Note: This is far too long, but tough ta-tas. I was having fun. I wrote most of it with a miserable, stuffy head cold, so I hope it's coherent and makes some kind of sense. I'll try to pick up the pace a bit for future chapters.
Estrella used Steve's phone to get directions to a mattress outlet, a bed and bath store, a sporting goods store, and a grocery store. She could tell he had a very specific plan in mind.
He got a mattress for the back of the truck, and then they were off to the store in the mall which sold all manner of bedroom and bathroom stuff. Steve chose the softest queen size sheets the store had, and Estrella picked light green for the color. As the shopping cart rolled along the aisles, Steve put towels, a mesh laundry tote, and a light summer blanket in with their things.
"You're getting everything!" Estrella said.
He smiled at her defiantly and added two fluffy pillows to the cart. Estrella pushed the cart toward the cashier faster, hoping to get there before he added anything else to the pile. Just to tease her, Steve took a small fan from a shelf and added that, too.
Estrella felt bad that he was spending so much money. She avoided looking at the total purchase price. Steve got out his wallet and swiped his card happily. Out in the hot parking lot, Steve tossed his purchases into the backseat of the truck. They got in the truck to go to the sporting goods store.
"I'm having fun, Eya. I've never been able to do this. To just go out and buy what I want. Pepper tells me which clothes to buy. Jarvis orders most of my food. This is all for me. For us. No Pepper, no Jarvis, no Tony. Do you think you can relax and stop thinking about the money? I want to spend it however I want, with no fussing from you," Steve explained.
He glanced at her in between watching for an opening in traffic to pull out into. Steve was pleased with what he was doing. He seemed to be getting some kind of thrill from setting up his truck as he wanted. There wasn't a hint of concern in him over the expenses, and it wasn't cheap stuff.
Estrella tried to get her mind around the idea of spending money so casually. Growing up, they'd never had much. After she'd left home it had been even worse. Most everything she'd had was donated or scavenged or painstakingly saved up for. That wasn't going to happen here, on vacation.
She'd never been on vacation. The idea would have seemed frivolous, but Steve obviously needed this. He was more thoroughly relaxed and eager to have fun than she'd ever seen him.
Estrella decided to take him at his word and quit thinking about the money.
At the sporting goods store, Steve got an ice chest, a small folding table, and two chairs with cup holders in the arm rests. Estrella smiled instead of frowning when he added a small grill and a set of grill tools. Next, he put two tall bamboo tiki torches and a bottle of torch oil in the cart. He got them two five gallon jerry cans for water and a propane lantern. Some flat, black thing called a solar shower topped off their purchases at the sporting goods store. All of it went into the backseat of the truck.
At the grocery store, Steve pushed the cart around. Estrella put the things he said he wanted in it. If she dared to let her eyes linger over anything, like the avocados, he told her to add those, too. He got charcoal for the grill, steaks, hot dogs, and more food than she thought they'd be able to fit in the truck. On the way out, he got two bags of ice from the store's freezer.
Steve put the cold things on ice in the ice chest. It went in the back of the truck along with the rest of the food. Estrella liked the way the afternoon sun gilded his dark blonde hair into a lighter shade while he moved around.
Steve looked up from loading groceries and caught her staring, but he only grinned at her and kept moving. His grin acknowledged her attention and told her he liked it. A shiver of nerves wiggled down her spine. She wondered why they were suddenly alright with staring at each other. There was a sort of promise, an excitement, in his acceptance of her attraction. He wasn't just putting up with it with stoic tolerance, like he did when other women fawned over him.
They followed the signs to Padre Island. Steve abruptly changed course. He looked in the rearview to make sure traffic allowed the sudden move.
"What?" Estrella asked him.
"I don't have a swimsuit," Steve said.
He pointed to one of the many beach shops that enticed tourists with end of season sales and brightly colored beach towels on display. Their surroundings were so different from New York that Estrella had a momentary sense of mental displacement. Had she been in Tony Stark's tower just this morning? Everything around them was radically different. There were seagulls cruising the parking lot for tidbits instead of the city's habitual pigeons. The trees that fluttered in the breeze were tropical palms, and the smell of coconut sunscreen wafted from somewhere.
Steve couldn't seem to keep a faint smile off his face as he looked around. People were wearing shorts and summer shirts and flip-flops in defiance of the fact that the grocery stores were offering merchandise for Halloween. The local Western wear made Steve look new and embarrassingly urban. Men's boots around here were scuffed and muddy, mostly with stretched leather and worn soles. Men's jeans were dark and sometimes stained at the thighs from work, but otherwise in good repair. No self-respecting working man wore factory-ripped jeans.
Some beachy music was playing in the store. His eyes lighted on racks of seashell souvenirs, rubber flip flops, buckets and shovels for little kids, and lots and lots of swimwear. The walls up high were hung with colorful surfboards and inflatable floaties and rafts. A young woman behind the counter smiled and waved at them, but didn't otherwise interfere.
"I don't know what to get, Eya. Could you pick for me?" he asked.
She nodded and they wandered over among the men's swimwear. She teased him by choosing a bright red and yellow hibiscus pair of board shorts. His eyes widened on sight of it and she laughed. She put it back in the rack and flipped through more selections.
Estrella sent him into the changing room with a plain deep burgundy pair of board shorts, a navy blue pair with ghostly shark shapes in the print, and a white and blue pair with solid color panels going down the outsides of the legs. The geometric pattern of blue green lines over the back and front was dignified enough.
"I have to try these on? If they're large, they should fit," Steve complained as she guided him to the fitting rooms.
"Yes, I need to see how they look. Keep your underwear on under them, and show them to me when you have them on," Estrella insisted.
Steve made a face, but he was still overall happy, so she didn't let up on her insistence on seeing him in the shorts. The girl from behind the desk came over to stand with Estrella.
"It's 'buy two get one free' right now. I'll get a few more for him to try," she said.
"Okay," Estrella agreed.
Something heavy clunked in the fitting room and Steve grumbled about something. Estrella smiled. He never was one for trying on clothes. The salesgirl was back with three more pairs of shorts when Steve opened the fitting room door.
"You have to take your shirt off if I'm going to be able to tell how they'll look," Estrella complained.
