Chapter Thirty-Four: Part of Something Bigger
"We'll be outmanned and outgunned. But Fury always said a man can accomplish anything when he realizes he's a part of something bigger. A team of people who share that conviction can change the world." –Coulson, "Beginning of the End"
May grabbed her arm and pulled Skye aside before the group reached Coulson's office. Skye watched her S.O. lock eyes with Coulson, speaking that silent language only those two understood, before the SHIELD Director guided everyone else ahead.
While Skye could think of thousands of other conversations she would rather have than the impending one, she did not resist May. This discussion was long overdue- which did nothing to stop Skye's hackles from raising before May even opened her mouth. There was only one way this conversation was gong to go.
"I know what you're going to say, and I get it, I do, but May, you're wrong," Skye rushed to say before May could speak.
May simply raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. Somehow she always managed to convey so much without words. And somehow it was just as intimidating to Skye now as it was when she first joined SHIELD.
"Seriously. He's not the guy you think he is," Skye said, mostly to fill the oppressive silence. "I know what he's done-"
"Do you?" May questioned simply.
"Yes," Skye said emphatically. "I may not know every detail on his file or every life choice he's ever made, but I'm not blind to the fact that he's been working for Hydra."
"'Working for Hydra' is a nice way of saying he's been murdering indiscriminately," May said.
Skye gave her a look. While the point was not lost on Skye, May made it sound like Grant was running around killing people based on names drawn from a hat. Hydra's victims tended to be on the more innocent and benevolent side of the spectrum than SHIELD's, but they were hardly chosen at random.
"Crossing people off, like we have and continue to do, in the name of a madman who abducted and brainwashed him," Skye corrected patiently.
The silence dragged uncomfortably. Skye met May's eyes and tried not to show how much the older woman's disapproval hurt her. No matter how much she trained, a part of Skye would always be that little girl desperately looking for a mother's affection.
"I taught you better than this, Skye," May said seriously. "I taught you to use your head to assess a situation, not rely on blind faith based on your feelings for someone."
"You taught me how to be strong," Skye countered. "And caring for people and showing compassion is strength."
"Are you leaving SHIELD?" May asked.
"What?" Skye was momentarily thrown at the nonsequitur. "Of course not."
"Then end this now, for both of your sakes," May said. "Because you can't be a SHIELD agent and remain by his side."
Skye jutted her chin up. "Why not? Coulson is willing to-"
"Coulson is willing to bend rules for you because he cares about you, but this isn't his call," May rebutted.
"Isn't his call? He's the Director of SHIELD!"
"Which means he has to listen to his people and do what's right by them," May said. "We've killed, but we're hardly trying to work with those we've killed's friends and family. Is it fair to ask Sam or Billy Koenig to work alongside their brother's killer?"
That stole the breath from Skye's lungs. When Skye could to find anything to say to that, May nodded to herself, apparently content that her point had been made. Skye's S.O. straightened up and moved as if to leave before pausing.
"And Skye," May said. "I didn't make you strong. You were already one of the strongest people I ever met the day Coulson dragged you onto the Bus. The only thing I did was teach you a more visible way to show your strength, so you could finally see it for yourself."
With that, May strode past Skye and disappeared into the hallway leading to Coulson's office.
After dragging herself away from her conflicting and depressing thoughts, Skye found herself leaning against the wall behind Coulson's desk as everyone discussed next steps. Simmons was perched on a chair beside her and Coulson sat in front of them staring at the other agents. Bobbi was pacing with her batons, Hunter munching on what looked like a sandwich while playing with something on Coulson's desk, much to the older man's annoyance, and May stood like a statue across from Coulson.
Ideas tumbled from the different agents' lips, but one way or another the conversation always turned back to Grant's trustworthiness and past.
After one particularly pointed comment from Bobbi, Skye finally lost her patience.
"That's rich coming from you," Skye snapped, unable to hear another hypocritical word.
"What's that supposed to me?" Bobbi replied as she paused her pacing. She was perfectly calm, not defensive in the slightest, which only pissed Skye off more. Bobbi should be on the defense given what she did.
"It means that it's rich that you're passing judgment on Grant since you completely betrayed SHIELD and everything we stand for by betraying Agent Kara."
Bobbi's remained unruffled by Skye's comment.
