Oh, right. I kinda cliffhangered, didn't I? Sorry, I forgot. Heh. Bad Amarissia. Well, here's the next one. Yeah, it's probably about as uh-oh as you were expecting.

At Zack's request, I'm gonna need all of the would-be Angeal-stranglers to move to the back. He also says that if any of you try to hurt Angeal, he'll unleash his Super-Mega-Pout on you. Now, I haven't seen this personally, but I'm told that the last time he did this, President ShinRa gave the entire 2nd Class a day off. So, you know, you're warned.

NOT WRATH OF GODS

Chapter 34 - One Splendid Spirit

"What - mmph!" Zack's question or protest or whatever it was going to be was interrupted by a thumb pushing into his mouth and circling his tongue, then gums, then moving in and out of his lips. A clear indication of what was going to happen. Zack pulled his hand free, looked where the thing was (he assumed) and panted "How can you be here?"

No words; by now Zack didn't expect it to speak. It was hard to look questioningly at something he couldn't see, but Zack tried. The indent of kneeling legs between his own moved a little, and the unmistakable pressure of a large hand cupped Zack's cheek, moving minutely to caress the pale skin there. It felt good, undeniably, and the boy turned into the touch as he began to speak. He had come to understand the shoorei a little, not quite telepathy but an ability to sense what it was trying to say from its actions.

"Are you saying sorry for last time?" Another hand came to Zack's face and stroked his other cheek affectionately, then dropped away. "Yes, but something else? Um..." The retracted hand returned, sliding fingers deep into his messy spikes. "Yeah, I know you like my hair. Ow!" What felt like a finger poked Zack purposefully and firmly on the top of his head, several times. "My head? What about my...use my head?" Lips placed a gentle kiss on the boy's forehead, and his forgotten erection twitched again, demanding attention.

"You want me to think? Okay, but logic and I aren't great pals..." Zack rested his head in the shoorei's hand the way a thinker might lean into his own. "Um, you're stronger than you were before? Yeah? Now, why...hmm, because I'm closer to you? Because I'm in Wutai?" Another chaste kiss, the affirmative gesture. "So I'm getting closer to you..."

It must have heard the uncertainty in his voice. Zack was lifted up and brought to the shoorei's unseen chest in a protective embrace, similar to Angeal's bear-hugs but also quite different. "Fine, I forgive you for last time. I was giving off mixed signals, I know. But for the future, no means no, okay?"

It was kissing his hair, there was no meaning in that as far as Zack knew. Or in lifting his shirt up and off, or palming and squeezing his buttocks. Except the obvious meaning.

"Wait. I do like you," Zack whispered, "but you should know that I'm in love with Angeal. You know, my teacher? Uh, that doesn't sound good, but he's awesome. Not that you aren't, it's just..."

One hand massaged the teenager's naked back, the other his nape. It felt so good, so loving...Zack buried his face in what felt like a warm neck and sniffled. The shoorei pet his hair in response...just like Angeal would have...

"Last time, when you didn't stop when I asked," Zack mumbled into warm skin, "I was surprised that a soul mate could be anything but absolutely perfect. But Gaia, I can be a serious jerk too, and not just to you, to everyone who cares about me."

The chin that rested on his head moved from side to side over his head - the shoorei was indicating "No".

"I can, I am. I...I know you like being with me, and I like it too. But I can't keep doing it. It's unfair to us both, you know, now that I've realized what I feel for Angeal." A single finger briefly brushed, feather-light, over his clothed erection. "I know. I do want this physically, but my heart doesn't. I know you're supposed to be my soul mate, but...the kenjin said it was up to me. So I...I'm sorry, but I..."

An invisible hand snaked down the back of his shorts, and a finger slipped between his cheeks, not deep enough to actually go inside. It was the shoorei's usual way of asking permission to enter him; since Zack had become conscious of the visits while they happened, the ghost had never taken him without at least a gasp of consent (except for last time). Though he could not put out of mind the memory of how much pleasure this spirit had given him, he shook his head.

"I'm sorry. I can't - whoa! Hey!"