Steve looked a little silly with his Western shirt on over the burgundy colored shorts. Steve glanced at the sales girl and took off his shirt and the undershirt. Estrella's eyes bugged a little when she saw a deadly looking black handgun and holster before his shirts dropped to cover them. The salesgirl thought nothing of him being armed. It was Texas, after all.
The girl's eyes roamed over Steve, and he appreciated that she at least tried to look cool and detached.
"Turn around," the salesgirl said, and Estrella nodded agreement with her.
Steve sighed and turned.
Estrella shook her head.
"No. Those make you look like an old man," Estrella said.
The salesgirl made a face that told him both women thought the shorts weren't right for him. He took the three swimsuits the girl offered and shut himself into the fitting room again.
"Is he a model? Or an actor? He's so hot," the salesgirl whispered to Estrella.
"No. Military," Estrella said.
"But they usually have tattoos," the girl whispered.
Estrella didn't bother to tell her that Steve could hear everything she whispered.
She shrugged at the girl and waited for Steve to come out with the next pair. Everyone but Steve liked the white and blue pair.
"It's too low," he complained.
He tugged as if he could get the waistband up from its spot resting just at his hip bones. Estrella very much appreciated the hint of dark golden hairs that showed under his tight navel. She grinned at him and twirled her finger around. His backside looked sublime in the shorts.
"No. It's just right. You have to get that one. It's only going to be me and you," Estrella told him.
"I want to go to the waterpark, and I'm not going in this. There'll be kids there, Eya!" Steve reasoned.
"Okay, so you get another pair that isn't so low. I like those for the beach," she told him.
The salesgirl nodded.
Steve grumbled again and shut himself in the fitting room.
"Lavender? I'm not wearing that," he said, and they heard him moving plastic hangers around.
The salesgirl lightly punched Estrella on the shoulder then bit at her knuckle.
"Girl, you are one lucky bitch!" she hissed with a twinkle in her eyes.
The fitting room door ripped open and Steve strode out only in his boxer briefs. He towered over the salesgirl and gave her his most dour Captain's frown.
"Steve! It's okay. She's just being friendly. Go change," Estrella said.
She nudged aside the speechless girl and used both hands to push at him. He resisted moving.
"That didn't sound very friendly. I don't like anyone calling you that," he said.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it," the girl said in a hurry.
"Go! I don't want to be here all day. I want to get to the beach," Estrella urged him.
Steve went back into the fitting room.
"He's a little old fashioned. Don't worry about it," Estrella told her.
"I'm sorry," the girl said, but she didn't go away.
Steve came out in a gray pair of shorts that had both women shaking their heads. He paused and looked at the salesgirl before he went back in to try something else.
"I apologize, Ma'am. I guess I'm still not used to how young people talk," he told the girl sincerely.
Her eyes widened, and she only nodded after Steve went to try the next pair.
"Are you shitting me? Is that Captain America?" the girl whispered in a hurry.
Estrella didn't know what to answer her.
"I'm on leave. I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell everyone," Steve said from inside the fitting room.
Estrella watched in dismay as the girl hopped around in a circle with her hand over her mouth. She reached for her back pocket and quickly thumbed the unlock code on her phone.
"No, no. Don't take any pictures. Please, just leave him alone," Estrella pleaded.
The salesgirl looked at Estrella and her shoulders fell in defeat. She put her phone back in her pocket.
"Thank you," Estrella told her.
Steve showed them how the orange pair looked. It had ivory side panels and dark brown trim. It looked good on him without being overtly sexy, though Steve in only a pair of shorts was difficult to see as anything except appealing.
"That's your pair for the water park," Estrella said.
"Good. That makes two. While I get dressed, go find yourself a swimsuit," Steve told her.
"But-" Estrella protested.
"You heard the lady. Its buy two get one free. Go get something you like," Steve said in a way that sounded like an order.
Estrella looked to the salesgirl.
"Come on. You're really cute. You could wear almost anything," she said.
Steve stayed out of the way while the girl convinced Estrella to get a two-piece swimsuit. He didn't demand to see the swimsuits she tried on, and she was glad, because she didn't think she'd be able to model them for him. Steve looked around at the surf boards on the wall while Estrella deliberated between the sporty purple and lime green suit, or the white one with pastel flowers.
"You have to get that one," the girl said.
The white suit covered her private parts adequately, but it felt a little too flirty with the ties at the hips and the pink plastic ring that held the cups together in the front. Only for a little while would she be able to wear a bikini like this. Estrella decided to get it. Steve was uncomfortable with one of his swimsuits, so she could be daring, too.
Steve had a surf board under his arm when she went to meet him. It was broad and short. His look said that he dared her to tease him. She smiled and chuckled. She was eager to watch him try the board. If his quick talent at dancing was any indication, he would be good with a surfboard, too.
Her eyes roved over the nearby display of flip flops.
"Get some," Steve insisted.
Estrella bit her lip, but she went to look.
She chose a plain brown pair with tiny multi colored glass beads across the straps.
Her feet looked pale and her toenails were bare. She wished for a bottle of nail polish, but didn't look around for any, lest Steve see and insist on getting her some. Before they could get to the cash register, Steve grabbed two beach towels and a bright green inflatable floatie.
This time, both of them ignored the sales total at the register. The girl kept looking at Steve with starry eyes, but she kept her phone in her pocket.
"Thanks," Steve said to her, and she nodded.
The surfboard and the rest of their purchases went into the backseat, but Estrella wore her new flops. It felt good to have the breeze on her toes and ankles.
"Ready for the beach?" Steve asked her as he started the truck.
Estrella smiled and nodded, but she was still looking down at her new footwear. If Steve had known a simple pair of cheap shoes would please her so much, he'd have found her some sooner.
Getting to Padre Island wasn't like going to Rockaway. There were beach houses, but they weren't so upscale. Their stilts were open underneath, and people had boats and ATVs, cars and barbecue grills under the houses. Interspersed among the tall houses were gas stations and bait shops, a fire department, and a school built up high. A shop sold colorful kites, and Steve was tempted to stop there, but Estrella looked eager to get to the beach.
The windows were down, and there was only the smell of salt air, now. No more scent of cattle or oil field. Steve paid the entry fee into Padre Island National Seashore and hung the fee tag on his rearview mirror as instructed. They stopped at the visitor center and learned about camping on the beach. Steve paid another fee and got a sticker for the truck window. The visitor center was busy, and no one paid much attention to looking at his face. He was glad of that.
