Erin frowned as she walked into the tavern, the sandy blonde immediately forgetting her own sleepiness. It was still a half hour before dawn, and she was up to do her job of getting the place ready for breakfast. Ordinarily she was alone at this hour. Her dad and chef Wustum wouldn't be there to start cooking until just after day break. But this morning it appeared they already had a 'customer'. Sitting at a table in the corner with his chair leaned back on two legs against the wall was a barely dressed Fret. He was shirtless and barefoot, only wearing a pair of loose fitting black cotton pants. Judging by the progress on the bottle of wine in front of him, he wasn't exactly sober either.
"Fret?" she asked tentatively as she approached, not wanting to startle him. "Wanna talk about it?"
He glanced up at her, briefly considering the question before shrugging. "I don't know, I might get suspected again of having sex with you if you get too close."
"I thought you forgave her for that?" she asked, a little miffed at his attitude. "Why are you still harping on it?"
Laughing sarcastically, Fret replied, "Oh, I did forgive her. Doesn't mean it won't happen again though."
"What do you mean?"
"Yesterday was just the latest time. The 4th or 5th time it's happened though. She doesn't trust me." His face bore a pained expression in the dim flickering glow of the lantern lit room. He picked up the bottle and took another drink before setting it back down on the table.
Erin folded her arms, shaking her head as she sighed at him. "Wait here," she said as she grabbed the bottle off the table, taking it away from him. "I'm going to put on a pot of coffee so you can start sobering up. I'll be back in a few to resume this discussion."
Fret didn't respond, but merely leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes.
Marica woke to the sound of someone at the door. Noticing it was still dark, her immediate thought was, "Who the heck needs something in the middle of the night?" Realizing she was in bed alone, her next thoughts were, "Why isn't Fret here? Did something happen?" Fumbling her way groggily to the front room, she called out, "Yeah? Who's there?"
"Marica, it's me, Erin. Sorry to wake you up at this hour, but it's about Fret."
The door opened, and the suddenly concerned Marica stared at her friend questioningly. Erin filled her in on finding Fret in the tavern. Marica nodded, saying she'd get dressed and come down to the tavern. Erin left her to do that, heading back downstairs.
Pushing a mug of coffee across the table to Fret, she asked him, "So why don't you think Marica trusts you?"
"I already told you, because she keeps thinking I'm banging every girl that I'm friendly with. It's a freakin' pattern of behavior with her."
"Other than when we were planning your surprise dinner, which admittedly was suspicious, have you asked her what you've done to make her think that way?"
"No… I-I just kept hoping each time that she'd get I wasn't like that. I don't know what her problem is."
Erin walked back across the room, working as she talked. "Her problem is that she's insecure, and this is the way it comes out."
"Insecure?" asked Fret incredulously. "No way, she's got a lot of self-confidence."
Marica was approaching the tavern when she heard the two talking somewhat loudly, loud enough for her to hear from outside the room. She paused while debating on whether or not to enter and interrupt. Curiosity got the better of her though, and she opted for now to stand out in the hall and listen.
"I mean she's insecure when it comes to you," explained Erin. "If you haven't noticed, you're her world. From what I know about you guys, you've been her main focus most of your lives. Have you considered that maybe at times she gets terrified about losing that?"
"Great… so I have to suffer for it?" Outside in the hall, Marica winced.
Erin glared at him, putting her hands on her hips and leaning forward as she spoke. "First off, you can stop acting like you're a victim! You're not as innocent as you think you are."
"When have I even flirted with another girl, huh?! Other than the misunderstanding over us I've never done anything for her think I'm interested in someone else!"
"Fret, I'm not even talking about that! Marica's insecurity runs deeper than that. It's not only about losing you to another girl, and you make it worse on her because sometimes you can be pretty damn selfish when it comes to other people's feelings."
"Yeah," he replied sarcastically, "I'm just a selfish bastard. Never mind that yesterday I was prepared to kill myself to save everyone."
"You know what? That was selfish!" countered Erin, wagging her finger at him. "You gave no consideration to her feelings or anyone else's. You made this monumental decision all on your own that affected all of our lives and then basically said 'deal with it', at least until Dirk refused to let you."
"But-"
"You wanna talk patterns of behavior?" interrupted Erin, her voice rising along with her irritation. "Why don't we talk about how you rarely make anyone feel like they're actually needed by you? You guys all think Jale is guarded, but in a lot of ways you're no different. You're friendly and caring and incredibly generous. And sure, you let people help you and make them feel wanted. But you refuse to let yourself need them. You're a rock for so many people, but you don't let anyone be a rock for you.
"That makes no sense, I need help all the time!"