Even when startled, Zack continued to instinctively keep his voice quiet enough to not wake Angeal, but it was tough this time. With its usual and enviable speed and agility, the shoorei had shifted Zack to lay on his back, snatched his underwear off and, with two fingers, was pinching a very sensitive organ near its tip. It didn't exactly hurt, but the feeling of pressure it evoked made Zack understand instantly what this hold was intended for. To keep him from ejaculating.

"Hey, I said - !" The boy was cut off by a slow but forceful kiss. "Let go!"

The shoorei's chin settled on top of his head again just long enough to move from side to side. As it made this gesture of "No", fingers traveled spider-like up Zack's inner thigh to touch him on the inside again, longer this time. Zack got the message, and scowled darkly at the air above him.

"Are you kidding? No!" Despite his bravado, Zack was drawing a blank as to how he would get out of this. He would not call for Angeal, even if he thought for a moment there was anything Angeal could do but be forced to watch this embarrassing blackmail. The boy knew he was not strong enough to throw the shoorei off if it was determined to keep him down, and it clearly was. "Let go!"

The finger obediently retracted, but the other hand kept its hold on his penis. Zack was afraid that even an attempt at fighting would shift the grip into a painful squeeze; he liked this particular piece of his anatomy very much and would prefer not to damage it if possible. So Zack was again forced by this thing to use his head, and it was understandably hard for him to think clearly, especially when the shoorei raised the stakes by cupping both his balls with his free hand and massaging them in turn with a gentle thumb.

"Nnn...this is as bad as last time, worse, and this time I won't forgive you," Zack threatened. The kiss on his forehead that answered him only angered the boy more. "I really won't! If you care about me at all, if you ever did, you'll stop now!"

Fuck, now the thing was lightly bouncing his testicles, as though Zack were some kind of toy rather than a flushed and protesting human being. Zack couldn't think of what else to say, but no matter. Warm breath fell upon his darkening and stiff member, and the shoorei's tongue gave the head a deliberately long lick, wiping up the few drops of pre-come that had gathered there like dew. Then it got busy rubbing its wet roughness-yet-softness against the slit, putting continual, intermittent pressure on the sensitive spot. Zack grimaced and, at the same time, thrust upward, and was seemingly rewarded for this with a few moments of sucking the head before the tongue went back to its previous torture.

"I hate you. You don't care about me, you're like all the others, and Angeal would never do this." Though Zack's thoughts were scattered, the venom in his words was unmistakable. He swung his fists when the shoorei gave him another patronizing kiss, but it was no good - they were easily dodged, or went right through the thing as his hands sometimes did. "Fuck off! Just - oh Gaia - "

His shaft was fisted and being stroked, quickly, a speed meant not for gentleness but for reaching orgasm as fast as possible. It felt good, it was as stimulating as ever, but the pinching fingers were an effective and maddening roadblock keeping Zack from his much-needed goal. It was already no longer a matter of wanting to come so much as needing to, and it was only going to get worse.

"Nnn...please..." He would not consent, he wouldn't.

Lips reverently closed over one of his balls, sucking and massaging it and then doing the same to the other. It was unfair, he was more sensitive than usual thanks to this prolonged teasing and holding off, and by the time the unseen mouth turned its attention back to the pitifully weeping cock, Zack had to bite his lower lip to stop himself crying out yes yes, anything, just let me!

As it turned out, the boy held out against the sucking and laving, though his hips had begun to rock slightly and his head was moving desperately as though he were having a very bad dream - or a very good one. Zack felt the shoorei move and then a face nuzzling his cheek and hair. Not as an apology, but affectionate, insistently loving, a plea for understanding. There followed the sensation of another erection being rubbed against his own, and even mako couldn't explain how strongly Zack felt this. The swollen thickness of it, the smoothness of taut skin, the slight hollow of the slit touching his own - it was all more than he could take, and the shoorei's cock was held tightly against his own and it erupted a flood of slick wet heat all over them both.

Tears escaped Zack's eyes and quickly dampened the pillow beneath him. He turned his head to one side, wishing he could bury his face out of sight, and in a dry, croaking voice gasped "Fine, do it."

The boy didn't protest this time when his mouth and forehead were kissed, resigned to the shoorei's desire to express its gratitude. He cried out with relief when he was finally released, and again when a mouth took him in and sucked with exaggerated gentleness. Zack was close and didn't take long, and as he came down his softening length was caressed as though in apology. He was allowed to catch his breath, then his long legs were heaved up and wrapped around a torso he could feel but not see.

