Nightmares so rarely were part of her dreams anymore. With Ivan holding her close each night she didn't doubt he was the one chasing all of the bad dreams away. So it was very rare indeed that she dreamed of Maggur or his tortures at all when Ivan was there with her. It was even more rare that this dream was so vivid and real feeling as she dreamed Maggur was on top of her, raping her in the more gentle way he had done the first time when she had been compliant, but nonetheless raping her. Then suddenly it clicked that this was too real, this wasn't just a dream. Her eyes snapped open and for just a moment she was convinced the man on top of her was Maggur.
Ivan stopped mid-motion on top of her at the look of fear on her face as she looked at him. It wasn't uncommon, since they had stopped restraining themselves, that he would attempt to wake her for some fun in the middle of the night or very early morning. Very slowly, Ivan moved to the side of her and wrapped his arms back around her to kiss her and assure her that everything was alright. His attempts to soothe her fears made very little difference as for the first time in a long time, Gwen started to cry against him. It was soft at first but as she tried to calm herself it only seemed to get worse. Still she was fairly quite so as not to alarm Neal on the other side of the wall. The walls were not paper thin as they were stone but a loud noise would be heard through the wall if one was listening.
She was stressed; Ivan was too but not as much as Gwen. With their weddings only a month away things were starting to get insane. And with Maggur still coiled like a snake ready to strike, everyone else was a bit on edge as well. Gwen felt everyone's anxiety, especially Roald's as he checked in with them each morning, afternoon, and night. On top of that the letters kept coming. Gwen's work with the clerks was never really done but they managed to get more done each day in the same amount of time without the work load ever ceasing. High ranking people were already starting to arrive for the public wedding and Ivan's family returned for both weddings. They spent every day meeting with someone important, hearing well-wishers, offering advice, receiving advice on marriage. Some nights both of them were so tired of talking or hearing people talk, they would spend the time alone after dinner in complete silence. Not to say it was uncomfortable silence. They had ways of letting each other know it was nothing personal and with little touches and looks they knew what each other wanted as well.
Sometimes when an extra guard was in the room with them at this time, it was commented on. Neal often referred to their room at night as blanketed in silence and joked that they would work well in a military setting with how well they communicated nonverbally. Both of them had mastered moving absolutely noiselessly through their own suites. It served a dual purpose of not breaking the quiet and distinguishing the difference between the people who lived in the suite and those who did not. Every time they heard heavy footsteps or something bumped into it had been a guard but they wanted to make sure it would also be a way to distinguish intruders. Half of the time Gwen viewed Neal and certain other guards such as Cleon or Merric as intruders with as annoying as they were.
When the sun rose, Ivan was still awake. Gwen had cried herself to sleep over two hours before but it had left him feeling terrible and unable to sleep. She hadn't told him what sort of nightmare left her looking at him like he was attacking her but it wasn't hard to guess. He thought back, every other time she had been awake enough to see it was him and not anyone else. But this time she was so tired that she had woken only briefly when he kissed her awake and had fallen back asleep before he could do anything. He hadn't thought it would be a problem, after all she had given him permission to wake her up with a tumble. But he would still have to find a suitable way to apologize for terrorizing her and he vowed he would never touch her unless she was fully aware again.
When Ivan heard the noises that meant someone else was in their suite, he shifted out of bed, pulled on breeches, and tiptoed out of the bedroom. Gwen needed a rest away from everyone and their anxieties as well as a rest away from work. When Ivan opened the door between the hallway and the office, he came face to face with a very white Roald.
"Oh thank Mithros," Roald breathed out when he saw Ivan. It was rare that Gwen and Ivan were both missing from the sitting room at breakfast time. When Ivan followed Roald out into the sitting room he found Dom already there with Neal, Faleron, and Kel, all dressed as if they expected to guard the two of them again for some meeting or another. It was the usual plan and he knew that they had no way of knowing that Gwen had spent the better part of the night sobbing uncontrollably. Ivan also knew if Gwen knew they were out in the sitting room expecting her, she would get up, and get dressed, and follow them to whoever she had to meet for the day without a second thought about her own mental and emotional state. Before Ivan could think of anything else, his mouth opened.
"Gwen isn't going anywhere today." All eyes turned to look at him.
"Is she ill?" Dom asked quietly. All of them knew Gwen had to ride out whatever illnesses she picked up though she was so very rarely ill enough to keep her from her work.
