Hey guys I've noticed from my traffic stats that many of you are jumping from chapter 34 to 36! I released two chapters this week don't miss out chapter 35 as otherwise 36 won't make any sense. :)
Once again the scene of destruction hit their gazes like a bullet, but the twins had become accustomed to it and soldiered on bravely, not allowing their eyes to rest for too long on the graffitti.
"We need to do something about that as soon as possible," their Mother murmured. Fred's insides did a somersault at her words, what did their Mother think of the accusation that they were gay? It was likely that she did just see it as graffiti and nothing more, but there was an edge to her voice that allowed the twins to interpret that she thought that some people might believe it to be true and cast ridicule on their family.
"Yeah," Fred answered her, not wanting her suspicions to be roused by two silent and guilty looking countenances. "I doubt the death eaters did that, probably some bloody youths who thought it would be funny." Their Mother nodded and relief flooded both of the twins stomachs. They didn't risk looking at each other, but still were able to know by the relaxing of the other's shoulders that their twin was feeling the same, not to mention the invisible bond between them which had flared into life after its attempted severing.
As they neared the side entrance, George reached into his jean pocket to retrieve his key. Their family followed him and Fred up the narrow staircase that led to the front-door of their flat. They exchanged a swift look, deciding to put their prank into operation, hoping that it was what their family wanted of them.
"Welcome to our lair, enter at your peril," Fred greeted the arrivals in an ominous tone, as they filed past one by one to squeeze into their living room. He waggled his eyebrows at Ron and closed the door behind Fleur, it met its frame with a thundering bang, the whole family jumping out of their skins. The twins exchanged smiles over the other's heads as they tried to force themselves back into prankster mode. Oh this is going to be good Georgie boy. You bet Freddie, they expressed through their eyes; Fred nodding his head at the gathered Weasley's who were examining the room dubiously. The first prank was on!
Charlie howled in pain, as a nose biting teacup that he had unfortunately stepped on had evolved to become a toe biting one instead. Bill jumped back in horror, narrowly avoiding the seeking teeth of a fanged flyer lurking in the shadowy corner. With utterly perfect timing, one of their demon boxes decided to jump around, hideous noises emerging from within. Harry who was stood closest to the table where the twins had deposited it beat a hasty retreat into the center of the room, bumping into Hermione in the process and spooking them both further. Their idea hadn't even been set in motion yet, but their flat which was at best hazardous at times seemed to be doing much of the work for them.
"I suppose the test subjects- family would like a tour," Fred finally drawled in a voice that was reminiscent of a serial killer in a horror movie in the process of luring their victim into a place where nobody would hear them scream.
George held the door into the hallway open for them, a disturbing smile on his face as he eerily watched each of them file through quietly after Fred, who secretly winked at him before leading the way; his back hiding the smirk that was itching to break out on his face. The hallway's lights were dimmed. Smiling goofily as he followed Percy's retreating back into the now cramped hallway, George surreptitiously drew his wand from the back of his jeans. Holding it behind his back, he flicked it to the side. Immediately the lights in the hall went out and a piercing scream erupted into the pitch blackness. George chuckled to himself rather than shout and cry in panic as the others had done, bumping and jostling into one another in their haste to find the exit. Meanwhile Fred had pushed their laboratory door slightly ajar, a chink of daylight from the room's window seeping into the hallway where their family were stood frozen petrified. His twin winked at him again as he re-pocketed a bright red screaming yo-yo that minutes ago had been on a bookcase in the living room.
"Bloody hell, Fred, what was that?" Ron's voice emerged from the darkness.
Fred didn't answer, but merely continued to smile, a wide grin that showed the whites of his teeth, the light from the lab casting an other-worldly glow on his face, distorting his features. He pushed the door open on its hinges slowly so that it would emit an unpleasant high pitched squeak as it moved. Meanwhile, George had used the cover of the darkness to silently work his way past their family to re-emerge out of the gloom by his twin's side. Everybody started at his sudden appearance, twins had a natural propensity for being slightly creepy and now Fred and George endeavored to use it to full advantage. They moved at exactly the same time to take several paces into their lab, shoulder to shoulder, moving in perfect tandem.
"Don't be shy folks-
"-This is what you came to see after all," they intoned in that eerie simultaneous way of theirs that succeeded in setting their family's nerves on edge even further. The door shut behind them, as soon as it had done so they both clapped their hands over each other's mouths to avoid the uncontrollable laughter that was begging to be released, waiting for their spell to take full effect.
Fred reopened the door, the Weasleys had huddled together in the small space, seemingly from protection from this creepy flat. They gulped at the sight of Fred, his hair stood on end as if he had been electrocuted, an enormous pair of vivid green goggles hiding his sparkling eyes. None of them knew that they were not seeing Fred as he was really was, but were instead part of a convincing daydream that was distorting how they perceived their environment.