"Just do it, okay?"

When relaxed, Zack didn't need as much preparation as the first few times, but he had remained tight (perhaps an effect of mako), and he was still tense with a distant and vague anger. Luckily, the shoorei always stretched him more than was necessary, and after four careful fingers he was able to slide easily into the pliant and arching body. Zack had a few clear moments to hate and resent this before the pleasure and feeling of connection swept his reason away, and he was spreading his thighs in welcome and allowing his neck to be ravished by a hungry mouth. It held him afterward, as close as it could without crushing the boy, and stroked him all over as if it couldn't get enough.

"Damn you," Zack whispered as it rocked him to sleep.

The shoorei placed a fingertip on his back and traced a heart there; its message was clear even if Zack wouldn't believe it - Love you.

azazaza

In the early hours of morning, Angeal had made himself comfortable on a wide patch of grass near the renovated temple and busied himself sorting and listing the contents of a box of materia. He felt the army had become comfortable enough with them to introduce this valuable source of magic. It would have to be done delicately, though, since Wutaians tended to oppose materia on moral grounds, believing that to use distilled fragments of Lifestream for personal gain was an insult to the dead who comprise it. Angeal had decided to begin with the most positive and beneficial kinds, hoping that these would persuade the soldiers that great, selfless good could be accomplished with materia, enough to justify its use.

Restore and Heal were the obvious first choices, though it would be necessary to use harmful magic in order to properly demonstrate spells like Cure, Esuna, and Poisona. Well, that couldn't be helped. Life was undoubtedly positive, but obviously problematic to demonstrate. Ice, Fire and other types used solely to inflict damage were best saved for another time...and what about Time? It was handy, very much so, but might be viewed by the Wutaians as being dishonorably manipulative to one's opponent. In this land it was considered proper to honor one's enemy, a sentiment which President Shinra had declared absurd.

Maybe I should have been born Wutaian. But then I might have fought Gen and Seph instead of loved them, and I would never have had Zack...

"Ah, is that materia? I've never seen so much up close."

Angeal bowed his head to the kenjin in greeting. "Good morning. Please sit if you like."

The kenjin accepted his offer and peered thoughtfully at the collection of softly glowing orbs. "Is it usual for materia to have that perfectly spherical shape?"

"If it's harvested and sold by professionals, yes. Having a standard shape and size allows the materia to fit in any weapon or piece of armor."

"Ah. Were any of these produced by fusion? I have always wanted to learn more about fusion."

"Some of the stronger ones, I'm sure," Angeal said. "As for the process of fusion, that would be best explained by an expert. To oversimplify, machinery is used to put a materia sample under pressure and shake it rapidly enough for its matter to destabilize and vibrate at a certain frequency. Just before the materia shatters, it's merged with another sample that's been subjected to the same procedure. If successful, fusion combines the two materia into one superior orb."

"Fascinating. And where is Zack this morning?"

The change in subject came so unexpectedly and casually that Angeal's pen slipped and made a messy scribble on the paper. "Zack is tired and feeling under the weather, I don't think he slept well. So I ordered him to take the day off and rest." Angeal figured he need not say that he had offered to stay with Zack and been assured it was unnecessary, then announced he would summon Dr. Oren and been begged not to.

Trouble with the shoorei again, the kenjin thought sadly. "Zack must greatly appreciate the care you take with him."

Angeal smiled wistfully. "I think he tolerates it, more like, out of kindness and fondness for me. Zack thinks he's an adult, but as you've surely observed - "

"He has a very young heart and an innocent soul, indeed yes. But a man may have both of these things and be fully grown in body and mind."

"If you mean to say I baby him needlessly, you need not," Angeal said quietly, looking away from the wise one's perceptive eyes. "I know I do."

"Not needlessly, my friend. You strike me as the sort who does nothing unless it is to fulfill some purpose."

"My purpose, then, my needs. Not Zack's. There have been times when his innocence has led him into danger and I saved him, but had I not spent these years hovering over him, perhaps he'd be less vulnerable. Less of a target."

The kenjin placed a thin hand on Angeal's muscle-thick shoulder and squeezed it with surprising strength. Angeal looked up into the sympathetic, timeless gaze and was reminded for a moment of Sephiroth, whose eyes had always been both young and without age.

