Helloooo friends :) So it's been a month since my last update, and I apologize! Though this chapter is a lot longer than the last two, so I'm pretty proud of myself ;) In this one I skip half the year... again... I tend to do that, I dunno why. But I hope you enjoy nonetheless(: Thank you sodamechrissy, MangooBean, Daisie-xo and Zoe901 for reviewing lately! I love you guys for loving this story! It means everything to me; alright, read on sistas! xo
Chapter Thirty Two
Claire's POV
I rarely look at myself in the mirror.
Maybe to see how the outfit I'm wearing looks on my body, but other than that, never. The way I see it, well if you look at yourself and only yourself for too long, I conclude that you are a self-centered human being. But for this moment in time, this split second before I could flee out of the bathroom and onto the king sized bed where Taylor laid awaiting for me, I overlooked my features. I wanted to make sure everything looked alright and in place. I wasn't positive why, but my gut told me to do so, and everybody listens to their gut right?
Right...
I looked tired still. Even three weeks later, after all the chaos of Dan's heart attack, I seemed slow. Slow because that day took a rather large toll on me. I thought of my dad through Dan and it made me think a lot more about my future. Not only with Taylor and my children but my brothers and father. Although, Taylor was doing better. He was smiling and laughing a lot more, like the familiar husband that I know. That one point in our moving life made my mind a little sunnier; it was clear enough so that I could focus on what's in front of me than what's behind me.
My hair was a little frizzy, the usual tight curls now frayed out and all over the place. I wasn't too pleased with that. What could I do anyway? I inhaled suddenly and exhaled deeply, closing and opening my eyelids.
I heard a small crash from the other room: "Shit."
I chuckle under my breath at the distress and annoyance that came with Taylor's voice. I wonder what he dropped... And with that, I turned over my shoulder and flicked the switch as I came towards the bathroom door.
The first thing I see: Taylor laying halfway underneath the sheets. His muscled torso baring the air as well as his cheeky smirk. I bite my bottom lip, instantly feeling heat coming from the core of my cheeks. He chuckled once and shifted to a sitting position. I danced the rest of the way until I was sat right next to him. He stared at me for the longest time. Like he was either waiting for me to take my clothes off or he was just staring because he felt like it.
I was aiming for the first option... Only because that's what he usually thought about when we were ever in bed about to get it on.
Oh, and don't worry about the babies. They're spending time with Grandpa and Grandma for the night while mommy and daddy have some time alone.. (Cough, cough)
"Are you alright?" He quickly asked me. The sound of his tone speaking directly at me startled my scattered mind.
I let my eyes flutter around for three seconds, his warm palm stroking my naked shoulder, waiting in silence for my response. "Yeah, yes, why- I'm perfect." I managed to completely stammer. Losing my cover already. Well here's a trophy for the new world record.
Taylor's pupils softened slightly in the low light. Pins and needles stabbed into my body through his caressing. "What's going on?"
"Nothing," I flashed my teeth like a lighting bolt. Now you see it, now you don't.
His expression went flat.
"Really, I'm fine." I tried, pleading silently. But obviously he wasn't buying what I was selling. This sucks. "Hey, c'mon let's do this thang," I said smiling as I stripped off my tank top, exposing the floral print bra that I was wearing. And for that tiny millisecond, Taylor's eyes flickered below to the crease of my chest, and straight back up like nothing happened.
I changed the subject on him then. "Did you just check out my boobs?"
His face stayed the same though there was a difference to the color in his cheeks. I grinned. "What are you talking about?" He sounded oh so innocent. Baby, those days are over. "Fine fine. I check you out every second of the day..." His head tilted with a cheesy smile.
Man, why haven't I picked up these little perks? "Ooh, I have a stalker.."
His jaw dropped, "No! It's perfectly normal. Right?" He said that last word under his breath. I giggled and tackled him. Our eyes glued, his toned arms drew around my back, tracing my spine until reaching the clasps of my bra. I'm certain he could do this with his eyes closed.
The hooks released like butter and the flowery padding was thrown across the room like a ragdoll. I shook my head and rested my forehead on his.
"My turn to take some of yours off..."
"Uhh," He stuttered as I began looking under the covers. "Mmm?"
