Chapter 36
Even though Mary and John's wedding was coming up quickly, there was always time for another adventure with the Doctor – or two. Rory was replacing a light bulb in his and Amy's bedroom when the Doctor materialized his TARDIS around them. They were lucky that they were the only two in the entire flat, but they were surprised to see him return so soon.
"Hello! You weren't busy, were you? Well, even if you were, it wasn't as interesting as this probably is. Didn't want you to miss it," the Doctor spoke as he piloted the TARDIS. "Now, just a quick hop."
Amy shook herself out of the momentary shock and looked around the TARDIS, seeing two new faces. One, an Egyptian woman of some sort, and two, someone who looked almost exactly like Greg Lestrade.
"Greg?" Amy walked up to him.
"Sorry, who?" he definitely didn't recognize Amy.
Amy turned towards the Doctor and walked to him, avoiding his fluid movements as he piloted the TARDIS, "you brought Greg Lestrade with you? How does he even know about this? And why is he dressed like he was on a safari trip?"
The Doctor turned around and looked at the two after landing, "right, Amy. This is Neffy, this is Riddell. They're with me. I thought we might need a gang, never had a gang before, it's new! Right, everybody grab a torch!"
"Amy!" Sherlock called out once he and John arrived back to the flat. "We've returned, but we'll be heading out to John's stag night, soon."
With no response, Sherlock went to check if they were in the upstairs suite. Sherlock noticed the strewn papers as if wind had picked them up. That, or someone had ransacked Amy and Rory's bedroom. Making his deductions, he texted Amy for confirmation of her location.
Where are you? – SH
Sherlock returned to the main living room where John was already sitting, "I think they left."
"Left where?" John cocked his head to the side. "They were here a few hours ago."
Sherlock heard the text notification from his phone.
Doctor materialized around Rory and me. We're in space. There are dinosaurs on a spaceship. Will be back ASAP. – AP
"Family emergency," Sherlock lied. "Looks like they'll be back soon. Nevertheless, shall we begin?"
John looked at him, "regular people would just say 'time for your stag night, let's go and get drunk.' But not you, of course."
"Well?" Sherlock waited.
"Yeah, alright," John hopped up and exited the flat, leaving Sherlock to follow.
"There are clearly more than just two of those creatures," Lestrade – no, Riddell – spoke as he took a swig from his flask.
"Hey, put that away, I need you sober," Amy smacked him on the arm.
"It's medicinal," he put the flask away. "And who's Greg?"
"What?" Amy looked at him.
"You called me Greg when we were on the Doctor's ship."
"Oh, just a friend. A detective," Amy waved him off. "Who are you, though?"
"John Riddell. Big game hunter on the African plains. Heard of me?"
"Nope," Amy shook her head and ran up to the woman's side. "And you?"
"Lady of the Two Lands, wife of the Great King Amenhotep, Queen Nefertiti of Egypt," she said proudly, and then raised both arms up to stop them all from walking. "Look down."
At their feet laid a sleeping dinosaur and her eggs. Amy was fighting conflicting feels of terror of stepping on a dinosaur and excitement in meeting Queen Nefertiti. After a momentary lapse in their breathing, they stepped away with the utmost of caution, finding themselves in a room that looked like it could have been a laboratory of sorts. Luckily for Amy, she travelled enough with the Doctor to know what to do: find information. She felt like the Doctor for a moment, having both Riddell and Queen Nefertiti shamelessly flirt with each other while finding out what happened to the ship. She wondered if she and Rory were like that when they were with the Doctor. She smiled at the thought, but returned to deducing from the clues given. It was odd, though, interacting with a man that looked almost exactly like Greg Lestrade. She'd have to ask Lestrade later if he was related to Riddell.
Sherlock walked up to the counter and got the attention of the bartender after telling John to grab a seat or table in the pub. It was just after 8 when they arrived.
"Er … two beers please," Sherlock said and then interrupted the bartender asking if he wanted pints, pulling out two graduated cylinders from his coat. "Four hundred and forty-three point seven milliliters."
After a confused look and a momentary pause, the bartender filled the cylinders as Sherlock watched. Taking it to John, Sherlock readied his clock and pressed the start button on the timer.
