Chapter Thirty-Four: Choices

Revan stood in front of the refresher mirror brushing her hair when she heard Jolee shout that they were all going to be late.

"It'll take us half an hour to get there! Let's go!" Jolee cried. "We're late as it is!"

"Jolee, we've got plenty of time," Revan heard Bastila say. "It's not as if they'll start the ceremony without us."

"No sense taking chances now!" Jolee replied. "Everyone outside now! Let's go!"

Revan smiled and shook her head. Why the older Jedi was in such a hurry was beyond her. The man had lived alone in the Kashyyyk Shadowlands for years, only spoke with the Wookies. Now he was in a big hurry to get to a joint Republic and Jedi Council award ceremony. Maybe he thought there was going to be free food. Revan smiled to herself at the mental image of Jolee grazing the food buffet, telling soldiers to respect their elders, and taking the last cheese puff.

Revan sighed. She didn't want to go to the awards ceremony. She didn't think the Republic should be handing out medals of honor like the war was over, and everything would be smooth sailing from this point forward. The battle was over, certainly. But not the war. There were still Sith in the galaxy. Destroying the Star Forge didn't automatically mean the Sith would go away. There were still loyal followers of Malak out there. And loyal followers of her, no doubt. Star Forge or not, those Sith would continue to follow what they believed. One of them would step up to Sith Lord eventually, no doubt. As long as the Force existed, there would be followers of the Light and the Dark.

Revan couldn't change the galaxy. She tried years ago, tried to make things better for the entire universe. And she paid the price. She should have left well enough alone, and listened to the Jedi Council, but despite everything that happened to her, everything that happened as a result of her decision to join the Sith, didn't regret her decision. She did what she thought was right, and some good had come from it. Revan was the person she was now because of her decisions. Whether that had to do from the mind wipe, she wasn't sure. Regardless, Revan liked the person she was now. And she planned to stay that person, no matter how hard she had to work for it.

"Mission!" Jolee yelled.

"I'm coming!" the teenager cried. "Geez! Keep your shirt on!"

Revan smiled. She figured she had a few minutes before Jolee realized she wasn't outside with the others. She put her hair brush down and reached for her hair pins.

"Put those down!"

Revan smiled, sensing her flyboy standing in the doorway. "They're hair pins, Carth," she said, picking a few out of their container.

"And they should remain in that case," Carth said. He entered the small refresher and stood behind her, looking at Revan's reflection in the mirror. "I told you last night that I like your hair down."

"But—"

"Back," he said. Revan put the hair pins back in their case. Carth smiled. "Good." He kissed her cheek. "You all ready?"

"Not yet," she said. Revan turned around and planted a quick kiss on his lips, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Now I am."

Carth's hands dropped to her waist, and he pulled her in closer. "You sure?" he asked.

"I dunno," she smiled. "Lemme double-check." She heard heavy footsteps approaching. Assuming it was Jolee coming to yell, Revan kissed Carth again, longer this time, and contemplated closing the refresher door and arriving late to the ceremony.

A deep baritone groan filled the refresher, followed by a curse. Revan and Carth broke their kiss and turned to see Canderous standing at the refresher door. "Look," Canderous sighed, leaning on the doorframe with his forearms. "It's not that I don't mind you two jumpin' each other every chance you get, but I gotta take a dump before we go."

Carth and Revan looked back at each other. So much for their moment together. Revan exited the refresher first, Carth right behind her. As soon as they were out, Canderous entered and locked the door behind him. Carth shook his head and turned to Revan. "Let's go," he said.

Revan sighed. "I… I don't know, Carth. I don't want a medal. I… This is all so stupid. I didn't do this so I could have a piece of metal attached to a ribbon. I just… I don't want it."

Carth turned Revan around so she was facing him. "It's the biggest honor the Republic—"

"Maybe for you," she said. "I mean, you're a solider…" Revan sighed. "At least you have a uniform you can display the medal on. I just…" She shook her head. "As, as stupid as this sounds, I don't want this to be over. A part of me wishes we still had another Star Map to find. I just love all you guys. I love this little crew, living on this ship, traveling from planet to planet. I don't want it to go away."

