When I woke up next, the room was empty. The faces from before all gone. Thanks to the stats written on the whiteboard across the room, I found out I had missed out on quite a number of days. The reality of my situation didn't set in until my nose began to itch and I couldn't lift my hands up. They were strapped to the bed.
It was another three hours or so before a nurse came in, her look of surprise to noticeable before she controlled her emotions. She asked how I was and awkwardly mumbled to herself when I looked away. After checking my pulse and pupil activity, she left the room and not a minute later in came my mother. She was crying fat tears before she even finished running into the room. Half of her words unintelligible. She was careful to wrap her arms around my shoulders, lightly rocking me and crying out.
"My baby. My poor baby."
Esme followed after her and she smiled through tears of her own as she stayed the end of the bed and lightly placed her hand on my toes. It was the hardest to look at Charlie. His eyes puffy and a shade of familiar red. He'd been crying as well. It was only until Dr. Cullen entered the room that Reneé stepped back.
"It's nice to see you awake, Izzy." He was working. His lab coat on and medical chart in hand. "Are you in any pain?" He asked when I couldn't help but wince. Though the movement wasn't due to pain.
"Izzy?" He calls but I refuse to look up. "Are you in pain right now?" Aside from the tight sensations of the stitches, I felt fine. So slowly, I shook my head and then turned away to look at the semi full parking lot.
"Do you remember what happened?" Dr. Cullen keeps on talking to me, everyone else lightly talking themselves in the background. I don't answer him.
In fact, I don't react at all.
EDWARD POV
She had been awake for 5 days and I've yet to see her. I still went to the hospital everyday with my family but I couldn't go inside the room. Couldn't bring myself to see her. It wasn't until the second night, when I was alone in my bed that I realized I was angry with her. After all she went through, the last thing she needed was for her boyfriend to be spiteful as she was bedridden and shackled up. She deserved better.
After the two detectives left the hospital, I could only stand to be there for a while longer before my thoughts grew rampant and I was driving back home in a blur. Rushing up the stairs, I didn't think much before I open her bedroom door and rifle through the drawers. Dad says it was a mild panic attack that I had, my reaction to finding an empty bottle of Triazolam in her sock drawer. As the days passed, Dad and Dr. Snow began to discuss Bella's behavior and eventually asked for my input. I felt like a traitor as I mumble her lack of sleep in past then how suddenly she was sleeping so deep, I couldn't wake her. With the Triazolam now a factor, they both suspect that Bella had playing a dangerous game of self medication. She grew dependent on the pills and possibly had various side effects in which resulted in her suicide attempt.
"Honey?" Esme lays a hand on shoulder, bringing me from thoughts. "How are you doing, kiddo?"
Turning my head, I see the door to her room was closed, the pale blue hospital blinds shut on the small window. Without having to ask, mom knew what I meant. With a slight smile, she sits next to me, taking ahold of my hand in hers.
"You've not gone in yet." She states looking at the tv rather than at me. Her fingers trace my knuckles in a soothing manner. "She's been asking for you."
From what I heard, she'd had gone even more silent than before. Dad studying her closely and conflicted to diagnosing her comatose. Dr. Snow was head doctor on her case but letting Dad take lead in this decision. So comatose or just stubbornly silent….either one had me rolling my eyes which only makes Esme laugh softly.
"Okay." She admits, "she hasn't been asking, but she's noticed your absence. Looks at the door for a while when someone comes in."
"What's going on in there?" She whispers, tapping my temple. A sigh slips out before I think to stop it. Esme rubs my back, following my body as I move down and rest my forearms on my knees.
"I'm just thinking."
"About?"
I didn't know where to start, but it's in a rushed out ramble that it all spilled out, "everything. About what's going to happen if she stays in here. About what will happen if she leaves. What all of this means for us? For her? I'm...I'm scared."
It's with reluctance that I admit as such. Bella needed all the support she could get right now, I had no right to try and steal any away. I had to be strong. Esme, however, tuts her tongue and pulls me up and into a hug.
"Oh my sweet boy," she murmured into my ear. Her motherly ways breaking down my resolve so easily and causing a shuddering breath from me. "I'm so sorry you had to see that."
"What if they let her go and she tries it again? She's already done it once, what's to says she won't do it again. What if I'm not there next time?" My breaths were drawn in quicker. Mom and I both felt my balled up hands shake against her back as I hugged her back.
