Chapter Info

Title: Hello, Judith

Number: 36/?

Warnings: Angst

Author's Note: Thanks everyone for reading! Comments are love!

galwidanatitud: I agree! I fought with the idea of just keeping her alive, but I don't know, keeping her death to the canon just felt right. :( Thanks for commenting!

Slowly things started to move again even with the somber feeling that seemed to settle over the whole group. Things still needed to be done or changed otherwise more than just Lori could be lost that day. Amaleen had no idea what could be done considering the ground was still too hard to dig into, and Amaleen was didn't think she was okay with just dumping her body into the freezing water. Though she thought that might be the only thing they could do considering the ground wouldn't thaw for another two months at least and there was no way she was going to let Lori's body just lay in there until then. There would be no way she would dishonor her friend like that, it just wouldn't happen. Ideally they could bury her properly and give her a place to rest where they could visit and give her a stone like they had tried to do for Hershel, but that just might not be possible, and that hurt just as much as losing her to begin with.

Amaleen sniffled and slowly she pulled her head back from Daryl's shoulder. The hunter's eyes were deeply haunted and he brought his hands up to cup her face, thumbs across her cheekbones as his eyes roamed over every inch of her, as if just needing to make sure she was still alive, that she was really there with him. She was drenched in blood, but not a drop of it was hers, and part of her wished it was. She would much rather that be her body in there and not Lori's. Lori has—had—a family that needed her. But Amaleen would do her best to try and help out, not to take Lori's place, but be the mother-figure that these children needed in their life.

Daryl's fingers shifted to clutch at her hair and, in a very un-Daryl like act of public displays of affection, he wrapped a hand around her waist and tugged her closer, kissing her as if he just found her again after months apart. It took her breath away and made her want to crawl into his arms and never leave them, take comfort in their strength and warmth and the love of the man that beheld them, but she knew that there were others that needed her; she would have to be selfish with her lover later, but they all had work to do.

Taking a deep breath when she pulled back, she gave him a gentle nod that she was alright, she wasn't wounded, physically at least, before looking over his shoulder to the others. Rick was still on the ground behind her, but he allowed himself to roll over onto his knees so he was kneeling. Carl sat down next to him and Rick pulled him down next to him, clutching him close as they softly cried to each other. Amaleen took a shaky breath and stepped away from Daryl's addictive warmth, only for his coat to come around her shoulders. It was then she realized that her trembling was also from the cold and not just the pain that laced through every part of her body.

This entire group was a family; they all had to stick together now. Even Maggie looked at her with grim knowledge that now wasn't the time for fighting or snapping words. They needed to do this. It was what Lori would want, she wouldn't want them all falling apart with her gone. They had been able to work through Hershel's death, and they could work through Lori's as well.

"We, uh—" She stopped to clear her throat as her voice sounded dry and unused, even though the cause was the tears. Daryl didn't let go of her waist, but turned slightly with her so she could speak to the others behind them. Carol and Beth were also crying. T-Dog looked more somber than she ever saw him. Glenn was clutching Maggie's hand tightly as the younger woman tried to hold back her tears; despite everything, Lori was her friend, too.

"We should pile up the bodies—the walker bodies," She made sure to make that distinction; Lori's body wasn't to be touched, "over closer to the fence. But not too close, we only have the one wooden plank left to repair the fence, so we don't want to catch anything on fire. We'll burn them and we'll dump the ashes over on the west side. Not back into the water. That's our only source, so we'll have to boil it for awhile before we use it." She took a shaky breath and shifted the baby into her other arm, which is when she started to wail.

Loud cries left her throat, crocodile tears falling down her tiny cheeks. Amaleen frowned and gently pulled away the coat so she could take a peak. Her maternal instincts were kicking in so much that they nearly suffocated her, and the ache for her own child grew inside her. She never got to seem him grow up, but she decided right then and there that she would do absolutely anything in her power to keep this girl alive, to make sure she grew up in a world without fear or pain, and to make sure she knew how much her mother had loved her.

"Goodnight, love." Amaleen swallowed thickly and pushed away the memories.

"She needs to be fed," she said softly. "We don't have any formula. We expected Lori to be able to feed her..." Her voice trailed off and she shook her head. "I guess we'll need to make a run. Water won't cut it. She needs formula, or she could die as—"

"No." It was Daryl's voice that interrupted her and she glanced up at him. "No. Not her, not this girl. Not today, not ever. I'll make a run inta town, find us some baby shit. Diapers, formula, whatnot."

