The Fifth Sense

by LolliliciousLolly

...You know that you have a hard life when, upon waking up in the morning, there's no way to tell if you're still sleeping... [AU, SJ.] Suze lacks something that we all take for granted. But she has an ability that we can only dream of... [COMPLETE]

36. Morality

I LIED. THIS IS THE SECOND LAST CHAPTER!

I thought I could fit it all in here, but I was wrong. So yeah…there's one more to come, my bubbles.

And, the BIGGEST HAPPY BIRTHDAY goes out to my one true love, Stephie! I know this is a lame birthday present, Steph…but get over it.

Lolly.

- 8 -

It was the shriek of my cell phone that woke me up.

I stirred in annoyance, and muttered a weary, 'Shut up…' wriggling closer against Jesse. I didn't want to get up. I wanted to stay here. Asleep. With him.

'Querida,' Jesse murmured gently, his lips tickling my ear. 'Don't you want to answer that?'

I grunted. 'What time is it?'

The phone continued to ring.

'Six in the morning,' he replied, sounding amused. 'Would you like to answer your phone, Susannah?'

I nodded sleepily.

He chuckled, and leant over me. I felt his chest rest on mine momentarily, and my breath caught in my throat. I opened my eyes, suddenly a little more awake. I loved the feel of him over me…it felt so good…I felt safe, and warm, and –

Beep.

He pressed the phone against my ear, and I pouted.

'Hello?'

The voice exploded in my ear. 'SUZE. Are you THERE?'

I blinked quickly. 'I'm asleep…' I whined. 'Call back later, CeeCee…'

Suddenly, I felt soft lips against my neck, where they began kissing with VERY-hard-to-ignore seduction. I smiled, trying to concentrate on my phone call.

'Suze, I can't. I found this out last night and it was all I could do to not ring you up – '

I twisted my body, making access easier for Jesse. Golly, that felt nice first thing in the morning. That certainly was one way to wake me up. I preferred his method much better than CeeCee's.

'Mmm…'

'…Suze? Are you even listening?'

'Uh hmm…'

'What are you…doing?' she asked hesitantly.

My lips parted in a silent gasp as Jesse's kisses hit a very ticklish spot behind my ear. The hand holding my phone went limp, and I pressed more firmly against Jesse as he crawled over me, seducing me by means of his attraction to kissing my neck.

'Uhhhhhhhhhh…'

'Oh. My. God. Is NIGEL there!' CeeCee demanded hotly. 'Suze, you hussy!'

I giggled, and shoved Jesse away – so forcefully that he fell off of the bed with a loud thump and a, 'Dios!' of indignation.

'Um, not anymore. Talk to me. Sorry…'

'Did he SPEND THE NIGHT?'

Whatever she was so desperate to tell me was suddenly forgotten, in her sick fascination with my sex life.

'Maybe…now, what did you want to say – '

'Simon, please. What's his name? Just tell me that much.'

'Jesse,' I said.

'Yes?' Jesse answered irritably.

'No, I'm not talking to you,' I brushed him away. He climbed back on the bed, obviously not loving the whole being-shoved-off-the-bed thing.

'Wow,' CeeCee breathed in awe. 'Jesse…with a name like that, it must be good…'

I rolled my eyes. 'Okay, now, what did you want to tell me that couldn't wait until school, Cee?'

'Oh,' her voice adopted a solemn tone. 'I assume you hadn't heard already…'

'What?' I tried to shove her to the point.

'Debbie Mancuso,' she said, hushed.

I sat up, suddenly very alert. 'Is…is she okay?'

I hoped she was. I wanted to be right. I wanted what I told Brad to be the truth. That it wasn't his fault, and that she'd be okay. I wanted to be right about that.

'Oh yeah.'

I sighed in relief, holding my head. 'Thank God…'

'What is it?' Jesse asked, concerned.

'One of the girls Rhys attacked,' I filled him in breathlessly. His hand squeezed mine.

'She woke up from her coma last night. I was at the Coffee Clutch with Adam, and Kelly ran in screaming practically. That's a great way to keep up with the gossip of the Mission, you know. Anyway, I digress,' CeeCee muttered quickly. 'The thing is, she doesn't remember anything about her attack, Suze.'

'That's good,' I said, swimming in even more relief.

'Is it?' she wanted to know. 'I mean…you said that Paul did this. If he did, shouldn't he be punished for it Suze? This was what I wanted to call you about. Don't you…think we should go to the police with what we know?'