They used the bathrooms, and Steve got the jerry cans and solar shower from the truck to fill them with fresh drinking water. Estrella noted that the public showers attached to the women's bathroom facilities were clean enough that she wouldn't mind using them.
"Eya?" Steve called from outside.
She hurried to join him and they went to the truck. Estrella offered to carry one of the water totes, but Steve gave her a look that said 'really?' Right. They probably felt like feathers to him. They got into the truck again, and Estrella found that she was quickly getting used to climbing up. She knew just where to put her hands and feet to almost bounce onto the seat.
It was midafternoon on a Saturday, and the beach near the visitor center was crowded. All kinds of people from teenagers with loud music, to couples and families, to old folks with their small grandchildren were out enjoying the warm air and sunshine. The speed limit was slow here, and the beach was busy. There was space for people to park, and two lanes of traffic on the sand, and then about a hundred feet of beach before the bright glinting waves crashed ashore.
Estrella unbuckled and scooted over toward the sunny driver's window until she was pressed up against Steve's leg. He smiled at her and put his arm along the seatback to make room for her to lean closer to the window. There was a parade of mostly trucks going up and down the beach, and Estrella enjoyed seeing all the festive people. Steve liked the way the wind blew her hair and how she squinted her eyes in the sun. And he liked how she braced her hands on his thigh so she could lean closer to the sights.
A pickup truck full of Hispanic teens went by. They were bouncing in the back and singing along with the music that blared from the truck windows. Estrella smiled and turned on the radio in their truck. There were several stations that played Latino music, and she picked the one that sounded happiest.
Steve grinned and kept driving. He wanted to put his arm around her, but he didn't. Things felt cheery and light and he didn't want to do anything to make her think too hard about how familiar they were getting. It was enough that she was leaning on him so easily.
After a half hour and five miles at slow speed, traffic thinned and the speed limit went up to thirty. There was a sign that warned people to only proceed if they had a four wheel drive vehicle.
"Tell me when you see a camping spot you like," Steve told her.
"Okay, but not yet. It's still too crowded. Keep going until we don't see anyone close," she said.
"How long is the beach?" he asked.
"Sixty miles, I think."
Steve engaged the four wheel drive on the truck.
It was a while before they found a spot where the closest vehicles to them were tiny specks in the distance.
"Here," Estrella said.
Steve turned the truck where the sand was still firm and nosed them up toward the dunes, where the sand was softer. The traction under the truck felt fine, so he parked.
Estrella squealed a happy sound and kissed him on the cheek. Steve's smile was so big that her lips caught the edge of his mouth. She was out of the truck too fast for him to kiss her back. Steve helped her unload the folding chairs. He took out his knife and cut the plastic tags from the new chairs.
"We need a bag for trash," he said.
Estrella opened the tailgate and put up the camper hatch. She found the garbage bags among their grocery store purchases and tied one inside the back of the truck. Steve got out the new grill and cut its box open. Estrella was quiet beside him. He looked to see her staring out at the water.
"Can we do the grill later?" she asked.
"Sure," Steve agreed.
"I'm going to go change. I want to swim. The last place I swam was here, and I was twelve!" she told him.
Steve looked down the beach one way, then the other. Both trucks in the distance had chairs and gear set out, and the people were away in the water. The truck with the tent beside it belonged to a young family. The other truck had a camper like his, and there was an older couple out on the waves in an inflatable raft. His enhanced eyes could see plenty details, but he was sure that he and Estrella were no more than specks to the other beach goers.
"Don't look! Stay over there!" Estrella shouted to him.
"I'm staying right here," Steve assured her.
Estrella had both of the passenger side doors open to change between. From the way a beach towel dragged the sand as her feet shifted, he knew she was trying to keep herself covered as she changed into her swimsuit. Her modesty appealed to him in a way that blatant showiness wouldn't have.
Steve dug in the ice chest and got himself a can of beer. He didn't care for cans, but there was no glass allowed on the beach. He took off his shirts while he waited for Estrella. His sidearm and holster slipped under the mattress in the back of the truck. The tailgate made a good seat while he took off his boots and socks. He knocked them together to get most of the sand off, then stowed them at the foot of the bed. Steve took the solar shower bag and laid it in the sun on top of the camper shell.
"I'm ready," Estrella said.
She was wrapped in a big beach towel from armpits to knees, with only her butterfly necklace above that, and two thin white straps over her shoulders. She was practically dancing in her eagerness to go to the water, or was the sand too hot for her feet? The balmy breeze and warm sand felt great to Steve.
"Put on the blue and white swimsuit, not the orange one," she told him.
"You're the boss lady," Steve smiled.
He didn't tell her to stay away, and he didn't hold up a beach towel. Estrella wasn't likely to come looking. Steve frowned at where the shorts wanted to cross his lower abdomen. The mesh liner was supportive, but the weight of his junk tended to tug the waistband even lower. He grimaced and tied the cinch string as snug as he comfortably could. Natasha would have something smart to say if she saw him in this, and Tony probably would too. Steve grabbed his beach towel and went to join Estrella.
She tried not to stare at Steve. In the sun, at the beach, he looked much better in the swimsuit than he had in the store.
"If I hafta wear this, then you don't get to hide behind a towel," he told her with a smirk.
Estrella took off the towel and put it over her shoulder. Steve wasn't as successful at not staring.
"Eya…" he said.
"Don't make me regret getting this suit for you," she said, and she walked off toward the waves.
Steve stood silent and watched her high, tight, round bottom move away from him. As she turned to frown back over her shoulder at him, he shook his head and hurried along to catch up.
"You've seen me without my shirt a lot. Have some mercy, Eya. This is the first time I've seen you like this, and you're really pretty," he said with high color on his cheeks.
"Okay," she agreed, because he was right.
Right now, she was a modest B cup and her ribs were not bony anymore. Her hip bones were still sharp, but that was alright because her thighs were filling out nicely. She could feel his eyes on her, and instead of frowning at him, she stepped to walk closer to him. She put her arm around his waist and leaned her head against him.
"How do you get used to people looking all the time?" she asked.
Steve thought about her question while they got closer to the water.