"Hang on there, love," Hunter cut in. "You're hardly one to point fingers right now considering who you're defending."
"I'm not defending what Grant's done," Skye said at once. "Some things are indefensible. I understand how he came to do the things he's done, but that in no way makes it okay. If he spent the rest of his saving orphans and serving the people, it still wouldn't make all the deaths and suffering he's caused okay."
It was true, she meant every word sincerely even if she ached knowing that. But part of forgiveness and redemption was acknowledging wrongdoing, and if Skye hid from Grant's past and chose to live in ignorance, then how could she truly say she loved him and mean it?
It was tempting to love the goodness in someone and turn a blind eye to the bad, but you can't love someone with your whole heart if you love only part of them. Like it or not, Grant's sins were a big part of him, and Skye was not ignorant of that. She just believed they did not have to define him, at least not anymore.
"But I also believe that people can change," Skye continued passionately. "Especially people who have the capacity to care and whose past may be terrible and also consumed with a lot of manipulation and pain. We should all want Grant and anyone else capable of change to do so because while crossing off and imprisoning the bad guys rids the world of some of its evil, helping people become better not only takes away from the evil but adds some of the good we fight for back into the world.
"It's also what makes us different from Hydra, we understand the value of every life and don't unnecessarily kill to reach our goals. Even if we use all the same methods to get to our goals, we are different for more reasons than what we're fighting for. They want to control the world, we want to save it- and that means saving everyone we can, even from themselves," Skye said.
"Which is why I expect more from you, Bobbi. Because I know you're a good person and because you're one of us. Fitz was right, we have to better than Garrett and Hydra- otherwise, what's the point?"
"Skye, I know," Bobbi said quietly. "But what I did is different from Ward and Hydra because Agent 33 is one person who had already promised to give her life for the greater good. My time at Hydra gave us enough intel to save hundreds of lives, including Simmons'."
"Everything Grant's ever done was to save Garrett," Skye pointed out.
"Save someone he cared for selfishly," Bobbi held up a hand to stop Skye before she could utter a protest, "And I know it's more complicated than that, but what I mean is I wasn't just trying to save the people I know and love, but all the people I'll never know and never care for who would have become victims of Hydra."
"Like you've never done something awful to save one person who meant the world to you." Skye glanced meaningfully at Hunter before looking to the room as a whole. "As if anyone here can claim they haven't done that."
Fitz and Coulson killed the agents defending the Guest House to save her and May, Trip and Simmons were all complicit in that. Skye was eternally grateful- but also eternally guilty. Where was the morality in trading a good person's, an innocent person's, life for someone you loved?
"We can't," Coulson said simply.
Skye whirled to face him, poised to fight, but his expression gave her pause. It was the softest she had seen it since before SHIELD fell and he inherited all of Fury's burdens. The way he was looking at her… she felt more loved by him than she had in ages.
"Every agent wants to believe that we surrender our feelings in exchange for a badge, but we don't. We're all human in the end, and humans make mistakes. We make mistakes because we give in to fear or allow anger to guide us or fall in love." Coulson stared at her knowingly. "And Agent Morse made a mistake when she hid Agent 33's situation from us- just as you made a mistake by hiding your relationship with Ward from us. And Ward himself has made countless mistakes to get him on the path that he's on.
"But I've made mistakes, too. I hid Ward's capture from you and Fitzsimmons and used the memory machine- which is why I'm giving Ward a chance."
"Coulson," May hissed, looking genuinely concerned. "This is a bad idea."
Skye could not hold it against her. From her perspective, it probably seemed that way, and Skye knew she only wanted to protect Skye and the others from getting hurt. Given the high regard Coulson held of her, Skye worried that May's warning would sway him.
But Coulson just smiled and said, "Maybe. But I'm choosing to have faith, not only in Skye's judgment but also that in the war between good and evil inside a person, goodness prevails when given a chance."
Warmth rushed through Skye's chest. This was the SHIELD she signed up for and the Director Coulson that she so adamantly stood behind.
"Sir," Bobbi said before Skye could speak up. "I understand where you're coming from. There's a lot of extenuating circumstances involved in Ward's past, but I think you're letting your relationship with Skye blind you."
