Author's comments:
Happy Friday everyone,
Today's flight is bumpy but not have as rollercoaster like as 34. And there are even bits of smooth sailing too. About three more chapters to go, gang.
This is your captain speaking.
alchemista21– Writers are mean and like cliffies? LOL, I have to keep you all reading somehow? We don't stay on BIG cliffhangers for too long.
MuffinRamsey - Well I am going to give your hearts right back, I promise. And there will be more happy. And Swanqueen forever. I looked at my wife after writing that last part and was like: they are all going to hate me.
CrystalEarth – Case of food poisoning. Ate a Cuban sandwich for long and then, well, it wasn't pretty. I promise I am okay now. I can say that what happens in the Thunderdome may not be what you expect. Everyone is pretty worked up right now. My idea of a "thunderdome" happens in Chapter 36. Sorry if maybe the whole plan dropped like 50 feet with the last couple updates.
Knightstorm - Really sorry I made you wait and pace and anxious. Things are calmer from here on out. But we still have to "slay" a Kraken. Or two.
pFire274 - In a weird way, I am sort of glad you didn't see it coming because I have been trying to be very sneaky about it but still do foreshadowing.
realJane91 - Mam being around definitely adds a lot of things to the dynamic and forces Regina to make some choices.
betagamma - Emma and Regina will find their way through this and be stronger. They have a really strong foundation at this point. In a strange way, if Emma hadn't run from Regina so long ago, who knows where they would be? Emma learning to grow was directly related to her mistakes and being inspired by Regina. For Regina, the same will be true.
KatieDoo1 – Very glad it's not boring but the sucking won't last too long. Promise. Um…unless I write another type of scene and…er…nevermind.
Chapter 34 - The one with the begging
The brass accents, like the industrial piping that ran the length of the restaurant, gave Emma pause. As did the waitstaff who wore tuxedos, including the woman.
On the drive over, Emma had rehearsed what she might say, then again as she walked from the parking garage. Yet the talking points varied greatly, fueled by the uneven burning inside her.
She walked into a full waiting area, staffed by a maitre d' in an elegant red dress. The customers milling around with wine in their hands wore custom suits and tailored dresses about a half-step down from evening wear.
Fuck, this was not her type of place. Not somewhere she would ever belong. She asked for Cora's table, and a waiter guided her upstairs to the back. The moment she saw Cora, she lost half of what she wanted to say. Her hands grew clammy but she clenched her jaw.
"Mrs Mills, your guest has arrived," the waiter said and pulled out a chair for her. Emma didn't sit. Confused, he left his hand on the back of her chair for an uncomfortable amount of time.
"I think we're fine here," Cora said smoothly. "Why don't you give us a few minutes?" She gestured to the chair across from her. All the remaining words melted from Emma's tongue and mind. It reminded her of her first Cybersheriff presentation. Except this time Regina wasn't in her ear prompting her with what she should say. A bucket of cold water was tossed over the fury inside her, a shock running down her body. "You can sit if you wish." Cora gave her a once-over in a cool assessment. "Is my daughter with you?" Emma shook her head, desperately trying to kickstart the engines there. "I see, and will she be coming?"
"I don't think so."
"Did she send you with a message?"
"No."
Cora's brow pinched as she frowned, then it smoothed away. "Then, to what do I owe the honor, dear?" The small smile on Cora's lips shoved at Emma.
"You can't take my family from me."
"Excuse me?"
"You can't have them." An itch tickled between her shoulder blades. She cleared her throat.
"Perhaps you should sit down; there's no reason we can't be civilized." Cora said, projecting a grandness, mixed with shades of compassion. It left Emma feeling uncertain, not sure what to believe about her, which was probably the point.
Emma knew that in any other situation Cora would confuse her as "the help," a runner or dishwasher here at Chez-whatever this place was. Her white button-up was untucked, wisps of hair messy and wild against her face. She'd abandoned her vest in Regina's Mercedes. She wished she had it.
Heat creeped up her neck, spreading the itchy feeling. "I just came here to tell you that I won't let you hurt them."
Cora sipped her wine before answering. "My understanding is that you've had quite the tragic life, so I can appreciate your desire to protect what you have." Cora used the soft voice of someone who didn't need to be loud to move the world, and who absolutely had moved it. "I, myself, was far too arrogant. I assumed I could never lose my family. It makes me curious, however. If my daughter feels as you do, it seems odd she isn't here with you."
