A/N: Updating a little earlier this week. I'm going to be busy aaaaaall weekend. I have a wedding to go to. Ugh... People...
This past week has been crazy busy for me. I'm sorry I didn't get time to thank those who reviewed, or give you a spoiler. Just know that I love each and every one of my small band of peeps reading this story, and I appreciate all your thoughts.
Thanks as always to Kimmie45 who always takes time out of her busy life to beta - MWAH, doll. And to SammyHale for holding my hand and talking me down from the edge like she always does. Congrats, lovely. I am soooooo happy for you.
Anywho, I think you might like this one. Or not ;)
The Fallen
Chapter 35
I'm beginning to suspect Nathaniel is an angel of death waiting to escort me to Hell.
Part of me wishes I could send him to Hell before me. Though, I no longer carry either of Michael's swords and if I cast him out and plunged the spear into him, it would only resurrect him. Of course, I could simply will him to fall and then kill his demonic form, but regardless, it's futile.
If Nathaniel is here for me, killing him will not save me. Nothing short of the Hand of God at this point will, and considering He's long since forsaken me, it's a fool's paradise to hold onto hope.
Hope is now a dangerous thing for me.
Bella grabs my hand, pulling my attention back to her before she tugs me gently toward the bed.
She allows herself to flop on her back atop of the plush coverings, releasing her breath heavily. I lay beside her, my body not nearly as fluid as hers and tuck a hand beneath the back of my head. My thoughts are still burdened by Nathaniel and whatever his purpose is when they should be on my wife.
"Edward?" her small voice breaches my distraction.
"Hm?" I turn my head to gaze at her.
She smiles and placed her palm gently over my heart. "You're so different from what you were when we first met," she muses, more or less to herself, as her eyes steel to mine. "And why don't your wings shoot out whenever someone blasphemes around you anymore? Even the priest did, and nothing happened."
I break into a small smile along with her. "Is that what you really want to talk about?" I tease her.
"I'm attempting to break the ice. You've gone all serious again." Her gaze severs from mine as her thoughts reflect.
I huff beneath my breath frustrated at myself, and the fact that my behavior is continuously detrimental to her.
Turning to my side to fully face her, I lean on my elbow and prop my hand under my jaw. "The few weaknesses I had, the spear took care of," I explain truthfully, reaching out to tuck a strand of her hair gently behind her ear.
She nods, chewing on her bottom lip absently. "Still, you've changed so much," she speaks candidly; though, it's more or less to herself.
I open my mouth to reply but hesitate. "I think the spear has changed me to a certain extent," I admit.
Moving her palm from me, she grabs my free hand I have resting between us. "Daniel often talks to me, and he reminds me so much of how you used to be—when we first met."
I feel my brow bunch heavily in confusion. "What...do you mean?"
"How he speaks," she quickly clarifies. "You used to be so stiff and formal, but after the demons caught me you changed. You started really looking at me, instead of just seeing me as an object you had to protect."
"I...I've never regarded you as just an object, Bella," I state in a quiet voice. It upsets me that she could think such a thing.
She shakes her head softly to herself. "No, I mean, there was always an invisible barrier between us that you were never willing to cross. Then you completely changed."
Realization descends on me, and in spite of myself, I break into a small smile. "Ah...yeah, it's because the seal of your amulet was broken." Her forehead knots and she opens her mouth to question further when I elaborate. "Your necklace, it wasn't just to protect you against demons, but to protect you against me."
Her eyes immediately widen before she sits herself up beside me. "Why?"
I pull myself upright along with her. "I have always been drawn to you, Bella. From the first instant I was sent to be your guardian. I barely had any control over myself around you. Michael knew it would still be the same when we eventually met, so he gave you the necklace to protect you."
She again moves to speak but pauses for several moments as her thoughts probe back to the early days after we'd first met in England. She's not comfortable with me reading her mind, but at times I breach her almost subconsciously. "So, that's why you were so distant? So cold..."