He cleared his throat and spoke deeply. "Well, there's nothing to take off..."
I snorted. Which jump started his laughter, and made me chuckle.
"Damn it Taylor. You did all the work for me!" I teased, looking at him with a mock disappointment. His eyes lit up and his nose wrinkled; the strength of his arms pulled me back up to his side and I was able to climb beneath the sheets.
February 11th, 2015
Wandering down the staircase, my eyes latched onto the elevated blue and pink balloons that were tied onto the separate banister columns. I smiled, sliding my hand along the wood. Just then, the creaking of the garage door broke the sweet silence. Taylor was back. I had sent him off to go fetch the twins birthday cake from the bakery. I fled across the tile, catching sight of the kitchens wall clock in my peripheral vision; it read 11:12am. The party wasn't supposed to begin until about one. Taylor's party was after anyhow... After all the fun and laughter, him and I plus the Twilight crew (Kristen, Rob, Nikki, Jackson, etc) were planning to go out for some older, more sophisticated fun.
Ha, right.
It was the twins' first birthday; a whole year, already? Why? And Taylor's 23rd bash. But I was more excited about our babies. They were growing up right before our very eyes. I still couldn't believe how much hair the two of them had on their little heads. It's just insane. Yes, that's what it is.
Geez, I sound like my mom.
Which reminds me: Mom. I wish you were here to see and experience all of this with us. Miss you; love you.
Taylor's warm hazel eyes met mine in an instant, having a large grin appear over his face. I winked, holding the door open while he walked through and into the kitchen where he set down the large sheet cake. I gazed over it, clasping my hands together in the sudden glee. The cake was (hopefully) yellow with vanilla frosting, along with blue and baby pink frosted flowers scattered across the vast plains of the yummy goodness. The writing. God, I hoped they spelled everything right..
Happy 1st Danielle & Andrew!
And of course: Happy 23rd Taylor! This werewolf has balls to age.
I laughed, thinking back to when I called the company to put this order in. I was really debating on whether or not I should add Taylor into the whole message. And I thought again... I really can't resist seeing his face when he sees it. The cake is packaged in a white rectangular cardboard container. The top without a plastic screen; my own personal request, so Taylor couldn't see until the actual party had begun. As I was making my way over to the kitchen, I started jogging quickly; he was pulling up one corner of the box.
"No, no, no you don't." I teased, laying my hands on top of his. He let out a gust of a sigh, removing his sneaky fingers. I slid my fingertips along the sides and carried the box over to the double fridge. He came up from behind, opening the door all the way to it's hinges. I raised an eyebrow at him and put the cake in the empty space.
"Is it embarrassing?"
"No, of course not!" I would be saving the embarrassing stuff for later birthdays. "It's just a note, Taylor." I smirked. He shook his head and scooped my waist up within his arms, smothering me with kisses.
12:37pm
"Ready for your first birthday party, sweetie?" I cooed to Dani. Her eyes lit up like glittery hazel stars, she giggled, flailing her hands in my face. I smiled widely as I dressed her. A floral printed spring dress, the colors light blue with some deep purple. Those particular colors made her skin look like it was glowing. She grinned, big and toothless still. I stroked the fabric of her dress, holding onto her chubby hand; those small fingers latched onto my own. Our eyes met for a moment and I felt a tweak in the midst of my stomach.
It gave me goosebumps, a chill, my body shuddered quickly and the feeling was gone.
Dani's giggles filled the air, leaving me thoughtless. I was looking at a mini me. It was still the strangest thing to me to this day. It was me as a baby, but with a different eye color. Her fathers. I turned to Andy next, observing him for a minute. The length of his limbs had grown, though still retaining their round and chubbiness. The brown in his eyes had gotten darker, more like milk chocolate on steroids in a way. And I knew they would continue in that direction to match exactly the hue of my eyes. I began dressing him then. Tiny kakhi pants with a sky blue polo. Baby Gap has the cutest things! I chuckled as I tickled his belly. He joined in the laughter fest and before we knew it, guests started to arrive. Low chatter morphed into loud bellows of laughter, which belonged to Kellan or Rob. So I then propped a big pillow against the headboard, placing the babies one by one in front of it. They slowly sunk back into the cushiony feathers and I told them that I would be right back. They looked at each other and then at me with wide eyelids. I snickered and scrambled off to my closet to get changed.