Those words cracked open her head and stirred her already buzzing insecurities. "You're not listening to me."
"I assure you that I am, dear."
"Regina is..." The words clogged in her throat.
She's going to leave you, her heart said. Emma shuddered and tried to keep fighting
"...one of the strongest people I…."
Except not for you.
Emma's hands rolled into fists. A sob coiled inside her and fuck no, not now. "She — she wants to do good things, okay? For her son, for her town, for people who face things like what Henry went through. She's happy."
Emma heaved in a breath to get control — God — her eyes were welling up. Because yes, Regina was abandoning her.
"...we're happy. You can't just show up on a whim and steal that. She deserves a chance for once. Just leave her alone."
Cora watched her dispassionately, waiting.
Fuck, this was such a mistake. Is this what Regina felt? This overwhelming understanding that she was losing a race, not even placing or showing, lagging so far behind it was comical.
"Emma," A soft murmur near her ear, and her heart reached for that voice. Fingers on her face and dark eyes meeting hers, cradling whatever torn part of her was on display now. "Look at me."
Emma did, she couldn't help it. She needed to. "So, I'm here to fight for your honor."
Regina gave a small, gentle smile. She brushed a kiss against Emma's mouth, warming it and offering comfort. "I see that."
"Regina, I'm so glad you're here." Cora said, rising. "I was just inviting Emma to sit."
Regina didn't acknowledge her. Not yet. "I don't want to lose my nerve so I'm going to quickly say a couple of things and then I need you to go."
"What, wait — "
Regina adjusted Emma's shirt collar, her touch lingering. "The first is how sorry I am. I'm really out of practice when it comes to fighting real battles and back when I did, it was never about more than my ambitions. I know I need to learn to do it because I'm worth it and 'Start at 100' and all of that. But until I'm there, my reason to try is that you deserve someone who will battle Krakens for you, and so does the life we have together."
She held up a yellow Post-It note she'd been clutching in her hand. "I remembered that I have this in my wallet. I've carried it for a while." She held it up, a yellow Post-It note. Number #10 — You don't let things stop you (even when people act like boneheads). "I need it today. You have no idea how much."
It mattered that she kept that with her, Emma just wasn't sure how much it could soothe the sinking feeling in her chest. Regina pressed her mouth to Emma's, hard and quick, bolstering herself. "Can you promise me that you'll be right outside? And that we'll talk later? After. Please?"
Dammit, she never could refuse a "please" from Regina. Even when she wanted to. She also couldn't just leave her here without support. "I promise, but Regina, are you sure?"
Regina squeezed Emma's hand and nodded. She stepped back and spoke, clear and calm, "Emma, could you give us a few moments?" Regina took in a deep breath before turning to Cora. "Hello, Mother."
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On the car ride to the restaurant, what had punctured the shock more than anything was hope. It didn't make sense to Regina at first — the way her heart could shift from an ashen gray place to one that held a hint of light.
Emma Swan went to fight for her. Her mother would likely have her as a snack before dinner. Emma wasn't used to the games Cora would play.
Still. She carried a banner into battle for Regina.
It wasn't just her. The Nolans. Henry. What finally penetrated her retreat was the absolute love they felt for her. Especially Emma.
Cora was talented at devouring someone one bite at a time; she used to tear her to shreds with words that feinted, parried, then stabbed.
Regina couldn't let Emma face that alone. She remembered the Post-It note. After Emma gave her that gift of a wall of Post-It notes so she'd "always remember who she was", she had put one in her wallet. She'd wanted to carry that moment with her.
Her heart beat so fast, it hurt, her chest feeling bruised by it. It didn't matter. Regina forced herself to make a plan during the car ride. If she was going to do this, she couldn't go in there unarmed.
Emma needed her.
She needed Emma. So very much.
The plan was to get her mother talking and find out as much as she could. How much Cora knew, what she was thinking. Regina would play the part of someone cowed, trying to make her fear work for her.
After they parked, she asked David to wait in the car. Her heels beat against the pavement in a cross between a jog and a brisk walk. Her terse voice commanded the maitre d' to take her to her mother's table.
Emma stood there, her wounded knight, railing. Still, in her pain, Emma defended her, fought for her.
A hysteria ebbed too close to the surface of her even now; she did what she could to hold it back while, outwardly, appearing calm. She kissed Emma and told her to go, then turned and sat down before "the Kraken."