"At first, it felt very intrusive, like people were touching me. I wanted to make them stop looking, but that's impossible. Eventually I had to tell myself that it was only their eyes. I was used to people looking at me with disgust, when I was small. That made a hard transition, when everybody was looking for other reasons. I hate to admit it, but I was proud, at first. I got a little puffed up about it," he said low and ashamed.
"You're not like that now. What changed?" she asked.
He liked her fingers rubbing at his hip. It was a little thrill, but comforting too. He was thoroughly enjoying the feel of her skin against his side and their legs brushing together. He wanted to stop and revel in her touch, her skin, but he kept his wits for their conversation.
"The war happened. There's no time for pride over there. Nobody was impressed. I had a job to do, so I did it. Then the plane went down. When I woke up in New York, I was too confused to think about how people looked at me. The attention was easy to ignore, with all the modern wonders to get used to. There's work to do now, too. People look, but I have to be focused on my job," he explained.
Estrella nodded. They'd almost reached the water's edge. She dropped her towel on the sand.
"Men look in a different way. It's hard to ignore. It makes my skin crawl," she told him.
"I know," he agreed.
"You know? You can't know!" she denied.
"I do. Men look at me too. Like you said, it's different. Their looking is more…active. If I don't warn them off, they approach me. A few women are like that, but it's mostly men who feel they have to do more than look," he said.
"Oh. Well, it's still not the same. You're big and strong. Warning looks don't work for me. They try anyway," she said.
Steve's mouth turned down at the corners.
"You don't have to put up with that," he said.
"That's easy for you to say," she told him.
"You don't. Let Nat teach you a few things," he insisted.
"And what then, when there's twelve of them? Do you think a few lucky punches will stop twelve men? You've never had to fight from a position of weakness," she denied.
"I did, Estrella. I got beat down a lot when I was small. Buck tried to teach me, but…You're right. I wouldn't want you to have to take the beatings I did," Steve said.
His fingers lifted to touch her cheek and her nose, then her lips. It made him feel sick to think of her busted up and bleeding as he'd so often been. A bully getting some fun shots in on a smart mouthed punk like he'd been was completely different than a man wanting sex. Rape.
He pulled her into his chest and hugged her.
"We'll find a way to keep you safe," he said into the top of her hair.
"You can try," Estrella agreed.
She kissed the middle of his chest. It was easy to tell that he was agitated with thoughts of her being assaulted. His heart thumped strong and his hands rubbed the small of her back, almost too hard. Was he trying to soothe her or himself? Maybe both, she decided.
"Don't think about that anymore. I want to swim," she told him.
Steve dropped his towel beside hers. She waded out, and he followed. He was delighted to feel that the water was warm against his skin. He'd braced himself for cool water, but the pleasant surprise was welcome. He hurried past Estrella and turned to lay back against a wave.
It crashed over his shoulders and he laughed. He wiped salty water from his eyes and saw Estrella chuckling at his exuberance. With his back to the waves, he pushed at the sand with his heels to get to deeper water. Estrella took her time. He liked how she delicately turned sideways when the waves came. She let them pass around her and didn't get buffeted so much by the power of the water. Only the biggest breakers pushed her back a few steps. He would have offered her a hand, but she was smiling, enjoying the challenge.
Steve stopped when the water was mid-rib deep on him. Since Estrella had just kissed his chest, he knew where she would be able to stand with her face out of the water. He offered her a little tug to get beside him through the next wave. Her eyes went wide at something behind him and an instant later, Steve found himself tumbling forward. He sputtered and stood up. Estrella came up next to him. She pushed her hair back from her face.
"If we want to get past the breakers, we have to go out deeper," she told him.
Steve tugged her along behind. They paused to hunker down under two more crashing waves, and Steve enjoyed how the force of the water rocked them back, then forward. Estrella was fearless in the water and not much bothered by getting tumbled around. It wasn't until the water was deeper than she could stand that the waves passed them in swells rather than breakers.
Estrella lay back atop the water and relaxed as the swells lifted her. Steve had to tread water because he was too dense to float. He was almost buoyant, but not quite. He admired how Estrella could float with only a little effort.
It was a good workout to keep his head up. Steve was glad because his muscles had been screaming at him for something to do. He reveled in the slight effort. Unlike running or working out on a machine, the moving water worked all of him. The water felt like a gentle push against him, but it was powerful.
His eyes couldn't seem to peel away from the gentle curves of her, and the light golden skin of her trim belly. He was so glad to see that her belly wasn't concave and emaciated anymore. He'd used the word 'pretty' for her earlier, but he thought she was more than that. There was something extraordinary about the way every line of her curved and flowed into the next. As far as he knew, she never spent time in the gym, but her legs were shapely. He wanted to kiss her toes.
She could feel him looking. She didn't know how, but she could. Instead of fussing, she tried to do as he'd said earlier. She thought of him looking at her as something detached from herself. It was just his eyes, not a touch. And she liked his touch, anyway. That thought helped most of all. Since she knew he was looking, she put out an arm toward him. He immediately touched her fingers and pulled her close.
"I can't seem to help it," he murmured.
"Then no complaining when I look at you later," she said lazily.
"That's a deal I'll take," he agreed.
Estrella wrapped her arm around his shoulders. She could feel him treading water, working to stay afloat.
"Don't you float? Everybody floats in saltwater," she said.
"Not me," he denied.
"You'll tire yourself out."
"Nah. It feels great. I need a lot of activity, Eya. I was getting jittery. This is perfect," he told her. His voice didn't sound strained at all.
"You're weird," she said.
"Yeah, but you like me anyway," he said with a smile in his voice.
"Mm-hmm," she agreed.
An abrupt hissing sound startled them both. Estrella jerked upright, and Steve looked for the sound.
"Dolphins," he said in wonder.
Slick gray bodies curved above the water not far from them. He saw at least three. Dark eyes looked at them above the waves, and he imagined they were looking below the water, too.
"What should we do?" Steve asked.
"Nothing. They're probably curious about all your swishing around. They'll go away in a minute," Estrella told him.
Indeed, a few more members of the pod came up to breathe, and then they were gone. Steve was more impressed with Estrella's cool acceptance than he was with the dolphins.
"Does that happen a lot here?" he asked.
"Sometimes. I remember seeing them as a kid. They don't usually come in this close. There must be something about you that caught their attention," she said.
