CHAPTER 36 – "THE CHIP"

Thank you all for your support! I think this chapter works best when you read the previous one first, then immediately read this one. I'm not telling you how to read or anything haha, but if you remember a few key elements from Chapter 35, then you're good to go I guess!

the year 2030

(The living room. Penny and Luke are sitting at the couch.)

Future Ted (VO): Alright, where were we?

Luke: Can we just…stop for a minute? You've gotten us all confused, going back and forth. One minute, you're telling us what happened to Aunt Robin in 2029, the next minute we're in the year 2020 or whatever. It's a little confusing, dad. How about you stick to a timeline and go with it?

Penny: Or how about we drop this whole story altogether? I mean, now you're basically just telling us what happened in 2027. That's three years ago, dad. We can remember stuff that happened 3 years ago.

Luke: And since you're taking suggestions here—you are, right? (The 'camera' nods up and down) How about you stop calling us 'kids'?

Penny: Yeah it's a little embarrassing. We're adults.

Future Ted (VO): You're teenagers!

Luke: Yeah dad, no one calls us that nowadays. Teenagers are the new adults.

Future Ted (VO): Then what are adults?

Penny: (grunts) Old people?

Future Ted (VO): And what does that makes me?

Luke: Really old people.

(Pause)

Future Ted (VO): Alright, I promise, it's getting more interesting now.

Penny: Yeah now that we're finally in it.

Future Ted (VO): So it was 2027 and your mom had left me and I started going to AA meetings to get the help I needed to get back on my feet—

2027

(MacLaren's bar. Ted slaps a chip on the table in front of Lily, Marshall, Robin and Barney.)

Ted: Bam!

Lily: Wow, 30 days. Congratulations, Mosby, you're no longer a doofus.

Ted: (smiling) That's right, kids! I mean, besides the messed-up hair, the eyes that look like they haven't slept in a month and really dirty underwear—(Barney makes a disgusted face)—I am great and sober, and I am so damn proud of it. 30 days, baby.

Robin: We would be much happier for you, Ted, if we weren't celebrating this sobriety…at the bar.

Ted: Look, can you just like—I dunno, take a picture of the chip and, I dunno—

Barney: Send it to Tracy? Is that what you want us to do?

Ted: Hey, I mean, if that's what you want. (chuckles)

Marshall: (slides the chip back to Ted's side) Very happy for you, Teddy. But we're not gonna do that.

Ted: What, why not?

Lily: Look, you really messed up this time, Mosby. And it's not gonna take some lame flowers and an old lullaby to fix it.

Ted: And a chip. You're forgetting how important this is!

Robin: Sorry, brah.

(Marshall, Lily and Robin get up and start to leave)

Ted: (grabs Barney's arm) Wait, Barney! You understand, right?

Barney: (nods) Of course, buddy. You're my best friend.

Ted: So will you ask Tracy to come or talk to me or something?

Barney: Nah. (starts to leave)

Ted: Wait! (grabs him again) Look, it's just us here now.

Barney: Yeah?

Ted: And…you remember how you owe me?

Barney: I owe you?

Ted: That…thing that happened last year? (Barney seems confused) At Luke's first communion?

Future Ted (VO): Kids, you remember the story of the first communion, right?

one year ago

(MacLaren's. Tracy and her ex-roommate Kelly are sitting at the bar.)

Future Ted (VO): Your mom's friend and ex-roommate had called her and told her that she bumped into Barney the other night. Our Barney.

Kelly: Barney…Stinson, right?

Tracy: Yyyyes…and how do you know that?

Kelly: I bumped into him again a couple of weeks ago.

Future Ted (VO): And apparently, they did a little more than just bump into each other.

(Supermarket. Kelly and Barney are talking. All of these happened in Chapter 25 "First Signs".)

Kelly: So, what're you shoppin' for?

Barney: I honestly can't even remember anymore.

Kelly: (laughs) Oh come on, are you messing with me right now? What can you remember, old man?

Barney: I can remember how to be a gentleman and ask a lady out for a cup of coffee after being rude to her.

Kelly: (nodding) Hmm, that's very…tempting. But I think I'm in the mood for something a bit stronger. (smiles)

Future Ted (VO): Again, this is something I shouldn't have told you much earlier but sometimes I like to get a little ahead of myself.

(Back to present time—at the bar with Ted and Barney.)

Ted: I promised not to tell Robin about that and, in return, I would love it if you helped me get my family back together.

Barney: Ok, first of all, that Kelly and I—we didn't sleep together. I had a…a freakout. For a mere second, I decided to lure in to the temptation of a hot, big-boobed blonde while my wife sits at home looking for alternatives to chemo. We made out for a total of fifteen—are you writing that down, Teddy—fifteen seconds before I broke it off and went back to Robin. I didn't tell my wife about that kiss not because I'm being a dishonest, terrible husband but I think cancer trumps every other marital problem in the world right now. The fact that it's 2027 and we still can't find a cure for this disease is something widely more important to talk about at dinner with my wife—rather than discuss what your friend Kelly and I did in the bathroom of MacLarens.