I nod once and expel my breath. "But even then I was struggling. Every second I was in your company, I had to fight it. I was afraid of what I could do to you—what I almost did to you all those thousands of years ago."
Her eyes widen still, even as she keeps them sealed to mine. "What did you almost do?"
"What I was forbidden never to do," I confess, dropping my voice in shame. "What we all are."
She understands my meaning and pauses to reflect on it.
"But if you do it now, won't...you be punished?" she asks in a grave whisper.
I shake my head as half a smile breaks through my expression. "No, I told you. While I have the spear, I'm above the old laws."
She nods, distracted again, before laying herself back down. I remain sitting beside her, my knees leaning against my chest. "I'll never hurt you, Bella, but if you're uncomfortable, we don't..."
"No!" she interjects almost desperately, as she once more bolts upright.
I grin and all but succumb to laughter, but I can't help it, and in return, Bella's face flushes a deep red.
"No, I mean, no," she mumbles, her cheeks remaining tinged as she steadfastly avoids my gaze.
This time I do laugh. "Me thinks the lady doth protest too much." And taking her hand, I coax her to lay back down, pulling her to me.
She presses her face against my chest and groans softly. "Don't tease me." Her voice is muffled, and I can only laugh more.
We descend into a comfortable silence for several minutes. Bella lays quietly against me, her fingertips trailing softly up and down my torso while I run my fingers absently through her silken hair. Though, I'm not as at ease as I appear.
"Bella..." I breach the stillness apprehensively before roughly clearing my voice.
She only hums, continuing to sound lost in her thoughts.
"I want you to stay alert, okay?" I say with an edge to my voice, that Bella raises her head to meet my eyes.
"What...?" she begins blankly when I explain further.
"You have to tell me immediately if I hurt you because I won't know unless you communicate that with me." I'm serious even when there is suddenly something very playful about Bella's expression.
"I'll put subtitles in my mind."
I sigh and let my head drop back against the pillow. "You're not helping," I mutter.
She laughs lightly until she concedes. "Edward, you're going to get as close to me as physically possible, do you think I'll mind if you're reading my thoughts?"
"You're sure?"
"I'm sure," she echoes simply.
"Okay," I mumble. I sit the two of us upright again and pull myself off the bed. "I have something for you."
She tilts her head, immediately curious. "Oh?"
Grabbing my backpack from the floor, I dump it on the nightstand and rummage through it; finding the narrow rectangular box buried inside a moment later. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, I turn toward her and hold it out. "Happy birthday, Bella."
Her eyes widen in surprise before she breaks into a tender smile. Taking it carefully from me, she slowly opens it as her smile broadens. "I...I love it." Her voice softly wavers. "Help me put it on?"
Handing the opened box back to me, she turns her back and gathers her hair up in both her hands.
Gingerly, I remove the white gold chain that holds the angel wings pendant, and clasp it around her neck; kissing her briefly against the soft curve of her shoulder.
She turns back to me to display it, her brows raised high. "You like?"
"I like..." I murmur, my eyes fastened to the shining trinket lying against her delicate flesh. Then leaning slowly toward her, I plant my lips to the base of her neck, and then again closer to her ear, inhaling the sweet scent of her in. "I like very much."
Her breath gushes from her, flooding me briefly in the warmth of it before she curls both arms around my neck. I leave my face buried against the softness of her skin momentarily, listening to the tempo of her heart, when I raise my head and connect my mouth to hers.
The next several minutes are rushed and heated as we lose ourselves in the sensation of each other's lips and exposed flesh. That is, until I awkwardly attempt to remove Bella's clothes from her. I'm conscious to keep myself in control, to not be too rough with her, but as I have been aware of for too many a millennia, the human body often operates on impulse alone.
In the end, I pull the both of us off the bed to our feet. Then, with trembling fingers, I carefully peel the layers of Bella's clothes from her body; allowing my fingers to graze the suppleness of her flesh as I do.
I'm familiar with the sight of the bare female form, the curves, the swelling, and softness, but to behold Bella's nakedness doesn't quite feel real. I almost cannot trust my own eyes. She's a marvel to me, and I'm all but reluctant to reach out and fully touch her; to run my hands over the warmth of her skin.