"My friend, I've seen a bed of Wutainese blue roses growing in your lovely garden. When the nights are cold and the blossoms are new, you put a glass case over them to shield them from the chill, correct? You do this because without this protection, the flowers would wither. It is no different with your beloved student. Another teacher in your position might have made Zack tougher and less trusting, and harmed his bright and precious soul in so doing."

"That's why I chose Zack," Angeal murmured, smiling inward at the memories of that fateful choice, the child's awe and fearlessness. "I couldn't bear the thought of him being changed."

"It is always the same with young ones," the kenjin laughed softly, "no matter one's relationship to them. We guard them and influence them, then step back and allow them to be who they are. It is bittersweet, but in the end what they require most is the acceptance of those they love."

Angeal slowly ran a gloved hand over his forehead and down his straight black hair. The kenjin's words pained him, made him recall every tear Zack had shed after his declaration of love had been dismissed as a scared child's confusion.

"You have done well with Zack," the old man reassured him. "He adores you. I daresay if you asked, he would give up being a SOLDIER and allow you to overprotect him to your heart's desire."

"I would never ask that of him! I could never."

"He would be safe. You wouldn't have to worry."

"I'd rather worry than see him unhappy," Angeal insisted. "Besides, Zack was born to be a SOLDIER. His talent proves that, and how much he loves it."

"Is he really that good a fighter?"

"I think when he's full-grown he could rival Sephiroth," Angeal said proudly.

"Then why, Angeal, do you need Zack to be a child? If it is not because you think him helpless or want him to be, what is the reason?"

The question, however gentle, was a calculated attack, and aimed well. Angeal pinched the bridge of his nose and lowered his eyes away from the kenjin's face, fearing that the hole just made in his mental shields would let the truth slip out in his eyes or his frown. The old man sat back and regarded him with kindness and a weary expression of knowing, as if he had the answers he sought already, all of them, and yet could do no good with them, could not intervene in the lives that crossed paths with his.

"I don't know," Angeal whispered.

"You do. Ignorance did not place the pain of longing in your eyes, my friend. Only realization can do that."

"Zack has a soul mate," the SOLDIER said coolly and bluntly.

"A soul mate is like anything else. It is one path among many. It is a choice, no more. You will not upset the balance of Zack's life by offering him another one."

"I can't."

"Why?"

Angeal's mouth opened, but made no sound. He was not hesitating at this uncomfortable subject, nor shocked, nor groping for the right words. He truly did not know the answer. Every excuse he had ever stacked against his desire for Zack - age difference, his pseudo-parental role, his higher rank, Zack's naiveté, ShinRa's potential reaction, the opinions of colleagues and friends, his reputation overshadowing Zack - seemed to stagger under the kenjin's dissection and fly apart like a house of cards. All these things Angeal had used to scold himself suddenly seemed like nothing but shadows of the real concern, which was so shrouded in darkness that even Angeal himself couldn't see it, only sense parts of it and be troubled by them. The fear that changing what Zack was to him entailed the risk of changing Zack. The image of Zack's beauty and perfection tied to an older, flawed man and the worry that he could never make the boy as happy as he deserved to be. The thrill of touching Zack intimately poisoned by the belief that in doing so he would be giving up the part of Zack he had so fiercely protected. Loss, it all seemed to be about the terror of loss.

If I love Zack any more, if I admit him into my heart not as an eternal youth but as a whole person who will grow and age just like me, that would be it. I would have to accept that Zack will face danger, that one day Zack will...and if he goes before me, I would not be able to live another day. And if I believe Zack feels the same for me, I will be tying his life to mine and risking it every day. If I let Zack love he will be an adult and adults die. If I have Zack, I risk losing him, and Gaia I cannot lose him!

A flood of tears Angeal had not experienced since his father's long-ago death shocked his eyes and escaped down his face like a hard and blinding rain. Strangely, the kenjin seemed relieved to see this, though he gently patted the commander's cheek, one of the few who had ever dared to do something so potentially patronizing.

"You will never be free of this love, Angeal, nor the fear that accompanies it. All happiness is ephemeral. That doesn't mean we should not risk everything to reach for it whenever we have the chance." The commander looked at him, and found the kenjin's eyes solemn. "As for this soul mate...Zack is still exhausted by the shoorei's visits, yes?"