"I'll go with you," Glenn said, stepping forward. "Maggie and I." He paused. "We're not going to North Morton, are well?"

"Hell no!" Daryl said quickly. "There's a town'n the opposite direction, think's called Hamilton, they have a daycare there. Saw it on the way through. We can raid it."

Amaleen nodded and looked back to the others. "T-Dog, Carol, and Beth...you guys work at burning the bodies." She glanced back at Rick and Carl. Carl was standing, but Rick was still on his knees staring silently at the sailboat. "I'll stay with them. Keep an eye on the kids."

Everyone nodded to her and got moving without a word. Daryl pulled her back to him and into another one of those mind-blowing kisses that had her reeling and aching for more, but she forced herself to pull back and give him a soft pat on the chest. "You come back to me, Dixon, ya here?"

Daryl gave her one of his small smiles and he nodded. "Ya got it, babe." He gave her another kiss before letting her go and heading over to the truck to get it started. Maggie and Glenn were finishing up some goodbyes with Beth and Carol before following him. For the first time all winter, Maggie actually gave her a slight smile before climbing in the back. Amaleen stood there as T-Dog let them out the gates and the truck roared down the road, and she prayed again that her love would come back to her. She didn't think she could make it if someone else she cared for died.

Forcing her mind off that and back to the two males behind her, she stepped silently up behind Rick and stood for a couple seconds, hearing the others start to get work on what they were assigned. She was thankful that they were all on board with what she said. She wasn't the leader by far—Glenn or Daryl were the natural choices to take over if Rick was incapacitated—but now they were gone on a run so she figured that the rest of them could just kind of work together the best they could to get done what was needed. It was a known fact in their group that Amaleen was closest to Rick and Lori out of all of them and that she was the one that needed to be there for them, even though she was barely holding it together herself, but she had her friends to think about along with the kids that needed her to be strong.

The baby continued to cry in her arms and she gently bounced the infant in her arms to try and calm her just a little before the other three got back, but she knew that nothing would really soothe her until she had the formula. The girl was hungry and Amaleen wished more than anything that they had thought ahead to pick up formula in one of their last runs in a just in case scenario. Nobody wanted to admitted that Lori had a high mortality rate with Hershel gone, but they still should've thought smart anyway. And Amaleen would always regret that, but she couldn't dwell on it too long. They had work to do.

Gingerly she knelt down next to Rick and felt the wet coldness soak into the knees of her jeans, making her shiver, but she ignored it as she leaned against the ex-deputy. He didn't move and he was no longer crying or screaming, but the blank look on his face was even worse, especially because the man she knew was so full of life. It was then she wished she had one or two extra hands so she could hold the baby and Rick at the same time. Against her better judgement, tears crept up to her eyes again and she sniffed, gingerly pressing the baby closer against her and freeing the arm closest to Rick to settle it around his waist. Her head laid against his shoulder and she gulped, glancing up as Carl moved closer to her.

Silently he gestured for the baby, clearly seeing that his father needed some support and Amaleen nodded, never more proud of the boy for allowing himself to be strong for a few moments so she could help his dad. She pulled her arm back to help hand the baby over and murmured gentle instructions to him on how to hold her without dropping her, and he picked it up rather quickly. When the smallest smile covered his face as he gazed down at her sister, Amaleen couldn't help but match it before she turned her attention back to Rick.

The man still hadn't moved and now that both of her arms were free, she pushed her arms through Daryl's coat and pulled it closer to her, taking comfort in the smell of her boyfriend on it, before she wrapped both of her arms around Rick's shoulders with her head against his cheek. For a moment the man didn't move, but then she felt his arms come around her waist and he pulled her closer like he had Carl, onto his lap, and she allowed him to take comfort in her. He just lost his wife, the woman he normally cried with, and Amaleen would never take her place, not just because she didn't think of him or feel for him that way, but she could be that shoulder that he lost.

Rick didn't make a sound as he lay his forehead against her shoulder and together they just sat there, both with silent tears slipping down their faces, eyes focused on the boy that had somehow managed to get his sister to quiet down. She still looked to be in distress and Amaleen prayed once again that the others get back quickly and safely, but she was content in her brother's arms. Maybe she sensed that he was her brother, her protector, but either way Amaleen was grateful that he could do that for her. She was certain Rick could do it as well, but she could tell by the tremble of his arms around her waist that he just wasn't quite ready enough.