'No,' I answered very firmly. 'We can't. He didn't…he didn't actually do it.'

She was very dubious. 'Um, Suze,' she said sarcastically, 'He either smacked Debbie around and hacked away at her chest, or not. He can't have done it, but only KIND of.'

I groaned, frustrated. 'It's…complicated.'

'It really isn't,' she replied in disdain for Paul. 'And after the way he was acting around me, I have half a mind to rat on his ass myself. He scared the shit out of me, Suze. I used to think he was an asshole, but after he cornered me in the chapel that day and…shoved me against the door, that was it. I knew he was…capable of doing something like that to Debbie. I don't know what made him that way, but he – '

'CeeCee,' I said loudly. She stopped talking, although she was breathing irregularly. I wished I could tell her what had gone on. She was scared. I could hear it in her voice. As far as she knew, Paul was violent and dangerous and he'd already put one of our classmates in hospital – a coma, no less. I wanted very badly to correct her, to assure her that she wasn't in any danger anymore.

She wouldn't believe me though.

'He's…Suze…what if he does that again? To you? He…he's got this major thing for you, Suze…'

'Trust me,' I said slowly. 'Trust me when I say that he's never, ever going to do that again.'

'What's going on?' Jesse asked curiously. 'Is this about Slater?'

I nodded, and said, 'Hang on…' to CeeCee. 'Jesse,' I said worriedly, 'CeeCee wants to go to the police about Paul. I kind of let slip that he – or at least, his body, attacked Debbie. And she's scared of him – '

'After what he did to you, what's stopping you from letting her?' Jesse demanded. 'He almost got you killed, querida. Worse, even… And – and he left you to rot when the ghost was burning your skin! You cannot forgive him, surely!'

I prayed for patience. 'I know, Jesse. But he's innocent of what the police will charge him for if CeeCee says something. He didn't do that.'

'I've told you before, Susannah, he's an indecent man and that's all there is to it,' Jesse snapped. He's inappropriate with all the women he courts. What if he turns out to be just like Rhys Miller in a few years? A decade? Who's to say he won't try to hurt you again, dark influence or not?'

'Jump the gun, why don't you?' I half-laughed. 'He's not like that. He was just…pissed off.'

'Yes, and he threw you into the arms of a murderer,' Jesse was stubborn. 'If I did that every time I was irritated with the woman I loved, then – '

'What do you want me to say?' I glared into darkness, 'That you're better than him? Jesse, of course you are! You're way more moral than him, duh!'

'That's not what I want you to say,' Jesse said angrily. 'Susannah, I fear for your life. You have no idea how terrifying it was to know that something…something horrendous was happening to you, and to not be able to do anything. It took a long time to force Slater to take away the ghost barrier protecting his house. In each of those moments, I felt like I was dying, all over again. I loved you so much and I couldn't do a thing to stop him…'

Whoa. He…he'd never said that before.

'I'm fine,' I assured him, stroking his face. 'Look at me in all my fineness. And Paul's sorry.'

'He's trying to simply win favour with you!' Jesse argued, not cooling down for a moment.

I blinked patiently. 'Whatever that reason is, I don't know. But I do know that Paul should not have to go down for a crime he simply didn't commit. It's wrong, and not fair.'

Jesse sighed. '…Fine. I can't say that I am in agreement, Susannah. But you do what you think is right.'

'Thank you,' I nodded graciously, before picking up the phone. 'CeeCee? Are you still there?'

'Way to waste my phone credit, Simon.'

'Sorry,' I muttered. 'Anyway, I – '

'Question,' she interrupted, 'Why is it that I could hear your voice very clearly, but not the voice of the person you were arguing very heatedly with?'

I blanched. 'You…heard me?'

'Yes. You, anyway. Was Jesse standing far away or something?'

Jesse was silent, listening intently. 'You're pale, Susannah. Why?'

I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them with one arm, still holding the phone to my ears. 'Yeah, he is…'

CeeCee couldn't hear Jesse. Of course she couldn't. She'd never be able to. And to think…she wanted to meet him. She wanted to see what a hot boyfriend I had. She wanted to check out the guy I'd found who was not only good enough for me, but who loved a high maintenance blind girl.

She never could though. And that was that.

Because Jesse was dead.