"What is it you really want," Regina asked her mother without heat, not entirely sure she could stay and do this. An awkward opening move, her verbal chess piece wobbled on the board.
"A second chance. To get to know you again. To get to know my grandson."
If you wanted that, you could have picked up a phone, Regina thought.
"Your 'new' family seems to think you need to be protected from me. Do you believe that too?"
Regina didn't answer. Say something, she ordered herself. She tried to catalogue in her head the number of times she'd defied her mother. How had she done it? She'd been young. It happened a few times in her teens, sometimes when she was in college, and when she started the charity.
She had been scared, but bold. She had still needed her mother's approval. She had believed she would earn it, probably begrudgingly, by doing something so grand it couldn't be ignored. She'd been full of hope about the brightness of her future and all she could be. What she wouldn't give to have a taste of that right now.
"I suppose I can't blame you." Cora took a long drink of her wine. "You have to know that I would have never let you serve one single day in jail. You had already cultivated the anger of many people. You earned the title of 'Ice Queen'. I shouldn't have tried to use that the way I did. I should have left you and others no doubt whose side I was on. I was being clever and thinking like a businesswoman, but not like a mother. I think that was true most of your life."
The only real success at standing up to her mother Regina had ever had was starting the charity, but Cora made that her victory in the end. She outmaneuvered her, was stronger than her. Or faster. Or smarter. More resourceful, and simply willing to go farther than she ever considered.
Her mother stared at her, waiting, pressing her. The waiter came over and asked her for her drink order, a momentary reprieve. Regina ordered the house white wine. After he left, neither woman spoke.
I'm failing, Regina thought. This wasn't fighting. It wasn't what she promised Emma.
"Regina," Cora said, sighing, "will you please at least look at me?" Regina kept the Post-It note in her hand and did. It pleased Cora, her face broke into a relieved smile. The wine came, and Regina gave a polite nod to the waiter. Emma's note felt smooth under the pad of her thumb.
Regina needed to summon the part of her that believed in the adoring smiles Emma gave her. She had to grasp onto the certainty that if she fell, Emma would be right there. She wouldn't be alone. Regina had to trust that trying mattered, that the voices in her head that told her all the conclusions were already reached was wrong.
Fight, Regina. Her thumb smoothed over the words of the Post-It note, as if the ink could be pulled into her and give her strength. Maybe it could.
"If all you wanted was to to know me and my son, why try so hard to make me beholden to you? The Nolans, Peter Pan, the mention of Cybersheriff," Regina said. A better gambit, more in keeping with her plan.
Cora dropped her eyes briefly, an old tactic Regina remembered, one that let her hide her emotions. "I wanted to, as best as I could, show you how sincere I am."
Regina made another move. "When I was 17, I came home one day and found my entire closet empty. I had refused to wear a dress you picked out." A deep, consistent rapping of anger resounded inside her with the memory. "You didn't say a thing to me, you just showed me how sincere you were."
"That was a long time ago. When you left, I realized how wrong I had been. It made me take a long look at myself."
She sounded so honest. She always could when she wanted to.
"Let's say I tell you that we could — slowly — get to know one another again. Then what?"
"I'd ask you and Henry to come visit me for a few weeks. To come home. It would be just the three of us."
"And Emma."
Her mother remained relaxed, that was another thing about her, always so unfazed. The corners of her mouth lifted. "Of course she is invited, if you wish her to be."
"I'll always wish her to be."
"I see." Cora took the napkin from the table and neatly draped it in her lap as the waiter returned. She asked him what appetizer he would recommend then flashed him an appreciative look. "Let's start with that, thank you."
"I'm not staying long," Regina cautioned.
"It's just an appetizer," Cora said, acknowledging that Regina hadn't made any decisions and things were still fragile. "As for Emma, well, she's not who I might have chosen, but she clearly cares about you very much. I look forward to getting to know her better. " Cora smiled, toothy and dripping with earnestness. She had always smiled a lot, a way to seem pleasant and well-meaning. "Perhaps the three of us could discuss what's to be done with Peter Pan, Mr. Malcolm Marshall. Serving a few years in prison isn't nearly enough of a punishment, don't you think?"
The invitation to rage against Peter Pan tasted sweet. She did her best to block it out and keep her wits. She needed information. That was the plan. "Your private detective helped you find out about Henry?"