"Then be cautious, Agent Morse, Melinda, and look out for anything I've missed," Coulson replied. "But also be open because I think after the last twenty-four hours, we've all be proven wrong when it comes to our assumptions regarding Ward."
"I wasn't," chimed a voice from the doorway. "I was right all along about him. None of you believed me. I'm always right," he joked. "You should know by now not to doubt my genius."
Skye spun around and saw her friend had snuck up on them at some point. He stood alone with his hands on his hips, shaking his head at their supposed doubt of his genius.
"Fitz? Where are Grant and Trip?" Skye wondered.
"Oh, Ward asked to speak with Trip alone for some reason."
Despite Fitz's nonchalance, half the room immediately tensed.
"You let Ward wander the base alone?" May demanded.
"No," Fitz replied calmly and cluelessly, "I just said he's with Trip."
"Agent Morse, May," Coulson, the implied order clear.
Hunter snorted. "Not two seconds you were preaching about having an open mind, too."
"I was also saying we should be cautious," Coulson reminded him as May and Bobbi strode towards the door.
"Hey!" Fitz called. His hand raised in greeting as he stared around the door into the hallway where the room could not see. He began to smile, before the grin froze. "What the hell? Did you get in a fight?"
Now Skye was on alert, too. Alarm washed over the room the second Fit uttered the word "fight".
But before anyone could sprint out of the room- as was looking like the case with both May and Bobbi- Trip appeared in the doorway without visible injury. His expression was chagrined rather than enraged.
"Don't be mad," he muttered as he held his hands up.
Skye realized that Trip was speaking to her and had just enough time to wonder why he was seemed to be cautiously ready for her to attack him before Grant stepped past the other men to enter the room and gave everyone a good look at his face.
Fitz broke the silence. "Wow, you look terrible," he said with a grimace.
"Thanks," Grant drawled as his split lips curled up slightly. "I try."
Skye's jaw dropped as she surveyed the obvious damage. Where just this morning Grant's skin was mostly unblemished, he was now littered with mottled bruises over his visible skin. Skye did not have the words, Trip was the last person she expected this from.
Trip took advantage of her stunned speechlessness to say quickly, "He asked me to."
"Asked you to?" Skye repeated incredulously.
"Yes," Grant said. "I did." He walked purposefully towards Skye's side, despite the close proximity that placed him to Coulson and the rest of the SHIELD agents.
"Why?" Skye managed.
Grant turned those amber eyes on her and made her feel like the only person who mattered in the room when he responded just to her. "Dozens of Hydra agents are dead, including Scarlotti and"- just the barest hint of hesitation- "John, and I've been missing for days. Whitehall would never believe any ruse that involves me waltzing up with no visible wounds. He knows I wouldn't run away from a fight like that."
"So Whitehall doesn't trust you," Bobbi inferred, "And yet you still expect this to work? You still think we need you?"
Grant crossed his arms over his chest, leaned against the wall, and shrugged his shoulders like he did not have a care in the world. It looked casual. It was practiced.
Bobbi and Grant looked two seconds from engaging in an arm wrestling contest or launching into a disturbing rendition of "Anything You Can Do" from Annie Get Your Gun.
Skye huffed and rolled her eyes. Running on little sleep and stressed out of her mind, Skye had long since passed the point where she was willing to deal with this bullshit.
"Can we please skip the posturing and theatrics of this pissing contest?" Skye asked.
Grant's mask of cocky indifference wavered and broke. He snorted and raised his eyes to the ceiling, as if stalling for a chance to compose himself once more.
When he focused on the group again, he spoke steadily and with more than a little condescension lacing his words. "Whitehall doesn't trust me implicitly, no. He'd be an idiot to since I've so clearly aligned myself with his rival. He really only trusts Bakshi and, to a lesser extent, those he's personally brainwashed."
"If he already doesn't trust you, why do you think you can return to Hydra's base and get us inside?" Coulson said. The question was perfectly bland, no hint as to whether Coulson was passing judgment on Grant's plan or merely curiously inquiring for more information.
"Because he wants to trust me and because he needs me," Grant replied.
"Whitehall's has countless agents and more resources than us. Why would he need you so badly?" Coulson countered.
"You're good, you're not that good," May said.
Grant's smirk widened. "I am that good."
"Pissing contest," Skye muttered loud enough for Grant and the others to hear.
