Hey! Sorry about the delay, net's been down :(. Thanks for all of the suggestions. There will be Ryan backstory presented soon. I anticipate the next chapter will be all of his POV. I dont want to say anything else to ruin this chapter.

After much consideration the rating of this story will be switched to M. I should have done it a long time ago.

xoxo Jules

Chapter 34: "Ive got to go-"

Marissa's POV: "when you ain't got no friends"

I keep on glancing at the clock and I don't know why. It's not like I want him to come or anything yanno? Well not exactly. It's just that I know he'll be here. Like fifteen minutes ago Jimmy came in and kissed my forehead and then told me that he was heading to work which meant it was seven. Fifteen minutes later Rhett and Caitlin would leave and Sophie would go to elementary school ten minutes later.

Long story short, other than the housekeeper I am alone in the house.

"Shit!" I almost screamed as a hand appeared from around my curtains, and then he appeared grinning and licking his lips.

"Did I scare you baby?" He asked as he snaked his way over to my bed and planted a firm kiss on my forehead. One that told me that I'm real, not fragile.

I shake my head no. It's like there's a lump in my throat that I just cant seem to swallow. I still cant bring myself to speak.

"Comfy bed." He said leaning himself over my pillows and kicking off his boots. "Could getta couple of good lays in on here eh?" He joked wiggling his eyebrows at me. I shot him a glare in response.

"So whadda ya want to do?" I asked dumbly.

He leaned back and shrugged.

"'member when we just used to sit an' talk about our dreams and stuff?"

That is when I loved Kev, I mean not now, like back then. He would show me a side of him that nobody else would ever see. He let me in, I was special. In a way for a lot of years he was my best friend. My non-sober confidant.

"We used to talk about running away and joining a freak show." He smirks at me.

I remember it clearly. I was going to be a contortionist and eat fire. Kev was going to juggle knives and deal blow out of the back of the circus tent. Sure it was never going to happen, and it was more far fetched then well, anything. I'm not at all flexible and the drugs have basically killed whatever coordination Kevin ever had. The thing is it's your dreams that keep you warm at night and shine on you when you wake up in the morning.

"We used to talk about a lot." I finally speak up turning over to look at him.

"What happened to us? We used to be good for each other."

Those words caused my stomach to twist to knots. I sigh.

"Kev we were never good for each other. I was always high, you were always dealing or drinking. You'd disappear for weeks at a time or have to skip town when the cops got on your ass. And shit, when we were sober together all that we did was fight… or yanno…"

I blush trying not to think about the physical side of our relationship. Honestly it was mind blowing.

Volchoks POV: "He put his life to an end"

Her hazy blue green eyes stare down at me. I can feel that tightening in my groin, but it's more than that. I loved her once. She let me love her. Yeah we were hooked on coke and messed with E and smack and acid but that doesn't mean that it wasn't real.

"You miss me?" I asked looking back up into her eyes.

I smiled as she bit her lip and nodded a little bit. Embarrassed her eyes darted away from mine.

"Hey." I said softly tilting her chin toward me. "I missed you too."

She rolled her eyes as she sat up.

"I didn't think that you'd realize I was gone."

I sighed. I didn't for a while. She skipped town the day after me.

"I was gonna come and break you out of there, truth. You knew that."

"I didn't believe you." She shot at me her eyes creating a storm in my own as she shot out of bed. Her long legs peeked out from under her unbelievably short shirt.

"I was gonna babe! I swear!" I said standing up angrily.

Why the hell didn't she believe me? I was really gonna get her. It's just some deals went sour and I had some money to pay back and too many men on my ass…

"Whatever!" She said about to pull on a pair of shorts.

"What they hell is your problem!" I asked grabbing her arm and whipping her body to face me.

I never mean to get physical with her. She gets physical with me too. Most of the time she's first actually. It is just the way that we work.

"Get the fuck off of me!" She yelled trying to yank her arm away from mine but I got a good grip.

"All I want's for you to believe me!"

With her free hand she reached up and smacked me in the face. I felt her hand sting my jaw and I grabbed her other hand pinning them both behind her back.

"BITCH!" I screamed knocking her into the wall

She retaliated and lunged forward biting me in my shoulder. She drew blood.

"Fuck Marissa!" I screamed throwing her into the wall causing a picture to fall off.

She seemed to bounce right of the wall and fly towards me kneeing me in my stomach. There were only two things that I could think of in that moment. One, the extreme amount of pain I was in, two, my huge mounting boner.

