A few chapters ago I got a review asking who Faye was talking to and I meant to respond in the last chapter but sort of...forgot. For those of you wondering, Faye is writing this as a journal. Hope that cleared things up. Enjoy!

Rule #35: Any resemblance between the Dementors and the Nazgul is coincidental.

I really can't be the only person who has noticed this. There has to be more than just me in the world!

I've read all the books. I've done as much research on this subject that one can possibly do and I've reached only one conclusion—Dementors are the illegitimate children of the Nazgul. I mean, why else would no one acknowledge the similarities between the two? We've seen it happen in history before. Just look at any royal family!

I literally have notebooks filled with this research. Entire notebooks! Yes, that's notebook in its plural form. I must have eight or nine notebooks.

Granted, most of the pages in them are filled with drawings of what I think it must be like for Dementors to procreate, but no one has to know about those. I'd rather not have The Talk again. Especially because Professor Snape would have to give it since he's my head of house.

I think we'd both rather get lobotomies.

Since Madam Pince and the other professors weren't forthcoming with the information—some of the professors even laughed in my face!—I decided that I needed to ask directly from the source.

It wasn't that hard to find a Dementor. It was my second year, after all. Hogwarts was literally swarming with them. It certainly made my job easier. At least with them hanging around the school grounds, I didn't have to find a way to get to Azkaban. I'm sure my parents wouldn't appreciate a letter saying that I had been expelled and shipped off to prison because I had used the killing curse on a fellow student. I'm not sure that they would believe me if I said it was an accident.

After lunch, I pulled out a new notebook, preparing for my interview.

"Catch y'all later," I told the Slytherins in my year. "I'm going to go interview a Dementor."

They laughed, not really believing me. Why is it that no one believes me when I'm serious and they believe me when I'm joking?

Really, I had no plans to feed the weakest first year to the Giant Squid. He doesn't even eat humans!

I was nearly out of the Great Hall when someone caught up to me.

"Hey, Faye!" I turned and stared at the Gryffindor girl running up to me. Why was a Gryffindor talking to me?

"What do you want, Girl Weasley?" I asked.

"I wanted to ask you about that Ravenclaw you hang out with. Luna? My name's Ginny, by the way."

"What do you want with Luna, Girl Weasley?" I asked suspiciously. I would not allow this Gryffindor to talk away one of my friends. I needed all the friends I could get! How else was I supposed to take over the world?

And yes, that time I was joking. Just for anyone who might have even remotely believed that. Taking over the world would be too much work. I'll leave that goal to Voldemort. Besides, I don't think he would appreciate the competition.

"What is she like?"

"Luna? She's one of the most awesome people in the school. Of course, she hangs out with me, so she would have to be," I told the Girl Weasley.

"Has she been feeling okay? I heard about the explosion."

I shrugged my shoulders.

"No permanent damage," I said. "I told her not to stand so close."

"Where are you going?"

"To interview a Dementor?" That stopped Girl Weasley in her tracks.

"Really?" she asked. I nodded.

"Are you sure that's safe?"

"It's perfectly safe!" I said. "What's the worst they can do? Steal your soul?"

Girl Weasley didn't look amused by that.

"Why are you interviewing a Dementor?" she asked. I shrugged.

"Because I want to find out how they became the illegitimate children of the Nazgul."

"The what?"

"The Nazgul. You know, like in Lord of the Rings?"

"Is that Muggle related?" Ginny asked. I sighed and pulled out the first book that I had stored in my robes pocket.

"Read this and don't damage it. If you damage it, I'll make sure you never sleep again," I warned her. The Gryffindor's eyes widened and she nodded.

"Where do you two think you're going?" Girl Weasley and I stopped in our tracks at the sound of Professor Sprout's voice. We were nearly at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. We turned to face her. I smiled innocently.

"I have to interview someone," I said. Professor Sprout looked suspicious.

"Who?" she asked.

"I think his name is Phillip," I said. "He's the Dementor that guards the entrance to the Forbidden Forest."

Professor Sprout's eyes widened at the word Dementor.

"You want to interview a Dementor?" she asked. I nodded.

"I want to know how they feel being the illegitimate children of the Nazgul," I said. "And why they want to keep it a secret, when it's obviously not."

Professor Sprout sighed.

"Oh, dear Merlin," she muttered. "Come with me."

"Why? Are you going to introduce us to Phillip?"

"Absolutely not!"

"Then I won't come with you," I told her. "I really need to talk to Phillip."

"You're not going anywhere near those creatures!" Professor Sprout snapped shrilly. "They'll suck out your soul!"

"A small price for a great interview," I told her, waving her comment off. Professor Sprout's eyes widened even further and her face began to get all splotchy.

"Detention!"

Review if you got a laugh!