I felt a chill. 'Far away, I mean,' I licked my lips. My throat felt suddenly dry. 'Look, CeeCee...Paul was being threatened by someone, okay? Someone bad. Everything he did, he didn't mean - or want, to do. He didn't do that to Debbie. I thought he did, but I was wrong. In fact, him turning up when he did stopped anything really bad from happening to her. He's done some stupid things, but none of those things were bad enough that he deserves to go to jail for what he did...'

'What do you mean?' CeeCee sounded very confused, to a point where she was peeved. 'I don't understand what you're saying, Suze. Someone threatening Paul Slater? Suze, Paul's a really wilful guy. He doesn't get pushed around easily. He does the pushing. I don't think that he'd give into threats. And that still doesn't explain how he acted around me. Who was this second party?'

It was strange, how she hadn't made any connections. I mean, I'd brought police reports of Rhys Miller right TO her. I know he was dead, but...wouldn't she think it was a little strange? She'd read that Rhys had carved crosses into his victims' chests. Debbie had the exact same symbol scarring HER body. She'd said herself that Paul was acting very out of character...

Tiny little things. Couldn't she connect some of the dots? Couldn't she ask the right question? I didn't want to have to say it, and have her laugh in my face...

I laughed a little, on the phone. 'You're wasting your phone credit, CeeCee.'

'God damn it, Suze, stop dodging this! Please, once you tell me, you own't have to say it again, all right? Just spit it out! This isn't stuff you should be hiding from me. I don't understand why you'd even want to protect Paul, after how he's apparently treated you - '

'Do you believe in ghosts, CeeCee?'

That shut her up.

Jesse stirred next to me. 'Querida...you should not reveal your secret...'

But it hurt to keep it from CeeCee anymore.

'No. Ghosts are what creative people like to call cold spots. They're hoaxes. People who get scared easily like to think that there's actual reasons for their fear, and they create - '

'I believe,' I whispered.

I guess I had her stumped. 'Er...why? It's not like you can see shadows, or anything - '

'How many senses do I have, CeeCee?' I asked her.

'...Four.'

My hand was shaking. Why was this so hard? 'No, CeeCee. I have five, just like you. The fifth sense is just a little different from yours.'

'Oh right,' she commented cynically. 'You see dead people. Sure.'

It hurt. But I ignored it.

'I hear them. I feel them, I sense them. I always know when they're there. Do you want to know why you can't hear Jesse, CeeCee?'

'Susannah,' Jesse said in warning. 'Be careful, please - '

'He's dead.'

'Um,' Cee didn't sound very impressed. 'No, he's not. In fact, I'm starting to wonder if there's any Jesse to begin with - '

I pulled the phone down from my ear. 'Jesse, please...go over to her room and haunt her. She doesn't believe me.'

'You should not try to convince her, Susannah, if she doesn't want to know - '

'Please,' I appealed.

He sighed.

A moment later, there was an almighty shriek on the other line. 'What the HELL -'

'Believe me now?' I asked her quietly.

In horror, she spluttered, 'Suze? What's - what do you mean...how did you know–'

'Jesse's a ghost,' I explained. 'He's as real to me as you are. I can see him, and so can Paul. I'm in love with a ghost, CeeCee...' I laughed humourlessly. 'My dead boyfriend is over there right now. What's he doing? Levitating something? Shaking things?'

'...Writing,' CeeCee's voice was shrill and scared. 'My pen's floating...holy shit...'

'What's he writing?' I asked her, quite proud of Jesse that he found such a persuasive method of convincing my best friend of my uncanny ability.

'Saying that you're...telling the truth, and...not to be scared...oh my God...'

I was gripping the phone hard. My hands were still shaking. I'd never told anyone this in my life. It was terrifying. I almost felt like I was betraying myself, and my secret.

'Tell him to come back to me,' I said. 'And the pen will stop floating.'

She did, shakily. I felt Jesse materialise beside me. 'Thank you,' I said sincerely.

'She kept waving her hand through me,' Jesse sounded a little queasy. I conveyed this information to CeeCee, and she murmured in disbelief under her breath.

I started connecting all the dots. I told her about Rhys Miller. I told her what exactly astral projection was, what possession entailed, and I explained why Paul had been acting so strangely of late.

She was my sponge, now. She drank it all in. She was horrified, sure. But at least she wasn't denying my extra sense now.

After a few minutes, she cut me off.

'Suze, I – I'm going to hang up now, okay? This is…a lot to process, especially this early in the morning…I need to think about it.'

'Fair enough,' I said nervously. 'You believe me, right?'