She slowly pulls away with a serious look to her face. "You can't live in the what if's. You were there this time. Honey, if it wasn't for you, Bella would be dead right now. You saved her life."
Esme notices as I shake my head, because I hadn't saved her. Not really. With more force than I could have pictured from her, Esme holds onto my chin and keeps me looking straight at me.
"You love her so much, everyone can see...You love her, right?"
Just those words were enough to send my heart pounding, and I wasn't strong enough to lie about my feelings to my own mother even when I had spent weeks nearly months avoiding the topic with myself.
"Yes."
A proud grin brightens her face for a moment before she subdues her expression. Voice soft and eyes gentle she says, "that's all that matters right now, honey. She needs us more than ever. Your love matters."
A tug of insecurity rises along with it a brewing anger. Yanking my chin away from her grasp, I look around us and my words are bitter.
"Clearly my love isn't enough because she still tried to fucking kill herself."
"Edward." She gasps but I don't look back as I leave the hallway.
Hours fly by. Everyone comes back home around four in the afternoon and it's a light evening. I don't have an appetite but force down some bites. Esme spends the entirety of dinner staring at me with worried eyes and sharing a parental look with Carlisle.
Afterwards, we all split up and I head up to my room where I close the door and stand in the dark. For a second I'm taken back to that Friday night when Bella had come to take a shower but never came back down. She'd been in her room in the dark, while we both knew she was awake, I never bothered to ask what was wrong when her breathing grew harsh.
It's rash but I quickly grab my jacket and keys and make my way out of the house, glad for Emmett's loud laughter for the needed distraction. At this point I could have gotten to the hospital with my eyes closed, the past week just a constant going and leave the place. It takes just a compliment and smile for the overnight nurse to let me by, though my father being a doctor here provided much more leeway.
It breaks my heart a bit when I open the door. The small tv anchored to a corner of the room was on, casting a flickering light. She wasn't paying attention to whatever program was on. Instead staring blankly at the wall opposite of her. She doesn't react to my sneaking in.
"Bella?" My throat has gone thick, seeing her like this. So slowly, she turns her head, eyes taking a good moment before lifting to meet my own. There was no spark to them. And that was my undoing. Tears full of my fears spill over, leaving me standing at the threshold of the room a gasping mess. Bella frowns and slowly lifts a hand palm up to me.
I pull the small seater closer to her bed. Our fingers weaving together help calm me. Feeling her warmth a huge reminder that she was alive. Bella brushes away the last bit of tears. She shakes her head as her hand molds against my jaw and runs up into my hair, lightly scratching. I watch, a sniffling mess, as she scoots over and makes room on the bed, the invitation obvious. Carefully I get in and she doesn't shy away, moving to lay on my chest and start drumming with her fingers.
"I'm so sorry." I mumble. It's barely audible her small sigh. Her hand reaches up, making its way into my hair and for the first time in days I fall asleep without a flash of blood behind my eyelids.
"She's not going to like this," my frown was obvious as I stared at the table in front of me. The entire surface was covered with printed sheets and reports of different facilities. "She's going to hate this." I knew that much.
The adults stayed quiet, their decision made last night.
"She can't stay there forever, Edward." Esme speaks softly, placing her hand on my arm. "This is for the best."
"When does she leave?" I ask, briefly though, I wonder is they can hear the tremble in my tone. We all turn to the Swans, because while they'd let us be apart of their thought process, they had final say. Renee looked tired, I could see a bit of Bella in her at that moment. The lack of sleep leaving dark shadows under her eyes the same way.
"Tomorrow." Charlie nods.
The rest of the day we spent getting ready for the trip, Alice taking charge of organizing Bella's luggage. I don't think any of us get sleep that night. In fact I only get an hour or so of sleep, and still manage to wake before my alarm.
It's just before seven when we all arrive at the hospital. Standing outside her door both Renee and Charlie looked worried sick. Bella had reopened a small part of her left wrist last night, it wasn't life endangering but the news still made our hearts still. According to the on call nurse, she suspected Bella has overheard a few other nurses gossiping about her leaving today. She'd sent them to a different floor when she had walked by and heard them standing in the very spot we were. If they had been gossiping, Bella would have surely heard them.
"Let me go in first." I ask, speaking for the first time all morning. No one argues with me as I leaned forward, opening the door a bit. With a deep breath, I walk in and find the room dark, the curtains drawn.