Ted: Barney, I'm sorry, I didn't mean—

Barney: (interrupts) I didn't finish. And you know what, Mosby? The fact that you're willing to make this kind of deal with me right now—what, threaten me into telling Robin if I don't help you bring your wife back for you—it's a little sick and more psychopathic than everything I've ever done in my life, and it's only a sign that you…have not recovered. This token thing you're carrying around with you… (holds the chip in between his fingers) It means nothing. Good day. (gets up and leaves)

(Zoom out on Ted sitting alone at the bar, holding the chip in his hands)

Future Ted (VO): Kids, believe it or not, as tough and cold-hearted your uncle Barney might have been to me over the years, that conversation…I hold it dear to my heart up until today. I was a jerk.

(Ted gets up and leaves the chip at the table)

Future Ted (VO): I was a jerk who drove his wife and kids away. It'd been 30 days of me being alone, without your mother, and it was a dark and ugly world.

(Ted walks around the streets of New York, desperate and alone.)

Future Ted (VO): I had lost the love of my life. And in addition to that, I lost the support of my friends. I knew they would take her side because I'd messed up so much, but I thought if there was a slight chance of redeeming myself, it would be with Barney. So that conversation really stuck with me, and I realized my life was changing for the worse.

(Ted and Tracy's living-room. Ted is entering from the kitchen with some pop-corn; Penny and Luke are at the couch watching TV.)

Ted: Sooo, what'd ya guys do today?

Luke: Mommy didn't let us watch TV.

Penny: That's because she knew we were sleeping here tonight.

Ted: Yeah, too much TV is not good for you guys. Scooch. (sits between them in the middle)

Penny: So, can we stay up all night and watch?

Ted: (laughs) Noo, we'll finish this movie and then we'll all go to bed.

(Penny looks at him and smiles)

Penny: I love you, daddy.

(Ted looks at her and tears up, combing her hair)

Ted: I love you more. I love you guys. (kisses Luke on the head) What else did you do at mommy's?

Luke: That's it, I think. Oh and Uncle Barney came over.

Ted: (surprised) Uncle Barney? Really?

Penny: (chewing on pop-corn) Yeah, he was telling Mom about that chip-thingy that you have? 30 days something?

(Ted smiles into thin air)

Luke: Yeah what is that? It's so lame, you were carrying it around everywhere you go.

(Ted smiles at his kids)

Future Ted (VO): I don't know why Barney went to your mom's that same day, but it made me realize that my friends were being there for me in ways I didn't know yet. The next couple of months would prove just how important Marshall, Lily, Robin and Barney would be in my recovery process and in getting my life back together.

(Barney is walking into MacLaren's.)

Future Ted (VO): It was a long and difficult road—much like this story, I guess—but it taught me so much about myself.

(Barney sees Tracy from the back, sitting at the regular booth alone)

Barney: Tracy? (sits in front of her) Oh thank god you're back, we really need to talk.

Tracy: Uhh, I'm—

Barney: (interrupts) No, let me go first. I know I already told you about Ted being sober for 30 days and this isn't why I want us to talk again. I'm not here to convince you to come back again. It's just us now, and I really need to talk to someone before I explode or—or…forget, or something. You know that your old friend Kelly and I kissed last year, and I've been telling myself that it was a one-time thing, that I was just desperate and going through a mid-life crisis.

Tracy: Look—

Barney: (interrupts) But it's not that. I have Alzheimer's. (Pause) I haven't told anyone yet, and I've been seeing a doctor but I can't—I don't know what…to do anymore. It's getting out of hand and-and there's a big chance I might even forget that we had this conversation. So I want you…to remind me. (Pause) I want you to remind me that you know, that we can talk about this because I'm gonna need someone to talk to. I can't talk to Robin because she has more and worse things on her plate right now, same as how I can't talk to Ted, or Marshall and Lily. But you…you have a unique view on things, and I need you to remind me every once in a while. That I have Alzheimer's. That I'm married. That my wife has cancer. That I own this bar. That I live in 211 Madison Avenue, between 35th and 36th. That my name…is Barney Stinson.

(Long Pause)

Barney: Can you—

(He pauses and stares at Tracy for a while)

Tracy: I'm sorry.

Barney: You're not—oh. (realization breaks on his face)

(Cut to Tracy's hotel-room. Tracy, Marshall, Lily and Robin are there.)

(Barney enters in a hurry)

Barney: (excitedly) I found her! I found Tracy's doppelganger! (pointing at Tracy) I found your doppelganger!

ALL: Nooo! Oh my god, where? Who is she?!

Barney: She's at the bar, come on, let's go!

(They all start to run out the door)

Future Ted (VO): And kids, that's the story of how everyone else found your mother's doppelganger. I never got to meet her, mind you, so I don't know a lot about who she is or what she does. And Barney?

(Barney smiles at Tracy as she's about to rush out the room)

Future Ted (VO): He never got to say all those things he wanted to say to your mother. And before we knew it, it was too late.

(They all leave, and shut the doors behind them.)

FADE OUT

I'm having so much fun with this T/T separation by the way lol. It just makes for good drama I guess. And something about Ted makes you WANT to write him in a "pathetic" light. Sad.

Tell me what you think please! And thank you again so, so much.