"What have I become

My sweetest friend?

Everyone I know

Goes away in the end.

And you could have it all

My empire of dirt.

I will let you down.

I will make you hurt."

-Nine Inch Nails-

Can I say thank you enough, Sherry and Paige?

EPOV:

I spend the afternoon with Charlie in my arms. As I look down at his wide eyes and open expression, I promise myself that I will never lie to him...I will never hurt him. Seeing him now, so wide-eyed and innocent, I wonder how anyone could hurt their child...intentionally or not. He is so young and hasn't experienced the pain life can bring. I want to spend my life protecting him from everything, but I know that at one point I will have to let him go and experience life on his own. Tonight, I will face my own father, and I don't know what the fuck I will do.

He's only human, this I know, but we grow up idolizing our parents, and when they don't meet our vision of them…it makes you feel so confused and empty. I hope to God that Charlie doesn't grow up to find that he is disappointed in me. I hope he sees how hard I've tried to be a good father. He loves me now, and I guess that's all that matters.

I realize that I'm staring off into space when Charlie starts crying and fussing in my arms. "Da da!" He wails, begging for my attention.

I bring him to rest on my shoulder and hold him close. Bella comes to stand in the doorway with a small, beautiful smile on her face. The love I can feel radiating from them both makes me want to stay at this point of my life forever. I have everything I could possibly need. I wish time could stop, I want to enjoy the last few hours before my dad's truth is made known.

"We'll be here when you get back," Bella assures me as she joins me on the couch.

"Maybe I should just call it off," I say, not wanting to regret this dinner.

"If you call if it off, it will just continue to nag at you."

I know she's right, this has been bugging me all day. I pull her against my side and settle back against the couch. Charlie raises his head from my shoulder as soon as he feels her presence.

"Ma ma!" He squeals with a smile.

"I'm still not used to him calling me that," she says with a nervous giggle, as she takes him in her arms.

I watch her as she rocks our boy in her arms, with his head rested comfortably against her chest. My heart feels as if it's about to burst; I get choked up watching them, because their interactions are always so beautiful. I rest my head against her shoulder and soak up her comfort, just as my son does. Bella is my anchor and I feel that without her I would be drifting.

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I enter the restaurant with a heavy heart. It's dinnertime and the place is filled with people, happy families enjoying their meals, with Cash singing softly in the background. His old, raspy voice fills my mind as I drift through the restaurant to where my dad sits.

He looks just as I remembered he did. I'm not sure why I thought he would look different, I suppose it's the foreign feeling I experience when I think of him. He looks resigned, and I wonder if he knows why I insisted on having dinner tonight. He gives me a small, reluctant smile as soon as he sees me and stands to greet me. He wraps his arms around me for a quick hug, and I can't help but notice that it feels different. I just can't stand being lied to.

We sit down, and although we are only a few feet apart, I feel so different. He shifts uncomfortably in his seat and gives me another small smile. The silence grows unbearable, and he finally speaks up.

"What's wrong, Edward? You sounded off on the phone."

"I saw you the other day," I say, colder than I intend to.

His brows knit together in confusion and he leans forward. "What do you mean 'you saw me'?"

I shake my head, not wanting to say it aloud. If I bring it up, this will all be real. I've never been one to champion my mom, especially after the incident where she basically fucked me over, but knowing that my dad isn't the honest man I once thought he was, makes me want to stand up for her. Maybe there was more to the story than I thought when I was growing up.

"I was at that deli near my work and I saw some woman there. A while back, she approached me at a store when I was with Charlie, so I was curious about her. I watched her get two drinks and leave...and what I saw after that...I saw her meet you. Who is she, dad?"

Dad pales and asks, "She approached you and Charlie?"

I'm taken aback by his question. What the fuck does that matter? I shake my head, growing annoyed. "Who is she?"

He studies me in silence for a moment. "She's an old friend, Edward. I haven't seen her in a very long time."

I snort. "You expect me to believe that? The way you looked at her...it was like the way I look at Bella. You don't look at a 'friend' like that."

"Well, that's what she is," he insists.

"Was she always just your friend?"

Dad's face drops and he looks away. With a pained expression, he shakes his head, still unable to meet my gaze.

"No."

"Were you with her when you were with mom?"

He's so quiet. I've never seen him like this. The strong, confident man I once knew is gone. Suddenly, my heart fucking shatters and I wonder what else he has kept from me.

"I loved her once," he tells me quietly. "I met her when I was really young, my sophomore year of high school and I was taken with her instantly."

"What happened?" I wonder aloud.

He shrugs his shoulders and sits back in his chair. "Life, I suppose. I left Washington to go to school and she stayed behind. We were separated and she met someone else and got married. I didn't know about him until I returned home one summer. I thought we could remain friends, but her husband, Charles, disliked me." He shakes his head and stays silent for a moment, lost in thought. "Anyway, I met Elizabeth and got married a few years later."

"So…" I trail off in disbelief. "You two are just friends now? I don't understand."

"Her husband died a year ago. He was killed in an accident overseas. She needed a friend."

I don't know what to think. Has he loved this woman all this time?

"So, you were never unfaithful to mom? This was just an old flame?"

He takes a shaky breath. "Edward, I'm not going to lie to you. There was a month when she was in town and her husband wasn't. Your mom was on a ski trip with her friends and I... made a mistake," he says with a hoarse voice. "I can't say I regret it," he continues, his eyes becoming wet and irritated. "It only happened a few times and then her husband came back. That was it, Edward, I swear to you. That was decades ago. I've only just begun to see her again. I didn't carry out some affair, I promise you, son. She moved around constantly and her husband was a bastard. I couldn't have had her even if I wanted to."

Now that I hear the truth, I look at him differently. While the truth feels like a stab to the fucking gut, his faults make him human...and he is just like me. We have both fucked up and let others down. I wish the truth didn't feel so terrible. It's ironic, as I sit suffering, I finally realize that my dad and I are more similar than I thought.

"What is her name?" I ask, wanting to put a name to her familiar face.

"Esme Platt." His grim look disappears as he says her name.

A/N: The lyrics at the top of the chapter are from the song "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails. I love the Johnny Cash cover of the song. If you haven't listened to it, it's amazing.