"Oh baby," the words rolled off my tongue, as I saw the handcuffs placed once more on her tiny wrists. She was in an awkward position, curled up in a ball but her arms forced to each side of the bed. Her sleeping face held no peace.
"Time to wake up," her sleep is light enough for my words to wake her. I watch, silently, as she blinks hard and lays her focus on her wrists. After a minute she looks up, tired eyes searching mine.
"It's true."
It was the most intense one sided arguments I'd ever seen, Bella and her parents staring each other down. Anything they'd say Bella would just shake her head. No. Once her cuffs were removed, she stayed in the bed not moving a muscle.
They spoke, voices stern telling her it was for the best. Bella glared at the blanket on her bed and shook her head. It wasn't until Charlie raised his voice, "Isabella, you're going whether you like it or not. That's final!"
There was a pause in the room, his words easy to take out of context giving the sexual assault Bella had been forced to experience. The look on his face, when Charlie realized this stayed with me the rest of the day. But it was enough that Bella stopped shaking her head in defeat.
It was a quiet, somber morning as we loaded everything up. Her parents gracious enough to let me sit in the back seat with her for the journey. The start of the car scared her, her jolt visible. Quickly I dug into my pocket and brought out my phone, headphones already plugged in. It hurts my heart when she hesitated grabbing the phone. And I fight the knot in my throat when she puts on headphones but doesn't even attempt to put any music on.
Sitting so close to her, I felt like I didn't know her, which was unnerving because I'd come to feel as if I'd known Bella as well as I'd known myself.
The journey was three hours long, the air was stifling and tense. No one spoke. I kept my hand out, in the middle seat, palm up so she could hold it, if she needed. She didn't glance my way once.
Remembering the map directions, we were only half an hour away. While Bella was sat stiff next to me, watching the building pass and cars blur by, I didn't even try to hide my looking at her. Question after question running through my mind, some almost bubbling up but I smother them away when Bella finally reacts. The second the GPS calls out we'd be arriving in five minutes, she impossibly stiffens and I worry she, too, stopped breathing.
The sad part was I could only feel like I caught my breath when she, not even looking my way, grabs ahold of my hand and squeezes with all her might. All her anxiety and fear tangible in this moment.
"Arrived at destination."
The crunch of the gravel seems to echo from the silence in the car. The Refuge comes into view after a minute of a winding driveway. Ahead of us we see my parents car already parked. They're grouped together on the steps, waiting for us with a few extra people with them.
Bella was stoic the entire time, gaze to the floor letting her parents do all the paperwork. It wasn't easy saying goodbye to Bella, no one aside from our moms feeling comfortable enough to hug her. Afraid that we'd trigger some bad memory.
One by one they all waved a farewell until it was just me and her. I watched silently as Bella took in her surroundings, the uncertainty written across her face.
"You'll be okay." I muster up the courage to say. Her eyes dart to mine and more than ever do I wish I could read minds or specifically hers.
Slowly she walks over to the window, sitting down on the bench just below it and just like at the hospital I go to her when she pats the seat. Together we watch as our families filter outside hugging each other and loading up in the cars. I jump a bit when I feel Bella's pinky intertwine with mine, squeezing ever so softly.
She sighs, brows furrowed, before she reaches into her pocket and hands over my phone. After putting it away, we stay holding hands until Dr. Alvers walks in and says it's time to start the day. Her face doesn't react but I could feel it in the way her hands grew tense that she had been dreading this moment. So had I.
Dr. Alvers gives us five more minutes and walks out of the room.
"Can I hug you?" I murmur, slowly inching closer. She looks up and there was a quick change of expression I couldn't read. I almost stop moving when she quickly looks down. Had I gone too far?
"Bella," I don't get too far in my apology, the words stuck in my throat when she suddenly moves against me and is hiding her face in my neck. Her touch is warm and so soft it brings tears to my eyes.
I try to fight them off though , "babe, you'll gonna be fine." I whisper against her hair and with a quick kiss to her temple i'm reeling with happiness. Even if just for a moment.
The door opens behind us and I know it's time to go. We separate and I can't help to just stare at her, trying to memorize every inch of her face.
I love you, the words nearly bubbling out but I bit my lip in protest. It was too much. It had to be. So I settle with softly running my finger down her cheek.
"See you later."