Author's Note: Soooo, it's been a while. Sorry about…life has been busy. I did not forget about this story, but well, yeah life happens. It was hard for me to get back into writing this story at least at this part of the story. I know what I want the ending to be, but of course the characters are continuing to drive the story. This is a short chapter, but I think the beginning is the most important part. Just a heads up, but I don't think I will be writing the Landsmeet scene. Like the majority of this story I skip a lot of the main scenes you get in the game, because well…I don't need to write those scenes. They are already written in the game. Well, anyway hopefully everyone enjoys this chapter and I should have the next one up soon.

Thanks for sticking around! Please read and review with any comments, questions, concerns or fears. Thanks again!

Prism Elf

Chapter 36: The Landsmeet

Shirl stared at him with an open mouth. "What?" She stammered.

"Let me rephrase it for you…will you marry me, Shirl Cousland?" He held his breath. It might not have been the prefect time to ask her, but surely she would say…

"No." she stated flatly.

Alistair took a step back from her. Now it was his turn to be stunned. "What? No? Why?" He rushed all three questions out quickly before she could even attempt to answer one of them.

"Alistair, I'm sorry, but no, I can't" She looked at him then with pleading eyes. "Try, to understand, love…it's not that I don't want to it's I can't." She looked down at her feet. Her eyes were filled with tears. She turned away from him and placed a hand to her eyes.

Alistair's eyes narrowed. He felt ashamed and humiliated. "I just told you I can't live without you, but apparently you can." He turned away from her and started to walk off.

"Alistair, Eamon's right." She stated quietly. Too quietly he almost did not hear her. He stopped and spun around.

"What? How can he be right?"

She turned to see him. He balked and berated himself not to take her into his arms. Tears streaked down her face. The look of hurt that was reflected in eyes was mirrored by her face. "A child would be almost impossible for us to have. I don't want to be your mistress. I could never share you with another woman. Call me selfish and greedy, but that is the way I am." She reached up to stroke his face. "I'm sorry, my love…it hurts me to say this, but our future together maybe as nothing more than friends." She dropped her hand away. "Though I wish it was not so."

"Stop being so rational!" Alistair growled clenching his hands into fists. "You have always done what you wanted…you pushed me to do what I wanted…why can't you do what you want to now?"

Shirl wiped a hand across her eyes. "Because," she leveled a look at him. "It's for the good of Ferelden."

Shirl's words echoed in his mind. For the good of Ferelden. He smashed his fist into the straw dummy. After their talk Alistair had asked to be alone. Shirl had obliged and left him. For a few hours he wondered the streets of Denerim. His mind focused on nothing at all. Eventually he had made his way back to Eamon's estate. The first place he went was to the training grounds.

He had swung his sword and shield at practice dummies hoping to reveal some of the anger and hurt he was feeling. He was more than upset. It felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest and stomped on.

What in the name of the Maker is she thinking? He wondered for the hundredth time. She loves me, yet she is willing to accept a future in which we are just friends. Alistair could not accept that. He could accept nothing other than her hand. He wanted no other woman and he would have no other woman in his life.

"You know, if you keep this up you will break something…most likely your fist." Zevran quipped. The assassin was leaning against the wall near the entrance way to the grounds. The elf had a grim expression on his face.

Alistair snorted and picked up his shield and sword from the ground. He had flung the weapons away when he realized that they were not helping to alleviate his anger.

"Fine, ignore me, but I will have my say." Zevran crossed his arms and glared at him. Alistair sheathed his sword with a crack. "You do realize the position you have put her in, right? You are forcing her to choose between what she wants and what Ferelden needs. Don't you even realize what this is doing to her?"

Alistair spun around. He crossed the distant between them in two strides. Bringing himself nose to nose with the elf. "Don't you dare try and talk to me about Shirl! She is none of your concern."

Zevran smiled a dark dangerous grin. "Oh, but that is where you are wrong. For some reason, our beautiful Warden has taken it upon herself to go by herself into the Alienage."

"What?" Alistair demanded. He turned away. "Why would she do a thing like that?"

"Because she is hurting and well hurting people make stupid decisions." Zevran commented waving a dismissive hand in the air. "She was talking to Anora and the Queen mentioned something was amiss in the Alienage…oh, she isn't truly alone she did take Toby with her."

"Her dog, she took just her dog…" Alistair started to laugh. He could see Zevran raise an eyebrow at his reaction which only made him laugh harder. "By the Maker, the woman is trying to give me a heart attack." He gasped.

Zevran shook his head. "Maybe, I'm missing the joke here."

The Alienage was filthy. Shirl wrinkled her nose at the smell of putrid decay and rotten food stores. Elves lined the streets gaping at her and then turning their heads away quickly before she could catch them looking. But she could feel their stares like daggers at her back. Toby was not his normal self. His usual bounding gait was solemn and his stumpy tail did not wag back and forth in its chirper manner. His ears were flat against his skull and his head hung in shame.