"The assistant director of the FBI first, then, yes, the private detective. You adopted him when he was still quite young, didn't you? Not a baby, but young enough that you could enjoy watching him grow up." Regina tensed; her mother knew much more than she thought. "He seems like a fine young man. Brave. He looks like you. Do you know very much about his family?"
The tempo of her internal ticking sped up, jumping with fear. She schooled her features, trying hard not to show her agitation. It dripped into her voice, darkening her words, making them heavier than they should be. "I knew his father a little. He said that it was just he and Henry. We put out ads. Years later I hired a private detective." The last one was a lie. She had never thought to. Maybe she should have.
"He's been a blessing. Emma. The Nolans. It's something I am still trying to reconcile — how much they care about me. The fact that I'm not alone anymore."
"You've never been alone. "
Regina paused, wetting her lips with wine more than drinking. "The night before I opened my non-profit, I had a little celebration at my penthouse, do you remember? You told me that night that you had looked into my office location and decided to sell it because it wasn't suitable. We had to delay opening for two weeks."
"You're right. I wanted you to excel, and I constantly pushed you and raised the bar. It doesn't have to be like that. If you let me, I want to make it up to you, to use our family's influence and wealth to help you, the way I should have all along. Have you considered what we could give Henry? The colleges and universities we can help him get into?" Cora, perhaps sensing she'd hit a nerve, went on. "I know he enjoys making videos. My secretary showed a few of them to me. You and I have connections in Hollywood. We could find an amazing internship for him."
Regina kept her expression neutral. "And did your detective tell you about Cybersheriff too? I never mentioned it to Agent Booth."
"He did. When I learned you were working with an ex-felon, and where she lives, I reached out to the police commissioner to find out more information about her. Commissioner Gold is a very ambitious man. He was extremely forthcoming about her activities and how they were related to you. I gave him a sizable donation. I think if Emma wants to come to New York with you for a time, we'll find him receptive. I apologize if I inadvertently made things more challenging for you and your new business by asking him to intercede. I was trying to protect you."
Regina waited as their appetizers arrived and were set down. "I suppose you were right, the mention of Cybersheiff at the press conference is good publicity."
"That's another way I could try to make things up to you if you'll let me. We both did so many things wrong, and I wonder if Cybersheriff might be a chance for us to make amends. With my help, you could open up offices across the United States. From what I have been able to discover about the Nolans, they don't have the experience needed to run such a venture, but you do. If you talked to them and explained, I'm sure they wouldn't mind separating Cybersheriff from Nolan Securities to become its own entity, with you at the helm."
Regina's eyes narrowed. "And what would your role be?"
Cora laughed, making barely a sound. "I'd like to think I might offer good advice should you need it, but otherwise — nothing. It won't be directly connected to me or our businesses. Not like before."
Regina considered her reflection in the spoon. Her mother wasn't wrong. The wealth and influence of the Mills name could make Cybersheriff grow quickly. David and Mary Margaret had already started to become overwhelmed with the size of things. They likely wouldn't mind if Regina disconnected Cybersheriff from Nolan securities. They'd agree with Cora's plan. She was certain of it.
"Speaking of advice, I do have some which you can take or leave. If you do want to make Cybersheriff a nationwide business venture, you'll probably want to talk to someone from the press. An interview to announce that you've returned. It's always best to be proactive and get ahead of the media whenever possible. Enough to control the story and how it unfolds."
A seed pushed into Regina's mind and started to grow, tendrils reaching upward.
"I'm sorry, I've made this all about business. It's my comfort zone, I suppose. Can I ask you about what we talked about earlier — about you and Henry coming to visit?"
"I think an interview is wise. And I'll talk to the Nolans. I'm not ready for you to spend time with my son yet. However, perhaps we could arrange a few dinners. If those go well..." She let her words drift off, saw the almost-victorious smile in Cora's eyes.
###################################
Outside, Regina saw David and Emma leaning against a wall outside a Dunkin Donuts, on the opposite side of the busy street. David bent closer to Emma and said something to her. After taking in a deep breath, she moved toward the crosswalk in long strides, deciding to jog across rather than waiting for the light.
"Hey," Emma said.
"Hey," There was so much to say, maybe too many things, and they stood there watching one another awkwardly.
"Henry?" Regina asked, though she was sure he was fine.
"Mom is with him at the pizza place. We know Belle's coming there, and we didn't know how long you'd be."