"It's a big difference between being wanted and needed, and it's a big difference between needing someone to do some physical task for you and needing them in here." She tapped her hand on her chest over her heart for effect. "This is what I'm talking about. You wanna know why Marica is insecure about you? It's because when it comes right down to it, she needs you, but you don't make her feel like you truly need her. She knows you want her, of course, but that's not the same."
"She's right, you know?" said Marica guardedly. She'd quietly entered the tavern a couple of minutes earlier. Erin had noticed her there, Fret hadn't. "I am insecure…" she added softly to herself, her voice barely above a whisper.
"So to sum myself up," began Fret snidely as he recounted what Erin said about him back in Grayridge as well as just now. "I'm guilt driven, I selfishly help people only to feel better about myself, my decision making is also selfish, and I make everyone feel like I only need them as far as doing things for me goes. Wow, Erin, I'm just a piece of shit human being, eh?"
Erin's lips quivered as she fought the frustration welling up inside of her. "No, you're drunk and need to go to bed," she replied sharply.
"Well, great… let's add that to the list of my shortcomings too. Any other brilliant insight to add?"
"Fuck you, Fret," answered Erin bluntly.
"No… remember, you wanting to do that was how the conversation started in the first place?" he asked crudely.
Erin stomped her foot, visibly shaking with anger.
"Fret!" exclaimed Marica, shaking her head at him. "If you want to be mad, be mad at me. Don't take it out on Erin. She doesn't deserve this."
Erin was beginning to lose the battle with the tears that were trying to form. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing them, however. "Get out!" she hissed at him before turning and stomping away angrily to the back room.
Marica sighed, resting her forehead in the palm of her hand. Looking back up at Fret, she said, "Come on, you're going to bed before you say or do anything else you'll regret later."
A few hours later, Marica sat quietly at the bar in the tavern, eating her breakfast and contemplating the events of the last couple days. Seeing the ongoing consternation in her expression, Logan decided to speak up.
"You look like someone kicked your puppy, lass. Something I can help with?"
Marica looked up, smiling weakly. "Thanks, but it's a girl problem. I-"
"Say no more," smiled Logan, holding his hands out in front of him and chuckling lightly.
Marica nodded. "Hey, Logan?"
"Yes, lass?"
"How much trouble would it be for you to install locks on the wine cabinets?"
The older man raised an eyebrow quizzically. "Okay, what's going on? That's the second time I've been asked that this morning."
"Dad said the locks are already there, he's just never bothered using them," answered Erin impassively. She'd just come back behind the bar after clearing some tables.
Marica looked at Erin in surprise. "You didn't tell him?"
Erin pursed her lips, silently shaking her head.
"All I know is that someone apparently helped themselves to some wine and then caused problems for her this morning," explained Logan. "I told her she needed to let Fret know so he could deal with them."
Marica averted her eyes, suddenly finding the food on her plate very interesting. Not looking up, she asked, "Erin, after what he said, why did you protect him?"
"B-because I knew h-he wasn't being himself…" she replied, trailing off.
Logan looked back and forth at the two girls, getting slightly annoyed at the confused state they were keeping him in. Trying to piece together what they said, he thought he figured it out. "Wait, you girls are talking about Jale, aren't you? Is that why you didn't seem eager to tell Fret? Erin, what did he do?" he asked with concern.
Marica's head snapped back up at Logan's accusation. "No…" she said sharply, "it was not Jale. It was Fret that got drunk and then acted like a jerk when she tried to help him."
"Oh…" replied Logan softly, looking down in embarrassment. After a few moments of awkward silence he mumbled, "I'd better go finish the dishes," and quickly disappeared into the back room.
Erin came out from behind the bar and sat down on a stool next to Marica. Sighing as she sat down, she said, "I think you just destroyed dad's image of Fret as a near perfect knight in shining armor."
Marica shook her head. "No, Erin. Fret destroyed your dad's mental image of Fret."
Nodding solemnly in agreement, Erin asked, "So where is your charming husband anyway?"
Marica chuckled sardonically. "Where else? In bed sleeping off the alcohol. I sat up there for awhile, but couldn't get back to sleep and decided to come down here. Besides, I figure when he does wake up he's going to be hungover and whiny about it, and I'm not in the mood to offer any sympathy."
Erin reached over and put her hand on top of Marica's, giving it a gentle squeeze of reassurance. "I meant what I said about knowing he wasn't being himself. But you have to admit it's a bit funny that we both came up with the idea of locking him out of the wine cabinets."
"Yeah, but I wish… I wish he hadn't done it because of me. I didn't catch the whole conversation, but from what I did hear it was easy enough to guess that's why he drowned himself in wine."