"Enter," Fred boomed. Hearts in the backs of their throats the terrified Weasleys shuffled into the laboratory, gaping at Fred in shock. Mrs Weasley began to ask him what had happened, but thinking better of it decided to keep silent.
Fleur screamed at the sight that was presented to them.
Their latest spell had done the job nicely, (secretly cast over each family member by George as they had entered their flat) rather than shelves and shelves of colourful products on display, their family saw jars and bottles full of far ghastlier substances than could ever have been found in Snape's store cupboard. Entrails and organs, eyes that seemed to glare at them and worse a human skull set proudly on display.
"Ah finally," a voice that was familiar yet not came from further within. The tall, almost skeletal figure was clad in a long white apron that was spattered with...blood. He was brandishing a large gleaming silver knife, where he was rhythmically chopping up slabs of flesh. Under their trembling gazes he added the pieces into a large black cauldron on the desk, a green fire lit beneath it. He turned to them, a psychotic smile on George's face that they had never seen before. His eyes moved slowly from one to the other as if he were counting them, before jotting a note down on a piece of blood stained parchment with a bone quill.
"We're both so disappointed that none of you have popped by before-"
"You're all just what we've been looking for," George finished as he stepped closer towards them. They hastily backed away, staring at the twins in horror. What had happened to them? It seemed as if the immense stress that they had been under recently had driven them from eccentricity to insanity. He brandished a tape measure which he let drop out by Harry's side. He tutted before walking back to Fred and showing him the measurement.
"He'll have to do, a little scrawny, but we need somebody with the eyes of a green speckled toad," Fred spoke the last words slowly, staring directly at Harry who had shrank by Ginny's side.
"Indeed Freddiekins," George replied in an excited tone, selecting a long and terrifying looking instrument from where several more were displayed on the wall.
Fred watched him, a fond look on his face as he wiped his blood splattered hands on his twin's already stained apron. "Well we don't call you Gory Georgie for nothing my partner in crime."
"Wh-what," Charlie stuttered, "Guys?"
"Oh don't worry he'll take good care of all of you," Fred promised. "He does so enjoy his work don't you pet."
George nodded excitedly and advanced on Charlie, who fell over backwards in his efforts to get away from him.
"Oh I see this is a joke right?" Ron laughed weakly, looking unconvinced of his own statement. Fred swiveled round towards him, scissors in hand as he walked towards him snipping them together.
"Shall I tell you what I like to call Freddie?" George enquired conversationally, now very near Charlie, who had nowhere else to go. Behind him Bill was pulling urgently on the door handle, the door mysteriously and silently having closed fast behind them all. They were trapped with Hyde Fred and Hyde George. Each of them were so terrified that none of them even thought of reaching for their wands. The simmering cauldron suddenly flared into life behind them, spouts of colorful flame spouting into the air. The twins swiveled around on their heels and cackled in glee.
"Look, gory Georgie it's nearly ready," Fred clapped his hands together maniacally, before turning to face their family once more. There were now several pairs of hands in addition to Bill's pulling and even hammering on the laboratory door. More screams joined the sound of the flickering flames as sparks erupted from its black confines. Noxious smelling bubbles simmered to the top. Something was emerging through the steam, rising from the foul liquid. Clammy hands reached up to rest on the cauldron rim, raising a head and body so ghastly...It was Ron.
The real Ron screamed in terror and shoving past Bill and Mr Weasley exited the laboratory, leaving a Ron shaped hole in the twins thin plywood door. The rest of their Weasleys wasted no time in following his example as they fled the twins in utter terror. They had barely all made it back to the living room before the sound of raucous, uncontrollable laughter wound its way behind their retreating figures. Only now once they were back in the brightly lit cosy sitting room with various prank items scattered untidily around did it appear to them as it actually was, light, bright and screaming that the fun loving Weasley twins were resident there. They exchanged looks with each other, finding it impossible to be angry with the twins for scaring them so, but were each internally celebrating the first prank that Fred and George had performed in weeks. Surely now everything must return to normal.
Exasperated and amused at the same time they marched back up the hallway and pushed the laboratory door open, (Ron shaped hole mysteriously vanished) gawking at the transformation which the room had undertaken in such a short space of time. Gone was the noxious smell and the tall glass storage containers of grisly ingredients. Instead their eyes were overwhelmed by a spectrum of colours hitting their retinas at every angle they looked. The room was clean and tidy with a large work table in the middle. A filing cabinet was pressed up against the wall by the large bay window, its middle drawer pulled open to reveal stacks of papers and notes filed into a careful order. A large whiteboard took up most of the far wall, a complex collection of mathematical equations and diagrams in a multiplicity of colours covering every inch of it. But the element that was most noticeable was the shelves upon shelves of brightly coloured products, each clearly labelled with an accompanying list of ingredients that were required to craft that particular wheeze in two sets of similar yet distinguishable handwriting. Several jaws slacked at the sight of this gem of veritable genius, their admiration of the twins increasing every second that they took in the sights of their creativity and talent.