Descending down the stairs once again though this time I held both the birthday kids in the cradle of my arms. They wiggled and scrambled but stayed put overall. Sometimes they would reach out to each other or Dani would get a hold of a strand of my hair in her fingers. I chuckled, rounding the corner and entering the family room where everyone was. Taylor caught sight of us first and shot a warm smile our way. I returned it with an additional wink just for him. His chest rose and he started clapping. Everybody heard, turned and stared with happy smiles and applauded along with the arrival of the little ones of the hour. I looked down at them, their expressions totally priceless. Wide, wondering and in shock. The corner of my mouth tugged up into a half smile as I brought them over to the crowd. Yes, a crowd.
Kristen and Rob, Ashley, Jackson, Kellan, Nikki, Boo Boo and the rest of the wolf daddies, Taylor's parents and Makena, my dad, Jordan, Shelby and Stephanie. It was a good group of people. I was a little surprised that they could all come but I'm glad, for whatever reason, they are here. Just so Dani and Andy can see that they have so much family that love and care for them as much as Taylor and I do. At this very moment, as I was walking into the circle holding tightly onto my children, I felt the world slow down. I saw things from a different point of view. I saw everyone in a friendly circle, smiling over the birthday kids. I saw Taylor's arm around my waist, hugging my body close to his. I saw myself giving my daughter to Kristen. She looks nervous but up for the challenge. She takes her with confidence and holds her head with a hand. I see myself grinning, almost laughing. Probably at Kristen's expression. I see Taylor now, taking Andrew from me and grasping him gently from under his arms. Andy giggles and smiles at his daddy. I practically tear up at the scene.
The rest continues to slow and the sound mutes. It feels like I'm watching a movie. Maybe this is my mom, trying to get me to see other things, to see how happy we really are and how lucky we are. Maybe she's doing this as an act to get me to let go. To release from the grief that I still carry with me everyday. Even after a year has past, it's still inside of me. Buried deep but still fresh. I think she's just trying to show me that it's okay to say goodbye, it's okay to be free. I watched our mingling more, the song Soldier On by The Temper Trap softly playing in the back of my mind. Thanks mom. She knows that it's one of my favorites. I could listen to it when I was feeling down or upset, it would lift me up and have me think of the good things in my life. I then grew light headed, my body feeling weird with discomfort. And in an instant, I was back in my body. A little wobbly but alright. Taylor caught me from falling, looking straight into my eyes. No one seemed to notice.
"Hey, are you okay? Do you want water?" He whispered softly. I could feel his hold getting stronger as seconds went by.
"I'm okay. Just a little dizzy." I said, placing my hand on my head. He turned, handing someone Andy and came back to me. His darting pupils made my head hurt worse.
"Are you sure?... You don't look so hot."
I'm fine, seriously. I just had an out of body experience with my mother that's all. No big deal. She is so weird, I swear.
That's what I wanted to say...
"Yeah, I know," I breathed, looking at him. "I'm good now. Don't worry." I gave him a light smile. He didn't at all seem convinced but I didn't want to argue anymore. He leaned forward and kissed me. I lingered the kiss, wanting some relief. He pulled away, thinking that it would go to far, considering that I almost fainted. I frowned unhappily at him. He chuckled and pecked my cheek quickly, snaking his arm around my waist for good. I sighed and leaned into him, preparing myself for a good 1 year old party.
I'm pouring myself and a few others some iced tea. The cubed ice chime together from inside the frigid pitcher. I wipe my hands of the dripping water and carry the full glasses on a tray out into the living room. Stephanie smiles up at me from one of the couches, she takes a glass. I give the few theirs and go and sit next to Steph with mine. I take a generous sip as I am oddly parched.
"So I can't believe how big the twins are getting!" Stephanie begins, grasping her drink between her fingers.