"I hate you!" She screamed as I pulled her to the ground pinning her body down with my own. I ground my body against hers roughly.

"Shit Volchok, you're such a pig!" She screamed squirming beneath me. I knew that she felt my boner which was poking into her thigh needing release. Her squirming was only making it worse though.

I paused above her. Our breaths heaved together. I could feel beads of sweat forming all over my body… hers was the same. The only sound that you can hear is our breathing. I reach into my pocket and retrieve my flask. I am no longer holding her hands but they are resting at her sides. I am propped up on my hands so not to crush her body with mine.

I grinned down at her as I took a long sip from my flask. Lowering my hands I held it against her lips urging her to swallow. She opened and closed her eyes as she let the liquid burn its way down her throat. She chugged it like a champ allowing the alcohol induced haze to overtake her body. I dropped the flask when I knew that she was finished. I didn't tell her that I had crushed up pills and slipped them in the flask as well. It was E, green apple, a real upper.

As I let my rough hand snake it's way up her shirt I look in her eyes. I have her.

Marissas POV

He has me.

And I let him.

Ontop of the liquor that I had just downed he intoxicated me. I felt my body float away. There had been nothing, as far as drugs or alcohol, in my body for so long and I hadn't eaten at all yesterday. I know that in a matter of minutes I will be gone. I can almost feel the alcohol seep into my blood stream causing my veins to tingle and my head to become light.

"Kev." I muttered as his mouth met with mine. I gave in.

Ryan, holy crap. I'm with Ryan, I cant do this to him. Wait, am I even with Ryan? We fucked, so what? He treats me like a child and to top it all off he hung up on me last night… but I love him…

"Just relax babe." He growled in my ear as his hands slipped under my panties.

Ryan'll never forgive me for this. I need to stand up, I need to go to him… why can't I move! Kevin kisses me, I continue to kiss him back. Holy crap it is so good but it is so bad.

He began to trail his lips down my collar bone. I could feel the fresh stubble burn my neck as it rubbed roughly against me. The moan that I had been trying to hold in with all my might was released. It was like I didn't have control of my body.

I sucked back my breath as he slipped one finger inside of me. This was not happening, I was not letting this happen. I didn't want it.

"You like this baby. It just like old times, you like this?" He asked again as he drilled his finger into me adding another… and then another.

My eyes shut in pain. Tears sprang to the corners of my eyes. When I opened them again Kevin was staring down at me intently.

"You like this? You like when I touch you like this baby." He licked his lips as his eyes devoured my body

I shook my head no, I did not like this, although my eyes were screaming yes. This is all so confusing! My life has been so clear and now… Shit!

Kevin unzipped his zipper and pushed my underwear to the side.

"Shit." I said as I pierced my eyes shut and bit my lower lip.

He plunged into me.

I floated away from the moment. I put myself anywhere besides where I am now. But then something, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was something else, but whatever it was heightened my senses and I felt everything. Every pressure on my body not matter how slight, whatever pain, … whatever pleasure was multiplied over and over again.

As Kevin began to pound into me mercilessly I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't hold back.

Ryan

I allowed my chest to arch into his. I grabbed onto his shoulders for support.

I can't do this to him.

My toes curled and body stiffen as he charged into me one last time. Kevin paused and held me in position as I felt him flood me.

Holy crap what just happened?

And then he kissed me sweetly on the cheek. It was done.

I had just fucked up.

I tend to shake it up a bit with my writing. Take people out of their comfort zones because quite frankly im not a comfortable person. Haha, dont get me wrong, im totally chill and i've been told that i am a pushover and nice to a fault, but relationships just get me. In writing you get to experience, and create people from all angles and in all situations. That is what i love to do. So with that being said I ask...

Did Marissa really have SEX with him? He did slip her E... but she didnt stop it. Is it what she wanted? Was she sure? Was it rape? ... In your mind I dont know. It was just the next step. It's all how you interpret it. I felt like the Marissa confusion in this chap was completely realistic and necessary.

Ryrissa shippers, you will not be dissappointed.

From now on this story is going to be moving at a fast pace, it will be BAM BAM BAM and intense the whole way, at least that is what i am anticipating and then there will be the falling action which will lead us to our close. There are probably at least 7 chapters left that I will write.

What do you guys want to see happen? (By the way all of the requests have been considered wink)

purple button!