But their wonder at the evidence of Fred and George's brilliance was cut off by the two figures that wholly commanded their attention. The twins were in hysterics on the other side of the work table, one clutching it to maintain his balance, the other had already surrendered to the vibrating laughs and was sitting on the floor with his back to the wall, shoulders shaking up and down with mirth. Fred raised his head at their family's return, an annoying yet cute smirk spreading across his features. On the floor next to him George was now attempting to gain control of the laughter by stuffing as much of his fist into his mouth as he could, but regardless the spasms of humour continued to erupt from his body in loud snorts. The elder twin opened his mouth to make some snarky comment on having fooled them all so well, but was devoid of the power of speech, having not yet succeeded in regaining his composure. Instead he continued to eye them with not at all suppressed glee at their joke.
"I'm going to get you back so hard for this," Ron declared. "You had me bloody terrified!"
"We did? I just thought that you were really desperate for the loo," Fred managed to splutter. Ron's face immediately coloured and he called them rude names under his breath, earning himself a truly terrifying glare from their Mother in the process.
"How on earth did you do it?" Hermione demanded, her head swivelling around the room, calculating the extent of transfiguration and the number of charms needed to have transformed the room; in such a short space of time the feat that they had pulled off was nothing but impossible.
"Well Granger, you lucky buggers have all just sampled our new patented nightmare charms. We were in the middle of developing them before we had to go into hiding and well, when such willing volunteers enter our domains..." Fred continued to smirk at them. "They allow you to enter a highly realistic scene of comedy horror, but by your reactions maybe we need to emphasise the comedy aspect a little more.
"You just used your family as guinea pigs?" Charlie said indignantly.
"Charlie, Charlie, people don't come in here and expect not to get roped into our latest experiment,..we didn't want to disappoint you all. Why else would you have so bravely ascended those stairs into our domains?" Fred snorted.
"I imagine your friends must avoid this place like the plague," Charlie grumbled.
"Yeah, that is probably why Lee kept excusing himself from coming over and hanging out," Fred sniggered, removing his hands from the table and standing up to his full height.
"What amazing magic," Hermione murmured, looking highly impressed as she had when they had told her about their daydream charms.
"I think Granger is trying to get herself a discount when we open back up, eh Georgie," Fred looked down to address his twin. All eyes turned to where George was still sitting by the wall, through the whole conversation still not able to compose himself. Fred smiled down on him fondly, all previous thoughts of his sorrow-drenched brown orbs forgotten. Yes, tears were still trailing down his cheeks, but for the first time since his foundations had been shaken he was crying with laughter and not grief. Not able to answer his twin he instead nodded his head vigorously, suppressed laughter still emerging from the back of his throat, adams apple bobbing wildly. Watching him with devotion, Fred reached down to hoist him up underneath his arms to a standing position. He brushed the strands of hair that had been shaken over his face with tenderness and couldn't help but cup his cheek, despite being under their family's watchful eyes.
But to Fred's horror as quickly as the laughter had erupted from his twin, now it bled away again; the slightly empty look returning to those moments ago shining eyes. George felt the happiness sap out of him as quickly as it had come, had it even really been happiness in the first place? No, he knew that it was just a forced reaction...hollow. He'd found none of the usual joy at all in performing a prank, pranks to him now seemed so pointless, powerless as they were to chase his much larger demons away. He feared that he was losing a grip on his sanity, the more grounded outlook that had often kept the duo from landing into serious trouble. It was unnerving and left him feeling vulnerable, but certainly not defenseless, not with the protectiveness that Fred was watching him with. Guilt pooled into George' stomach when he realised that he had also abruptly ended Fred's laughter and felt that he was dragging his twin down at every step of the way. He felt useless, weak and disgusted with himself. Suddenly, he couldn't bear to watch the worry that was in Fred's expression any longer and quickly excused himself by saying that he'd go and pack them a bag of extra clothes from the stuff that they'd left behind.
The atmosphere was suddenly so different to what it had been moments ago, all eyes upon George's retreating figure. Fred began to speak in an attempt to fill the void that had been left behind, although his words, lies that they were, tasted like ash in his mouth. "He'll be okay, I'm sure. It was just that the sight of our stuff exactly how we left it made him ponder the what if a little too deeply if you know what I mean. He didn't really feel like playing a joke, but didn't want you to worry. We heard what you said, see." Everybody nodded in what they thought to be an understanding move of their heads, but Fred could clearly see that they didn't understand, not really. Only Ginny and Hermione looked as if they had a partial comprehension of what was going on with them.
Fred too excused himself, leaving their family to look admiringly over their shelves of examples to find George in their bedroom. He was sat on Fred's bed with his head in his hands, an empty bag sat next to him.