There wasn't really much she could say to him...what could you really say to a man whose wife just died? I'm sorry just wasn't enough, not when the guilt and the agony were practically eating her alive. There was so much that she wanted to say to him, but the words just weren't even there, stuck in her mind or her throat, she wasn't sure. She felt like she killed Lori to save the baby, and Rick should be pushing her away and hating her, but instead he just pulled her closer.

"What do ya wanna do, Rick?" she murmured against him, causing his body to go still and Carl to look up at her. Was there really an easy way to do this or ask this?

He didn't say anything for about five minutes, but it felt like it was a lot longer. The only things she could hear was a gently lap of waves against the edge of the shore and the sound of bodies dropping into a pile to be burned. The baby was quiet now, and Amaleen peaked at her just to make sure she was okay, before pulling back slightly and looking at Rick. She wished she could see what he was thinking, but she had a feeling that she did even if he didn't say it.

"We have to put her in the water," he whispered. Amaleen frowned and sat back a little bit more, forcing him to look at her. The look of pain and misery over his face would've brought her to her knees if she wasn't already sitting.

"Are you sure?" she asked gently.

The man nodded, sighing softly. "It's the only way...it's the best way. Ground is too frozen, and we can't—" He paused and she saw him swallow past a lump in his throat. "—we can't just leave her there. We have to put her in the water. We'll take the sailboat out about a mile out past the docks, the water isn't rough there, but it's deeper and we can give her a water burial there."

It was Amaleen's turn to be quiet as her green hues flickered out over the water before them. Over the winter there were rough swells due to the storms that blew through the area, and more than once Amaleen was glad they were so close to shore and tied down to the docks. The group had been fully prepared to need to do some repairs to the docks, but they were very well made and none of them got broken in the least bit by all that hit them over the course of the winter months. At least not that they could see; the docks they used regularly were fine, and if the others went down, as long as it didn't damage the integrity of theirs, then they didn't mind if they stayed down.

Now the water was calm, but she knew it was frigidly cold, even colder than it was when she had went into it on accident. Of course she knew that Lori wouldn't feel it, but it didn't make her feel better by dropping her in there. It made her think of the Titanic movie and she winced because that's just what would happen; her body would freeze rather quickly, especially the more it went down into the ocean.

"Okay," she finally whispered, her voice breaking slightly. "You're right, it's the best way." She paused and looked around. "Maybe we can still find someway to give her a marker that we can visit. I think Carl would like that, and once the baby is older she—"

"She?"

Amaleen realized she hadn't said it and Rick hadn't asked. She smiled softly and nodded. "She," she whispered. "You have a daughter, Rick. I think she'll enjoy seeing a memorial for her mother. And we can all tell her how wonderful Lori was."

Rick nodded silently and looked at Carl who had stood up and was rocking her gently. She wasn't asleep, but she wasn't crying, just babbling away quietly making even Rick smile slightly. Finally Rick set Amaleen off his lap and they both stood up, helping each other to their feet, and Rick took the baby from his son. He didn't say a word as he rocked his daughter gently, and Amaleen felt that familiar squeeze of longing in her chest for her Alex, but she pushed that away as she watched the family. Taking a step back, she let them be alone for a few moments, they needed it. Faintly in her mind, she hoped the others would be able to bring back a crib or some kind of bassinet that the baby could sleep in, but she knew that would be difficult to find and carry.

"When the others get back," Rick said softly. "We can put her to rest."

Amaleen nodded, shoving her hands in Daryl's coat pockets as she gently swayed, trying to keep herself warm. It was the perfect idea, they should be there, too, they all loved Lori.

.x.x.x.x.

Once the bodies were done burning, Amaleen grabbed Carol and Beth to go with her down to C deck to the storage room with blankets and sheets to find one that would work to wrap up Lori's body with. They picked the best ones they had—some soft, high thread count light pink sheets that were found left in a small motel they raided and stayed in on the way up from South Carolina. They were too large to fit the beds on the ship, but even if they weren't, they would've used them anyway because while they couldn't give Lori the gold-lined casket like she deserved, the least they could do was find something nice for her to spend eternity in the water with.