"...yes..."

"Because Zack is fighting the idea of a soul mate, resisting the thought of belonging to someone else. Does that tell you nothing?" The kenjin sighed. "Are all you gaikokujin this difficult?"

azazaza

Zack awoke from a nap with his mind feeling fuzzy, but the soreness was gone from his body, at least. It was late afternoon, and the boy's boredom and annoyance at missing a day of training was softened by his tiredness. (Angeal had not let him take the stimulant potion that morning.) Zack pulled himself out of bed and shuffled to the kitchen, where he laughed mirthlessly to see that Angeal had left a covered pot of soup, still warm.

Mother hen. But Zack ate some and immediately felt a little better. A lot better, actually, though still weak. He probably mixed a potion into it... As far as Angeal knew, Zack had simply not slept well, and maybe had pushed himself too much the past few days. He could not know what was really wrong.

A nauseous feeling began in Zack's stomach, and he stopped in the doorway between the tiny kitchen and the main room and clutched his stomach with one hand. Memories of the previous night rose up and seemed to follow him like shadows on the gray walls, and old accusations rang in his head, in his own angry voice. Whore, unfaithful, you let it, you liked it! Without thinking, Zack speedwalked to the couch, picked up a sweater Angeal had left there and buried his face into it, comforted by the familiar smell. Why did I bother to tell it 'No' in the first place? If I can't be with Angeal then I might as well - Zack wasn't as nonchalant as he pretended to be, he couldn't even finish that thought. The worst thing, far worse than his objections going unheard, was that he had liked it, he always liked it, and what did that say about his love for Angeal, if it felt good and even right having sex with someone else?

Why don't I just let myself have what I can? Why not just accept the shoorei and this soul mate, whoever it ends up being? Zack pressed the soft wool to his eyes, not because they were wet, just to have the fabric Angeal had worn closer. Because I love Angeal.

"Puppy?"

"Oh, Gaia," Zack mumbled aloud, taking the sweater away from his face and sheepishly putting it back where he'd found it. "Hi, Angeal."

The 1st approached him slowly, eyes barely concealing tension and face serious. He glanced at the sweater, then at Zack, and hesitated before speaking. Angeal looked torn; he could hide some of the pain his indecision was causing but not the indecision itself.

"Are you cold?"

Zack smiled sadly; his teacher's occasional obliviousness had become endearing to the boy, as his own had long ago done to Angeal. "No."

"Are you all right?"

Yeah, I was just sniffing your sweater because I'm a confused kid who's incapable of real love, was Zack's sharp thought, but affection softened this to "Yeah, just tired."

"Did you eat?"

"Uh-huh."

"And sleep?"

"Yes." Zack closed his eyes as a hand felt his forehead, then moved up to pet his hair. "Is training over for the day already?"

"Just about. They're finishing up." Lieutenant Akio had noticed his commander was distracted without Zack and had suggested Angeal go home early, and Angeal had - to the surprise of them both - agreed, without excuses or grumbling. "We have another gift-giving mission."

Zack rolled his eyes, and Angeal silently shared his distaste. Part of the diplomatic side of their presence in Wutai was spreading goodwill on ShinRa's behalf, supposedly sowing seeds for future cooperation and truthfully fostering dependence on technology and resources that only ShinRa could offer. Godo approved every one of these missions before they took place, and no doubt the gifts benefited the villages they were offered to. But Angeal didn't like it, and he hated that Zack had to take part in such dishonesty. The boy had made a lot of friends here and had developed a strong respect for the Wutaian culture and people.

"When? Where?"

"Gansaku." It was a village several miles north of Seidou, not yet visited because it was deemed small and unimportant...until word reached ShinRa of a possible source of mako in the caves that lay on its outskirts. "Tomorrow."

"You're not making me stay here, are you?"

"I was thinking it might be better for you."

"I'm fine, really." Zack's chin was tilted up, his tired eyes looked into, and he smiled to reassure his wavering teacher. "I want to go. I'm only like this now 'cause I didn't have the potion today."

"What happened last night?" Angeal asked, shifting his hand to cup the boy's soft cheek.

"Nothing. It came...then I couldn't sleep for some reason, so I got more tired."

