To say I'm in love with her or to not say I'm in love with her? Pros, I'd be honest with her – since I've got a secret from her anyways. Con, it could terrify her and she won't say it back. I know she won't say it back, but even if she reciprocates a fraction of what I feel for her then I'd be the luckiest guy on this earth. Stroking her hair, tucking it behind her ear, I stare into her doe eyes. Yes my mom basically told me that I was in love with her, in her own weird way but she did. It took me a few days to acknowledge it. I was fighting it wholeheartedly, I mean what kind of 7th grader is in love with the girl that your mother loved. You're supposed to do the exact opposite. My mother had been planning our 'wedding' for as long as I can remember and I thought she was absolutely insane.
Yet here we are. Granted we aren't getting married, nowhere close but it's funny how it worked out. I know what you're thinking, but no I'm not in love with Riley because of my mother. But it helps to know that my mother loves her and more than approved, it's weird I kind of get a piece of my mother through Riley. I know I can't replace her or anything but Riley was close with my mom. It's just nice to have someone to talk to about my mom. Ever since she passed, my parents in general have been a taboo subject. I understood the first few months, I really did and I loved the fact that everyone was nice enough to walk on eggshells for a while. But even now, almost 3 years later I find myself wanting to acknowledge and talk about my mother.
I loved my dad, but he left me his legacy. My mom left me one thing, besides all the memories we have and all the time we spent together. I missed my mom and as previously mentioned, I find a little piece of my mom within Riley. Yet another reason I don't want to let this girl go. "Do you remember when you asked me what my first thought is when I wake up in the morning?"
"Yes." Her lips turned to a smile immediately, I remember how happy she was with my answer and I couldn't believe I made her smile like that.
It's now or never Lucas, get your life together as if that were humanely possible and tell her. "You've been my first and last thought every single day since 7th grade." Her beautiful orbs widened and I couldn't help but chuckle, "Probably longer than that. 7th grade was when I actually acknowledged and accepted the fact I liked you. Funny story, my mom made me open my eyes whenever we were watching the tree house get torn down."
"OH MY GOSH! The tree house!" Her eyes hold a sense of nostalgia and her smirk widened. "I loved that tree house. Do you remember the first time I went up there?"
"Of course I do. I wanted to punch Josh for being a jerk and I had to climb back up there to get you."
Nodding her head, her cheeks turned a slight pink. "Yeah I considered you my hero." She cooed and poked my dimple. Nibbling on her bottom lip, Riley's just now processing my earlier confession.
So I thought I'd continue, "I was really sad to see it being taken down so she told me it wasn't the tree house itself but the memories I made in it." I intertwine our fingers in her good hand and smile, "The memories I held onto were, coincidentally or not so coincidentally all the ones with you in them." God, I want to tell her I love her so damn bad.
But I hold my tongue, "So you have a little crush on me huh?" That's what she gets out of that whole conversation? A little crush? Understatement. God, she's adorable. Poking at my stomach, chewing on her lips nervously.
"I like you a lot. Like, a lot." I joke, "You could say that's the reason why I've been attached to your hip since I came back."
"That could be measured as an understatement." She mumbles to herself, but her smile remains on her face. "Not that I mind too terribly much. But, if you liked me why didn't you tell me? Why did you leave? And I think the big question is why did you prank me for years?"
I was expecting these questions, I've rehearsed answers, I've done a lot of prepping but here I am. Lying next to this beautiful girl and my mind has drawn a blank. I was an idiot for leaving, an idiot for pranking her and an idiot for not telling her. So all in all, I'm a big old dope! However she deserves more answers then 'I'm an idiot'. She deserves the world, but moving on. "Okay so one question at a time." Chuckling nervously I have to avert my gaze. "The pranking. To be honest – I wish I didn't have to be. Um, my aunt and my mom both said it was the 'kindergarten mentality', picking on you because I liked you but if I'm speaking my t-truth? I wanted some of your attention. I wanted you to look at me, and notice me even if it wasn't in the way I was necessarily and subconsciously looking for."
She kisses me, gently and not as long as I'd like. Even though it was such a quick action they're coming out to play. "Lucas." She sighs and closes her eyes, "Why did you have to be such an idiot?"
Instantly we laugh together because she says exactly what I was thinking. "I don't know and me being an idiot is exactly the answer to all those questions."