"Hey," Fred spoke gently.
"Please don't speak to me like that," George's muffled voice responded.
"Like what, my love?" He came to sit beside George on the bed and ran a soothing hand through his twin's fiery hair.
"Like I'm a bomb that's about to explode. I had enough of it when...when...you weren't here. The whole family was pussyfooting around me the entire time like I was bloody mad or something." Fred could hear the undertone of resentment in his brother's voice, understanding how frustrating it must of been that as well as being put through unimaginable grief he'd had nobody to understand him to boot.
"I'm sure they didn't think that, they just didn't know where to possibly start trying to comfort you...because there was no way that you could be comforted and you know that I don't think that." He kept the gentle and soothing tone to his voice, but George didn't seem to mind him using it now.
"I know you don't- I'm sorry." He sighed heavily, but finally lifted his head from his hands to look Fred in the eyes.
"What on earth have you got to be sorry about Georgie?" What do you have to be sorry for you absolute angel.
"It's not exactly what we had in mind is it? I was supposed to make them think that everything was fine." The anguish on George's face as he said those words made Fred feel as if his heart had been wrenched right out of his chest.
"But why should we try to pretend really? Let's let them see us as we really are for once so that they'll stop having these expectations of us. Heck, I want them to know the real us. Yes I want them to see our smiles, our laughs, our inability to often be serious, but why should we hide our bad days. Other people don't. Why should we hide when we're angry, sad or just downright depressed Georgie?"
"You're right, we shouldn't. But it's what we've always done. And you can see how weirded out they've been since you came back by our shows of emotion."
"Well they're just going to have to get used to it. People have always admired us for going our own way and being who we want to be, so let's show them who we really are."
"I do want that, but I don't want people to look at us any differently." He wanted people to maintain their image for them as long as possible before they would eventually be irretrievably shattered in their family's eyes when they saw the name that was written on each of their hearts.
"But that's exactly what we need people to do, to understand that we're vulnerable like they are, that we're not unrelentless machines spitting out jokes and quips on demand, that neither of us could make jokes and laugh in the face of losing the other. For you to say, I'm not going to mourn guys because Fred wouldn't have wanted this, when it's so damned fucking cliche and certainly not what any of them did in the face of losing me or someone else. Harry was able to lock himself away for days when he lost Sirius, so why should it be so different for us?" He continued to stroke George's hair. With a small sigh he dropped his head onto Fred's shoulder and allowed Fred to peck him sweetly on the lips.
"You couldn't be more right." And he didn't begrudge Fred being right and him wrong one bit. They never had.
"Good, because I don't want you beating yourself up for something that's completely out of your control. Having post traumatic stress is nothing to be ashamed about. Hell, look at the state that I was in after you lost your ear. I was clingy, I wouldn't hardly let you use the bathroom alone. I'd wake crying, seeing you all bloody and lifeless. I was fucking dead George. If they can't understand that it's something you can't get over quickly, then they don't deserve you making an effort to make them happy. And I'm sure that they do, we shouldn't hide and then they'd be able to understand us more." George indeed remembered how affected Fred had been by the loss of his ear, by the introduction of the idea that death would not hesitate to separate them just because they were twins. The idea that their entire beings had been placed upon, that they would always be together had been torn from them. Words could not describe how relieved they were that recent events had given that view of their existence back to them with solid fact this time of how they could believe it to be the case.
Fred helped George to pull more of their clothes from the wardrobe and chests of drawers. They were starting to get sick of seeing the same shirts, having only packed a small portion of their clothing into the rucksacks that they had escaped with. As Fred emptied their drawers and wardrobe into the bag George had pulled from underneath his bed, his twin walked over to their bedside table. There he picked up a framed photo of the two of them, taken at their store's Halloween special by one of their customers. They'd had no idea of how much worse things were going to get several months down the line. At the time losing his ear had seemed like such a significant event, but now it seemed as nothing. He hadn't heard Fred step up close behind him, only registering his presence when he had wrapped his arms tightly around his waist.
Fred laughed as soon as he saw what George was looking at. "We looked so silly!"
"We did, I wanna take this too." He handed it to his twin who hesitated before putting it in the bag. George raised his eyebrows at him in questioning.
"Now that we know our flat's okay, surely there's no reason why we can't move back in Georgie." He looked at him hopefully, but disappointment flooded him with George's shake of the head.
"The entire family's at the Burrow Freddie for the first time in years. We can't be the first ones to break that up, especially considering what happened. Mum won't be able to bear the idea of letting you out of her sight just yet. And it might upset the others too."
Fred sighed and smiled at George ruefully. "Yeah, we can't be selfish. I just keep picturing us here….properly together and able to do whatever we want without worrying that we're about to get caught at any second." Indeed, as much as they were both enjoying spending quality time with their family, they could never feel completely at ease by the notion that their much loved presence at the Burrow could suddenly turn into a blot on its crooked structure.