"Come sit with me." Once on the couch, Angeal gathered Zack close to rest on his chest. Zack's fingers idly, comfortably brushed back and forth on top of the commander's T-shirt, and an aching warmth burned in the skin beneath and nearly distracted Angeal from what he wanted to say. "Pup, do you like the shoorei?"

Zack started at that, his whole body jerked the way it sometimes did when he was falling asleep. Angeal wrapped his arms around him, needing to soothe him, needing to touch even if it could only be innocently.

"I like him," Zack mumbled. "He represents my soul mate, why wouldn't I?"

"It seemed to me that you're fighting it rather than accepting it."

Zack squirmed beneath the hands that massaged and pet him. "I'm meeting new people, aren't I? I just haven't found him yet."

"I want to see you happy, Zack. More than anything."

Don't make me cry, I'm sick of crying. "With him?"

"If that's what you need." It was an honest answer, regardless of the pain and want and jealousy it hid.

"Then you should let me go tomorrow. Maybe I'll finally meet the guy I'm supposed to - " A momentary choking sensation blocked the rest of the sentence, and Zack covered it by coughing. And quickly regretted doing so, because Angeal reacted by holding him tighter and kissing the top of his head, and that was going to cause problems if he kept it up. "I mean, that's why you brought me here, right?"

"Yes. I just worried that you might be having second thoughts...that you might not be wanting the shoorei and the one it represents..."

"But that's who I belong with, right?" Zack laughed sadly as Angeal's arms tightened protectively or possessively or both. "You pretend to be eager to give me away but you're not, are you?"

"I don't intend to lose you completely, even when you find him."

"But you're afraid you will?"

"I will always be afraid of losing you," Angeal said quietly. It wasn't the sort of thing Angeal would usually say, and Zack wondered if he knew he was speaking out loud. "No other fear I've ever had casts a greater shadow than that."

"I'm here, Angeal."

You are, I know. All of you, both the kid you were and the young man you are. But you feel far away, Pup, and you will, as long as this thing is between us. And stronger than the shoorei was the decision waiting for Angeal to make it, haunting them more than any ghost of the past or future could.

"I'll still be your student, and your Puppy. I wouldn't give that up."

"Thank you, Pup." Obeying his instinctive needs rather than his logic, Angeal pulled Zack closer, practically urging the boy onto his lap. "I love you, you know that, right?"

"I love you, too. Um, Angeal..."

"Hmm?"

"I don't think I should be...too close..."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just..." Zack's breathing had sped up; some primal, id-driven part of Angeal was pleased and turned on by the sound, and the feel of him. Always the feel. "I'm having some...trouble."

"I'll let go, if you want."

"I don't." Zack curled up, a touching sight as he shyly hid himself as much as possible in the secure embrace. "Do you want to?"

"...No."

"I know it doesn't mean anything," Zack murmured, mostly to himself, hardening his heart against the hurt that would inevitably strike him when this closeness ended and the awkwardness set in again like a wall between them. "It's okay."

"You mean everything to me."

"That's not an answer," Zack gasped, finding it hard to control himself. He shifted his legs to find a balance between stimulation and control. "You won't give me a real answer."

"I'm sorry, Pup." Angeal knew that the kisses he pressed to the hair and flushed skin were straining Zack further and he should stop, but the knowledge made him want to keep going. He could feel the tingle of Zack's arousal in his trembling body, and his own shamefully tucked away in his pants. "What can I give you? How can I make you happy?"

"D-Don't pity me - "

"I don't. I love you."

"Oh Gaia...Angeal..."

Having been finally hoisted onto his teacher's lap, sitting on his strong thighs, Zack spread his legs to ease the pressure on his aching, pulsing groin. The fabric of even his loose sleeping pants was already too much, already strained by an erection that felt good but worried him - Zack didn't think he'd ever been quite this hard. Certainly not in such a bizarre situation. As he frantically tried to think what to do, Angeal's hand landed on his thigh, first as though only to soothe, then pressed his tense limbs back together. The return of pressure on that sensitive place made Zack groan and whimper at once, and thrust his hips forward in search of relief.

"Unh, don't..." But his face fell against his mentor's chest and nuzzled, the heat of his cheek making Angeal's heart race. "Unh...I'm..."