"Or something about you," he challenged her.
"Ew!" she said, and slapped water at him.
"No, really! I saw a YouTube video once where a dolphin was trying to-"
"Steve, shut up! Do you really think that helps me? If Natasha was here, she'd smack you for being stupid again," Estrella grumbled.
"Oh. Sorry," he told her.
"You deserve to apologize for that. Yuck!" she pushed at him.
Steve looked chagrined to have stumbled into such an awkward conversational blunder. He was so cute in his embarrassment that she had to have mercy on him. After all, she didn't think he would have felt free to have said anything like that in front of anyone else.
"Aw, don't feel so bad. I want you to tell me all the embarrassing things. Tell me, what else did you watch on YouTube?" she asked him with glee.
Estrella glided around front of him in the water and hugged their chests together. Just as she'd hoped, her buoyancy helped him to not have to tread water so vigorously. He looked down at how her breasts pressed into his chest and she didn't know if his continued bright cheeks were from what she'd asked him, or from what he was seeing.
"Um, a lot of dirt bike races and crashes, some history documentaries, and…" he hesitated.
"Yes, and?" she prompted him.
"Women's volleyball," Steve said.
"Ooh! You mean beach volleyball, where they wear the little bitty bottoms, don't you?" she asked him.
"Right," Steve said.
She smiled up at him and wiggled.
"What? You're not disgusted with me?" he asked.
"Why would I be disgusted? It's so cute! You could have looked at things so much worse. Unless you're not telling me?" she asked slyly.
"Uh, I did a little of that too, at first. I think Tony or Clint put things on my laptop for me to find," he admitted.
"Captain America looking at porn! It's got to be the great American pastime, right after baseball. No, I bet it makes more money than baseball. You said you only looked at a little, at first. Why'd you stop?" she asked him.
"After the shock wore off, I started noticing how practiced it all was. Some of them look like they'd just as soon be eating a sandwich. Or worse, the ones where the women try so hard to sound like they're having fun, but end up looking like they're in pain and they just want it to be over with," Steve told her.
"You got tired of porn? What man gets tired of porn?" she asked him skeptically.
"This one. Maybe it's because of what I do. I see people in extreme situations all the time, Eya. I can tell when someone really means what they're doing, and when they don't. That's important. I've gone easy on some opponents when I could see that their heart wasn't in it. Those guys, I can drop and they'll stay down even if I didn't hit them very hard. It's easy for someone to find themselves on a path in life that they didn't know would end up where it does. They want out, sometimes. I try to be merciful when I can. So, yeah, I can tell when somebody doesn't really mean something. I can spot a fake without a long scope," he explained.
She gave him a funny little bewildered smile.
"A long scope. It's the optics mounted on top of a sniper rifle," he explained.
"Ya! I'm not stupid. I can figure that out. I'm looking at you funny because it matters to you that the porn stars are having fun," she said.
"Eh. That goes back to the first girl who kissed me. Moira McKennet. I could tell she wasn't into it. Then I found out Buck had paid her to do it. I was so angry that I would have beaten him if I could. I tried. He thought it was hilarious," Steve frowned.
Estrella bit her lip hard to keep from saying something bad about Bucky. The memory was plainly not a good one for Steve.
"I like your kisses," she said softly.
That worked to get the sourness of bad memories off his face. He looked down at her, and she smiled shyly.
"You do, huh?" he asked her.
"Did it look like I was faking it?" she asked him.
"Nuh-uh," Steve murmured.
He looked down at her, and she moved her arms from around his body to up around his neck. He was waiting for her to kiss him. She didn't make him wait long.
They both tasted of salt water. Steve was eager and dove in strongly with his tongue. Estrella made a muffled sound of surprise, then reciprocated by sucking at him a little. He grunted at the primal tug he felt all the way down. Soon as he stopped treading water to hold her, they started to sink. Estrella sputtered and they parted laughing.
She kissed his smile with affectionate little pecks. Her fingers splayed onto his scalp and held him while she rubbed her nose against his, then kissed her way across his cheek to his jaw just beneath his ear. She nibbled at him with her teeth and Steve made a sound that was half laugh and half moan.
"Am I faking it?" she asked him again.
"I don't think so, but maybe we should do that some more so I can be sure," he said low at her ear.
Estrella shivered at his husky, amorous tone. He was letting his beard grow out again, and she wiggled all over when he rasped it against her neck. Ooh! He tried to pretend that he didn't have any game, and maybe sometimes he didn't. But other times…
"The Beard has skills," Estrella giggled, and tucked her head to get away from the exhilarating tickles.
"You like that, huh?" Steve asked.
"Let's go to the beach so we can do more," Estrella said.
Steve thought that was a great idea until he didn't. He could easily picture the two of them on beach towels, Estrella below him and him lavishing her body with kisses, licks and nibbles. He could work his way down until…
"Nngh. No," he said roughly.
"Too much?" she asked sweetly.
Instead of answering, he tucked his face against the side of hers so she couldn't see him. The feel of something hard pressing at her inner thighs let her know exactly how he felt about the idea of going to the beach to really play.
"Stop kicking!" Steve hissed at her.
Estrella went still, though she wanted to rub him and make him feel good. Natasha had told her not to push him too much, and she didn't want to make him unbearably aroused. He didn't like feeling out of control. She never wanted to see a look of regret on him for anything they did together.
Steve struggled to push aside what he wanted. Since she had suggested it, he wanted to please her, but he couldn't. They'd only just kissed for the first time this morning. He didn't want her to think that he'd only brought her along with him to use her. Plus, he had his own motivations for taking things slow.
"Steve."
"Yeah?" he asked, muffled against her hair.
"What are we doing?" she asked him.
He didn't pretend to misunderstand.
"Trying to take it slow," he said.
"Is that what you want to do?" she asked.
"Yes," he said decisively.
"Okay."
She eased away from him. The water felt cool on the parts of her which had been pressed to his skin. She didn't want to part from him completely. To give him space, she drifted around behind him and rested her hand on his shoulder. That way, his front side was free to do what he wanted without her influence.
"You didn't have to go," he said.
"Yes, I do. I want you, Steve. If you want to take this slow, then we need to calm down," she said.
"You want to go fast?" he asked.