"We'll have that eventually Fred, babe. As soon as Bill and Fleur decide that they want more privacy and move back into Shell Cottage we can leave too." They finished packing the rest of the belongings that they wanted to take with them, including several muggle gadgets that they knew their Father would be thrilled to examine at length. George threw one of their top hats to Fred who caught it deftly, rolling it down his arm with a flourish before clapping it on the top of his head.
"Very distinguished," George purred at him.
"Oh yeah? Does somebody have a kink for me in hats?" Fred flirted.
"Baby, we're only just getting started," George chuckled, heading towards the door.
"I knew you had a darker side under that halo of yours." George laughed at Fred's remark, eyes shining again as Fred internally sighed with relief. Thank goodness. He hoped that whenever George sank into a stupor that he would always succeed in pulling him out of it. He ignored the worrying thought of what would happen if the day came when his best efforts at comfort were not enough.
Their family were still in full admiration of their products when the twins returned to their laboratory. Fred swung the door open quietly and smiled to see that their family had pulled products from the shelves and were sitting around the large central table to look at them. Even their Mother was holding a weather in a bottle and debating with interest with Percy how it worked. Ron was stood to one side holding a box of sticky trainers, looking as if he was considering nicking them.
"We kinda need those mate, considering they're the only box we have left," Fred raised an eyebrow at him in mock suspicion.
"I wasn't thinking of nicking them," Ron answered indignantly, pulling down the hem of his jumper with what he obviously considered to be subtly. Fred snorted, not putting it past his little brother to nick stuff rather than paying what he called their "exorbitant prices." The rest of their family raised their heads to smile at them. Mr Weasley waving their last remaining jinx-off set at them.
"Could we take this home to play boys?"
"Sorry Dad, we can't risk it getting damaged. Yeah, we've got the notes, but it helps to have one to compare a new batch with. Plus it's the original set." At George's words, their family paused and suddenly started to handle their products with even greater care.
"Are these all the originals?" Fleur questioned them.
"Yeah," Fred smiled. "So please don't break anything. The only product that we haven't got a first batch edition of is the Ton Tongue Toffee." He glanced over at their Mother with a smirk, remembering how she had confiscated the whole lot of them when they had tried to sneak them to the Quidditch World Cup. Not even hiding one in the lining of George's cardigan had been any use against the Accio spell. But in some ways the memory wasn't amusing in the slightest. It had hurt to see their inventions being treated like rubbish and destroyed by their own Mother.
The twins walked around their laboratory slowly, opening drawers and noting down on a pad of paper what they had left. They communicated together in short clipped sentences that hardly made sense to the Weasleys, being only half a thought, but nevertheless each twin was able to understand each other as if they had uttered a full thought. Each admired how in sync they were, their ability to work together seamlessly. It was like watching a piece of beautiful music being crafted before their eyes. Fred opened a tall cupboard in one corner of the room, emitting a sound of joy as he did and hurrying George over to look. Their ingredient store here was still full, having been restocked only a few days before the death eaters had paid them a visit. It wasn't going to make much, certainly not a shop full of their merchandise, but still it was a welcome start. George walked over to the whiteboard to examine the miray of equations, diagrams and lists where they had been planning out new ideas. There was not a mind in that room that was not astounded at this discovery of Fred and George's talent, previously of course they had known that they must indeed be, but the difference between assuming and seeing was a wide one. The more time that went on, the wiser Fred and George appeared to be.
"What on earth is that up there?" Ginny pointed to the highest shelf on the far wall where the words 'Mysterious Midnight Moon Madness' were just readable. "Can I see?"
"Sure," George said. "Freddie will get it down for you," he smiled at his twin who was stood closest to the product that Ginny was pointing at. Before the next words had even left their Father's mouth, he realised the critical mistake that he had just made. But it was impossible for him to turn back time and undo it. He mentally cursed himself and risked a look at Fred, who's eyes widened at him in both surprise and shock.
"Fred can't do that with a broken wand George," their Father interrupted. "Even you two aren't that tall." He smiled, looking highly pleased with the joke that he had just made.
"Goodness, I'm sorry that I forgot all about that dear! Though thankfully you've not had much need of a wand this past week. We'll have to see if Ollivander was able to salvage any of his stock," Mrs Weasley fretted. It was unlikely that he had, considering that upon his kidnapping nearly two years ago, the death eaters, just like they had done to the twins, had torched his shop. So many lovingly hand crafted wands gone in the blink of an eye.
"How could you of all people forget that your twin's wand had been broken, considering the circumstances," Ron asked them confused. The sharp look that George sent his way that said please shut up now was completely missed by their younger brother.
"Actually," George began with caution, "His wand isn't broken. I fixed it."