Rick had gone with Carl into the sailboat to clean her up a bit while Amaleen took care of the baby. She wanted to go with them, but Rick shook his head and she knew it was just them needing some time alone. Part of her wanted to give the baby to them, but she was too little to know what was going on, and they had too much to do so they wouldn't be able to hold her. When they were downstairs, she found a smaller blanket that she was able to tie around her tight enough and comfortably enough to hold the baby so she wouldn't fall out, but so she could still keep the baby close while she helped out. Part of her wanted to help and take Lori's clothes downstairs as well, but that should be Rick's decision, if he wasn't ready for something like that, then it would only hurt him if he came home to an empty room. She would discuss it with him later—she didn't want to get rid of the clothes, they were in an apocalypse and they were needed, as sad as that was to say, but it might be easier to take them downstairs. But she wasn't sure, people reacted differently, so she would wait until she could speak to Rick.

They also found a thicker sheet that they cut up into a sort of large triangle and then doubled over and used some safety pins to close it up as a sort of diaper for the baby. Ideally the others would find some when they went through the daycare center, but they couldn't count on that. They kept the sheet aside just in case they had to make more; it's not as if just one would suffice for a baby.

Carol carried the sheet with her as Amaleen bundled herself and the baby back up to keep them warm. Beth trailed behind them, staring down at her feet as she walked. The girl hadn't said much, but Amaleen didn't blame her. Sometimes death just wasn't something that you could get used to no matter how many times you saw it, especially when it was someone you cared for. Hershel died just a few months previously, and now they lost Lori. It made Amaleen want to just cling to the others that were still left, even Maggie who had hated her ever since Hershel died; Amaleen still cared for her, she cared for them all, and it terrified her to think she could possibly lose anyone else.

Shock filled her once she entered the sailboat and saw that all of the blood had been cleaned off the floor, Lori's pants were back on, and there wasn't any sign that she had a c-section. Carl looked dully at the floor as he sat over in one of the old cots (free of its mattress as it was over in their ship) and Rick was standing staring out the back window into the sea that was moving around them. Amaleen left Carol and Beth to help Carl—who insisted on doing it—wrap Lori's body up in the sheet while she went to Rick. Gently she set a hand on his back and felt him tense for a moment before he turned to her slightly.

"They're not back yet," he said, more of a statement and not a question.

She shook her head. "Not yet. Hopefully soon, it'll start getting colder soon." She sighed softly and tried not to dwell on the thought of Daryl being out there, especially because she still had his coat. It was bundled over her own coat to make sure warmth stayed within her body and the baby's—especially the baby's. "Rick? Had you and..." She paused, "...and Lori..." The name hurt, "...talked about names?"

His face twisted oddly as if he were trying not to show his emotions because as quick as it was there, it fell away again and his face was simply blank again. "No, not really." He glanced down at the sleeping girl and a slight smile quirked the corner of his lips. "Any suggestions?"

Amaleen hummed for a moment, gazing down at the baby as well, fingers gently soothing over the small tuft of hair on the top of her head, careful of her soft spot. "Lori?" she said in a whisper, causing Rick's soft smile to fall and he put his arm around her. Before he could say anything, Carl spoke up behind them.

"How about Judith?" The two adults turned to him, questions on their faces. "My third grade teacher, Miss Mueller, that was her name."

Rick and Amaleen glanced at each other before Amaleen smiled, nodding. Lori would definitely approve of that name; it was beautiful and a perfect edition to their family: Judith Grimes. She could see that Rick agreed with her and he nodded as well, reaching over to gently take his daughter from Amaleen. With a careful movement, she kept Judith in the sheet and moved her quickly under Rick's jacket so keep that warmth in her body. The three of them smiled at the baby, content in their moment, before they heard T-Dog call for them.

"They're back!" he said, his voice as relieved as the rest of them felt, before turning to go meet them and help out, and Amaleen let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding. Her heart started to beat a bit more normally because Daryl was home, she could feel it, and she didn't have to worry about him anymore. She always felt much better when he was there, even if he wasn't in her sights, knowing he was behind the gates in the docks was better than knowing he was on the other side in a world of walkers and people that wanted to kill him, and she wasn't there beside him to know if he was safe or not.

"Let's get Judith fed and then we'll get started," Rick said, Amaleen's eyes going up to him and she gave him a nod and a kiss on the cheek along with an encouraging, if a little sad smile before she went out to meet Daryl down at the landing.