"We're all sad," Carth said. "As much as we got on each others nerves, we loved living this life to one extent or another. But not everyone's leaving. HK-47 and T3-M4 are your droids. Zaalbar's promised you a life debt, which means Mission'll be right there on his heels. Bastila and Juhani will be going back to the Jedi Temple with you, no doubt." He cupped her cheek. "And then there's me. Don't think for one moment I'm backing out on my promise."

Revan smiled. "I never doubted, flyboy."

"Good," Carth said. "I love you."

"I know."

"Do you know that I love you so much that I—"

Canderous's deep, loud voice cut Carth off in mid-sentence. "You know, the 'fresher door ain't exactly soundproof!"

Carth coughed. "Uh, maybe we should—"

"Either make out or move it!" Canderous added. "Frack, you two. If you were anymore disgustingly sweet, I'd swear Mission's dessert cakes popped to life. Honest to Force."

"Maybe we should go find Jolee," Revan said.

"Good idea," Carth said. Together they headed for the Ebon Hawk's exit.

The award ceremony was scheduled to take place at the foot of the Rakatan Temple, the same temple where Revan confronted Bastila. With the Star Forge destroyed, the temple was no longer limited to just the Force Sensitive. The Force field had been disengaged, and all the Dark Jedi inside disposed of. As far as everyone not familiar with the temple's original purpose was concerned, it was nothing more than an old ruin.

As soon as they arrived, Revan felt joy emanating from Jolee. She turned Jolee, then in the direction the older Jedi was looking in. Sure enough, a buffet of food was spread out near the temple's ramp. Jolee rubbed his hands together, grinning. Revan smiled and shook her head.

A Republic soldier greeted Revan and her party, stating that Admiral Forn Dodonna wished for them to meet her on the temple's ramp. Revan gestured for the soldier to lead the way, which he did. They passed by the food table on their way, and Revan caught Jolee snatching a piece of fruit and placed it in his pocket. As they walked up the ramp, Revan saw Admiral Dodonna standing next to Master Vandar. The small, green Jedi Master looked rather happy to see her, no doubt thrilled the gamble to train her paid off.

After handshakes and introductions between the admiral, Master Vandar, and the other Jedi Knights, Admiral Dodonna took center stage and gathered the crowd's attention. Revan looked up at Carth, then stood closer and casually grabbed hold of his hand. She laced his fingers through hers, and she felt him squeeze her hand. It was really stupid to show any type of affection in front of Master Vandar, or any member of the Jedi Council for that matter. But Revan didn't care. If they didn't see her holding his hand, then they certainly could sense her feelings for him.

Revan didn't pay attention to what Admiral Dodonna was saying to the crowd. She could feel Carth's pride as the admiral spoke. It wasn't until Admiral Dodonna turned around and addressed the group directly that Revan started paying attention again.

"You have defeated Malak, destroyed the Star Forge, and broken the spirit of the Sith!" Admiral Dodonna said as Republic soldiers cheered in the background. "For this, I am proud to present you each with the Cross of Glory, the highest honor the Republic can bestow." Admiral Dodonna gestured for Revan to step forward. Revan did so, and the admiral pinned the Cross of Glory on Revan's brown Jedi robe. She moved on down the line, pinning medals on Bastila, Canderous, and the others, moving down to Juhani at the end of the line. "From Coruscant to the farthest reaches of the Outer Rims," she said after Juhani received her medal, "you will be known as the saviors of the Republic!"

The crowd of Republic soldiers and Jedi cheered louder than they had before. Revan felt Carth grab her hand again.

Master Vandar stepped forward. "On behalf of the Jedi Council, defenders of the galaxy and sworn protectors of the Republic, I, too, would like to honor you for your actions." He looked at Revan and smiled. "We Jedi now have another tale to weave into the grand history of our eternal Order—The Redemption of Revan, the prodigal knight."

Revan's heartbeat increased as panic set in. Master Vandar had announced to the entire crowd that Revan was there. She squeezed Carth's hand tight and looked at the crowd. She didn't see anyone reaching for their blasters or thermal detonators, but that didn't mean anything. She felt happiness and joy from the crowd. There was no sign of surprise, hostility, revenge… nothing.