'I think so,' she whispered. 'It's – it's crazy, but…'

'Take your time,' I granted. 'Sorry to dump it on you. But you deserved to know, after what I put you through.'

She mumbled, 'Uh huh…' in a dazed manner, and her cell phone beeped. She'd gone.

- 8 -

The day was a chilly one. Rain was predicted to fall soon, and mum wouldn't let me out of the house without a million and one sweaters. I felt very bulky, but I got the point when I was shooed outside, into the icy air of Carmel-by-the-Sea.

Shivering, I slid into Jake's Camaro after David had jumped in the backseat. Brad was being stubborn, and was driving the Rambler since Jake wasn't letting him touch the Camaro and was still sore at him.

Once at school, David led me to Father Dominic's office as per usual. I dreaded it somewhat today. He was back from hospital and he probably had an entire rant prepared for me about me and Jesse.

Fuuuuuuun.

I waited in the Reception Area, peeling off my leather jacket. Mum had dressed me in a pretty turtleneck sweater...she called the colour lavender. She'd asked me why I was smiling so widely. I wouldn't tell, though.

My hair was really curly today, since I hadn't blow-dried it last night. It had dried naturally into all these little ringlets which mum had tossed around to get it to sit nice.

Considering I'd gotten the shit beaten out of me that Sunday night, I felt damn good.

'Susannah,' the reception lady said kindly, 'You can go in, sweetie; Father Dominic's been in there for at least ten minutes now...'

'Thanks,' I gave her a gracious smile, and slowly eased my way to his office door, stick in my hand. I knocked nervously, not really wanting to face him. I wasn't ready to be told that being with Jesse was so impractical.

I was already starting to believe it myself, and hearing it from an objective person would only convince me further...

'Come in,' the priest's voice called through the wood.

I swallowed, and pushed the door open.

There was a silence that haunted me. I waited for it to come. The yelling, the ranting, the lecturing...

But I was surprised:

Instead, there was a slight gasp, and all of a sudden, arms were drawing me into an urgent hug. My eyes widened in shock, and my back went very straight.

'Oh, Susannah,' he sighed in what seemed like extreme relief, 'You're safe. Thank God...'

My face softened, and my arms, with a lot less awkwardness than I expected, returned his hug. 'I'm glad you're okay too, Father Dom.'

He released me, sighing some more. 'Oh dear, I'm...terribly sorry for that. I was worried about you all yesterday. I wanted to call, but - '

'Are you feeling better?' I asked him.

He laughed very softly. 'Much better, thank you. I just had a mild concussion; they wanted to keep me in for observation, seeing as I'd lost consciousness twice in a row. At my age, it's not exactly...healthy...'

I clicked my tongue in sympathy, still screaming, "SCORE!" in my mind that I wasn't the Holy Toast yet.

All in good time, however.

'Anyhow,' his voice became a little more solid, 'I just wanted...to discuss something with you, Susannah. Please sit, the chair is to your right.'

Gulping, I fumbled for said furniture, and took my seat guiltily.

'Susannah,' he said slowly, 'I thought it was best to talk to you alone about this, since last time you got quite upset...' he moved around in his chair, and it creaked. 'Your...relationship with Jesse came as a big shock to me on Sunday. I'm still rather disappointed that you went against my explicit wishes - '

Damn.

In my defense, I said earnestly, 'But you said that I was old enough to make my own decisions, Father.'

He groaned. 'You know very well why I said that, Susannah. I feared that if I said anything in agreement with...him, I would have gotten you killed right in front of me.'

I hung my head. 'I just...don't think what we're doing is wrong...'

His voice had pity in it. 'Of course you don't. I remember exactly how I felt when...' he coughed. 'That was a long time ago, though. I'm just worried, Susannah. I know the pain of losing someone like Jesse. It had a devastating effect on me.'

'Yeah,' I mumbled grumpily. 'It made you become a priest.' Quickly, I added, 'No offense.'

He chuckled, finding that pretty funny actually.

'Well,' he said gently, 'Of course, I can't...forbid you to be with him. Too much has happened. And I know that he's very fond of - ' he broke off, and heaved a sigh. 'He loves you deeply, Susannah. All I can pray is that you don't get hurt the way I did once upon a time. He could leave at any moment, and that is the most terrifying thing in the world, knowing that you'll have no way of knowing.'

I writhed my hands, pushing my shoulders back a bit so I didn't appear so sunken. 'It's been on my mind a lot too,' I said in a tiny voice, confiding in him. 'I'm...scared...'

