're going into pov again guys.
"Why did they hurt you?" his voice had become so hush once again. I could feel his hand below my neck and upper back leading me down to sit on a rock beside him. It didn't feel creepy at all, it just felt like he was really trying to help. It felt genuine. One tear finally escapes from my eye and slithers down my cheek. I can feel his finger brush on my cheek as the tear is brought away from the side. "It's not okay what they do to you. They break you because they want to, they make you broken, and they can't fix it, no one can!"
"They broke you?" I questioned quietly to myself. He noticed as he stopped the thoughts that he was lost in. "Why did they hurt you?" his body language became uncomfortable, but not towards me.
"I-I was too different from the others, defective. A half breed of demons, and, and.. it kept going, and it wouldn't stop. And they. What did they?" He clutched the sides of his head panicking to himself. "I wanted to see them, to hurt me, no them, all of them!"
Oh no, not another one. X is having another freak out, last time when I tried to calm him down he…. I know what he did. He made me see what he saw. Everything was flashing and it hurt a lot, you could hear voices screaming inside of my head. I knew they weren't real, but what if he does?
I have to do something. "X look at me." I said calmly. He won't will he.
"You're not really here…I'm not…. Defective…..worthless… I can't….Stop it, stop it!..." He just kept on going, it sounds like he's in pain. What he says keeps getting worse to hear.
"X please!" I grabbed his wrist. He throws my hand off his as I put both of them up to show I'm not going to hurt him anymore. I have him looking at me. I'm so scared right now, but I have to help him. "X calm down, you're okay. They're not hurting you."
"No! Who are you?" He goes back to his memories of torture as you can hear him talking like before.
"X, it's me, i-it's Luna." I explain slowly. Was this what it was like for Jack?
"Luna?" He choked out. I feel so petrified on the inside but still so happy, he's coming from the memories.
"Yes, that's it. I'm Luna, remember, we, you helped me. I died, but then you helped me. I was scared, but then you helped with the nightmares. You explained it, why I'm here. Do you remember?" I smiled with tears running down my face. Please remember.
"Luna, I, I think I. I can remember you. You weren't scared." I was so happy to hear that from him. But them came back the words, one of them being defective.
"No X, you're not! Look at me, you're okay. J-just give me your hand." Slowly our hands meet. Just remember what he did to me Luna, maybe that'll help him. I place one hand on his right hand. "I'm going to draw a few lines on your wrist, okay?" He nods positive to me. "I want you to breathe in, and when I nod breathe out, okay?" same response, fortunately. If this doesn't work I don't know what to do.
He actually let's me hold his wrist to my surprise, I placed my left hand under his arm holding his wrist to hold it steady. I just have to show him that I'm not a threat. Now I can start with the lines.
Just draw a square, one line, two lines, three, four. I gave him a small nod, I hear him breath out. I'm so relieved and my eyes become even more blurry from more tears. One more square, another breath out. I don't even have to nod this time. He knew how it worked. He taught me. Who knew it'd work for X too?
"Am I, am I.." He said quietly repeatedly. Another square, another breath.
"Okay, you're okay. See, you're doing great." I smile as one tear falls off my face and on his wrist. A violent jerk back causes me to tighten my grip a bit more than before. Despite what he sees, I'm absolutely terrified right now. I'm so scared, what if I can't do this, what if I make a mistake, I don't want to hurt him.
We'll, you're in the mindspace of an old enemy of mine.
I can still remember him, and yet I can barely remember who I am. The only thing I could remember was what Pitch did to me, and barely any of Jack. Then when I started having troubles with the memories, all the nightmares, he helped me. He told me not to get involved in him at all, but nothing like this had ever happened before. Or at least not to X.
"What did I-" I looked up at him, my hand trembling a little. He must have seen the tears in my eyes. "I scared you, didn't I?...You see, this is why-"
"I'm fine X." I interrupt him, sorry but not till you've calmed down.
"Well I can breathe on my own, thank you." His voice sounded slightly irritated. That admittedly made me laugh a little, and I'm guessing that was his plan.
"I didn't mean to do that, sorry." Guilt came straight back to me. Obviously to his annoyance, but I just couldn't help it.
He gave a small sigh. "I don't care how much you say that, but it's still not true. Got it kid?" wow, it feels like I was the one who was freaking out the whole time.
It's so odd when I think about X. For all the people he hates he can really be caring. He doesn't care about any of the relations I've had, but for some reason it doesn't seam like him. Maybe he assumed we have something in common, yeah maybe? There's just one thing he's mentioned before that I've always meant to ask him about. What's a mercy stone?
A.N. I'm back for giving a goodbye for maybe 2 weeks. And of course some of you might be going "Luna! Oh my God Luna!" (or maybe not, I'm not you) And yes this chapter does have some parallels to something that recently happened to me. (But I'm the only one of my friends who knows about the panic square.) Little did I know that games like deemo could take you out of a situation. It wasn't my worst case of a freak out in a social situation, but it felt pretty bad.
One unrelated note. (Deals with an LGBT theme, be warned.) People should learn to respect transgender people. It's not that hard. If they say they're a boy, then don't call them a she. And I don't care who you are, you absolutely cannot call them and it! I'm sick and tired of people call trans people it(s)! Please know the term it is very degrading, and it may make them feel like they aren't even a person! To all religious people, you have to know when to draw the line of involvement. It's not your life. (That was for a friend of mine, people are disrespectful of him (female to male) and when say a teacher is addressed about harassment they always call him a girl.)
Never mind that though. I will explain the situation with Luna further in a later chapter, and the next chapter that I post will be a guardian one. If you guys have any suggestions I'd love to hear from you. (I'm not the best writer, but I do love hearing people's opinions it helps me know what you see when you read.)
So r&r and thank you for reading, see you in 2 weeks. Bye!