"You fixed it!" Ginny piped up excitedly. If anybody could do the impossible than it was the twins she thought.
"How wonderful," Mrs Weasley beamed at both of them, until her tone suddenly turned stern and she reverted to a matriarch rebuking an errant child. "So why haven't you got it with you Fred dear, you know my rule by now about making sure that you always have it with you to be safe."
"Forgot it," Fred muttered. The trepidation that was growing in his stomach loosened the mask, as his tone was far from convincing. They were so perilously close to having one of their crucial secrets revealed, a secret that could potentially lead to the discovery of one far greater and damaging to the love that their family held for them. He was not angry at George, far from it. It had been such an easy slip up to make. And there was a small part of him that wanted... that needed their family to understand them better. If this was the way to end the mirage that seemed to swirl around them then so be it. If their true natures were finally understand by their family then surely George would no longer feel that it was necessary to hide how he was still struggling in the wake of Fred dying and holding forbidden feelings that could never be shared with anyone.
The duo could have groaned aloud as Percy now decided to throw the spanner into the works that sent their perfectly oiled machine grinding to a halt. "You two might be the most devious members of this family, but you're both still awful liars. You're both too honest for that. Your eyes give you both away." The two exchanged a look, they were both usually incredibly good liars when they needed to be, but today that skill had failed them both.
"Boys, what's going on?" Mrs Weasley looked from one to the other, hands on hips. "We can all tell that you're lying Fred." What use was there in denying it?
Each twin could clearly see the fear that was in both of their eyes as they met, but thinking about the conversation that they had held they both knew that there was no reason to withhold the truth, apart from to maintain their facade. Their family could almost feel the energy between them, amazed at how two human beings could reach a decision without the use of language like the rest of them. They decided to reveal themselves as they truly were. George wanted their parents to know how much Fred had been hurting so that they could comfort their child. But they ran the risk of their family demanding an explanation for why Fred had been so depressed. Would they accept that stress and guilt over the wedding were enough? Panic began to fill him like a rising flood, the window to their deepest secret appeared to becoming more translucent as the seconds ticked by. They couldn't reveal all to them… not yet.
"I-I...Well, I took it off him after mine miraculously managed to fix it," George admitted, his tone careful.
"Why on earth would you do that?" Charlie's tone was full of astonishment. George had hoped that the revelation that a wand in Fred's state could be mended, when it had never been heard of before, would distract their attention long enough for him to collect his thoughts to form an excuse that would still hide their secret. But alas, it was not to be.
Fred took a deep breath, before taking the plunge. Never had he ever shown himself to be so vulnerable before to anybody but his twin. George never judged him, always understand him: could he say the same for the rest of the Weasleys? "You remember Georgie telling you that I'd been a little… well... not like myself-"
"Depressed," Ron said bluntly, still not able to believe that he was using that word to talk about either of the twins. Fred winced at the sound of the word, looking down to a particularly interesting speck of dust on the floor.
"Yeah," George nodded. "I...I didn't feel like I could trust him with it."
Hermione's eyes went as wide as saucers, as a dawning understanding swept through her, but surely not? "Why on earth not George? You can't be saying that...that you thought Fred would-"
"It wasn't a case of what I thought he might do," George interrupted her sadly, heart sinking at the memory of discovering Fred crying on the bathroom floor and covered in blood. He walked over to stand next to his twin so that he could gently touch Fred's cheek, who was still looking at the floor in embarrassment. "But what I knew that he'd already been doing."
"I don't understand," Harry spoke in confusion, eyes moving quickly from one twin to the other.
"I-I was, ….was…" Fred couldn't bring himself to put into words that he'd been self-harming, confess to what he'd been doing to himself for months on end, day after day.
George took a deep breath and placed an arm snugly around Fred's waist, as if by his embrace he could shield Fred somehow. "He was hurting himself."
"Hurting himself? How?"
George groaned. "Do you have to make me spell it out Ron? He was cutting his wrists. And god knows what else," he added with a look at Fred. They'd hardly discussed the matter since that terrible moment in the Burrow's bathroom.
There was silence throughout the laboratory.
Nobody knew what to say, many of them feeling like the ground upon which their knowledge of the twin's characters had been built had been wrenched from underneath their feet. Tears sparkled in their Mother's eyes at the idea that one of her children had been in so much pain that they could have resorted to doing that to themselves.
"Frederick," she barely whispered.
