A/N: Thanks to Sherry x x
Chapter 35
Edward held me for what seemed like hours, just letting me cry, until there weren't any tears left to shed. When I had finally settled down, he pulled back to look at me. "Talk to me," he pleaded.
I wasn't sure what he wanted to me to say.
"You said, seeing me with Irina brought back memories you didn't want to relive. Tell me about them. Tell me why you are in so much pain, Bella. I want to help you, but you gotta let me in."
I shifted away from him and looked down at my hands. I didn't want to talk about Jacob. I didn't want to revisit those memories, but at the same time I knew things had gone too far. I owed Edward an explanation at the very least.
"I assume Jasper told you about my parent's accident?" Edward nodded. "Losing them was hard. Waving them off one minute and then finding out they were dead the next. I can't begin to tell you how that feels… Never getting to say goodbye to them. Living with regrets, of harsh words that we had exchanged. Never getting to tell my parents how much I loved them or appreciated them. I would do anything just to see them again."
Edward reached over and squeezed my hand.
"I don't think I would have made it through the first month if it hadn't been for Jacob, my boyfriend at the time. He was my reason for living, my reason for pushing through each day even when I didn't want to. Now that I look back, I realize that I only saw what I wanted to see. I thought he loved me. I thought he was the one. That was until the moment that I found him in bed with my best friend.
"Jacob and I got into a fight, he was mad as hell. He believed he was doing me a favor by keeping me around. It turned out he had planned to breakup with me to be with Angela, but then my parents had died and he thought it was best to keep me around for a while. He drove away livid that night and got into an accident. He died."
"I'm sorry, Bella."
I nodded, tears welling in my eyes again. "If that wasn't enough, Angela and some of our friends blamed me for his death. That was when I started hanging with the wrong crowd, stealing and taking drugs. I just wanted to escape, maybe even part of me wanted to die. Jasper's mom tried to reach me, but I wouldn't let her in. She eventually got fed up with the cops coming to the door. She was going to kick me out, that was when Jasper agreed to take me.
"In all honesty, I didn't plan on sticking around here long. I knew Jasper and Alice would get fed up with me sooner or later, but then you came into my life and refused to leave. No matter how much I tried to push you away. You made me start to feel again, to live. I thought I could be happy, but then I saw you with that woman."
"My cousin."
"And everything just came rushing back. I just wanted it to stop. I wanted to stop hurting, to stop feeling. I was running. You're right, it's what I do. I run and I push people away. I do whatever I can to protect myself. I just don't want to hurt anymore, but I don't want to hurt you either. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I never trusted you. I'm sorry that I never gave you a chance to explain. I'm sorry for everything."
"I'm sorry too," Edward said, pulling me back into his arms and holding me tight. "I'm sorry that you've been hurt. I'm sorry for every tear that you've cried, but please know I will never do anything to hurt you. I'm not like him." He stroked his thumb along his cheek and then across my lips. "I only ever want to make you smile."