Her brows furrow together, "If you had shown me this side of you. This sweet and kind and caring side, I would have – Ugh, I don't know what I would have done or said."
Our heads resting on the pillow, I notice her inching closer towards me. I think Ms. Matthews wants to cuddle. "I didn't tell you because I wasn't sure what you'd say. I actually knew what you'd say since I pranked you all the time. As for the last and final question, why did I leave?" Glancing down at her hand, the light purple cast calling out to me, "If I tell you will you remember?"
Immediately she rolls her eyes, "smart ass. Yes I'll remember."
Pecking her lips, I can't help but laugh even while kissing her. So really our teeth are touching. She's so sassy and sweet, such a perfect balance. "I saw how excited you got when Charlie asked you to the dance." Her smile starts to fall, "I was watching you at the dance, Charlie was watching Missy. You were wearing a pale yellow dress and your hair was curled. You didn't even realize I was basically staring you down, you were just so excited." Her smile has completely fallen, I hate that I did that. "I was there in the hallway whenever you saw Charlie and Missy that next Monday. It tore me apart, watching your infatuation grow over my cousin when I was hopelessly in l-like, whenever I liked you so much." Oh God, I have to be careful with what I say.
"Lucas." Her good hand covers her face, "Gosh, I can't believe I did that to you."
"Princess you didn't know. It's my fault, I just ugh – I have no idea what I was doing or thinking. But—"Sitting up straight, I gently pull her up with me. "I know what I'm doing now. I don't know what we are, but I want whatever it is."
She drops her head and stifles a beautiful giggle. "I have no idea how to be a girlfriend." Lifting her chin with two of my fingers, I can tell she doesn't want to look at me. Her new revelation embarrassed her.
"Why do you think that?" Because you're my freaking dream girl. I want you! Or that's what I would and want to say but I'd either A. Be kicked out or B. She'd runaway. And I am not to privy on either one of those options quite frankly.
"I'm just, I don't know. I've never had a boyfriend."
"Good!" I all but shout, she slightly jumps but settles back down with a short giggle. I didn't mean to be loud but do you know how excited I was to be her first kiss? Probably not because I don't think I told you but oh my God was I ecstatic! I want to be her first, everything. "I um, just because you've never had a boyfriend doesn't mean you won't know how to be a girlfriend. There isn't a handbook you could buy." Well there probably is a 'How to be a Girlfriend for Dummies'.
She snorts and rolls on her back, "Look Riley, I'm not asking you to be my girlfriend –"Almost abruptly she snaps her neck to glance at me. She's worried, she does like me. I don't even need to hear it from her directly. Actions speak louder than words. "Yet." I finish and it seems the worry is gone as soon as it arrived. "I'm not asking to change anything from what we are doing now. I'm not wanting to scare you at all sweet cheeks. I get that you've never had a boyfriend, and it's a big deal but I love spending time with you. Honestly, you're the only one who can keep up with me." Chuckling to herself, it seems as if she agrees. "I enjoy having my arm around your shoulder and your hand in mine, like we do now. I enjoy cuddling with you, like we are now. Nothing has to change if you don't want it to, there doesn't have to be a title but –"
"You want to know if I am going to go running back to Charlie?" From the way she said that, I can tell it was a ridiculous question. Which makes me beam freaking brighter than the sun. "Is that why you were so upset whenever I told you Charlie was single?" Feigning interest in the comforter I shake my head in agreement. "I already told you to rethink whatever it is you're thinking Mr. Friar."
My nose brushes against hers as I pull her body closer to mine, "I'm thinking a lot of things. Why don't you spell it out for me?" She's so beautiful, I can't believe I let her get hurt today. God, I'm the worst boyfriend ever… well boy who is a friend since it isn't official yet. I need to find a better term, because we aren't just friends but we aren't dating and I won't ever use the term 'friends with benefits' when it comes to Riley.