"I know. It's okay." Against his better judgment, against all his logic and reason, Angeal continued to hold Zack's thigh so it kept stimulating him. "What can I do?"

"Gaia don't stop - " Zack was thrusting again, the motion slow but hard, and his fingers dug into Angeal's shoulder and chest. "Fuck, I need to..."

"I know you need to. That's it, it's okay."

"I don't want the shoorei, you know who I want." Zack's mouth was disobeying, blurting in his pleasure things he had intended to leave unsaid. "See, I don't even need to touch myself when you're...fuck, what am I - "

"It's okay." The intoxicating smell of Zack was never easy to resist; now the scent of his need and imminent release threatened to drive Angeal mad if he didn't kiss him, taste this sweet skin, something. Somehow he kept his hands above the clothes, his mouth safely buried in silken black hair. "I'm here, just...just..."

"Gaia, Gaia - "

He was close, Angeal could sense it. His eyes were glued to the heaviness in his student's ratty blue pants, the twitching cock that was near ready to burst. The commander's mouth was dry, his eyes burning as though in unconscious self-punishment, but it was not enough to deter him. Zack had a point; it was amazing that he could do this without stroking himself, that he needed only...My presence?

The troubling thought was quickly, mercifully, shoved aside. Nothing could distract Angeal from Zack's writhing and moaning; the commander even made an unwholesome noise of his own when Zack's nuzzling face tweaked an unhelpfully sensitive nipple. One of Angeal's hands had been cradling Zack's hip; now it jerked and slipped and accidentally slid up and under the T-shirt to touch Zack's bare stomach. Before he could yank it back, Zack's own hand held it there and arched beautifully, and Angeal told himself - over the sound of blood pounding in his ears - that it was an innocent touch, that Zack's purity could make even this debauched frenzy somehow innocent. But his slip must have pushed Zack over the edge. He thrust a few more times, arching his body into the air, then came with a loud, garbled cry.

Angeal caught the boy as he slumped bonelessly, cradled Zack in his exhaustion as though he were still a child and it was only natural to rock him this way. Angeal's own erection was persistent, but he had enough control, it could wait. And he felt a strange relief anyway, like Zack's orgasm had satisfied him as well. The commander held his student as close as he could, humming low, wordless comfort into attractively tousled hair, and Zack reciprocated, snuggling weakly into the embrace. Now that it was over, and the full shame of it not yet set in, the afterglow fashioned an illusory happiness all around them. It began to fade, all too soon.

He came just from being held by me. Pup, could it be that you really love - Refusal to think about that merely brought up other unhelpful thoughts. Angeal's senses made the smell of semen strong to him, and he had to fight the urge to rip Zack's pants down and lick every drop, push slick fingers into him and fuck him in that painless way until more came out, again and again until Angeal had drunk his fill. But it wasn't just want he felt, it was tenderness too, love and respect that helped him to resist. Maybe the kenjin was right. Pup...if you told me again you're sure, if you demanded one more time that I give you an answer...in this moment, I think I'd say yes. I don't know if I should hope you do, or don't.

You pity me, Zack was meanwhile thinking. The realization made him shiver; Angeal interpreted it as a chill and draped his discarded sweater around the boy before holding him again. Hovering is one thing, Angeal, but this? To damage your infallible honor just to get me off...you're giving me what you can because you can't give me all of you. Can't, won't. Does it really matter, when the result is the same? You just want to help me, and by letting you I'm using you.

"I'm sorry, Angeal."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, I shouldn't have..." Angeal instinctively held on at first when Zack began to stand, but he wouldn't truly restrain him; enough villains had done that. "Puppy."

Dammit, Angeal, I'm trying to give you what you want, don't look at me like your heart's the one that's broken.

"I'm gonna go to bed early, so I'm rested for the mission. Come tuck me in, 'kay?"

"Of...of course."

"I think I should probably shower first," Zack murmured, heading for the bathroom.

Watching him go, the weight of Angeal's love and want and hatred of this distance between them crumbled a bit of the stubborn fear he clung to for reasons even he no longer knew. Not completely shattered it, but broke enough. I will tell him the truth. As soon as we get back from the mission.

Little does poor Angeal realize that the Gods of Irony are now legally obligated to make this mission a complete disaster...TBC...