"Are we on a schedule?" John asked, looking at the cylinders of beer.
"You'll thank me later," Sherlock smirked as he clinked their glasses.
It was slightly odd having a two person stag night, but John knew that Sherlock would be able to make the night interesting. At the first bar, John had some chips, throwing Sherlock off with his calculations, but he recovered quickly. When John suggested another drink, Sherlock stopped him, taking the cylinder and putting it back into his coat.
"Let's go to the next one," Sherlock said.
John laughed, "Your coat's going to get sticky if you put it in there."
"I … I hadn't thought of that," Sherlock took the cylinders out and held them at his side, walking to the door. "Come on, John."
John was about to say something about Sherlock looking stupid carrying the cylinders around, but he knew Sherlock wouldn't care one bit about what others thought. Even then, by the end of the night they'd probably be too drunk to care.
As the drunken festivities continued on Earth, Amy found herself in a whirlwind of figuring out what happened on the space ship, reuniting with the Doctor only to have Nefertiti willingly give herself up to Solomon, and then being teleported to a control deck where the Doctor hastily explained the plan to everyone. The Doctor thought it was the best time to ask Amy about her job with Sherlock as if it was not a big deal that there were missiles locked onto the ship.
"How's the job?" the Doctor asked.
"You're going to ask me now?" Amy looked sceptical as he pulled out some wiring and tubes.
"I'm great at multitasking," the Doctor replied. "So, the job? Being a consulting detective with Sherlock Holmes?"
"Yeah, it's fine. It's different. Dangerous sometimes, challenging most times," Amy skirted around the subject, mostly focused on the missiles about to hit in less than ten minutes. "It's just, it gets distracting. Listening for that stupid TARDIS noise."
"Oh, so it's my fault now!"
"I can't not wait for you. Even now. The gaps between your visits are ... longer," Amy spoke a tad sheepishly. "I think you're weaning us off you."
"I'm not, I promise. Really promise," the Doctor looked her in the eyes. "You and Rory, you have lives. Each other."
"I know. I just worry there'll come a time when you never turn up, that something will have happened to you and I'll still be waiting, never knowing," Amy leaned in closer. "I mean ... there was this time. No, never mind."
"What, what is it?"
"It's just," Amy recalled the moment where Sherlock, John, and she was stuck underground attempting to diffuse a bomb and Sherlock suggested she call the Doctor to help them, but he didn't pick up. "There might come a time where I'll need you. Or Sherlock. And you won't be there to help."
"No! Don't say that, Pond," the Doctor kissed her forehead. "You'll be there till the end of me."
"Or vice versa," Amy tried to lighten the mood, but the look that the Doctor gave her created a sinking feeling in her stomach and she immediately regretted what she said.
Amy's phone rang, interrupting the moment that Amy and the Doctor were having. The Doctor resumed working and she took out her phone. She stood up straight and took a few steps away from the Doctor to give him room to work. Without looking at who was calling her, she pressed the phone to her ear.
"Hello?"
"AMY!" John slurred. "I ... I just wanted to check ... see how you were, um, doing."
Amy chuckled, "Are you drunk?"
"Am I drunk? Uh, maybe," John spoke over the music. "Am I at my snag night with Sherlock? I think. What's it to you?"
"Oh, you're very drunk," Amy smirked to herself.
"Are you ... drunk?" John mumbled.
"No, I'm not," Amy looked at the Doctor and shrugged, who was using his sonic screwdriver as he fiddled with the controls.
"I know ash!" Sherlock yelled in the background, and Amy could clearly hear him.
"Is that Sherlock?" Amy asked.
"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeep," John slurred. "Hold on. Sherlock, it's Amy. No, what are you…"
There was some movement on the other line, and it was John trying to restrain Sherlock. After a while, John returned to the call, but the Doctor had snatched the phone out of Amy's hand all of a sudden.
"Hello, John!" the Doctor said cheerily as he played around with the controls. "I've heard much about you!"
Amy stood watching, trying to regain her phone but otherwise mortified at what John was about to hear, but hoped that his obvious inebriation would mean he wouldn't remember anything the next day.
"WHO'S THIS?!" John accidentally yelled, not able to adjust from leaving a loud club to standing outside on the curb.