"You're the first man I've ever wanted. Before my voice was a problem, I liked a boy. I was too young to know what to do with him. Both of us were shy. Then, men showed me more than I ever wanted to know. I didn't think I'd ever want anyone again. You make it feel clean, like it's alright for me to want this. Sometimes I feel like I have to take it quick, before I wake up from this dream I've been living in," she tried to explain.
Steve didn't say anything, but he grasped her hand from his shoulder and kissed her fingers. He knew perfectly well what she felt. He'd cursed and roiled against time as the ice was chilling his mind and body into numbness. Much as he didn't want to wait too long again, he also didn't want to rush ahead and cheapen what he felt they could have.
"Come on," he said.
Steve pulled her until she was on his back again, with her arms and legs wrapped around like the last piggy back ride he'd given her. He swam strongly toward shore. They'd drifted South from where the truck was parked, but it wasn't too far. An easy walk would get them back to their beach towels.
Estrella didn't question him. He seemed calmer now, not like he was taking her to the beach to do naughty things. If he wanted that, it's not like she would stop him, anyway.
He didn't let her down until they were back at their towels. He bent over with her still on his back and straightened her towel for her, then he reached around behind and set her on it so that her feet didn't get sandy.
Steve pulled his towel close enough so that he could sit beside her.
They looked at their fingers and toes. They were plenty wrinkled. Of course, she was more wrinkled than he was. She watched in fascination as the paleness and wrinkles of his fingertips colored and smoothed out to normal.
"I hate you," she shoved at him playfully.
"Let me see your hand," he said.
She showed him her scuffed palm. It was completely healed now, with not even a hint she'd ever been injured.
"Heh. Hate yourself," he replied.
"Yeah, well my fingers aren't unwrinkling like yours just did," she complained.
Steve smiled and stared out over the water. It felt like they were completely alone on the beach. If he didn't look to the distance on either side, they were. She was right next to him, and she'd said plainly that she wanted him. He tensed his arms around his raised knees until the urge to touch her passed. He needed to be honest with her. It had felt crummy to manipulate Dana and Catherine into doing what he wanted. He couldn't do that to Estrella.
"Eya, I want you too. We can have some fun. I like being close to you. It feels better than anything. But you've got to know that I won't make love with you. Not if I think there's any chance of you running off someday. We can enjoy each other, but only so much. You say you want me, but do you want all of me? Or do you just want to play for a while?" he asked.
"All of you?" she wondered.
This sounded important, like she should be sure exactly what he meant. There was no teasing on his face. He'd toned down his sexiness somehow until she saw only the friend she'd first met on their bench outside the coffee shop.
Steve let his closer leg slide out straight onto the sand. He took her hand and guided it down low on his shorts until his fingers curved hers around the weight and softness of his testicles.
"All of me. Everything I can give you. Nothing held back," he explained.
He watched her pupils dilate at the intimacy of the gesture. It was very forward of him, but he needed her to understand without a lot of awkward words getting in the way. He knew she'd get it. They'd always been able to communicate, even before she could talk to him.
Estrella cupped him briefly before withdrawing her hand. Only Steve could make such a thing sweet and sincere, but so heavy with meaning. Her urge was to lie down for him, here and now. Her body instinctively wanted what he was offering. Yes!, it keened at her. Her mind was much more cautious.
"You want babies with me?" she asked.
"It's a little early for that, but if we stay together, someday I do. I want everything, for the rest of my days. I can't have that if you're going to run. I won't take the chance. I'm sorry," he told her.
"Don't be sorry. At least you're honest. If it's what you want, then it's what you want. Natasha said the thing with the prostitutes was still messing with your head," she said.
"Fuck Natasha! Maybe screwing up with the hookers clarified a few things for me, alright? Life's too short to hurry around with anymore meaningless relationships," Steve said.
He got up from beside her and paced away, then back again. His anger had his body tensed. He was glorious to behold, clothed in so little, but she didn't let herself get distracted. She got up too, and stood in his space when he paced back her way. There were things she had to know about him.
"Did you? Ever fuck Natasha?" she asked him.
Weeks of jealousy made her voice sharp. Those two were so attuned to each other. They could have easily agreed to lie to her. The woman was like that. She could have had her fun with him, and then tried to set Steve up with her when she sensed he wanted something more permanent. Natasha would never tolerate permanence with a man.
"No!" Steve denied.
"But you wanted to. You want to. Don't you lie to me!" Estrella pushed at him, shoving at his chest.
"Yes! Who doesn't want Natasha? I dreamed about her once, and I got off on it, okay? Is that what you want to hear? But you know what? I could have her. Like that," he snapped his fingers sharply, "and why haven't I?"
"I don't know," Estrella said with a small voice. She wasn't accustomed to so much blatant honesty. It was painful to hear.
"Because she's too damaged to have much heart anymore. It would only be a quick, hot fuck. Are you too damaged, Estrella? Is that all you're good for?" he practically shouted in her face.
She slapped him. Hard. She immediately knew that she shouldn't have. She'd prodded at him for the truth, and he'd let her have it undiluted. She looked up at him, waiting for the impact of his fist. From the way his veins were prominent, she knew he was angry.
Steve carefully picked up the hand she'd slapped him with. He brought it to his mouth and kissed her palm softly. Then, he moved her hand and kissed her fingers and her thumb, too.
"Is that all we're good for? A quick fuck? Fun while it lasts?" he asked her with heavy sadness.
"I don't know," she said.
It was difficult to admit to him. He might never let her close again, if she admitted her fears. Maybe she was as damaged as Natasha. Steve was courageous. His courage challenged her. She had to be as honest with him as he'd been with her.
"I don't know, Steve. I want to be with you, but I'm afraid. What if you're having a personal crisis because of what your body is doing right now, and you wake up one morning and discover that you don't want a used girl anymore? What if you realize that I'm nothing more than a cheap trick, with my voice and my looks?" she asked.
"And what if the serum fails me and I turn into a sickly little weak guy? What if you get tired of living in fear of all my enemies?" he asked.
Estrella sighed tiredly and stepped forward to rest her forehead on his chest. His hand came up to rub soothingly at the back of her neck.
"Maybe we should make a list?" she suggested dryly.
"Hmmph!" he grunted.
She enjoyed the comfort of his skin for a moment longer, then she pulled away.