'Oh Lord, of course you are,' Father Dom murmured in solemn sympathy.

'But,' I breathed in - for courage, 'I'd risk anything for him...including this.'

Father Dominic didn't speak for a moment. Then, there was a click, and a crackle of something electronic. 'Could CeeCee Webb please come to my office please? God bless.'

I sat silently in my seat, awaiting more of his words. But they didn't come.

Finally, there was a knock at the door. CeeCee had arrived to collect me.

'Go, Susannah,' Father Dom said to me.

And I could have sworn that he'd just been crying.

- 8 -

At lunchtime that day, I was sitting with CeeCee and Adam at our usual spot in the courtyard. Adam was apparently throwing bread at the gulls, since they were squawking like crazy. CeeCee and I were good. We'd had a deep conversation about all of the things she wasn't sure about.

I was almost positive she didn't think I was insane. She swore to keep everything to herself, if I introduced her to Jesse properly sometime soon.

'Suze,' Adam said through a mouthful of food, 'I have something simply tragic to tell you...'

I raised my eyebrows, alert. 'Oh?'

'It's my great displeasure to tell you, Susie...baby...' he lowered his voice comically, 'That our torrid affair has to come to an end.'

I blinked. 'Um - '

'No, no!' Adam begged me, grabbing my hands, 'Susie, I know what you're going to say..."Where am I going to find another ass as capable as yours, Adam? Who will do all those nasty things to me? In all those different WAYS? Where, oh WHERE will I find another lover as raunchy and as skilled as you?" Susie, honey...I know it's hard. But I'm a one-woman man. I'm CeeCee's bitch now!'

I snorted with laughter.

'Adam?' I said.

'Yes?'

'NEVER try to do an impersonation of my again, please.'

CeeCee giggled. 'Adam, keep your voice down! If anyone finds out I'm dating a loser, I'll lose all my chances for getting Homecoming Queen, moron.'

'Hah!' Adam scoffed. 'Don't worry, Cow. You're my Homecoming Queen...'

Aww...

'You're her Homecoming Queen too,' I cooed to him.

CeeCee chuckled evilly. 'Yo. Simon's got my back...'

I tossed my curly hair.

'And I've got your front,' Adam snickered evilly.

'Eww!' I elbowed him. 'Sheesh, think of my virgin ears, already.' Hah. The only part of me that was still a virgin, anyway. And, um, that would NEVER change. Eww.

Suddenly, no one said anything. A small cough of, 'Ahem,' soon revealed why.

'Uh, hey,' Paul Slater's voice began awkwardly.

'Er...' Adam went to say something sarcastic and probably well deserved to Paul, but CeeCee but him off.

'Hey, Paul,' she said. 'What is it?'

I listened attentively, my arms crossed. Paul coughed again, sounding extremely uncomfortable. 'I just wanted to apologise...for being a dick the other day in the chapel. I'm - I'm sorry about that. Sorry if I freaked you out, I mean.'

CeeCee responded coolly, 'That's okay. I mean...Suze told me you weren't exactly feeling yourself that day.'

I hid my smile.

Paul sounded very alarmed. 'Suze? A...word, if you don't mind,' his voice harboured slight accusation. The smile slid from my face immediately. Ugh. Obliging, however, I stood up as he lead me away slightly, and started whispering in hushed tones, 'What exactly did you tell her?'

I shrugged. 'Everything. Why?'

He rewarded me with a stunned silence. Then, he spluttered, 'Are - are you NUTS? Suze, that's - that's not just your secret, okay? It's mine too. You had no right to tell her that!'

'And you had no right to leave a psychopath try to gut me,' I retorted.

'Oh,' he laughed angrily. 'So - so we're even now, are we?'

I narrowed my eyes. 'Um. No. I only told her because she wanted to go to the cops and tell them who exactly put Debbie Mancuso in a coma.'

'...Shit,' Paul muttered under his breath.

'So I had you ass,' I snapped back. 'Even after everything you did. Jesse was right...maybe I should have just let her rat on you - '

'Thanks,' he said awkwardly. 'For getting her to shut up, I mean.'

I brushed my hair off of my face irritably. 'Are we done?'

He sighed, '...I wish we weren't.'

I could feel his proximity very vividly. It was alarmingly close, and not welcome after what he'd put me through. I was starting to feel vulnerable all over again. It made my skin prickle horribly. It made all the layers I was wearing seem to disappear, as if I were naked in front of him.