Master Vandar continued talking. "Wherever you go, you will be recognized as the saviors of the galaxy. The heroes of our age. But you must remain ever vigilant," he warned. "For one day you may be called upon yet again to defend the glory of the Republic against the tyranny of the dark side, for this is the destiny of the Jedi."

The crowd erupted with cheers, whistles, and screams. Revan hesitantly smiled as she continued to scan the crowd for any signs of hostility. Her two lightsabers hung at her waist. She could grab them and activate them within seconds if necessary. Why did Master Vandar have to say that? Why?

Bastila's voice rang through Revan's mind. Master Vandar did not single you out, Bastila said to her through the bond. Calm down. There is no need to worry.

I can't help it, Revan replied.

Revan was so busy staring at the crowd that she didn't see Admiral Dodonna approach her.

"Congratulations, again, Master Suul," the admiral said, extending her hand to Revan.

Revan looked at Dodonna. Master Suul? Didn't the admiral know who she was? Revan didn't sense any concern from the admiral, or fright. Maybe the admiral truly didn't know she was Revan. Maybe Bastila was right.

Carth nudged her. Revan felt embarrassment and panic coming from him.

"It is 'Master Suul'?" Dodonna asked.

Quickly, Revan smiled and shook the admiral's hand. "Yes, and thank you," she said. "I, I'm sorry. I've… gotten so used to—" being called Revan "—the informalities of my friends."

Revan cringed. That made no sense at all, she thought. Carth is going to kill me for embarrassing him.

The admiral smiled. "I understand. Is there something else you prefer I call you?"

Revan blinked. "Uh… no. No, Master Suul is fine." She paused. "Or… Liana." She felt Carth's surprise in her words. "That's my first name."

Admiral Dodonna smiled. "I see." She looked at Carth. "And congratulations to you, as well, Carth."

Carth nodded. "Thank you, Admiral."

Dodonna nodded back. She turned to Revan. "It was nice to meet you, Master Liana."

"You, as well, Admiral."

After Admiral Dodonna had walked away, Carth placed a hand on Revan's shoulder. "Liana?" he asked.

Revan looked at him. "What was I supposed to say? 'Actually, Admiral, I'm the evil Dark Lord of the Sith who started this whole thing to begin with. You can call me Revan. It's a pleasure to meet you.'"

Carth shook his head. "That's not what—"

"Carth!" Admiral Dodonna called. "I'm sorry, but would you come here a moment? There's someone I'd like for you to meet."

Revan smiled. "Go ahead, hero."

Carth rolled his eyes. "Thanks." He turned and walked toward Dodonna.

The rest of the Ebon Hawk crew was slowly pushed towards the crowd in an attempt to mix and mingle. Revan didn't feel comfortable doing so, and stayed at the top of the ramp with Master Vandar. She watched Mission take instantly to the crowd, Zaalbar on her heels. Jolee stood next to the food table eating and not talking to anyone. Juhani walked around with Canderous, both of them feeling uncomfortable with the attention, Canderous especially. And Bastila had found her way next to Carth, shaking hands with several high-ranking Republic officers. It made sense, Revan thought, since Bastila was hand-picked for the original mission. The Republic knew her and Carth better than any other member of the Ebon Hawk crew. Although it struck her as odd that none of the Jedi Knights accompanying Master Vandar—or even Master Vandar himself—were hovering over Bastila. She had, after all, pledged her loyalty to Malak and had become his apprentice. Maybe with the number of Jedi around, Master Vandar felt it safe to let Bastila mix and mingle. Revan contemplated walking over and joining Carth and Bastila, but decided against it, especially with Master Vandar around. It was bad enough she held Carth's hand. She dare not follow him around, as well.

"What seems to be the trouble, Padawan?" Master Vandar asked. It took Revan a few seconds to realize he was addressing her.

"Nothing, Master," Revan said.

Master Vandar had to have known she was lying. "Why aren't you with your friends?"

"I just… I don't know, Master." Revan looked out at the crowd of soldiers.

