OKAY I AM SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO SORRY I HAVE TAKEN FOREVER TO UPDATE. I have kind of lost inspiration of this story. so, I might end it in the next few chapters. sorry this is chapter is so short as well, but.
I don't fall asleep when he gets into the bed. I just take in everything that he is. Never in my life have I ever had someone I need this much. I need him more than anything. He is the only reason I am still alive. He protects me from everything, including myself.
"Tris." He says, squeezing my tighter. His voice is firm. Strong.
"Yeah?" I whisper, clutching his shirt in my hands.
"You need to go to sleep." He touches his nose to mine.
"I can't." I inhale through my nose, "I always wake up crying."
He sits up and turns the lamp on. I sit up as he wraps me in his arms. "Tris." He rubs his hand up and down my arm, "are you okay?"
"Ye-"
"Don't lie," he interrupts, squeezing me tighter. "You're not okay. and all the shit that has happened to you is not fair. You are a good person Tris. A really good person with really shitty luck. So don't lie to me and tell me that you're okay. Because, you're not. You are not okay. If you don't want to talk about it, we won't talk about it. But please don't lie to me or yourself."
I take a shaky breath and bite my lip, "I… I'm not okay at all, Tobias. My dad could wake up one day and decide to kill my mom or Caleb. Peter is… what am I supposed to say about that? if you wouldn't have shown up I would have been raped twice and then probably killed and i just, I just don't know what I would do without you." He pulls me closer, and I sob. Tears are spilling out of my eyes and nasty animal sounds are coming from my mouth.
"Tris," Tobias whispers, combing my hair with his fingers, "Tris." I cry some more, and he lets me.
A few minutes later, or could have been hours, I recover myself. Wiping my cheeks and sitting up straighter, I meet his eyes. I know I shouldn't let myself be weak for this long. I shouldn't let him give me pity, I don't want it. I just want someone listen to me. I want someone to hear what I am saying and not treat me like my world is falling apart, even though it might already.
"Why… why do bad things keep happening to you?" it comes out of my mouth before I really realize what it means. I'm bad for him. So, so bad for him. Because every horrible thing that happens to me, takes a toll on him.
He looks at me, confused, "Tris what… what are you talking about?"
My lip wobbles and I bite it to keep it from shaking. "Have you ever stopped to think, that… that I'm not worth it?"
He takes my face in his hands, I pull away. "Tris. What do you mean by 'worth it?' what? What?"
I take a breath, "my life is a hell. Staying with me makes your life a hell. You could get away from it, from me. It's just a mess. A big, big mess that I don't want you to suffer from anymore."
He shakes his head, tears staining his eyes. "Tris my life was a hell. Before you, I didn't know what happiness was. I'm not suffering, I'm living. I'm living with you.
"That's the thing, Tobias." I hang my legs over the edge of the bed, "I don't want you to live with me. I want you to live without having to put up with my issues. I want you to enjoy your life. And you can now. Marcus is gone, you're eighteen, and you can do whatever you want." I almost start to cry again, but I pull myself together. I know he will never listen to me if I'm hysterical.
"Tris." He says, I don't face him. "Tris look at me." I turn around but don't meet his eyes. He grips my chin and forces me to look into them. "Do you even know why I am still here? Still with you every day? Tris I love you. I love you. When I think of you, and when I look at you, or when someone talks about you I hurt. It sends an ache through my stomach and chills up my body. I ache to be with you, to hold you, to talk to you. You make me nervous and calm at the same time. You terrify me. You make me happy. You have an effect on me that I have never felt. And I enjoy spending every waking hour with you. We all have rough patches in our lives, and I wouldn't want to face them with anyone else but you. You are my best friend, and I have no idea what I would do without you."
I'm sobbing again, but there is a huge grin on my face. I don't think, I just slam my lips into his. He taste like metal and salt, and I realize that we haven't connected like this since he arrived in New York. I take him in with desperation. I love him. I love him, I love him, I love him.
He puts his hand on my hip and I hesitate, fearful and unsure. He immediately pulls his hand away. "Sorry." I say.
He doesn't respond, he just smiles and rolls over top of me. He kisses my salty cheeks and eyes playfully and I laugh. It feels like a weight was immediately lifted as I do. He slides off and pulls me closer, "go to sleep, Tris." And this time, I do.
DID YOU GUYS GET THE FOUR BOOK BECAUSE I DID AND I FINISHED IT IN A DAY HOLY CRAP IT WAS AMAZING
R&R&R&R