"Not exactly, but she probably will be if we all keep going at this rate," Ivan sighed, not wanting to explain himself too much because he didn't want to let them in on the particular circumstances that led him to this discovery. "Gwen is stressed and not just with her own stress, our stresses as well. She feels everything and it's been eating away at her like a cloud of poison." He expected to hear some sort of inquiry into Gwen's real condition but no such thing came as the room fell silent after his words.
"She should have a rest. Goddess knows since she recovered from her injuries that she hasn't even taken Sundays to try and relax." Dom decided finally, stood, and signaled for Kel and Faleron to follow suit. "Let me know if there is anything I, or any of us, can do," with that he made his way to the door and led the other guards out. Roald stayed still and met Ivan's eyes even after Dom, Kel, and Faleron were completely gone.
"If Gwen is the one who is so very stressed, why do you appear so traumatized?" He nodded to the abandoned chairs and took a seat expecting Ivan to do the same. He didn't really want to sit down and explain his private life to the Crowned Prince. He did not have the same relationship with Roald that Gwen did, but he knew that he still saw Roald as his future king while Gwen saw him as an equal. It was easier to pretend Roald was an equal when Gwen was around. But this was too much and all he wanted to do was get back to Gwen and make sure she was alright. He did not want her waking without him there.
"She had a rough night." He backed towards the door to her office. "I need to go keep an eye on her. She has nightmares when I'm not with her." He turned and went back through the office, closing every door between him and the sitting room willing each of them to be a barrier against the emotions of others and willing his own anxieties to calm with each door he closed. This bedroom was their place away from terror and fear. This bedroom was supposed to be a place of peace, and love, and pleasure.
"Ivan?" Gwen sat up in bed when he came back in. Her voice was little more than a croak though it was hard to tell if it was from sleep or because she had cried so long. When he faced her he could still see the tear tracks on her face, the puffiness that often came with crying, and the confused look that crossed her face as she guessed at the time or why he had left her side.
"Let's go back to sleep," Ivan told her calmly, pulling the curtains over the windows to block out the light. He expected some sort of argument from Gwen as she always at least questioned what he had done to get them extra sleep or she complained she wasn't getting things done. But today she waited until he stripped and crawled back under the covers without saying a word. She kept quiet as she pulled herself against him and wrapped his arms back around her body firmly. There was no argument and no doubt she was aware he was not the Scanran King. It was enough to ease his fears and he set about attempting to ease Gwen's with kisses and a massage. When she was relaxed enough to sleep, he was finally able to catch up on the sleep he had missed overnight.
Ivan woke as Gwen slipped out of his arms in the afternoon. He complained and pulled her back in, making her collapse on top of him. He wanted nothing more than to tell her how sorry he was and at the same time he wanted to avoid bringing it up altogether. If she didn't want to remember, he didn't want to force her. But he needed to placate his own guilt.
"It's after midday. I've missed breakfast and midday. If you don't let me go and find food, I'm liable to wither away." Gwen told him calmly when he could only stare at her. Of course Gwen was going to be the sensible one.
"Alright, but wait for me. Someone needs to make sure you don't attempt to work," he let her go and sat up. She only rolled her eyes at him and went to dress comfortably while he pulled on his clothes from earlier. He left Gwen in the sitting room while he went across the hall to grab Dom. If he wasn't Gwen's well known hero or on Maggur's list of people that could be used to control Gwen, he would have had no second thoughts going to find food for the two of them himself. Instead he would have to make the request of Dom who in turn would probably find a servant to deliver the request to.
"I was wondering when you two would get up," Dom teased him when he opened the door to Ivan's knocking. Briefly Ivan explained that Gwen was starving and that a starving Godssent was bad for everyone. Dom agreed and told Ivan not to worry about it; it would be taken care of in no time. They just need to relax.