Rhys had talked to me in Paul's voice, after all.

I rolled my eyes and pursed my lips, angry that I'd let myself remember. 'Paul, can we not do this again? Please...I'm having a crummy day as it is. I'm cold, and I'm tired...and I have no idea what I'm going to do next - '

'How do you mean?' he wanted to know, his voice laced with something closely resembling concern.

I hugged my leather jacket to my chest, and sighed in defeat. What was the harm in telling him? It wouldn't make a difference. And if it made him any more angry at me, that was always a plus. 'Jesse,' I revealed moodily. 'It's come to my attention recently that he is, in fact, dead. God, I can always count on any attempt of happiness to be thwarted, can't I?'

I glared bitterly at my black world, shivering from the coldness of the day.

'Yeah...that sucks,' Paul agreed eloquently. 'Oh well. I did try to warn y - '

'Don't.' The word was torn from me like two callous hands had ripped it from my throat there and then. 'Just...don't.'

Just as I was about to stalk away, guided by my stick, a shrilly pretty voice chimed in.

'Um, Paul? Can I, like, talk to you please?'

My forehead wrinkled in confusion, and I heard Paul groan quietly. 'Hey, Kelly...can this wait?'

'Not really,' Kelly Prescott's voice was anxious. 'Can we go somewhere more private?'

I smirked a little. Oh yes. Here it was. Paul, the changed man, was hooking up with his booty girl again. I swear, some things just DON'T change.

Paul replied, a little stiffly, 'Just say whatever you have to say here, Kell.'

Kell. God help me.

Sounding very put out, Kelly stuttered, 'Oh...er...I was having a party this weekend. For Debbie. A "Congratulations for Coming Out of Your Coma" party, you know?'

I choked down on the insane urge to pee myself laughing.

She went on. 'I just wanted to know if maybe...we could go…together. Like we used to.'

I suddenly felt a deep stab of sympathy for Kelly Prescott. Here she was, the most popular girl in school...and she was begging for this guy she clearly loved to take her out somewhere. He was going to say yes, and then they'd make out, and he'd probably tell her to get on her knees for him, and she'd hate herself, and he'd tell her to piss off in four days time...

It was sad.

'Why?' Paul wanted to know.

Kelly, obviously very wary of talking in front of me, replied, '...Because I...missed you, I guess. I always miss you...'

Paul sighed, and turned away from me slightly. 'Kelly,' he addressed her directly, finally. '...Look. I like you. I do. And I know you like me...but you don't want a guy like me anymore. I'll just end up dumping you again in like, a week, and you'll hate me again until you decide it's time to "give it another try." I'm not going to do that to you again. You...don't deserve that.'

...Wow.

I was startled. I truly was. I...I really hadn't expected that from him.

Neither had Kelly. 'W-what?'

'I'm sorry,' Paul said. 'But it's not fair on you, Kell. I gotta draw the line somewhere and stop treating you like shit. You know I do. Everyone knows I do.'

Once the astonishment had passed Kelly by, a tone of menace entered her voice. 'You're - you're breaking up with me? P-permanently!'

I bowed my head, trying to look like I wasn't there.

'Is it because you're into HER now?' she demanded hotly. 'God, way to dig the invalid, you creep.'

Oh, yeah. That sympathy I had for Kelly?

...Mysteriously just DISAPPEARED.

Paul didn't reply.

'Oh my God, you're like, SO damaged!' she fumed. 'I hope Helen Keller makes you REAL happy, you asshole!' I heard her heels clicking away heatedly.

Paul sighed. '...I'm sorry about her, Suze.'

I shrugged. 'Hey, she just got ditched. I get that.'

'So,' he said carefully, 'you believe that I'm not such a dick, anymore? That I have a shred of morality left in me?'

I sniffed in indifference. 'It's a start. Barely a start...but a start all the same.'

'You forgive me?' he asked, sounding hopeful.

I shook my head. 'You think, just because you said goodbye to Friday blowjobs, that it makes up for what you did? Shoving me away to be brutalised? Paul...I told you. It's unforgivable. Stop trying, and just live with it, okay? I'm not going to say it's all right, so you can sleep better at night.'

The bell signifying the end of lunch sounded, and the chatter of the students died slightly.

I started walking away.

'What will it take?' Paul called after me, sounding annoyed. 'Suze, just tell me, and I'll do it! Please!'

I didn't turn around, and I didn't answer.