Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of MGLN!!!
Interview 29: Universal Gentleman
BT: welcome to another episode of Interview Hell, I'm your host BT
Yunno: and I'm his secondary host Yunno Scrya
BT: today we're here at this lovely countryside villa owned by our guest
Yunno: he was very kind in letting us come here, and interview him in England even
Cameraman: either that or he was going to end up in a body bag when the boss is through with him
BT: did someone say they want to lose their legs?
Cameraman: NO!!
Ginga: BT, stop bullying my husband
BT: did someone say they want to be cut out of the show?
Yunno: don't worry, BT won't EVER do anything to the Cameraman, right BT?
Vivio is trying to stop BT from getting his chainsaw for the Cameraman… maybe we should send BT to do some anger management.
Ninja: the lord of Interview has been under immense pressure from the lord of the story
Marine: at least we all got that week long rest
Samurai: some of us got some rest, the rest of us were busy with ACE work!!
Alicia: couldn't believe I was called out to deal with Vita totalling a loli fan's car…
Arisa: then I had to come and stop Vita and YOU from killing the guy
Suzuka: I was sent to stop Fate, from tattooing her kill brand on the poor guy's most precious parts, after he proposed to Nanoha… that was messy…
Zafira: I was sent out to deal with Hayate wanting to use Vivio and Vivi for her cosplay… the horror!!!
Ginga: I didn't know you guys did ACE work as well
Yunno: Arf asked us and we can't say no… especially when she come's crying and begging for our help
Arf: guys…
Arf walks in crying her little eyes out in her small girl form, everyone on the set went and got their suitcase… I'm worried what's inside those suitcases… last time I saw Zafira stuffing in his DVD set of his great adventure he was filming!
BT: can't this wait?
Arf: but…but… *sniff*
Alicia: don't worry Arf, tell us what's wrong while BT continue the interview
BT: she has a point, anyway today's guest has a legion of secret fans that want his winked butt, he's pretty much hospitalize permanently since Hayate been on her spending spree, and finally he's been trying to pull Vivio… ladies and gentlemen, screaming fan girls and fan boy haters please give a loud round of applause to Gil Graham!!
Gil is brought out of the Villa in a wheel chair by Lotte and Aria, the old man smiles and waves at the camera, which cause all his fan girls to squeal as they all beg for him to date them… I'm really scared at how good this guy can pull girls!!!
Gil: thank you for inviting me to the show
BT: I'm surprised you're not angry about what happened last week
Gil: it was a simply misunderstanding
Yunno: Mr P has ordered for BT weapons to be locked away during this interview
Arisa: isn't that nice, BT is overly jealous of anyone wanting Vivio
BT is holding a pair of Chainsaw in each of his hand… RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Samurai: we need someone to disarm BT.. Yunno!
Yunno: sorry can't do, the fans have been sending me hate mails for giving some of our guest bondage…
Alicia: then why don't we use the next indestructible man?
All eyes turn to the Marine who tries to back away, unfortunately he's kicked into BT direction. The sound of the poor cameraman screaming in agony as he tries to take the two chainsaws from BT… there goes the hospital fee… *sigh*
Yunno: anyway Gil, why are you so popular with the girls?
Gil: because I'm such a handsome gentleman I believe
Aria: or maybe they heard those stories of how you wooed the poor unfortunate trainees when you were younger
Lotte: I believe that was your doing Aria, especially when you disguised as him to play with the girls…
Yunno: errr… is it even safe to be saying that?
Gil: no worries, I devised a punishment system for them to go by to atone what they did back then
Lotte: yeah wearing nothing but aprons when we're at home
Aria: what about the swimsuits?
Lotte: or the whipped cream
Aria: what about been the chair and dinner plate at one time?
Lotte: what about that time when he gave us to Hayate for a week… she made me dress up in a maid outfit
Aria: that's not as embarrassing as the time she made us dress up as Mikos!
Arisa: errr… I think what Gil made you do is ten times more embarrassing than anything Hayate can do!
Lotte: what are you talking about, showing an abnormal amount of skin is normal for us
Aria: he trained us when we were young and naïve
The fan boys all jump at Gil, only to find themselves been swatted away by the Samurai and his trusty baseball bat camera!!! Why in hecks name does he have a baseball bat with a camera… come to think about it whatever happened to his katana camera thing??
Alicia: it's currently been repaired
Zafira: we still haven't paid for the last killing spree bill.
Yunno: right… moving swiftly on, what were your first thought when you met Hayate for the first time?
Gil: a charming young girl and one with a promising future, if she was the host of the book of darkness
Lotte: not to mention someone he would have dated if he was a few years younger and she a few years older
Aria: what about that bunch of roses he sends to her every single year since she turned 15?
Arisa: why do I feel like wanting to axe this old man's head all of a sudden?
Suzuka: will power Arisa, after all it can't be helped that he's an old pervert who can't change his ways…
Reinforce: should we re-educate him in how to behave to his niece?
BT: I call second dibs on his sorry butt!
Yunno watch the girls argue how should they educate Gil, Arisa came up with the idea of roasting the guy, Suzuka suggested dangling him over a pit of spikes while a candle is burning at his rope, Reinforce on the other hand simply suggest obliterating him with the Asura's Arc-en-ceil Cannon… mental note, never ever try and chat the girls of Interview Hell unless I want to lose my man hood… permanently!
Yunno: moving on… what do you think of Nanoha now?
Gil: she's shaped into a very attractive young woman with a bright future, if I was ten years younger I wouldn't have mind befriending her
Zafira: yeah… you do understand Nanoha's concept of befriending someone is to blast them with high yield magical bombardment spells, right?