"Do we have to have all the answers right now? Is it enough to know that I want to be good enough for you? I want to want to stay. I don't ever want to hurt you," she told him, somewhat muffled into his muscles.
"Don't say that you're not good enough for me. I feel the same way, like I'm not good enough for you. So can we agree to cancel that one out? It would make the list a little shorter," Steve said with the slightest hint of humor.
"Okay," she agreed.
"I need to know," he went on more seriously, "Are you saying that you want to try this with me, Estrella? I can back off. We can stay friends, if that's all you think you can have with me. I know my life is crazy. I won't blame you at all if it's more than you want to put up with."
"I think I can take the crazy. My life gets crazy too. If I could ever stay in one place, with one man, it would be you. Maybe I'm using you. You're the only person who's made me feel safe, like I could even consider staying," she admitted.
"It would be my honor and my privilege to keep you safe, if you'll let me," he told her.
"Is that why you brought a gun?" she asked.
"Yes," he said without hesitation.
"Oooh! You stink!" she told him vehemently.
Steve drew away from her sharply and sniffed in the direction of his armpits.
Estrella laughed.
"No, not like that. You smell fine. I can't stay mad at you! I want to, but then you go and make me feel all melty inside. Okay! I want to try with you. If you're stupid enough to take a risk on me, then I'd be even dumber not to try. But the hurt goes both ways! You could have any woman you wanted, Steve. If you decide you want to try for Natasha, or if you want to play around with hookers again, you better tell me, and then we'll be over. If you're keeping me safe, then you keep my heart safe, too," she demanded.
She was surprised when instead of balking at her bitchy demands, Steve lowered himself to his knee on the sand in front of her. She didn't like to see him lower himself, and she would have stepped back to fuss at him, but the look on his face stopped her.
He was happy. Even happier than he'd been about his new truck. His arms came around her waist, and he looked up at her with shining eyes.
"No more other women. You're all I'll ever need," he promised her.
"Hmmph!" she grunted at him in a copy of his earlier skepticism, "Let's be realists, here. You're a man. You'll look. But if you ever think of doing, you have to tell me. I won't share you," she said.
"Jealous?" he asked.
"Yes! If I've ever got babies for you, then I'd better be the only one," she said.
Steve took a moment to kiss her over her heart, and then she tugged him upward. She didn't want to see him on his knees.
He bent to get their beach towels. They snapped the sand out of them with hard flicks, and Steve took her hand. They walked toward the truck.
"Uh, I hate to mention it right now, but I should…" Steve said.
She looked to see his jaw set in determination.
"Go on."
"Remember, it's possible that one of those women could be pregnant. And I have to train with Natasha. She's exciting. She gets under my skin sometimes. But I don't want to be with her," Steve admitted.
"Then we'll take it slow until we know about the women, but I think you're worrying too much. I'll talk to Natasha. She's wanted us together all along. If she can't stop teasing you, then we'll go live somewhere else. Or she can," Estrella said with a firm chin.
Steve smiled at her.
"I like you. You're strong," he said.
She rolled her eyes at the absurdity of Captain America telling skinny little her that she was strong, but he could tell she was pleased. She knew what he meant.
When they got to the truck, Steve used the hose of the solar shower to rinse the sea water from his body and from his shorts as best he could. Estrella watched him and tried not to salivate. He started taking the grill out of its box and assembling it because he knew he wouldn't be able to watch her shower without making her self-conscious.
"Steaks or hot dogs?" he asked her.
"Hot dogs are faster, right?" she asked him.
"I guess so," he said.
Estrella came around from the side of the truck, dripping. Steve averted his eyes, or he was going to want to follow the water down her skin with his tongue. She grabbed her beach towel and flicked sand from it again, then dried herself when she was satisfied the towel wouldn't make her dirty.
Steve lit charcoal in the newly assembled grill. It took longer for the charcoal to get ready than it did to heat the hotdogs. The sun was getting low by the time they served up their food onto paper plates. Estrella added condiments to the toasted buns, and Steve got them each a soda from the ice chest.
They sat to eat, and Steve bowed his head. She waited until he was done and had taken a bite that consumed half of his first hotdog of the five that were on his plate. A bag of chips was open on the folding table between them.
"You can pray in front of me, you know. I won't mock you or think it's weird," she told him.
He looked at her.
"Thanks," he said.
She got the feeling that he wasn't ready to do that in front of her yet. Not out loud. She set it as a milestone to look forward to, if he could ever open up to her like that. She'd seen how Tony sometimes snidely mocked him for his faith. She could imagine Bucky doing it too. Estrella kept her silence on the matter. Things like that showed her that no matter how cozy they got with each other physically, there were still parts of themselves that they held back.
As the sun went down, the breeze became cool. All this time, it had felt like early fall in New York, but only now did the reminder come that late October in South Texas could be chilly at night. Steve noticed her goose bumps. He hurried to put the lid on the grill and close the dampers. Estrella started putting the trash away, and stowing the chips and the rest of the condiments where they belonged.
"I've got this. You can go get ready for bed, if you want. You look cold," he told her.
"Okay," she said.
She was starting to feel sleepy. It had been a very long day. She went around to the front of the truck and closed herself inside. She turned on the cab light so she could see to dig in her suitcase. She took out fresh underwear, a soft sleep shirt, and boxer shorts she had borrowed from Natasha. She laid out her damp swimsuit across the dashboard. Tomorrow's heat would dry it quickly. She wished for the wet wipes they'd bought, but they were in the back with the groceries. After she hurried into her night clothes, she went out around back to get some water to brush her teeth.
Steve got his toothbrush too, and she stood beside him near the dunes while they brushed. In that moment, it felt strangely more like they were siblings. She laughed and shared her cup of water to rinse their mouths clean.
At the back of the truck, Steve held the shower hose so she could rinse her feet free of sand. Then, he toweled her feet dry. Suddenly, the 'sibling' feeling passed. There was something about his large hands moving over her feet that felt anything but platonic.
Steve went to the cab to change, and Estrella started dressing the mattress with the new sheets. Halfway through, she looked up to be sure Steve was still busy. The light from the truck cab clearly showed her what he was doing. She faltered and wondered if he'd seen her changing. Had he seen her without her top on? There was little time to ponder the question, if she was going to freshen up. She quickly got a wet wipe and cleansed herself, then stuffed it into the garbage. She embarrassed herself with how slick she was from all the kissing they'd done today.
