Prompt: The Hearts of Camelot Challenge: Guinevere
Characters/Pairings: Gwen, Merlin
Ratings/Warnings: Taken from 1x12
Word Count: 600
A Circle Without End
When Gwen had walked by Arthur's chambers and had seen Merlin staring out the window at the courtyard below, she had peeked her head in, and having seen that her friend was alone and clearly troubled, her brow had furrowed with concern.
It had been obvious that, despite what he might've said, he wasn't "fine."
And it had pained her more than she could have said that his open, clear eyes had become unreadable and guarded and that he'd barricaded himself away...
She had come to notice that, from time to time, there was something indescribably dark and intense in those usually carefree eyes...
That fierce flicker had been apparent whenever someone he cared for was harmed, but then, it had been comforting—the determination and protectiveness…
Now when he looked at her…a small part of her sensed something was off. Unnerving. Dangerous.
"…because he knew," Gwen was musing, fighting back at the tears that threatened to fall whenever she thought of how much it hurt to see people leering at her for what they believed was undeniable proof of her father's guilt, "that whatever he said or did he'd be killed."
She took a deep breath and bit her lip, adding with a wavering voice, "Uther had already made up his mind. That's the kind of man he is."
For a moment, Merlin was completely silent, and then from behind her, he said quietly, "I wouldn't blame you if you wanted him dead."
Gwen's fingers froze at her throat, and without hesitation, she twirled back to Merlin and said in a voice that surprised her with its strength, "If Uther died, I'd feel nothing. He means nothing to me."
It wasn't until that the words were said that Guinevere realized how true they were, and it wasn't until they left her mouth that she realized that that is what she had needed. More than anything.
To just say them aloud to Merlin and not fear that he would judge her for them… to know that he'd understand—it was a breath of fresh air, and after she had taken the chance to express her raging and hurting feelings towards the man that killed her father, the blanket of sorrow covering her shoulders shifted.
"But if you had...you know...the choice, what would you do?" Merlin's eyes were fixed on her with that unwavering seriousness—that un-Merlin darkness—once more, and her brow furrowed as she tried to wrap her mind around what he was asking…
But, no, he couldn't be suggesting…?
"If you had the power of life and death over Uther, would you kill him? For what he did?"
It didn't take more than a few seconds for Gwen to see the lives that Uther had taken—people that she had never known and never would know… all for the purpose of taking revenge for the mysterious, unknown event that began the Purge. She saw the sorcerers retaliating against the King for their loses, crossing fire with fire in an endless cycle of hatred and blood….
A circle without end.
"No," she breathed passionately, shaking her head.
A shadow lifted from Merlin's face, and surprised, he repeated, "No?"
"What would that solve?" she asked, her voice breaking. "That would make me a murderer. That would make me as bad as him."
It had surprised her when Merlin, eyes widening in realization and gratitude, dashed away without explanation, but as it turned out, she was one of the few who weren't surprised when news that the King's life had been threatened (and then subsequently saved) filtered into Camelot hours later.