"Maker's breath, boy, these people are starving." Shirl whispered to him. Toby whined. She nodded and scratched the top of his head. "I know, I know, we will see what we can do." Shirl had never been to the Alienage in Denerim. Her mother and father had all but forbidden her from doing so when she was a child and they were in Denerim for the Landsmeet. Of course she had been to the Highever Alienage many a time, though she was not exactly forbidden to do so it was frowned upon. But the elves of the Highever Alienage had treated her kindly and she had made every effort growing up to see that they themselves were also treated fairly. Her mother had always told her that a happy servant was a good servant.

Shirl was not seeing happy people. She was seeing beaten, broken and angry people. As she came to the center of the Alienage she gazed up at the large branches of the tree that stood there. The thing was massive. She could have easily put seven of herself arms spread and encircling the trees girth. The branches lofting above her fanned out in a radiant arch of green. Anyone standing underneath the huge tree would have barely been kissed by sunlight for the thickness of the branches and leaves.

"Wow, I never knew such a tree existed." She said looking up into the higher portions she shielded her eyes with a mailed hand. Alistair would have loved this. She thought and then immediately she cursed herself. She had come to the Alienage to think of something else beside the fool. She loved him, but he could not see that marrying him was well outside of her reach. There had been a point before this whole journey had began she would not have hesitated to say, 'yes' to him. Everything was at stake and the possibility of Anora and Alistair getting married and uniting Ferelden was something she had to consider, she had to keep the option open. She could rule nothing out. Her duty was to the Grey Wardens and stopping the Blight was the number one priority in her book. She loved Alistair, but marrying him was something she could never do. It would be too selfish and unfair to the people of Ferelden for her to do so. She would miss the time they had spent together and she would never know another man in her life. She vowed; Alistair would be the only man she ever loved or took to her bed.

"WHAT DO MEAN THEY'RE SICK?" Someone shouted at the top of lungs jerking Shirl from her thoughts. Shirl lowered her head and dropped her hand. She looked around for the speaker, which clearly by voice alone had to be a woman.

Movement caught Shirl's eyes, she turned in that direction. "Holy Maker," she breathed as she saw just to the other side of the tree was a gathering of at least fifteen elves. Some were standing in what looked to be a line while a few were scattered about looking confused and upset.

An Elven woman was standing slightly off to the side of the line. She had bright red hair and gleaming eyes. Her arms were on her hips and her lips were twisted into a snarl. Even from this distant Shirl noticed that she was very attractive. Shirl edged her way closer to the crowd. She wanted to know what was going on, but she did not want to cause a disturbance either.

When Shirl returned to Eamon's keep later that evening it was to her own bed chambers. She called for the servants to draw her hot bath. Stripping off the bloody bits of armor and laid them gently to the side. She winced as she climbed into the hot water. He body was sore and caked with blood and gore, some of it her own and some of it not. Her hair was a massive tangle of gore and knots. She sank into the baths warm waters and scrubbed at her skin. Scraps and cuts crisscrossed her skin. She sucked in a breath as she cleaned her wounds with soap. The soap stung at her wounds, but at least she was getting clean. Next she dunked her head under the water to get her hair wet. Surfacing she used more soap to grab at the grim built her in her beautiful blonde hair.

It was not long before the bath waters were dark with blood and dirt. Shirl sighed and stepped out grabbing the drying cloth the servants had left for her. She dried herself off and wrapped her hair in the towel. Grabbing the dressing robe from the hook by the side of her bed she slipped into it and hugged the plush article of clothing around herself.

She threw herself onto her bed. The servants said they would bath Toby for her. He had whined about getting cleaned, but she had told him that he could not come upstairs until he was clean. He had not been happy when she left him, but he was willing to let the servants bath him at least.

Shirl closed her eyes and folded her hands over her stomach. She felt like this day had drug on forever. It was only the earlier afternoon when Alistair had proposed to her and now she had managed to save the Alienage from slave traders. She sighed. Her body ached. Her skin felt like it was on fire and her joints and muscle rang with pain of swinging her sword and shield around all day. In the morning she would have to see Wynne about some healing spells and then she would go and talk to Eamon about the Alienage. This was just the information they needed to push the Landsmeet in their favor. First Loghain was letting Howe torture innocent people and then he was selling elves to fund his army. Not to mention having his own daughter held prisoner. Though Shirl was not certain she completely believed Anora's story. It was too convenient for her. Something bothered her about Anora. She did not trust the queen. She was only out for her own self interest. But that did not mean that she was not good for Ferelden it just meant that she was willing to fight for her position. Much like we are. Shirl thought glumly.

Sighing she rolled over onto her side. She had some idea of a plan, but everything hinged on what Eamon really wanted to do. And she needed to go mingle with the nobles who had arrived already for the Landsmeet. She had way too much to do and it felt as if there was hardly anytime to do it all.

I miss him already. She thought. At least he would have taken her mind off all the crap that was piling up. But, I can't think about him right now. The Landsmeet and getting Ferelden's army ready to fight the Blight is the biggest problem we are facing at the moment. Our own interests will have to come after all of this is said and done. Her stomach twisted into a knot and she thought that she was going be to sick. She hated what she was doing to Alistair but she saw no other way. It has to be done this way. I'm so sorry, Alistair.