Dean went through his tour a bit faster than the last but still made sure he gave the right information and let people look at paintings. By time the group had left, including Alistair, Dean let out a sigh of relief and went to the break room to get a cup of water. "Dean! How'd it go?" Mr. Murray asked when Dean passed his boss's office, "uh good, I think everyone was pleased with their tours." Dean said, standing awkwardly in the hall.
"Well good, go on home, I'll finish things up here and you can do your paper work when you come tomorrow." Mr. Murray said and waved Dean on, "okay, thank you sir." he mumbled and went to clock out.
Cas was downstairs playing with Henry when Dean came down the stairs smelling off. Cas quickly set his son down and walked over to his mate, "Dean? What's wrong?" he asked shaking Dean out of his trance, "huh? Oh, nothing… It's just that Alistair was in my last tour today and it through me through a loop." Dean shrugged but breathed in the scent of his mate.
"Okay, you sure you're okay?" Cas asked pulling Dean in for a hug, "I'm good, just want to take a shower and spend time with the two men I love." Dean smiled a little and gave Cas a small peck on the cheek before heading to the bathroom. Cas couldn't help but worry about his boyfriend, something was off about him and he couldn't figure out what.
...
Meanwhile in the bathroom, Dean stood under the hot spray and tried to figure out why Alistair would be at the museum, why would he be there on the day Dean is on the floor? Sure, he's always been obsessed with the him, but Dean could not figure out what he wanted. 'He know's I'm mated and have a pup, why wont he leave me alone?' Dean thought to himself. He shut the water off and rubbed the towel over himself to dry off before wrapping it around his waist. Dean just stood there and stared at himself, he could see why everyone were drawn to him, not just because he's an omega. His eyes and lips are his most dominate feature, maybe it's the freckles? Sighing, Dean looked away from his reflection and looked at his arms.
It's been so long since he's cut, even longer since he's actually thought about it, there were still a few spots on his arms that weren't marked up, he stared at one in particular spot on his forearm. 'Just one little cut… It wont change anything right?' The voice, that Dean hadn't heard since Henry was a newborn started. Dean shook his head and took a couple deep breaths, he knew his appointment with Dr. Hansen was Saturday, "keep it together Dean." he whispered to himself.
He didn't know he was crying till a tear landed on the counter, the urge to cut was getting stronger and stronger. Dean didn't know why he felt the sudden urge or why he was being so emotional. It was all beginning to be too much, he so badly wanted to reach for his blade that he still had hidden under his sink. He took another deep breath, "Cas?!" he called out, "CAS!" he started panicking, he was clutching the edge of the counter when Cas came running in.
"Dean?! What's wrong?" Cas asked wrapping his arms around him, "I-I don't know!" Dean said and crumpled into his mate's arms and started sobbing. "Why can't he just leave me alone?!" Dean asked and clutched Cas' shirt. "Who? Dean, who won't leave you alone?" Cas asked trying to calm him down, "A-Alistair!" Dean shrieked, "he will never leave me alone!"
"I don't know baby." Cas whispered and ran his fingers through Dean's hair knowing it calms him down a little. "Do you want me to get your mother? Maybe Sam?" Cas asked, "no. Don't go." Dean sniffed and pulled Cas even closer. "Never." Cas whispered and kissed the top of Dean's head.
Once he was calmed down, Cas helped Dean up and set him on the edge of the bed while he got fresh boxers and some pajamas for Dean. "Here." Cas said softly, holding out the clothes, "I'm going to go check on Henry." he continued and Dean nodded. Dean came out of their bedroom a few minutes later and silently picked Henry off the ground and held him close and sat close to Cas. About an hour later, they heard Mary yell down the stairs that supper was ready.
"Cas? C-can we just stay down here tonight?" Dean asked quietly, "sure. I'll go get us some food and drinks." Cas said and patted his mate's knee. "Where's Dean and Henry?" Mary asked setting a bowl of salad on the island. "He uh, had a little break down earlier and would prefer to stay downstairs, so I was going to get us some food." Cas explained and Mary looked concerned.
"Should I go talk to him?" She asked, "no, I asked if he wanted me to come get you and he said no. I think he's a little embarrassed, he told me he just wants to be with me and Henry." Cas said, "oh, well what caused him to break down?" Mary asked. "He said Alistair was in his last tour today and it just kinda freaked him out a little."
"Okay, well come get me if anything else happens, no matter what Dean says." Mary said, "I will." Cas nodded then proceeded to pile two plates with spaghetti and breadsticks, "thank you!" Cas yelled over his shoulder and went downstairs.
When he reached the bottom of the steps he could see Dean nursing Henry, Cas set the plates on the coffee table, "what do you want to drink?" he asked, "water is fine…" Dean mumbled and continued to watch their son eat.
...
The rest of the night, Dean didn't really say much, not until they were laying in bed. "I'm sorry." Dean sighed and rolled over to face Cas, "for what?" Cas asked confused. "For the way I've acted tonight… It probably wasn't the best night for you." Dean said, Cas reached over and grabbed his mates hand, "Dean, it's fine. I promise you that I'm not mad about it being a quiet night, you didn't feel well and if you just wanted a quiet night that's what you would have gotten." "I don't deserve you." Dean muttered and pressed himself as close to Cas as possible and quickly fell asleep. "No Dean, I don't deserve you…" Cas whispered and kissed the top of his head.
...
Dean started walking down the hall way of school, slightly confused. When he woke up he was in his old room and Cas nor Henry were anywhere to be found. When he turned the corner he saw a flash of red hair, Dean started to walk towards Charlie when she saw Cas leaning against the wall. "There you guys are!" Dean huffed and stood next to Charlie and got weird looks from the two, "uh, I guess…" Charlie said and took a small step away from him, "Cas where were you this morning?" Dean asked.