Yunno: didn't she kind of befriended Gil without shooting him?
Ginga: wasn't it more of a greeting thing to then saying goodbye and never seeing them again kind relationship?
Reinforce: men are nothing but furniture in the show
Vivio: that's right, did you know when someone mentioned that uncle Yunno and Nanoha-mama might be getting together they were thrown into jail?
BT: at least they're not used as target practice
Zafira: BT… hasn't it dawned on you that since Interview Hell has begun we men have become nothing more than punching bags?
Vivio: have you?
Yunno: have you forgotten that I was nearly roasted by Fate and her plasma lancers not so long ago?
Zafira: what about me and my poor ship that was blown up?
Erio: I got married…
BT: OK guys, let's not go down memory lane of those painful things that's happened to us…
Yunno: so true… anyway RF has a few questions for you Gil, "has anyone ever though of mistaking your name as fish gills?"
Gil: no, but they did assumed my name was Gilamech at one point… then they started saying that I'm going to use the Gate of Babylon on them…
Ginga: wasn't that from an anime?
Cameraman: yes, it was playing while we were on our honey moon I believe
Yunno: it could be worst I guess, anyway the next question is "Aria and Lotte are your familiars right? So what can you make them do?"
Gil: they do all sort of things for me, from cleaning the house to buying the grocery
Arisa: while wearing pretty much nothing?
Gil: will you deprive an old man such little joys?
BT is been restrained by half the staff of Interview Hell as the interviewer wails bloody murder… I have to agree with BT on this, Gil must die!!!
Yunno: moving on… MMP III has a question for you, "So...m...yeah, I agree with RF: What, exactly, did you have your familiars do for you when you were younger?"
Lotte: he treated us as pets
Aria: that's before he knew that we could assume human like form
Lotte: when he did find out he was so embarrassed in getting clothes for us, like the bra and panties for us
Aria: I remember that time all too well, he was having a massive nose bleed at that time when he came home with that bra and pantie's for us, of course he forgot to ask for our measurements
Lotte: yeah that was great, he had to go back and change the panties he brought for new ones
Zafira: girls, isn't Gil suppose to be answering that question?
All eyes turn to find Gil blood has drained from his body, he sits there mortified at what his precious familiars has said about what he did when he was young… I'm surprised you don't get heart attack's with those two wearing those kind of things… come to think about it, was Gil the one who made them wear those things or was it their own free will…
Yunno: errr… anyway it's break time, we'll be back after this quick advert.
The screen turns black then we see Gil sitting on a chair in the middle of the screen while drinking some tea.
Gil: tired of seeing cyborg macho men?
Photo shows Jail designing the new male body part for his numbers… who are running away as fast as humanly possible!!!
Gil: or those fakes using illusions?
Photo showing Vice walking in G-strings with perfectly carved muscle body with eight packs as he try to impress the girls… Vice are you asking to be shot while posing in front of Nanoha and co?
Gil: then fear not, for the muscle club is issuing this limited run book
Gil strain his arms and the sleeves simply explode revealing Gil with his fully fleshed out muscles… why do I feel like I seen those muscles before…
Gil: order this book and you'll also receive a starter pack, which contains a DVD instruction, CD music to work with and a box full of nutrient bars, which have all been tested and approved by our instructor
Zeck walks onto the screen wearing his TSAB uniform, he bows to the camera then rips the uniform to bits in one move, he then began to pose to the camera which zooms on his well developed body
Gil: if you want we can send our instructor to you and instruct you in the way of the muscle
Eighteen more guys walk onto the stage, every single one of them have perfectly form muscles and wearing nothing by phones or G-strings, Gil ripped up his remaining clothes to reveal he's wearing a string only…
Gil: if you want to contact us by phone, email or post, they are
The twenty muscle men all turn round to show that nine of them have numbers painted on their back side, five of them have the address to be sent painted on their backside as well and finally th email is revealed to be the front side of the last five men…THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We return to find half the staffs of interview Hell are manning the telephones that have been ringing none stop… don't tell me that they're all complaints from people suffering from brain damage at seeing that advert?
Arf: actually the calls are all related to buying that book that was been advertised
Vivio: seems like if Gil is advertising then it's OK, even if Zeck do show up in the show
BT: that is so disturbing… at least this will help with paying off half of the debts with own fro the last incident on this show
Yunno: and on that bomb shell we'll be concluding today's episode, thank you for your time Gil
Gil is still colourless while Lotte and Aria started discussing what they're going to wear for tonight, something about bed sheet and peanut butter was all everyone could hear… something tells me I don't want to be near their home for the next month or so!
BT: well next week on interview Hell we're going to be interviewing Amy Limietta
Alicia: shouldn't she be called Amy Harlaown?
BT: hmmmm, you're right, anyway we'll be interviewing her next week.
Yunno: I thought you were going to interview Ixpellia from the sound stage?
Ramster: sorry but until Mr P sums up the energy to listen to the sound stage Ix will not be appearing in Interview Hell…
Vivio: but if Ix is awake, what are we going to do with that army that's after her?
Yunno: isn't it obvious?
Zafira: plain as day light
Arf: it might be cruel but it's the only way
Vivio: what's that?
BT: dropping me into the middle of that hoard and leaving me to deal with it… am I right?
The rest of the staff try to feint ignorance but failed miserably as BT runs off to fetch his black chair… what better way to subdue them than sending the indestructible interview as their opponent?
Ramster: it's kind of scary how invincible BT is to all forms of danger…
Arf: wait until he has to interview Nanoha, she's making a new spell which has her shooting twenty Starlight Breakers all at once just for him.
Cameraman: somehow I feel like that's a little overkill, isn't it?