"You're just wanting words of affirmation." Nodding my head vehemently with a shit eating grin, she sighs almost tiredly but I know she's amused. "I may not know a whole lot about being someone's girlfriend, hell I don't really know a whole lot of anything when it comes to this." She gestures to her and to me, "But I'm also not the kind of person to lead anyone on. I won't tell you what Charlie said to me but I can tell you for 100 percent certainty that I've made it as clear as possible that I'm not interested in him." My urging eyes telling her, well practically begging her to continue. Please just say it Riley, please just say that you like me. Okay so, I really didn't buy my whole 'actions speak louder than words' deal. I want the words! "You know I'm all about honesty, and since you've spilled your feelings I can do the same. So I'm just going to tell you that, I like you Lucas and –"She doesn't get to finish her sentence, my lips are crash against hers in a moment of need.
Feverishly moving, I can tell she's having a hard time keeping up. I've waited so long, so long to hear those words and it was worth the wait. I can't help but smile, she makes me so happy. Her fingers tugging at my hair, she's enjoying this heated kiss. I just have so much want, want for her to be mine. Want for her mouth to be on mine, want for my hand to be the only one she holds. There's so much more, I can't even begin to describe everything I want to do with her and for her and because of her.
To my surprise, her tongue brushes against my lips. I can tell she's shy about it since I barely felt it, but before she has a chance to retreat I open my mouth and roll back on top of her. Still being careful of my weight, my fingers tracing down her left arm and intertwining themselves with her hand. She sighs contently, I'm not going to rush anything with Riley. So I'll hold her hand. To show her that yes, I enjoy kissing her and hell yeah I do want more than kissing but I'll hold her hand patiently and lovingly until she's ready, I'll hold her hand forever if she'll let me.
Pecking her lips a few more times before I pull away, our heads rest against one another. "You're the most beautiful and perfect woman in this world." I whisper against her ear before I did something I promptly chastised myself for. I nibbled on her earlobe like an idiot, didn't I just say I wouldn't rush anything? Letting go, I start to pull away lest I'm tempted again but that's when I hear that sound.
The sound that gets me fired up within seconds, the sound that makes it more than difficult to stop. That breathy, I love the way that feels moan escaping from her now swollen lips. "What did you just do?" She puffs out, her chest rising and falling as she tries to steady her breathing.
Smirking, I lean back in and drag my teeth across her earlobe one more time. That one little act makes my girl fall apart, she's so innocent it's a turn on. "Just nibbling on your ear princess."
Hurriedly she clears her throat to stifle another moan, "Let's just get you off of me." She giggles while gently moving me back to her side, "So um, where was I?"
"Something about you liking me for years and years?" I fill in for her.
Smiling from ear to ear, I hold myself down so I won't attack those damn dimples. I haven't been this happy in… I don't think ever. "Oh yeah! Um, I like you Lucas and unlike you I can't exactly pinpoint when that started but I do. But I also don't want to ruin this friendship either."
Shaking my head from left to right fervently, I peck her lips and pull away again. "Nope, not going to let you use the whole 'ruining friendship' excuse. Not happening, I've had feelings for you for years and you like me. At this point, where we are now with the kisses." I peck her nose, "The hand holding." I kiss her cheek, "the sleep overs." Wiggling my brows I kiss her lips while she giggles. "All of that and more I just – I can't go back and I really don't want to pressure you. I really, really don't but feel." I place her hand against my chest, right above my heart. "When I was younger and my heart would race like this, or my stomach would feel weird but in a good way I had no idea why. Now I do, and 5 years later I'm finally telling you so don't use the excuse of 'I don't want to ruin this friendship' because I can't just be your friend Riley. And, even if we tried to be friends after everything – I just don't think that would work."
"That's what I'm afraid of." She whispers, her breath fanning against my face, "What if it doesn't work out and we –"
"You stop that." I muster out through laughter, "Stop being pessimistic. I'm not going to let us not work out. I just, I'm pretty hell bent on this working out in my favor. Like I said we don't have to change anything till you're ready." Which will work out perfectly since operation, 'make Riley mine' can't be put into action until another month.
Nodding her head she cuddles closer to me, resting my head on her temple. I can't stop smiling, she's giving me a chance. God 5 years is so worth it. She's worth… everything. "I want to watch The Office."
I start to laugh and hug her tighter, "Don't worry princess I'll put it on for you. Are you hungry?"
"Yeah." She whines, I think her hand is starting to hurt again.
"I'll put on 'The Office' and go cook you something to eat. I'll bring you some more pain medicine. It's been 4 hours since you've had any meds."