She stands before me, looking entirely too vulnerable, while in contrast, her eyes are wide and unfathomable as she stares into mine.
"God in heaven, you're beautiful," I mumble completely intoxicated by the sight of her, and scooping her up in my arms, I lay her back down on the bed.
"I think we both know who the beautiful one is," she teases me in reply, and before I can rip the clothes from my back, she reaches out, curves her palm around my neck and pulls me to her.
We're most definitely a pair of inexperienced newlyweds. We're both clumsy with each other, and a little too enthusiastic, and as I attempt to help Bella pull the remaining clothes from me, we both end up in laughter. However, there's no denying the magnetism growing within me that steadily diverts my focus, and reverses my mindset.
All too quickly, the ambience between us turns serious, almost urgent, and while I should be leading her, it's her who leads me. It's her who kisses me deeper than we have ever ventured before, and with absolute abandonment. It's her who encourages me further with every step, coaxing me to explore her body; to relax the weight of mine against hers.
And then that impulse kicks in, and the driving force within me becomes almost instinctual.
As if my body is functioning independently, and without any conscious decision on my part, I pull myself over Bella and move between her legs. She accommodates me, matching my movements naturally before I break through that female barrier and slip deep within her.
She gasps audibly and immediately tenses as an almost identical sound bursts from my own throat.
I pause for a moment and pull back to see her face. Her entire expression appears almost in shock, though her eyes are burning; her faced flushed and ruddy. She smiles, warm and relaxed, but there's a raw depth to it.
"Bella..." I begin, unsure whether I should be anxious for her or not.
"It's okay," she reassures me softly, nodding her head to further stress it.
"Are...are you sure?" I ask, clumsily lowering my head to press my mouth to hers. The building energy surging through me is making me suddenly restless.
"I'm sure," she utters against my lips, and as if in tune with me, she curls herself further around me, while instinct once again takes control.
It amazes me that my body knows exactly what it needs to do and how it needs to move. It burns as it has never before until I feel the heat of this all-consuming desire through every pore. My heart hammers to the very surface of my skin, making it almost pulsate as I allow myself to go deeper with her, to fall in harmony with her
"Are you okay? I'm not hurting you, am I?" I blurt out, my voice strained and not quite rational, as my mouth connects and reconnects to hers; to her neck, her shoulders, her chest...
Removing a hand from around me, she clamps it over my mouth.
"I'm fine. You're not hurting me," she insists almost breathlessly, before once more wrapping her arms tightly around my neck as she continues to coax me forward.
My body connects instinctively with Bella's. It acts and reacts to her naturally until I am so immersed in her I am almost unaware that I am as deep within her mind as I am her body of flesh. There are no words to her thoughts, though. Instead, what she is projecting back to me are images, jumbled, blurred images interwoven with every sensation and emotion she is experiencing.
It is a connection so profoundly fundamental, and it continues to expand within me, taking me higher and higher still, until it becomes almost tangible. So tangible it feels as though it's slowly tearing my soul from its encasement of skin.
I all too quickly lose myself in her body, in the pull of my own, and in the gathering current of an all too human pleasure. It continues to build, to multiply, until I'm uncertain I can continue to contain it—even as I steadfastly hold onto it greedily, insatiably. Then slowly it begins to spill over.
My body begins to quake, and releasing Bella, I squeeze my fists around sheet and blankets as I anchor myself. But still, my body moves further into her as simultaneously, I attempt to shield her from the energy erupting from me.
She's hot beneath me, her entire body of skin wet and silken and slipping against mine. Her breath is becoming stiff and shallow until all words leave her, and while she sounds like she's in pain, her mind is in complete contradiction. Every one of her senses has come to life and she is fully consumed by them. She's fully consumed by me, and her body's inherent response to mine.
She hangs onto me, her fingers digging deep into my flesh, forcing me to maintain that closeness with her, but I'm beginning to feel suffocated. The energy is continuing to amass within me, stealing my breath and my voice, and pushing to every limb; every extremity of my body.