"I know, don't remind me." I frown slightly. We both hear a squeal, which make us look to where its coming from. Straight ahead there was Shelby holding his nephew Andy. Stephanie chuckles at his awkwardness, but grins. I join in, gazing over at my brothers gangly, lean limbs as he holds my baby, though Andy stares. You could tell that he absolutely adores him. I've never seen him like this with anybody besides Taylor. Then Jordan walks up and offers to take him for a while. Just as he touches him Andy bursts. Howling, crying and screeching. Stephanie gasps and points at Jordan, saying that she knew from the very start that he would make babies cry. I laugh uncontrollably. Even though, yes that is mean, but they've been going at it for the longest time like they're related. All since Shelby first started dating her. It was definitely entertaining when she came over for dinner. I stood and rescued my baby, cradling him, caressing his silk skin. His cries decreased and all was quiet again. Jordan shrugged from beside me and went to sit in an armchair. Across the room.
"I think you still need to shave. Maybe that's why." I say. Everyone within ears length laughs.
An hour later..
"Is it caketime yet mom?" I hear Kellan's little boy voice behind me. I turn to him, place my finger on my lips and think. He's bouncing to and fro, anxious and excited. I seriously adore this guy. I continue to ponder, enjoying this moment of teasing him until he suddenly bursts towards the kitchen, I yell: "Freeze!" He stops, mid step, one tip of his finger upon the stainless steel. I can't control the laughter that's on it's way out, and a shiny smile appears over his face. Creating creases on the sides of his mouth. I shake my head, "Taylor!"
"Seriously?" Kellan mutters. He flinches, I'm guessing he wants to move.
"Uh, uh, uh... I'm being very serious. Don't move." I bite my tongue, looking over my shoulder, I see Taylor walking over.
"What's up-" He's looking at me then at my victim. "What the hell did you do to Kellan?" Taylor begins to chuckle just a little. "I think you've been watching a little too much Harry Potter.." I flicker my eyes to him with a straight face. We both start to laugh.
"Not funny. Claire, can I please-"
"Nope."
"Taylor. Do something? I really want cake." His muscles are shaking a bit.
"Sorry man. You gotta listen to the boss." Taylor winked from the corner of my eye. I huffed, crossing my arms.
"Could you get the cake and prepare it so that this one doesn't devour it like the vampire he portrays?" Kellan starts snickering. Taylor nods and steps past Kellan, whom I allow to move again. He waves his huge fists at me playfully and I stick my tongue out. That triggers his fighting instincts. I quickly gulp and scamper over to where Danielle is, crouching behind her high chair. He stops in his tracks and I chuckle from my hiding spot.
"Can't do any harm with a baby watching..." I conclude, laughing.
"I'll get you back. I swear." He shakes his finger at me with mock intimidation. Dani giggles at his expression. The sound distracts him and he is taken over with love. I watch as he bends his knees to become eye level with her, he picks her up gently and tickles her round belly. I smile at them; the doorbell rings out of no where. It has me jump. I look through the many heads in the room, Taylor is still busy getting the candles from the pantry. I'm anticipating some shouting to go down while I'm in foyer...
I swerve through all the bodies, receiving smiles and waves as I go. I hear Kellan say something like, "Do you remember me? I met you when you were still in your mamas belly. I'm your Uncle Kellan!" Oh gosh. She's one.
I'm going to cry if I say that again.
As soon as I reach the hall I hear Taylor and probably Rob or Ashley.
"What the..." Taylor's probably reading the cakes message. Rob's laughter fills the house, Ashley giggles and her heels click against the tile.
"Good one Claire!" That's Jackson.
I snicker and keep walking. I see a shadow looming over the muggy glass doors and I wonder who it is. I climb timidly up the tiled steps until I'm standing directly in front of the wooden door.
I have a bad feeling... I have a feeling that I know who it is...
I think I might regret this...
But I may regret it more by not letting him in.
I twist the knob slowly, opening it just a crack. The cool wind blows through suddenly, like a snow storm has erupted. I swallow back the gray nothing and swing the door wide.
There he was. The man that I almost kissed.
Throughout it all, he still stares at me with those piercing green eyes.
Like I'm the love of his life.
"Hey," He says deeply.
There was a certain silence between us where I was supposed to jut in my own hello, but that didn't happen. His eyes never left mine as his fingers shifted against the blue and pink poke-a-dotted wrapping paper. His jaw hinged like he was about to speak but I revived myself just in time.
"Um," sort of. "Hi."