It took all the bravery that Fred had to raise his head to meet the various expressions that were pinpointed in his direction. The feeling of George's warm arm wrapping protectively around his shoulders gave him all the support that he needed to do it though. Ron looked dumbfounded, Fleur tearful, Ginny and Hermione understanding. Harry was wearing his usual guilty expression, making the twins realise just how much they had in common with him. Both their Father and Bill looked more shocked than they had ever seen them before. Charlie's reaction was difficult to fully interpret, as ,like Fred a moment ago, he was staring at his feet. Perhaps it was guilt as well. Guilt that he had been nothing like the older brother that he should have been, always out of the country with only a vague idea of how the rest of his siblings, apart from Bill, were doing. But it was to Percy that both of the twin's gazes landed for the longest. Tears had spilled over onto his cheeks; his expression was one of utter despondency. He looked Fred in the eye for a long moment, trying his best to convey how sorry he was that his brother had been hurting so badly.
"Are you better now?" Ginny's voice eventually broke the silence. "You're not...not doing it anymore, right?"
Fred nodded and then turned to George to beam at him. He raised his arm to wrap around George's waist, before pecking him quickly on the cheek. He made no effort to filter the intense look of love that was in his eyes as he spoke. "No, my guardian angel has seen to that. Hasn't even let me use the loo by myself since-"
"Since you found out, George," Ginny said quietly. "How…" but understanding rapidly spread across her features and there was no longer any need for either of the twins to answer her. "It was when Fred suddenly fled up to the bathroom when we were talking before leaving for Remus and Tonks' funeral, wasn't it? George went to find you. I wondered at the time why you'd both been gone for so long. And then when you both came downstairs….I could tell that you'd both been crying." George nodded, grateful that he hadn't needed to describe it, knowing that he wouldn't have been able to without becoming emotional.
"How terrible that must have been for you to see George." Their sister's voice was filled with empathy as she spoke. George nodded, swallowing hard on the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat. Immediately noticing this, Fred squeezed his upper arm, where his hand was still draped in reassurance.
Percy had taken his glasses off and was busy cleaning them with his sleeve, deep in thought. He couldn't believe that he had been so close to that terrible scene unfolding above them and had had no idea at all what was going on with Fred. As the person who often least appreciated their jokes, he perhaps understood best how they caused people to overlook the other aspects of the twins' personalities. "You'd been doing it for so long," he mumbled, placing the glasses back on his nose.
Mrs Weasley slowly moved over to where the twins were stood and with a loud sob grabbed Fred around the neck in what was nearly a stranglehold. With a half sad smile, George surrendered hold of Fred so that their Mother could hug him. If only she had been this affectionate towards them from the start, Fred's depression may never have reached the proportions that it did. To everybody's surprise and horror Mrs Weasley slapped him across the right cheek. It wasn't particularly hard, but still the sound of hand against face could be heard. Both the twins were so shocked that neither of them reacted.
"Frederick, you promise me now: never do anything like that again! What on earth were you thinking?" The tone of their Mother's voice was one that would accept no denial of an explanation. Fred looked sideways to meet his twin's eyes, knowing that George' fearful brown ones were urging him not to reveal the main reason for Fred's actions. George felt a slight resentment towards their Mother when he noted the red tinge to Fred's porcelain skin, but understood that she had struggled to find the right reaction to what had been unprecedented news. Being angry with them was the first reaction that she typically had. Their shared look decided that they would reveal everything apart from their feelings for each other,
"Well," Fred began slowly, leaning against their workbench to support himself, bringing his hand up to rub his throbbing cheek. George noted his movement angrily, biting his lip to stop himslef from snapping at their Mother. "It started after the wedding, you know what happened….I don't want to have to tell the story again. If it wasn't for my stupid recklessness, my utter disregard of the consequences….I wouldn't have gotten Georgie more hurt. So I started hating myself. I don't know what made me think of slashing my wrists, but somehow….it just felt better. The guilt went away for a while, because I felt like I was justly punishing myself. And then I ended up hating myself even more for pushing George away for weeks because of how I felt. We...we ended up arguing, in a way that we'd never ever done before. It was all my fault. I ended up saying hurtful, unforgivable things that I still don't forgive myself for." He tried to blink back the tears that were filling his eyes.
"Freddie," George's voice was close to a sob at his twin's words. He wrapped his arms back around his shoulder, leaning his forehead against the side of Fred's head. Fred turned his head slightly so that their eyes briefly met, helping him to summon the strength to carry on.
"Understandably, after what I said, George wanted to get away from me. It was dark, it was raining. I ran after him, but he's faster than me and I lost him down Knockturn alley. He-he…." Fred's voice broke off, he couldn't bring himself to tell their family what had happened next out of shame.
"I happened to run into a gang of Snatchers, got myself cornered without a wand. They beat the shit out of me and were going to leave me for dead until Freddie caught up and ….and got rid of them" George continued for him quietly.
Their Father's eyes widened further, his voice more serious than it had ever been when he spoke. "A snatcher was found dead there the next day. His entrails had been expelled."
"Oh God," Fred groaned. He turned around to face George, hiding his face from the rest of the shocked Weasleys. "I'm a fucking scumbag murderer."