"The Doctor," the Doctor responded.
"Yeah, I'm a doctor," John replied.
The Doctor laughed, "No, it's the Doctor."
"What's doctor?"
"Never mind."
Riddell, wary of the dinosaurs outside of the room they were at, needed extra help, "Doctor, there's too many dinosaurs. This is a two-man job."
Seeing that Riddell was almost an exact clone of Lestrade, it was perfectly understandable when John thought he heard Lestrade on the other end. John straightened up at the familiar voice and tugged on Sherlock's coat trying to get his attention, but Sherlock was too drunk to notice.
"OH IS GREG THERE?!" John was still yelling, but finally adjusted the volume of speaking. "Why's he talkin' about dino ... dinosaurs?"
Amy grabbed her mobile back from the Doctor, "sorry, John. Gotta go!"
She put her phone back into her pocket, and then grabbed the tranquilizer gun, "I'm easily worth two men. You can help too if you like."
John looked at his phone for a moment and then realized that Amy hung up on him. Looking around, he found that he was in a cab with Sherlock but couldn't remember getting in one.
"I can't be that drunk," he muttered to himself.
"What?" Sherlock, who almost looked like he had passed out in the back of the cab, spoke up. "Are we home yet?"
"No, Sherl... Sherly ... Shirley," John laughed to himself.
The cab driver rolled his eyes.
John and Sherlock managed to make it back to their flat, but not after stumbling up the stairs a few times. They thought to pass the time by playing a game as they took more sips of scotch, but a client decided that the middle of the night would be the best time to come in for a consultation. Sherlock was in no way able to deny her, so they sat down ready for the case. Both of the boys were facing the effects of drinking copious amounts of alcohol, and it clearly impaired both of them to the point where Sherlock couldn't even properly deduce and John was trying not to fall asleep standing up. The night ended with Sherlock vomiting over the floor of an apartment and then being arrested for being drunk and disorderly.
"Wakey wakey!" Lestrade burst into the cell that held John and Sherlock.
John woke up, groaning, "oh my god."
The light was blinding, and it didn't help that both of the men had massive hangovers.
"Greg, is that Greg?" John looked at him as he squinted, the smell of alcohol still lingering on his breath. "Why do I remember hearing your voice last night?"
Lestrade scoffed, "Get up. I'm gonna put you two in a taxi since I couldn't reach Amy. Managed to square things with the desk sergeant."
John pushed himself off the floor and faced Lestrade, "Were you with a doctor yesterday?"
"Are you still drunk?" Lestrade laughed. "Couple of lightweights! You couldn't even make it to closing time!"
"Can you whisper?" John tried asking.
"NOT REALLY!" Lestrade yelled, thus effectively shaking Sherlock awake. "Come on."
As they made their way back to Baker Street in the taxi, John decided to check his phone for any missed calls or messages.
"I called Amy last night?" John spoke out loud.
"Did you?" Sherlock looked over in curiosity, knowing full well where she was. "Did she say anything?"
"I don't know. I don't remember speaking to her," John shrugged, putting his phone back into his pocket and then pressing his forehead against the cool glass of the window. "God, what's wrong with us."
"For one thing, Molly's calculations must have been wrong. We should not have gotten that drunk just off of beer," Sherlock mumbled, rubbing his forehead.
"Hah, it was more than that, mate," John chuckled. "A little bit of vodka and tequila, I think."
Sherlock rolled his eyes and then pulled his mobile out, deciding to text Amy.
Coming back soon? – SH
He got a response in a few minutes.
In a town called Mercy. TARDIS accidentally landed here. Will be back ASAP, everything ready for the wedding? – AP
Yes - SH
Sherlock searched for some information on the town called Mercy on his phone and found himself bored with the information on the American town, but slightly jealous at the adventures that Amy, Rory, and the Doctor were having.
"Tessa. What a wasted opportunity," Sherlock muttered as they exited the taxi and back into the flat. "Better that than Mercy."
"What?"
"Nothing, see if you can get Mrs. Hudson to make us some breakfast," Sherlock realized something. "We have a case, and you're getting married in three days, John."
"Yeah, I guess I am."