"Sorry I'm late..." He mumbled. The way his expression saddened at my reaction made me feel like I had chugged a huge guilt shake. I engulfed a giant breath, readying myself for what was about to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm sorry, Jack.
For everything that we've went through.
I want to be good- great friends with you, and not this complicated see-saw ride. Up and down we go but really nowhere in particular. I'm sorry for the ways I've treated you. You've barely done anything wrong in this relationship of our friendship and all I've done was beat you down. You were just expressing yourself, in ways that I was never used to. I'm sorry if I have ever hurt you in the past years. Be happy; forget me; forget it all. Stay with Hayley and live your own life with her.
I love you.
Taylor's POV
"Come on Taylor, let's sing already!" Kellan begged obnoxiously at my side. I rolled my eyes and shoved him off, making my way through the tightly packed bodies.
"What does that mean?" I heard him call.
I turned over my shoulder, "Let me just find Claire and then we can start." I chuckled at his anxiety to eat that damn cake.
What does she mean I have balls... I do have balls! Serious ones.
Man, that's weird to think.
I caught eyes with Dani and Andy, who were sitting with Mark and mom on the couch. I grinned when Mark glanced up, giving me the thumbs up that everything with them was okay. I nodded and continued on my way.
Finally breaking through the wall of people, I ended up standing in the hallway witnessing something that maybe I shouldn't have seen...
Claire was tightly wrapped within Jacks grasp, her broken sobs shaking their twined figures. I looked further, seeing the rare tears that of which belonged to Jack. Two of them identically rolled slowly down his cheeks as he held her. Claire kept repeating that she was sorry, that she wish she could take it all back somehow. Jack just hushed her, burying his face in her hair. I swallowed roughly, now realizing that this was it. They were confronting their mistakes and resolving them. I felt unhappy just standing here in their quiet presence. Though Claire's cries echoed softly around the foyer. In respect, I lowered my head.
Minutes later, I heard Jack speak.
"I'm not going to stay.." He tried hard not to sniff, clearing his throat.
"What? Why?" Claire sounded almost as hurt as she felt.
"It just... doesn't feel right. Yet." I felt stares on me. Claire didn't respond. "Tell the twins I said happy birthday... And that I love them." I took my chances with a glimpse upwards. Jack was handing Claire the package; she took it timidly in her hands. His emerald eyes were blood shot and his skin damp with salt water. They suddenly looked at me, I froze. He didn't seem to care for a moment, though he went forward and kissed Claire's hair, holding his stance there for quite some time. I was about to walk away from this painful scene until Claire spoke up.
"Please...please come back. Soon." She pleaded, grasping onto one of his hands as he was halfway out the door.
"I don't know if I can, Claire.." He whispered. Her frame sank as she watched him turn away and walk out into the late winter air.
Maybe for the last time.
I sighed silently, watching my wife wallow in her struggles. She broke into tears again, crouching down to the floor and sitting with her legs criss-crossed in front of the open door. I walked slowly over to her, seeing that she was covering her face with her palms. I sat gingerly next to her, moving the present aside and laying my fingers on her back. She jumped at my touch, looking at me; frightened and upset. Within two seconds she collapsed into my side and I protected her with my arms wide around her jerking body.
"I'm so sorry.." She whispered hauntingly in between the sobs. I stroked her arms gently, reassuring her that everything was okay. Just then, a low clearing of someone's throat was heard. I looked over my shoulder awkwardly and standing there was Mark, whom looked just as troubled as Claire right here. I motioned my head back to the party, making him in charge for now just until I could get Claire back on her feet and dry. His eyes glistened slightly but he nodded, departing back into the other room. I then drew my attention back to the human being that laid across my lap. The sounds coming from her had lessened and she began to breathe again. I moved a strand of her brown hair from her eyes, revealing how tightly she was keeping them closed. I trembled, falling slowly into her abyss of hair.
Claire's POV
"Where are the parentals?"
"Parentals? That's real creative Rob."
"Don't give me sarcasm."
"Yeah, I haven't seen Claire in a while now.."
"I thought Taylor went to go get her?"
"Oh, um, they are just getting some things from upstairs.. They'll be down in a minute or two."
"Good, cause I'm starving."
"Kellan. You just ate."