"I really doubt it was the entire reason. Probably a culmination of things. Honestly? I think the brush with death yesterday was a bigger factor. Did he talk about it any last night after you guys left?"
Marica shook her head. "Nah, he was pretty quiet and seemed like he wanted to be left alone. I wasn't all that talkative either, so we just kinda did our own thing. He was sitting on the balcony cleaning and polishing his weapons when I went to sleep."
Erin sighed in realization after what she said a moment before. "I shouldn't have thrown it back in his face that how he handled the decision to use the Chronicle yesterday was selfish. He was probably already hurting about it, and that was just rubbing salt in the wound. No wonder he flipped out after that…"
"Hey, don't blame yourself. Regardless, what he said was uncalled for. Don't make excuses for him."
"I'm just saying that I played a part in what happened. Some of my comments fanned the flames."
"And trying to reason with a drunk wasn't the smartest thing to do," added Marica, giggling.
Erin stuck her tongue out playfully at her friend. "Touché"
"So… uhh… Erin?" Marica averted her eyes back down to her plate, her tone becoming more serious. "Th-this is hard for me to talk about… I… I get that I can be insecure when it comes to Fret, but… I'm sc-scared that I don't know to fix it and that he'll eventually give up on me for it. Which makes me more insecure…"
Erin leaned over and hugged the other girl. "Hey… I've been around you guys together and separately enough to know he loves you completely. He does need you. My point this morning was that he won't admit that to himself and therefore doesn't ever express that to you in actions or words, the way you do to him."
"You don't think he'll give up and just find someone who'll go easier on him than I do?"
"Listen, it's not like you trying to keep him in line is something new. You've been doing that your whole life, right? And even before you guys were a couple he had tons of opportunities to be with other girls if he wanted. Like we've talked about before, there was a time when I'd have wanted him romantically if I felt like the interest would've been returned. Chrodechild told you the same thing. And nothing has ever happened. So at some point you have to accept that the guy only has eyes for you and trust him. The alternative is he's the sneakiest, most conniving bastard in the world, living a secret life and has everyone fooled about it." Giggling at the thought, she added, "And this is Fret we're talking about here… not exactly the most devious of minds."
Marica giggled along with her friend before becoming more serious again. "Good point… I think you're right though, that I struggle because sometimes I feel like I can't live without him, but I don't really ever feel like that's true for him. Like yesterday, I mean, I know he was trying to be strong in front of everyone, but it killed me that he was so casual about sacrificing himself, like it didn't bother him. Not only because I couldn't stand to lose him, but because it also made me think he didn't feel like he was giving up much by dying. Like I haven't given him much to live for."
Erin frowned, nodding in understanding. "I know what you mean, but I don't think that's where he's coming from. I think it goes back to that whole need to atone mindset where he's insecure in his own way. I mean, I don't think it's that he doesn't feel like he has much to live for, but rather like his life is less important than others. Like he's not worthy of living if the cost is the life of someone he cares about."
"I guess maybe that's why he takes major risks with his life like it's the most obvious no-brainer thing to do…" suggested Marica.
The girls suddenly felt hands on each of their shoulders from behind. "Plotting my painful but deserving death?"
They turned to see Fret standing behind them, smiling sheepishly. "Possibly…" replied Marica noncommittally, scanning his features to see if he gave away how much he'd just heard. She quickly realized he hadn't heard anything, and was relieved. Noticing his blood shot eyes and tired expression, she added, "You look like hell by the way."
Erin tensed perceptibly at his presence, still stinging a bit from his remarks earlier in the morning. Sensing this, he leaned forward and embraced her tightly. "I'm sorry for earlier," he said softly, his voice low enough to only be heard by the two girls. "I know you only trying to help, I can't even begin to apologize enough for the way I acted."
Erin relaxed in his embrace, and began to return the hug. She hadn't realized just how stressed out she was about what had happened until now, when she began to cry with her face pressed into his neck. "I-I think you just did," she whispered hoarsely.
"Whoa, I think someone sprung a leak. I'm getting all wet here," chuckled Fret. Erin pulled back and playfully pouted, but her pitiful expression only made both Fret and Marica laugh. Fret pulled her back into a hug. Logan came back out from the back and stopped in his tracks at the sight.
Smiling at Logan, Marica explained, "It's okay Logan, he just apologized and they're making up."
He nodded, the corners of his lips twitching upward in a smile. "Good boy…" he remarked.
"Hey, dad?" asked Fret. "Can I make a suggestion?"
"Sure, whatcha need?"
"You really should think about putting some locks on your wine cabinets to keep the riff-raff out."
Fret was left completely confused as Marica and Erin burst out in uproarious laughter, while Logan shook his head and chuckled in disbelief as he turned around and returned to the back room.