"NO!" George grabbed him by the shoulders and forced him to look at him, shaking him slightly. "You can cut that out right away. It was self defense Freddie, it's not your fault that the cowards decided to abandon their mate and leave him to die." Ginny had approached the pair as George had been urgently speaking and hugged Fred from behind.
"You wanted to protect George, if anything they deserved whatever you did to stop them," she said fiercely. There were murmurs of assent throughout the room.
"It was a duel, accidents happen in duels, Fred," Harry tried to comfort him. "Even with the greatest wizard of all time," he added thinking of the fateful duel where there was the potential that Arianna Dumbledore had been killed by one of her own brothers.
"What happened after you'd seen off the snatchers?" Charlie questioned with hesitation in his voice.
"George was in a terrible state. I knew I couldn't take him to St Mungo's, not with the kind of injuries that he had. And to make things worse he hadn't been at all well, the injury had become infected see and he lay unconscious for several days. At one point I thought you were going to die, George, you were hardly breathing and your pulse was next to nothing," Fred's voice filled with anguish at the thought of the horrific memory.
"And then I guess that you hated yourself even more after that Fred," Hermione's voice filled the silence that had descended with sympathy.
"Yeah," Fred nodded. "I started to think that George would be better off...without me." Gasps went up throughout the room at those terrible words. Tears now escaping more than one pair of eyes.
"You didn't want to off yourself?" Ron's voice sounded incredulous as he scratched his scalp. A suicidal Weasley twin? The idea sounded preposterous considering how much each of them had always appeared to love life.
"I admit that I enjoyed thinking about a Fredless world, how better off George would be without me," He said, echoing his Mother's angry words to him after the chaos at the wedding. He looked towards her, but it seemed that she had utterly forgotten about what she had said. How much worse she had made him feel. "But I would never have done that to George... to any of you."
George had pulled him even closer at his words. "I can't believe you thought that. The others will be able to tell you how bloody lost I was without you that week." Fred too tightened his embrace.
"I don't know why," he replied softly. "But I know it's not true now." Sniffing, they eventually let go of each other and turned back to their family, hoping that the explanation which had been provided would seem a good enough reason for Fred turning to self harm, that there didn't appear to be a large missing element to their story.
Ginny looked from one shocked face to the other and felt that she needed to help set things right. "You know, how surprised everybody is speaks volumes about the way we all see the twins. As was most of our reactions to the way that George grieved when we were expecting completely different behaviour. Yes they are usually happy and joyful people, but why just because they like a joke and a prank do we think that they're not capable of any other feeling? That they too don't go through periods where they're sad, angry or disillusioned with themselves. After everything that they've been put through this year is it really a surprise at all?"
The twins were filled with new respect and warmth towards their sister, as they had hoped for she had come to understand them.
"Thank you, Ginny," Fred said softly.
"Yeah, thanks sis. Constantly trying to fulfill people's image of us has become exhausting you know, we just wanted people to know the real us. But at the same time don't think that we're suddenly completely different people. We're still the magnificent Weasley twins, just a little more human," George smiled. Some titters broke out and Ron grinned at them, the atmosphere much lighter now.
"I'm glad to know that now guys," Ron was the first to speak. "I didn't understand how anybody could possibly be so happy and bubbly all the time."
"Yeah, it hasn't been fair of any of us to expect you to make everybody happy all the time if you're not yourselves. It just shows what selfless, kind people you both are," Harry concluded. Both twins could feel the positivity and love that was flowing towards them from their family. After the terrible things that had been said about them by Rita in the two articles that she had published, it was reassuring to know how much they were loved outside of each other.
"We're off to the bank before Harry says anything else that might make us cry," Fred smirked, but looking utterly touched at the same time. "We've threatened our dignity enough for one day I think."
"No, it needed to be said," Mr Weasley declared. One by one, each member of the family came to hug both twins tightly, all glad that their understanding of them had increased tenfold in the space of half an hour. Fred and George promised that as soon as they knew where they stood with their finances that they would return for dinner. They handed the bag that they had packed to Percy, who had offered to save them carrying it around whilst they conducted their business.
Things hadn't exactly gone to plan, the twins noted wryly, as they parted from their family at their door to head up the street to Britain's only wizarding bank. But the road to recovery was not a steady straight line on a graph. It was full of obstacles, routes that took you back to where you started from- two steps forward and one step back. But the twins fully appreciated this. Armed with this knowledge and hopefully their family were too after baring themselves to them for the first time in their lives, they stood a far greater chance of eventually being okay again.
"Are you okay Freddie?"
"I will be."
"Me too."
AN: These two chapters were originally one, but it got so crazy long that I decided to split it into two and treat you to a double update! I'm going to start working on the next chapter soon; I'll post an update on progress if things are taking too long. I'm going to start making some changes and additions to previous chapters, especially to the first 6 as I think that my writing has got much better since I published those. So I apologise in advance if people who are following keep getting notifications.