New Years also passed, but honestly, Dean didn't remember much. He got wasted. He was pretty sure Cas was naked with him at some point. That's as far as he could remember, and that's as much as he cared to find out.

Gabriel was still keeping Sam in the dark about his feelings, but whenever Dean asked about it, Gabriel always said that Sam needed more time or something equally stupid. He'd gotten to the point that he was pretty sure Gabriel was just scared to tell Sam.

Christmas night, though. That night was seared into the back of Dean's mind. Cas loved him. It was so soon. They hadn't been dating long at all. Just under a month. Way too soon. And when Dean didn't return the sentiment, Cas told him it was okay. He didn't have to say it back. Cas just wanted Dean to know. And he started to see how Gabriel telling Sam about his feelings could be bad. Cas' saying he was in love with him was really fucking with his head. Sam might not have the same issues with love as Dean did, but if he didn't take the news well, it would just be one more thing to be screwing with Sam's already messed up head.

As Cas and Dean made their way to the Hampton Inn downtown, these thoughts bounced around his head, making him increasingly uncomfortable.

"What if she doesn't like me?" Cas asked.

Dean said, "Don't worry about it. She'll love you."

Cas turned towards Dean, "Then, why are you nervous?"

Dean sighed, "I haven't seen her in a long time. She may have changed. I've seen the change the military can bring, and I don't want to see that in her."

Cas slid his fingers between Dean's. "It'll be okay," he said.

Dean squeezed Cas' hand and grinned at him.

When they arrived at Cassie's hotel room, she smiled brightly at Dean. "Long time no see," she said, hugging Dean tightly. Cas backed up a few steps when Cassie hugged Dean. Dean could practically see Cas bristling. Dean broke the hug and took Cas' hand in an effort to calm him.

Cassie smiled a broad smile at Cas and said, "You must be Cas. I have just been dying to meet you." She went to hug Cas but, after seeing him stiffen, seemed to think better of it.

"Come in," Cassie said, nudging the door open.

Dean got to have a good look at her as she sat at the edge of her bed. He could hardly recognize the soldier in front of him. There was a time when she had long hair and jeans with a soft, plaid inner lining and brown gym shoes that she constantly tracked around mud with. And she had this light in her smile that was just not there anymore. Now, she had short, cropped hair and army issued camo-pants and steel-toed boots that she got used to wearing in boot camp. That habit hadn't changed.

The last time she'd come back, she said she couldn't wear gym shoes anymore. They weren't as strong. And her smile had faded by then. It scared him to think of when she lost it. He couldn't remember if the military dimmed her or if she had lost that part when he hurt her so cruelly. And that scared him. The thought that he could break someone as well as the military could chilled him to the core. But he thought it was the army that made her smile diminish. He could remember a certain brightness to it from after they split but before she left for basic training.

The military changed everything. They used to talk all the time about so many things, but now when they did talk, they had hollow conversations. He'd say 'hi' when he really meant 'please, be alive.' She'd say 'what's up?' when she meant 'tell me about home.' She was always desperate to know everything happening back at home, because she was homesick and didn't know when her next leave was. He was just desperate to know that she was okay. But she wasn't. He could tell. Germany didn't seem to have changed her that much, which was nice, but she was still so different.

Dean blinked the thoughts away and asked, "So, how was Germany?"

"Fun," Cassie said, "It was a lot of work. Advanced training and all, but it was fun. You would've loved it."

"Oh, really?"

"There aren't any willow trees, so yes, I think you'd like it." She said this with a knowing smile, and he knew what she was referring to. There was once in high school when they had gone swimming in Cassie's pool. There was a willow tree in the yard that Cassie had snapped a branch from and accidentally whipped Dean with it. He knew she was referring to that incident. It hadn't even hurt, and it was clearly an accident, but Cassie was intentionally leaving Cas in the dark. That wasn't going to fly.

"I'm glad you wouldn't be armed," Dean replied.

He turned to Cas and said, "There was a whipping incident with a willow branch back in high school. It's not anything worth mentioning."

Cas looked at Dean, concerned.

Cassie rolled her eyes. "So," she asked, "What's the story with you two?"

Cas tightened his grip on Dean's hand. Dean could feel his face go red.

"We met in school," Cas said curtly.

Dean glanced at Cas. The guy seemed very uncomfortable.

Dean clarified, "He's my boyfriend."

"Have fun with that," Cassie said to Cas, joking.

Cas didn't seem to catch her joking tone. He squinted his eyes at Cassie.

"Cas, she's just kidding," Dean said.

Cassie smiled, saying, "I am really glad you guys are together." That seemed to make Cas loosen up.

"Why?" Cas asked, "I mean, I'm glad too. Just...why are you-?"

"You're here," Cassie replied, "I never even met Lisa. She wanted nothing to do with me. She wanted Dean to have nothing to do with me. You're better for him."

Dean nudged Cas, "Told you she'd love you."

"Did you show him the stretchy pants?" Cassie asked Dean. Dean sighed and stared at the ceiling in embarrassment.

"No," he said, "I haven't. I don't have them anymore. But thanks for bringing that up."

Cassie grinned, "You're welcome, sweetie."

Cas took a deep, exasperated breath.