Grant shook his head and huffed out an amused breath, like he was laughing at a joke they were too stupid to get. Skye may have shot him a glare for that.
"Whitehall and John had opposite leadership styles. John was the showman, the circus ringmaster. He wanted a piece of the action and called the shots on the ground. Whitehall, on the other hand, is the chessmaster. He fancies himself a scientist and prefers to observe and orchestrate his chaos from a distance.
"Their leadership styles also appealed to different agents. Not everyone is willing to follow a leader who won't lead them into a fight and who knows how to get his hands dirty. Whitehall needs an on-the-ground man, and he's smart enough to know it. His number two is another non-combatant. Bakshi can't win over those agents."
"What about Agent 33?" Bobbi asked. "Isn't that the reason he went after her?"
Grant frowned and his posture turned rigid at the mention of his partner. "After her 'failure' with Young, I doubt that Whitehall is really trusting Kara's leadership capabilities, but it's more than that. She's unstable thanks to her brainwashing. To have her serve as his point person would be a large gamble, and Whitehall is nothing if not cautious."
"And she's not the tactician you are," Coulson added.
Grant's brows furrowed as he shot an incredulous look at Coulson.
"I read your file," Coulson said. "Whitehall needs a combatant who leads, but he also needs someone who Garrett's men will flock to. You check all the boxes."
Hunter chimed in from where he was finishing up his sandwich. "Who's to say he won't, you know," he widened his eyes comically and waved his hands around his head in circles, "Play with your brain a little instead. Compliance will be rewarded and all."
"Whitehall won't use the Faustus Method unless he has no other choice," Grant argued. "It's a long process and not everyone in susceptible."
Before anyone could have the bright idea of commenting on Grant's susceptibility to brainwashing, Skye clapped her hands together loudly to gain the room's attention. "Great, now that we've discussed how Grant's going to gain Whitehall's trust, let's talk specifics."
"Before we hash out the details," Bobbi cut in. "Tell us where the base is."
"Now why would I do that?" Grant said, an enigmatic smirk dancing on his lips.
"Because we're placing a lot of unearned trust in you," Coulson replied.
"Too bad. I don't trust you to know that yet and not throw me into that cozy, little cell that's been my home these past few days."
"We need to know the base's layout in order to formulate a plan," Trip reasoned.
"I'll give you the layout but not the coordinates," Grant said.
"Ward, you're asking for a lot of faith and haven't given us anything," Coulson said. "You could still very well be on Hydra's side and playing us."
Grant's face rippled beneath the carefully constructed façade, and Skye heard the despair when he spoke, "I killed John."
"Who you just admitted was a rival to the current Hydra head," Coulson pointed out. "How are we supposed to know that you're not leading us into a trap for Whitehall? That this wasn't a part of your plan to get into Whitehall's good graces."
"Coulson," Skye began.
The director held up a hand to stop her protests. "I'm not asking for the coordinates if you won't share them yet, just show us you're serious, Ward."
Grant's blank expression was every bit as unreadable as it was the day Skye first met him in Seville, but now she knew the storms brewing behind his those seemingly empty eyes. That was why she was unsurprised when he turned to her and calmly requested that she pull up the frequencies of old SHIELD's quantum key distribution channels, specifically the white noise between the gaps in those channels.
Skye did so without question and watched as little dots appeared all over the world map on the screen. The dots spread throughout continents and countries, permeating everywhere.
"Back before SHIELD fell, Hydra used to use these gaps in SHIELD's frequencies to communicate," Grant explained unprompted. "Even with SHIELD gone, they still do."
"So all these little dots represent big assholes passing promises of executions and bombings and all that fun stuff," Skye said dryly, but her humor fell flat.
"Can we use it to get the information we need about the bombing?" Bobbi asked.
Grant shook his head. "No. That will all be internal, Whitehall won't outsource this. Not if John and I were the ones intended to pull it off. These channels are used for outside communication now."
And SHIELD now had that information and could use it to incept countless Hydra deals, cut them off at the legs and gain an advantage that way. It should have been good news, but all Skye could think was how overwhelming it was to stare at the countless of dots and know what the represented.