"Uh at my house?" Cas said eyeing Dean and glanced at Charlie. "Your house? Wh-why? Where's Henry?" Dean asked starting to panic a little and Cas let out a confused chuckle. "Whose Henry?" he asked, "Cas? What do you mean?… Henry, o-our son? Charlie, your god-son?" Dean stated his breathing getting heavier, "look, Dean I think you're having some sort of break down." Charlie said and Dean just stared at her, "I-I"m not!" Dean defended himself, and stopped when he saw the last person he wanted to see. Amelia walked up to Cas and wrapped her arm around his waist before kissing him.
Dean felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. "Cas?!" he squeaked, "look Dean I don't know what's going on with you but you should probably leave, you don't really belong with our group anyway." Cas said putting his arm around Amelia. "I-I" Dean stammered and fell to the ground, "Dean… Dean… Dean!"
Dean bolted awake and nearly head butted Cas and let out a choked sob. "Dean it's okay, it was just a dream." Cas soothed and combed his fingers through Dean's hair while he calmed down. Once Dean was calm and his breathing was back to normal, Cas got up and got him a bottle of water. "Do you want to tell me about your dream?" he asked and Dean just shook his head no and sipped at his water.
Cas was going to bug Dean to tell him when a small cry came through the baby monitor. Dean set his water on the nightstand and went to get their son; deciding to stay up so he could ask Dean about the dream, Cas over heard Dean on the monitor.
"Shhh, daddy's here. I'm here and I'm not going to let you go." Dean whispered and started humming softly. About 10 minutes later, Dean shuffled back into the room and crawled up to Cas. "Will you please tell me about your dream?" Cas asked, "no. I-it's too much." Dean whispered, "alright." Cas sighed and pulled Dean close before falling asleep.
The next morning Cas rolled over to pull Dean closer to him but came in contact with a cold sheet. Opening his eyes, Cas looked a the alarm clock and saw that it was 9:30 in the morning, meaning Dean left about 10 minutes ago for his therapy appointment. Cas groaned as he stretched and grabbed a shirt and walked out of the room to find Sam sitting on the couch with Henry; "good morning Sam." Cas mumbled and sat in the recliner, "morning. Dean left a few minutes ago and didn't want to wake you up so I told him I'd come down and keep an eye on Henry till you woke up. Dean fed him before he left." Sam said.
...
"It's been a while Dean." Dr. Hansen said once they were both seated. "It has." Dean said quietly and played with the string of Cas' hoody that he stole. "I must say, you do look a little… How do I put this nicely? You look like shit." Dr. Hansen stated and Dean let out a chuckle, "yeah, it was a rough night. And not in the good way." Dean smiled a little, "what happened last night?"
"I don't really know… I just like, broke. I was completely fine at work and I came home and just had a break down." Dean said still concentrating on the string. "What happened?" Dr. Hansen urged, "I was giving tours at work a-and my last tour I saw Alistair. I don't know why he was there, but I guess seeing him triggered something. I came home and took a shower and just sort of snapped, I started panicking and I wanted to cut so bad." Dean said and sniffled a little.
"But you didn't?" Dr. Hansen asked and Dean shook his head, "I yelled for Cas a-and he held me till I calmed down. After I was calm I got dressed and fed Henry, which calmed me down just a little more while Cas went and got food. We just stayed downstairs together the rest of the night then I had the worst nightmare." he said trying his hardest not to cry.
"What was your dream?" Dr. Hansen asked after handing Dean the kleenexes. "I-I woke up in my old room and I couldn't find Cas or Henry anywhere. When I got to school I found him and Charlie in the hall, and when I went up and talked to them, they acted like they didn't even really know me. I asked Cas where he was that morning and where Henry was, H-he told me he was at home and asked who Henry was. I told him and he and Charlie both didn't know what I was talking about, then Amelia came up and sh-she and Cas…" Dean told Dr. Hansen about the dream but had to stop because he started breathing heavy.
"She and Cas were together." Dr. Hansen guessed and Dean let out a choked sob and nodded. "It was just a dream Dean, take a deep breath and let it out slowly." Dr. Hansen instructed. Once Dean was calm and his breathing was back to normal, Dr. Hansen started talking, "have you been taking your medicine?" when Dean nodded the doctor continued. "Well, it seems like you just had a stressful day and when you saw Alistair, it triggered some dark memories and your dream was probably just from your subconscious telling you about your biggest fear of loosing your mate and pup."
...
By time Dean got home he was exhausted. He climbed down the stairs and found Cas reading a book with Henry and Lucy on the floor. When Cas saw Dean come in the living room he put the book down and got up to hug his mate. "How was therapy?" Cas asked and he felt Dean relax into him, "fine… I'm exhausted, I'm going to take a nap, wake me up in a few hours then we can talk." Dean said and kissed Cas before heading to the bedroom.
Two and half hours later Cas went to wake Dean, "hey, baby get up, you've got to be starving. Sam and I ordered pizza." Cas said softly and shook Dean's shoulder. Dean blinked his eyes open and Cas could see how red they were, meaning that he had cried at therapy, "okay." Dean whispered and grabbed his glasses before sitting up.
"Hey Cas?" Dean called out before Cas could leave the room, "yeah?" he asked turning around, "never leave me okay?" Dean said in such a small voice, Cas could feel his heart ache. He quickly walked over to Dean and kneeled in front of him, "I'm never going to leave you. Ever. Period. You're stuck with me." Cas said and put his hands on the side of Dean's face, "are you okay?" he asked. Dean took a deep breath, "I will be." he smiled a little, "I'll tell you about me dream now then we can go get pizza." Dean said and Cas nodded.