"They make me sleepy. And Auggie."
"I'll handle everything sweet cheeks."
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Sitting outside of Auggie's school, my mind is wandering to the woman I left asleep in her bed with Maya. No matter how hard I tried, Maya wouldn't leave to get Auggie. I love that little boy, he's freaking awesome but I really wanted to stay with Riley. She's mad at me because I wouldn't tell her what Riley and I talked about so this is my punishment. Because my nonstop smile wasn't enough confirmation for her. So the entire time while I was cooking, since my girl was sleeping Maya made it her obligation to ask me over and over and over again, 'what happened?'
I wanted to tell her, I really did. But I wasn't sure if sweet cheeks wanted me to spill the beans to her best friend, or if she wanted to do it. So I made her a BLT and she fell asleep on my chest after taking her medicine. "LUCAS!" Rising off my car he runs towards me and gives me a knuck.
"What up little man?"
"Where's Riley?" He questions while glancing behind me to check the passenger seat.
Setting his bag in the backseat he climbs in, the leather lightly squeaking from the friction. I'm glad I didn't have to argue with him about sitting in the front. Getting into the car and driving off, I try to think of where to begin. "Um Aug, your sister there was a little fight at school today. So she's at home sleeping, and a little broken."
I don't have to look at him to know he's freaking out over his sister's health. "BROKEN?"
Nodding slowly and rubbing my face. That was not the way I should have told him. But I didn't want him to walk in and see Riley that way without some warning. "She was slapped and then she hit her back and broke something in her hand."
"WHAT?" This kid has some lungs on him. "Where were you Lucas?!" Physically and internally wincing, that wasn't something I wanted to hear. Even though I was thinking it, knowing that I completely failed her I didn't want to hear it out loud.
"Auggie-"
"YOU were supposed to protect her! You said you would!" I promised him that I would protect Riley that was the condition he had if I was to date her.
"Aug listen to me little man, please." Looking back at him, his arms are crossed and he's glaring at the window. "Your sister was defending me, and she was slapped before anyone could figure out what happened. The punch, I was holding her and your sister hates violence so much I never thought in a million years she'd actually punch someone. It took us all by surprise. I'm sorry man, I didn't want her to get hurt, that was never my intention and I feel awful about it."
The rest of the ride is silent and I know he's still mad at me. "Auggie I'm sorry. I failed both you and Riley and I feel terrible about it." Pulling into the parking garage, I turn back to face him, "Come on man you know I wouldn't intentionally let anyone or anything harm Riley."
Looking down at his shirt, fidgeting with the buttons. I wish I was better with kids that would make this whole situation easier, I'd know what to say. "I don't know what to say man but you know how I feel about your sister." He only grilled me about that for an hour after I picked him up from his grandparents the first time. "And can I tell you something?"
His deep brown orbs that remind me of Riley's look up at me, hesitant. Clearly he wants to know what I have to say but he doesn't want to talk to me. "I told Riley." Immediately his eyes widen, technically Missy told her and I affirmed it but still she knows now. His lips try to stay tight but I can see them curving into a smile, "And she likes me back."
I hear the click of his seatbelt and within seconds he's giving me a hug but just as quickly he's sitting back down. "Sorry." After waving him off and telling him I don't mind he's grinning from ear to ear. "So are you two dating? Like boyfriend and girlfriend?"
Unintentionally my lips twitch, "No we aren't together, yet."
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Hello my lovely readers.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter.
And I'm really glad you're enjoying the snippet from their past in the previous chapter.
I just wanted to let my readers know that I have received your comments saying my book is similar to 'The Bad Boy's Girl' on WattPad (I do post on 2 different sites). I haven't read it yet, my daughter hid my phone a good portion of the day but it was never my intention to make my story similar to hers. I really hope you all believe me when I say I would never intentionally steal an author's idea… I know how hard it is to come up with a story line. But, aside from that I do want to thank you for letting me know so I can message the author. Hopefully where I'm taking my story – the focus is going to shift to Lucas a bit more – will be different than 'The Bad Boy's Girl'.
Oh and my husband wants to take credit for the nick name 'sweet cheeks' he's called me that since I met him sophomore year of high school and he said I'd be sleeping on the couch if I didn't put this note in my story… we love each other. LOL.
LOVE YOU GUYS!