Off to See the Wizard
(A response to the prompt "courage.")
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B.J. remembers being young, maybe around 7 or 8, when his 18-year-old cousin Mark stopped coming to the family gatherings. He was a no-show at Thanksgiving, and a no-show again at Christmas, and B.J. remembers asking his mom where Mark was all of a sudden… why he didn't come to the dinners anymore. He'd always loved Mark's sense of humor and had really looked up to the guy, wished he got to see him more often than just at the holidays.
B.J.'s mom had only said, "He's busy, B.J. Maybe we'll see him at Easter." And then a few months later, it became, "Maybe we'll see him over the summer."
There was whispering when the older folks mentioned Mark's name, not that his name came up often. Whispers and shakes of the heads. Clear disapproval.
It wasn't until many years later that B.J. found out the real reason his cousin had stopped showing up at the family dinners. At 18, Mark had admitted to his folks that he was homosexual, and they'd disowned him. He'd packed his bags and left their house, and he wasn't in touch with anyone in the family from that moment on.
B.J. sits on his cot in the Swamp, watching a sleeping Hawkeye and remembering cousin Mark. He imagines how scared Mark must've been, to realize his attraction to men rather than women… how alienating that must've been, especially when his parents ordered him out of their house because of feelings he had. Because of something he had no control over.
He wonders what became of Mark. If life got better for him once he was out on his own… if he found love and if he got his happily ever after. He deserved it, for being so honest with himself and with others, even when they rejected him because of it.
That must have taken such courage.
B.J. runs his eyes over Hawkeye's sweet, peaceful face… watches the steady, comforting rise and fall of his chest… studies the long, talented fingers on hands that have mended and saved.
He takes a sip of gin and lies down, his eyes never leaving the sleeping man a few feet away.
A single tear falls down the side of his face. He understands more about Mark now than he'd ever imagined he would. Whether he has the courage his cousin did… well, that's another question entirely.