Master Vandar nodded. "Walk with me, Padawan," he said. Revan did as asked, and together they started walking down the Rakatan Temple ramp. "When we return to Coruscant, I wish to hear about your journey."

She nodded. "Of course, Master." Revan and Master Vandar reached the end of the ramp. He turned to say something else to her when a Jedi Knight approached them, asking to speak with Master Vander alone. The Jedi Master nodded, then told Revan he'd be right back. Revan nodded and watched Master Vandar and the knight walk away.

She was alone. Revan let out a sigh. Okay… You can do this,she told herself. Revan forced herself to walk amongst the crowd, smiling and nodding at Republic soldiers as she walked by. Smile. Pretend you want to be here. Where was Carth when she needed him? Revan looked around but didn't see him. She reached out and tried to sense him, trying to find his voice amongst the hundreds of conversations happening. In attempting to look for Carth, Revan overheard the many conversations going on around her.

"—so glad this is over with. Can't wait to get back to my family—"

"—don't think so, pal. Hey, did I ever tell you about—"

"—the blue one. Look at her! It's like she owns the spotlight."

"—are you sure? Which one of them is Revan?"

Revan stopped. She tried to focus in on the last conversation she'd overheard. Two Republic officers were talking about her. She shouldn't eavesdrop, but she wanted to know what they were saying.

"I don't know if one of them is, to be sure. But you heard that green frog-thing," one of the officers said. Revan couldn't see who around her was talking.

"I thought Revan died?" the second officer said. "Didn't Darth Malak kill him?"

"These are the Sith we're talkin' about. Revan could have survived that attack. Jedi Council probably got Revan and hid him. Wouldn't surprise me."

"But what's that 'redemption' stuff that guy was talkin' about? He tryin' to say Revan's back and a good guy now?"

"Lemme tell you, Merkit. If that Sith bastard's still walkin' around… First planet Revan destroyed was my home world. My entire family's dead because of him. What I'd give to break that Sith bastard's neck."

"Hey, man, I hear ya. But he said 'redemption of Revan.' What if Revan's good now?"

"There's no such thing as a Sith turnin' good. I don't care what the frackin' Jedi Council says. Once a Sith, always a Sith. And I ain't the only one who thinks that way. Every survivor from Telos wants to kill Revan for what he and Malak did. Everyone. And don't tell me otherwise! Revan deserves to die for what he did. No exceptions! And if I ever run into that Sith bastard, you know what I'm gonna do?"

Revan's eyes filled with tears. She stopped eavesdropping and headed back for the Rakatan Temple. She should never have listened in. Carth was wrong, she thought. He was wrong. I don't deserve to live. I should have died on the Star Forge. I knew I had to in order to put an end to Revan. Now I know I was right.

Nothing she had held on to since waking up to a Sith attack on the Endar Spire mattered anymore. Everything Carth had said last night, about how there was no need for her to die, about how she had already answered for her crimes, was a lie. Admiral Dodonna said they'd be recognized everywhere they went. Revan would be chasing the ghost of herself every time someone spotted them. She couldn't live like that, even if Carth was at her side.

Revan felt sick. Her stomach twisted and turned. She looked up at the Rakatan Temple. She saw the outdoor walkway where she had faced Bastila. She'd made a decision there, to stay with the Light Side. But apparently that didn't matter to anyone. Revan knew on the other side of the temple was a balcony overlooking a courtyard. She and Malak had been there years ago. That's where she first announced to the Sith Army that Darth Revan would bring peace to the galaxy through fear. The crowd chanted her name, praising her, worshiping her as their leader.

Revan walked up the temple's ramp. She opened the stone door leading into the temple, then turned around and looked at the crowd. She spotted Carth and Bastila, standing and talking with Admiral Dodonna and other high-ranking officials. Her eyes focused on Carth until her tears made her sight blurry.

I'm going to miss you, flyboy, she thought. I'll always love you.

Revan turned and entered the Rakatan Temple, heading for the upper level. She knew what she had to do. She didn't look back.

She also didn't see Canderous following her.

Some of Dodonna and Vandar's dialogue copyright 2003 BioWare and LucasArts. Thanks, ocelott, for Revan's witty reply.