And then it's released from me.
In a single moment of absolute bliss that I have never experienced in all my centuries of existing, my body surrenders.
My lungs heave as a completely primitive sound chokes from me, and just as both my wings shoot violently through my back and rise high above me. The force of their release pushes me further into Bella until the entire mattress beneath us compresses and then springs back up.
And then I am still.
"Mother of God," I utter in almost disbelief, my voice strangled and barely audible, as I collapse heavily onto Bella. "I'm sorry..." I mumble against her warm, pliable skin, uncertain for a single moment whether I am in control of my faculties.
I faintly hear her breath shoot through her nose as though in silent laughter, before without speaking a word, she curls herself further against me. On impulse I roll to the side, removing my weight from her.
I hold her close to me, wrapping my arms securely around her shaking little form. I'm continuing to course with energy, my entire body tremoring as the charge slowly dims within me. My ears are ringing, my heart pounding relentlessly against my ribcage, that I briefly consider the fact that I have injured myself. This is when a sudden calm begins to sift through my veins, and releasing my breath heavily, my body completely relaxes.
"Bella...?" I murmur, grinning drunkenly to myself.
She takes a breath and releases it into a soft replying hum, her fingers pulling gently through my hair.
"Can we do that again?"
There's a slight pause before she breaks into the softest sounding laughter. "Most definitely," she whispers in my ear.
"God, I'm so happy," I reply, my words almost slurring together.
Her laughter continues beneath her breath. She stretches her arms out, and wraps them around my back when she suddenly pauses. "Edward..." she says in surprise, pulling herself up on her elbow to peer over me. "Your wings have come out—wait they're white?!"
"Oh...yeah. They are. For a little while," I admit, smiling at her reaction; she's staring at them in shock, her mouth wide open.
I withdraw them, causing Bella to jump in her skin, and she responds by whacking me in the chest. "You have to warn me before you do that!" She isn't angry, and she allows me to pull her into my arms, yielding against my chest. "They look good on you," she mumbles.
I close my eyes, exhausted all of a sudden, though, I'm struggling to wipe the smile from my face. "You look good on me."
"You're a wet noodle," she teases me, and for whatever reason, that one expression immediately reminds me of what I have yet to take care of.
Pulling myself half up on my elbow, I coax her to lie on her back.
"What is it?" she asks confused, folding her arms over her breasts and shivering.
"Just stay still for a moment," I direct her softly, flattening my palm over her stomach and sliding it gently down to her lower abdomen.
Closing my eyes, I concentrate on the flow of her body's energy, feeling its vibration travel into my arm. She's nearing the end of her cycle and is no longer fertile, but I have no way of knowing whether my sperm will behave like a standard male's and lose their viability after a few days. Or whether they will remain inside Bella indefinitely, without dying.
I'm not about to gamble on it being the former, and just as I cast out Michael's league of battle angels, I kill every one of the millions of sperm cells currently invading her body.
"What are you doing, Edward?" she asks again, her voice light this time. "Are you commanding your army to stand down?"
I grin to myself, exhaling quickly past it while continuing to concentrate on her body; checking and rechecking repeatedly that I got every last one. When I'm finally satisfied, I remove my hand and pull her back into my arms. "Something like that."
"That's an interesting form of birth control," she notes, chuckling to herself.
I laugh, half scoffing it through my nose, before stretching my limbs and groaning sleepily to myself. "If I die tomorrow, I'll die a happy man."
The words are out of my mouth before I can catch myself, and as my eyes fly open, I fight off the urge to tense.
Bella, on the other hand, thinks nothing of it. Instead, she snakes her arms around my waist and closes her eyes.
"No dying without me," she mumbles drowsily. "Kay?"
I only stare wide-eyed and unmoving at the ceiling. I don't answer. I can't.
A/N: And that's as graphic as I tend to get. I hope you all enjoyed, and let me know what you think.
Til next week xoxo