Relaxation was not exactly on the menu as the maid that brought them midday was followed very shortly by Drew, Alnette, Gregorry, and Jasper. Ivan understood that his brother wanted to solidify that the bonds of family were important to the Merrywoods. He also understood that his brother felt Gwen needed to be reminded she was becoming part of a true family. It was fine when Drew came and brought the boys because Gwen actually enjoyed Drew's company and she loved children but Ivan hated that he brought Alnette. Merrywood was an old fief but they weren't more than Lords and only in the Book of Silver. Alnette had come from a family from the Book of Gold and considered it to be a blessing on the Merrywoods she had even agreed to marry below her status and grant their bloodline with her superior genes. Drew could easily ignore her snootiness but Ivan never could. And Alnette seemed to save a special resentment for the fact he was outdoing Drew's acquisition with his own divine being. Not that he wanted her for her bloodline, the extremely high honor of marry a divine creature, or because she was the Godssent. He wanted her only because she was the most wonderful woman. And that Gwen refused to acknowledge Alnette's status as anything important. The tension that Alnette caused in the room often left Gwen a bit drained.
But Gwen didn't let Alnette phase her as she decided to let the boys play with her face paints and let them paint her face up. Ivan, Drew, and Alnette watched from the other side of the room as Gwen asked pointed questions to the boys to try and get them to tell her a story about the person they were painting her up to be.
"She'll be a great mother someday," Drew commented as Gwen settled easily into playing pretend with his sons.
"That is if you ever find a way to get her pregnant. Everyone knows you've shared her bed for a long time." Alnette sneered. "Maybe your mother was right and you will never beget an offspring with her." Ivan chose to ignore his sister in law and turned to his brother.
"Maybe in a year or two we will start trying for children of our own, but things aren't stable right now. Maggur is a constant threat to her and to me and certainly to any future children we have. But you are right, she will be a great mother. I've seen that when she was tasked with Prince Kaito's care while Roald and Shinko were awaiting the birth of Jadelyn. Jadelyn is named after Gwen you know." Ivan said proudly.
"Yes because Jadelyn and Gwen sound so much alike," Alnette rolled her eyes.
"Gwen is only part of her name. Her full name is Gwendolyn Jade Lumen."
"Take her middle name and the end off of her first name and you get our princess. Interesting." Drew barely contained his amusement. "You, dear brother, speak of Prince Roald and Princess Shinkokami like they are friends rather than your future monarchs."
"You know, just this morning I was dwelling on that. It's some effect Gwen has on me. When she's about all status disappears whether you are a maid or a prince. When she's not around though, it gets awkward trying to see him as a close friend." Ivan shrugged. "Are you going to let the boys go for knighthood?"
"Gregorry at least. You know he'll be two years ahead of Prince Kaito in training and if Jasper wants to try he'll be in Kaito's year."
"Maybe we should introduce them to Kai? He could use some friends his own age." Gwen called. "I'm sure no one survives page training without friends. No one really gets far in life without friends."
"I'm sure it would be difficult to arrange a meeting with the Crowned Prince's son," Alnette, for once, looked eager at Gwen's offer. To be a friend of the future king, no matter how distant future, was a good place to be.
"I could see what can be done. Roald is usually here once more before we retire for the night. Though I'm not sure if he'll be coming back today since I have a feeling Ivan told him to go away this morning." Gwen smiled at Ivan. "And of course, at the latest they will meet at the wedding. That's only a month away."
"Are you ready?" Drew asked.
"Is anyone ever really ready?" Gwen mused. "I mean, I have no doubts in my mind I'm ready commit myself to Ivan before our friends and your gods but is anyone ever really truly ready for their own wedding?"
"Seems like I just blinked and the time went from six months down to one," Ivan admitted. "Good thing Roald is taking on the bulk of the leg work for the planning or we'd never get any rest."
"You remember our wedding," Drew told Ivan. To Gwen he turned to give her the full details of the numerous disasters they could only laugh about now six years later that seemed to plague their wedding day. It led to Gwen talking about her mother's third wedding and how she knocked over a whole tray of champagne flutes and shattered them all and her step brother fainting while their parents exchanged vows. They swapped horror stories and what ifs as the afternoon wore on, even getting Alnette involved in the conversation, albeit rarely.
"Gwen?" Ivan called her name as they got ready for bed that night. "I have no doubts in my mind that I'm ready to commit myself to you either. I've been in love with you since I dubbed you my curious maid and I have no doubt that I'm going to love you until the end of my life."
"That's going to be an awfully long time," Gwen yawned.
"I hope so."
A/N: Well folks, I can't say how long it's going to take me to get the next chapter up. I might be a bit wedding'd out after getting married myself in a few days. All I can say is I love my readers and even if you aren't commenting, I see the numbers going up every day and I can only hope you are all enjoying the story. Thank You all for being so awesome.