"Yeah, so? I would like some dessert to finish it off."
The mere chatter echoed in my hollow ears. I felt faint. I felt utterly weak. I had never felt this way since my mom died.. And I really didn't want to feel like this ever again. I had parted ways with my friend, my good friend, and I wouldn't pull myself to believe it. Until he told me that he didn't think he could come back. Not even to see the twins. That's what hurt the most. I had hurt him that severely. I couldn't- I didn't understand my actions or reasons to why I was this... this cruel? To put him through that agony of loving me but realizing that I didn't love him back the way he wanted. I knew what he saw in his eyes. He envisioned holding me, hugging me, cuddling with me, and smiling into my eyes. He wanted a new life with me by his side. He wanted to be free. Free from his past...
Back before I had met Jack at Magic Mountain, he was dating his dream girl. Only sixteen years old, he was certain that he had found his true love. And I thought so too, when I saw a picture of her.
She was beautiful. Flaming orangey-red hair with peachy freckled skin. The brightness of her blue eyes just jumped off the picture, capturing your sight and you could never look away. He explained how they were friends since practically birth, via their mothers being friends before. They became neighbors once five and six. Playing each day out in the front yard until the early evening before dinner. According to Jack, he didn't have feelings for her until they started high school, though Jenna had the biggest crush on him since kindergarten. They began dating during the beginning of sophomore year. After the awkwardness of finding out that they liked each other had blown over. Ever since then, they were glued by the hands. Even when we met at the park, I knew he didn't have an interest in me... Or Hayley. I could see it in his eyes that he was faithfully taken. Happily taken.
Although, shortly after that trip, Jenna had died in a tragic car accident while heading home from the airport with her parents. Her parents barely survived, while Jenna took the full blow from the oncoming vehicle from behind.
Jack was devastated. And when he told me all of this, through his small tears, I knew that he truly did love this girl. With all his heart. But now that I've done this to him... I don't know how I can live with myself knowing that we won't see each other again. This was his second major let down, his second come and go, his second heartbreak, and I was the bad guy in this sequel to his love story. He didn't get his happy ending once again and it was all because of me. I knew that's all he wanted. To get over Jenna once and for all and be with me, the one person who understood him the most, the one who he told his stories and deepest untold secrets to. If I didn't undyingly love Taylor, I would give up everything to be with Jack.
And I don't give a shit.
But, I'm grateful for my life. The one that evolved into meeting an incredible guy, who miraculously turned out to be a celebrity. We got married and I had the two most beautiful children anyone could ever ask for. That was what I chose and Jack had Hayley and his future through dance. Even if he didn't care to see me, I would always support him. In everything. I mean, Hayley is still my best friend and I can't not visit her. So we'd see each other anyway.
I had to apologize somehow to him. Though I knew he wouldn't allow it.
As Taylor continued to hold me, I wondered: How would my life be from now on? Without Jack in it? He was the other sane one along side Taylor to keep me from losing my mind here. Him and Taylor have always helped me with my problems, my insecurities, finding solutions for everything. Not that Taylor wouldn't be there for me, it's just that he has his own job. His own life besides me. I couldn't bring him down that much with my womanly issues. Without that balance, I didn't know what to expect.
I did know that I had a party to host. I had to be there for my babies on their big day. I had to shove away my stupid emotions and stand up, wipe up the tears and hold my head up high. Taylor seemed to noticed my movement and he reacted immediately.
"Are you okay..?" His voice timid as he helped me up ever so slowly.
I only nodded, taking his hand graciously while sweeping my palms under my eyes. His hazel ones stared at me, uncertain of what to do.
"Let's go, everyone's waiting on us." I croaked, taking deep breaths. He squeezed me slightly around the waist before kissing my forehead. I sighed groggily, putting on the best face I could for my friends and family. I did not want to lead them on to thinking that something was wrong.
We then walked down the hall and back into the awaiting family room where we sang happy birthday, took thousands of pictures, cut the cake and mingled as I locked the sadness in the depth of my stomach.
I would release it later, crying myself to sleep.
Oi.
Just so you know, I still don't have an ending for this story...which is highly odd.
I'll figure it out some way or another!
Review in the mean time ;)
XOXOXOX