"Dean had these stretchy pants, sweats with a broken waist band, that you could fit two people in. It was great," Cassie said. Cas nodded with tight lips. Dean ran his thumb over the back of Cas' hand.

"So, what are your plans for the week?" Dean asked.

Cassie sighed, "Gonna see a few friends and as many movies as I can fit in. Then, it's off to the front lines."

Dean's stomach dropped. "What?" he asked.

Cassie stood up and said, "Don't look at me like that."

Dean just stared at her. Front lines? He found it a little difficult to breathe.

"I'm going to Afghanistan in a week. I'm being stationed there for a while," she said reluctantly.

"What's 'a while'?" he asked.

Cas put a hand on Dean's arm, but he stood up away from Cas. His eyes never left Cassie.

"I don't know," she said, "If you had such a problem with combat, you should've said something before I went in."

"I should've-? Cassie, I begged you not to go. I tried everything I could-"

"What's the matter with you? I'll be fine. I've gone through training. It's not forever."

"But it could be."

"Is that what this is about?"

Dean stayed quiet.

Cassie put her hands on her hips. "Dean?" she said.

Dean refused to respond. He couldn't have this conversation with her, but he especially couldn't have it in front of Cas.

Cassie said, exasperated, "I forgot you do that."

"Do what?" Dean asked.

Cassie forced a laugh, "Oh, whenever we get...what's the word? Close...anywhere in the neighborhood of emotional vulnerability, you back off or make some joke or find any way to shut the door on me."

"I'm sorry," Dean said, half to Cassie and half to Cas.

He sat back down next to Cas, who put his hand on Dean's back gently.

Cassie grinned at them, "God, that's cute."

"I'm glad you approve," Dean said, slightly sarcastic and endlessly glad for the change in topic. How could Cassie be going to Afghanistan? When-If she got back from Afghanistan, he didn't have high hopes that she'd be the same person he was seeing right now. Everything had already changed so much. She had better come home.

They stayed for a while and talked. Dean had to explain inside jokes and memories Cassie alluded to several more times, Cas getting more visibly uncomfortable each time. Still, Cas tolerated Cassie, and Cassie was clearly fond of Cas. Overall, it was a good visit, even though Dean could only focus on every other thing that was said. He kept seeing a soldier show up at Cassie's dad's house with bad news.

As they started leaving, he got a strong feeling that it was the last time he'd be seeing his friend.

"Hey, Dean," Cassie said, "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

Cas glanced at Dean.

"I'll meet you downstairs," he told Cas.

Cas reluctantly walked down the hall without him.

Once Cas was out of earshot, Cassie asked, "Do you love him?"

"I don't know," Dean said quietly.

"Try not to hurt him, okay?" Cassie said.

Dean was about to protest, but they were taking Cas to get his stitches out the next day. It wasn't like Cas was completely unscathed from his relationship with Dean.

"I'm happy for you guys. Still can't believe you're gay," Cassie laughed.

Dean rolled his eyes, "I'm not gay. It's just him. I can't put my finger on it. There's just something about him. I don't know."

"Oh, yeah," Cassie said, "You're in love with him."

Dean rolled his eyes, though it did help to hear it from someone else. Maybe this was what being in love felt like. Maybe he did love Cas.

"Another notch in your belt," Cassie joked. Dean smiled, acknowledging the joke, but it hit home much too hard. It reminded him that, even if Dean did love him, Cas was another ex waiting to happen. He'd break Cas like he broke Cassie and Lisa. And no matter how happy he was with Cas, it wouldn't be worth watching him break at Dean's hand. Cassie was right. Cas was another notch, another in a long line of people he hurt and betrayed. But he cared about Cas. He was capable of having a stable relationship, right? He did kick Cas out on the street only a few weeks into dating him. That didn't seem to bode well. But Cas trusted him. Cas loved him. And if Dean loved Cas at all, he'd finally do the right thing.

He hugged Cassie quickly, "Take care of yourself."

She nodded, "You, too."

Dean hurried after Cas, who was waiting in the hotel lobby.

"Ready?" Dean asked. Cas nodded and followed Dean out of the hotel.

"What did Cassie want?" Cas asked.

Dean replied, "She wanted to ask about my sexuality and make sure I really care about you."

"And?" Cas pressed.

Dean shot his eyebrows up at him. "I'm straight, you're my exception, and I do care about you. You know this," he said.

Cas nodded, "I just wanted to know what you told her." Dean wrapped an arm around Cas' waist.

"I know that was a bit uncomfortable, but thank you for coming with," he said.

Cas said quietly, "I can't believe Lisa didn't even try. Cassie's not that bad. There were some things she didn't need to say, but she's still really nice."

Dean kissed Cas' cheek. "I'm glad you think so," he said.

Cas replied, "Even if I hated her completely, I would never try to keep you from your friends whether you've dated them before or not."

Dean stopped Cas and kissed him hard on the mouth.

"Dean?" Cas said, confused.

"Thank you," Dean said, "You have no idea how refreshing that is. You're amazing."

Cas sighed, "I'm just a decent person."

"You're perfect, Cas," Dean said, "Thank you."

Maybe this would be okay. Maybe he loved Cas, and maybe that was a good thing.