Steve closed the front of the truck and she heard his keys jingle. She hurried to finish getting the sheets on the bed and the cases on the pillows. She fretted that they should have washed the sheets first, but she'd slept in far worse circumstances. The sheets smelled clean and starchy, only faintly like their plastic packaging.
She smiled nervously at Steve as he joined her in the back. He rinsed his feet and dried them, then he closed the tailgate and the camper hatch. He slid open the side windows to let the breeze in through the screens. The moon was bright enough that he didn't need to light the lantern to see.
"I can tell you're nervous, Eya. I can sleep in the cab if it would make you feel better," he offered.
"No. I want you here. With me," she said.
"Only if you're sure. I don't know what I was thinking. It's really brassy of me to expect you to bunk with me," he told her.
"It's fine. Just lie down. We did this before in New York," she reminded him.
"Alright, but I'll go anytime you tell me to," he said.
"Steve," she said with exasperation, and she flopped the sheet and blanket back for him.
He slid into their nest, but kept a little distance from her. At least the queen mattress was wider than the day bed at Tony's beach house. Estrella moved to snuggle closer into his warmth.
"Eya, I'm-"
"Oh," she said.
He was hard against her. His hand gripped her shoulder as if he wanted to push her away.
"Are you okay?" she asked him in a small voice.
"I think so. I can't seem to help it. The whole time I was changing, I tried to talk it down, but knowing I was going to be sleeping close to you…It wouldn't quit," he explained.
She giggled, trying to imagine him having a stern talk with his unruly penis.
"You think that's funny, huh?" Steve asked her with humor in his voice.
"I guess so. What do you say to it to try to make it go away?"
"I don't really say anything. My favorite trick lately is to think of German field maneuvers. That's pretty brutal and unsexy, so it helps sometimes," he told her.
"But not tonight?" she asked.
"Not tonight," he agreed.
"You know, I could sleep in the cab. I'd probably fit better," she offered.
"I'll be alright," he assured her.
He set a little distance between their bodies. She frowned in the darkness, and his finger on her lips let her know that he could see her face, even though it was too dark for her to see his.
"How will you be alright? A few days ago, you were so mad with it that you went off to Bucky and got yourself into trouble. What's changed so fast?" she wondered.
Steve sighed. He wouldn't tell her everything, but she was due some kind of explanation.
"It was Thor. He told me a few things. You know how he's all on , all the time? Like he's ready for anything?" Steve said.
"Yes. Standing close to him is crackly, like lightning. He scared me at first, but he's so good, I can't help but trust him," Estrella agreed.
"Exactly. He' a thousand years old, Eya, and he's still young. He's had the same urges and temptations as me, but he told me how to manage it. It's been working for him for a long, long time. I think it'll work for me too, now that I understand," he told her.
"You mean, he just told you something, and boom, that was all it took?" she asked skeptically.
"There's more to it than it sounds. It's not easy. It never could be. I had to wrap my mind around thinking about it differently," Steve said.
"It?" she asked.
"Sex. Power. Responsibility," he said, and that was all he'd tell her of it.
"It sounds like some big secret," Estrella sounded disappointed that she wasn't going to hear more.
"It is," Steve agreed.
She grumbled about men and secrets. He reached out and smoothed a hand down the back of her hair.
"I won't tell you, but I might show you someday, if we can make this work," he promised.
She stopped making noises at him. It was impossible to stay grumpy with him when he spoke sweetly like that, and with such promise.
"So you're alright with kissing, then?" she asked.
"Yeah," Steve said.
Estrella attacked him. She pushed him over onto his back and nearly off the mattress. He laughed, then scooted more toward the center, since she was partly on top of him anyway. He expected her to kiss him, and he steeled himself to let the desire she brought up in him flow through and away without building into something dangerous. But she didn't kiss him.
She perched atop him and looked down at what she could see in the dark. Her eyes were adjusting, like the other night, and she could see better now than she could a few minutes ago. She looked at him, and then her hand caressed his face.
Steve closed his eyes and moaned eagerly for her touch. Her fingernails scratched under his jaw among his beard that was slightly too long to be prickly. She rubbed him all over, enjoying the feel of his face, neck, and scalp. He made a questioning sound when she paused.
"Just because we're kissing now doesn't mean we should stop the other things we like," she told him.
"Tell me what you like, Eya," he said.
"I like your hands on my skin. On my back. On my waist. Your beard felt good on my neck," she whispered.
"Like this?" he asked, and brushed his chin along her collarbone.
She ducked away and squealed. The high, girly sound excited him. Steve pursued her across the mattress until he had her under him and he was scruffling his beard at the nape of her neck. Her necklace got in the way of that, so he opened his teeth on her to lightly nip at the back of her neck.
She was making noises and wiggling under him. When he wanted to dig in and bite her harder, and his hips wanted to snap forward, he realized that he'd gone too far. Steve got off of her and rolled away, panting. She was doing the same on the other side of the mattress.
"Are you alright?" he asked.
"Nnnn," was all she said.
"Sweetheart, I don't know what that means. Can you talk to me?" he asked.
"Don't…don't get over me, maybe?" she asked quietly.
"I'll keep that in mind. Bad memories?" he asked.
"I think so. I didn't know, Steve. I'm sorry. I don't want to lead you on, then push you away," she said.
"No, it's alright. I understand. We all have memories. Triggers. Sometimes we don't know them until it's already happened. Is there any way I can help?" he offered kindly.
"Hold me?" she guessed.
"I don't think so, doll. If you don't want me over you, then I don't need to confine you with my body. Why don't you come over here and hold me instead?" he suggested.
She didn't answer, but he felt her curl up behind him. One of her arms wormed under his neck so that her hand could rest on his chest, and her other arm shoved to make room under his. Her hands met on his chest, and her warm breath feathered against the back of his neck.
"Are you alright now?" he asked her.
"I will be," she said.
She kissed the back of his neck softly.
Steve lay still beyond when she fell asleep. His balls hurt, but his heart hurt more. The worthless fucks who had harmed her in the past weren't done with her yet, at least in her mind. Until he fell asleep, he thought of ways to help her. He was no therapist, but he had a few ideas.