"Oh, she didn't need to — I texted Belle and told her to wait." She guessed the next question and answered it. "When your father was driving me here. I should have said." She ran a shaky hand through her hair, exhaustion making her eyes feel heavy and her movements sluggish. She pushed that aside. She needed to make this — with Emma — better somehow. She spied a bench by the front of the restaurant and nodded to it. "Will you join me for a few minutes? Please? "
For some reason, Emma rolled her eyes. She sighed and followed Regina to the bench. "So was that as bad as you thought it would be? Because from my perspective, she's scary as hell."
"She is," Regina said. "She laid out a lot of temptation before me in there. My mother's still very persuasive."
"So she was up to her old tricks? You don't think she's sincere at all?"
Regina rubbed at her temple and gave a small, hapless shrug. "I can't really take the chance of waiting to see if she is. And I really think, after all this time, she only knows one way to do things. Do whatever you have to do to win. She asked me to compromise one thing. I think it was a test. I think she wanted to see if I was still the daughter she raised."
She pivoted towards Emma. "I was trying to remember what it took for me to fight her. Back when I believed I could. I don't think I've had that kind of faith in myself for long time." She laid her hand over Emma's, half-expecting her to pull away. "I panicked. I know my reaction reminded you of your past. I'm both ashamed and sorry for how I reacted. I think some people aren't naturally brave, that sometimes finding courage is a journey. I'd very much like to go on that journey with you. If you're still willing."
"What you did sucked." Emma pulled away, linking her fingers together. "Still does, to be honest. You have no idea how hard it is for me to be sitting here right now. After the car, I wanted to run. I still do."
Regina mirrored her pose, looking across the road at David who was doing his best to pretend he wasn't paying attention.
She caused this. She made Emma look into the dark mirror of her worse fears. All because she'd become so used to running, and so terrified of losing fights with her mother, that she dismissed everything except that little emergency box and Henry. Hurting Emma this way made her want to punish herself, grab her flawed heart from her chest and pound it into the pavement until it worked like it was supposed to. The way Emma deserved it to.
Regina tried again, certain she was running out of chances to mend things. "I know. I'm very glad you're here. Does it help at all if I told you that I truly believe I wouldn't have lasted an entire day before I came to my senses and begged you to come to me?"
Emma's mouth set in a bitter line. "How do you know?"
Again, knowing Emma might move away, she reached for her hands — both this time. "Because when Henry told me why you left, all I could think about was getting here. Kraken or not. And because everything good in me, in my heart, is yours. And the rest of me is too."
Emma softened in degrees, doubt becoming hope. A tiny bit of mirth crept into her eyes, and Regina thought perhaps things might be okay. "You said you'd beg me to come to you. Like...begging, begging?" The hint of a smile played at the corner of Emma's mouth.
Regina's lips rose, too. "You want me to beg?"
"Well, it would be nice."
"Shall I get on on my knees?"
Emma's eyes widened. "Would you? Wait, no, sorry. Here is fine."
"Very well." She drew in a deep breath and looked directly into Emma's eyes. The brief playfulness of the moment before dropped away. "Emma, I am begging you. Please forgive me. Please give me a chance to prove to you that I will fight for you — us. Our family." Emma's hands closed around hers. Finally. She leaned her head against Emma's. She whispered into the shell of Emma's ear. "I am begging you to never leave me, to hold my hand and to keep my heart safe, and let me try to keep yours safe, too. Please."
Emma's arms came around her. She hugged her so hard it hurt, but that didn't matter. Regina needed to feel her, to be given that proof she was forgiven. They held one another just short of crushing each other and tried to find the peace and trust they'd had before.
After a time, Emma drew back and caught her eyes, stroking her hair back from her face. "Hey? So um, with regards to your mom, what do we do?"
"She wants me to convince your parents to let me run Cybersheriff as a separate entity. Make it my company and open up several offices."
"Oh. I mean, honestly, they'd probably…"
Regina shook her head fervently. "I would love for Cybersheriff to go national one day. The right way. With all of us doing it together. The right way or not at all. I have a plan. Well, I have the very beginnings of a plan. It's not how to fight my mother so much as it is how to take away most of her ammunition. I need a pad of paper and a mechanical pencil. I need us to go home to Storybrooke. I'm going to need to talk to everyone too. You and Henry. Your parents. And...others."
A twinkle slowly spread in Emma's eyes. She popped to her feet, pulling Regina up too, then laughed. "Fuck, y'know, I'm almost worried for your mother now." She dropped a kiss on Regina's head and they walked across the street to meet David.