She had always known SHIELD was the underdog in this war with Hydra, but in that moment, the odds felt insurmountable. Skye clenched her fists at her sides when she felt the rush of power in her blood, an instinctive responsive to her feelings of helplessness.
Skye turned towards Coulson to see how he would react, but he just faced the room with a smile.
"Well, now that that's covered, let's get started with the planning then," Coulson said without faltering.
"That's it?" Hunter asked. "You're not going to give us some inspiring speech, the power of one man and all?"
"And here I thought you didn't like my speeches," Coulson replied.
"No, really," Fitz pressed. "I half expected you to start shouting 'Never tell me the odds!' like you did our first mission together."
Coulson kept smiling, "Not today."
Simmons leaned over to whisper into Skye's ear, "I'm half disappointed."
At her other side, Grant murmured, "So you actually do join hands and sing Kumbaya. And here I thought I was kidding when I said that to you."
Skye covered her mouth to unsuccessfully disguise her laugh. The tension in her broke, and she decided she was going to hold onto her optimism, even if it killed her. She had people and things worth fighting for that she was not going to give up easily.
The plan unfolded around her. Skye chimed in when necessary, and Grant gave his expertise as well. There were, unfortunately, more than a few other pissing contests, but Skye had taken to maturely fake-coughing loudly whenever one began and found that had an amazing effect.
The only real snag began when Coulson suggested-
"What?! No!" Skye said at once. "You are not leaving me behind. You need me, and like hell am I letting you all go without me!"
"Agent Skye, that's an order," Coulson barked.
"No, Director Coulson, it's stupid."
"Someone needs to stay behind and guard the base."
"Then someone else should!"
Grant huffed out a laugh under his breath, and Skye turned on him.
"You think this is funny, Grant?"
"I think it's funny that Coulson thinks that leaving you behind will protect the base because I won't betray the location then," Grant said simply. "Not that I'm going to regardless, but it's pretty funny the thinly veiled intentions."
The pieces all added up in Skye's head and immediately she was consumed with irritation.
"That's so unfair," Skye spun towards Coulson, "Make Fitzsimmons sit out then. Grant likes them."
"Hang on, wait a moment," Fitz began.
"We're coming, too," Simmons finished.
"No, you're not," Grant said. "Neither of you are fit to be in combat."
"I think that's my line," Coulson said dryly.
Grant and Fitzsimmons ignored him.
"And how do you know what we're fit to do?" Simmons asked with all the British self-righteous arrogance she could muster.
"I've read your files, and I've been in combat situations with you," Grant said.
"Where we've saved your arse," Fitz pointed.
"Which one of us fell out of a plane without a parachute? Who almost got us all blown up at Futurepharm?"
Fitz spluttered for a moment, unable to come up with a retort, before Simmons threw out the damning-
"You know what, Fitz was right. You are dumber than a monkey!"
Simmons crossed her arms and stood up straighter in the face of Grant's impressive glare, which was rapidly losing its ferocity in the weight of such an incredible response.
Skye let out a peel of giggles at Grant's affronted expression. She could sense the others' confusion, but for a moment, she was so carefree she could not be bothered to explain.
In a matter of minutes, they would refocus and hammer out the final details of their plan before leaving the safety of this moment for the real and very dangerous world. Skye felt like she could brave all of that just for more laughs like this.
I don't even know what to say, it's been almost a year. I don't even know if anyone is out there who still cares about this fic. For everyone who has ever commented, gave kudos, recommended, or bookmarked this story, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You are more inspiring to me than I think you know.
I'm not sure what to say, really, and I'm not sure if anyone even cares. I couldn't bear to leave this unfinished because every now and then I would get a notice that said someone was reading, someone still cared, and I know exactly how this ends I just have to write the final chapters. (Maybe 10 more?) Just know I read each and every comment and they meant the world to me. I've been dealing with a lot personally and they really meant so much.
Next chapter 100% won't take as long. We begin at Hydra in Grant's POV, so get excited whoever is still reading.
And please, don't mention the show in any comments you give. I don't watch, haven't for seasons and kind of hate it. I couldn't hate this story, however, so here we are.
Also, please remember this story is only based on seasons 1 and 2 (mostly 2A). Also, I really wish I had my hiatus before something other than a transition chapter, but I hope people liked it anyway.
If you are at all still interested please review. Thanks again everyone 3